F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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tassie_star_5

My question, in the scheme of things, might seem a little "light on" but it is really messing with my head.

 H and I have decided to bite the bullet, make a decision and enrol D at the school we both teach at - caring staff and supportive culture compared to her current high-striving, academic school. Also means we can supervise eating and keep a close eye on her.

D (WR) is hugely resistant, terrified, putting up a fight and saying she won’t go, primarily due to the weight she has gained very quickly and what seems like an overnight change in her body shape – she is full of self- hatred (as I’ve previously mentioned).

 I’m sure I know the answer to my own question but would love some advice please. D will need to make some subject selections. She will need to choose between doing Digital Technologies, MDT (woodwork/metalwork) and Food Technology (basically cooking). You can see where this is going …..

 Digital Technologies and MDT are really not her thing – no interest whatsoever. The Food Technology class she’d be moving into is small, has a nurturing teacher and is comprised of a really lovely group of caring kids. Pre ED she really enjoyed this subject.

 We haven’t discussed this with D. H, ever the voice of reason, thinks it would be a bad idea to let her move into this class due to the possibility of it being a trigger. We are very early into this horrible journey.

I need a reality check please. I feel like we’re all going through hell at the moment. I just want her to make some friends and get some confidence back. There are enough challenges for her as it is. 

Would allowing D to do Food Technology be a recipe for disaster? Bad pun, I know [rolleyes] 

Again, thanks for being a safe place to go when so few seem to really understand xo


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AUSSIEedfamily
Dear tassie_star_5,

I think in your situation I would avoid the food classes completely

Are there any art/craft classes?

I would also consider looking at stuff where there is not a huge focus on high acheivement/performance expectations.

Plenty of time for that high acheivement/performance stuff once they are recovered. Recovery first then everything else.

You mention "weight restored". You might wish to think about "State Not Weight" her state appears to be still very much an ED state and who was the person who decided on what "weight" was weight restored? In adolecents their target weight is an ever moving ever evolving number and keeps continually increasing even into the early twenties. Too many here have had clinicians set target weights too low.

"FOOD IS MEDICINE" and plenty of it many here have had to feed in the range of 5,000 to 6500 calories per day for a long time to get past the ED behavious and thinking

ED Dad
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Ronson
Tassie-star - whilst I can understand the benefits of moving schools this could be hugely stressful for your d as well - mine struggles hugely with change and this was much worse while she was refeeding/early weight restored. Trying to make new friends whilst in the midst of huge emotional stress might just be too much. Would there be any potential to keep her at her old school on a reduced schedule or keep her at home for a while until her emotions settle down a bit and she is more stable in her new weight
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tassie_star_5
Thanks for the advice and feedback - greatly appreciated!

ED Dad - I hear you loud and clear in regards to what WR really means. The medical team at the ED unit determined what they thought was an appropriate weight range for D - 45-47kg. She has now gone over this (49.7 kg) and is continuing to gain. We won't be reducing. 
We will keep things very low key for D at school - we are not at all interested in academic progress or achievement and the school is very accommodating in regards to this.

Ronson - Believe me, we've agonised over the change of school or even going back to school. Overall D's experience at her other school was far from positive and she really suffered through the lack of pastoral care and support as well as their encouragement of striving for "academic excellence". Our D will be watched very closely and will have reduced expectations placed on her for as long as needed. If needs be, we will either reduce her time at school or pull her out completely and make the changes needed. We've decided to make a decision, fully aware that we may need to make a different decision and then a different decision and then, yet another different decision (if that makes sense). I neglected to mention that D does know a few students who are at our school so won't be turning up not knowing a soul.

Thanks again - really do appreciate the input and advice. 








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Ronson
That’s good that she will know some people when she arrives. I hope I didn’t sound too interfering. We did consider changing d school as I felt that she wasn’t getting the support she needed and also I was so upset by some of the issues around friendships and around how parents treated her and spoke about her. She is much more settled now but it is such a difficult time and really hard to know what to do for the best.
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tassie_star_5
Ronson, no way! Not interfering at all. I really crave input and hearing from other's lived experiences. Thanks for sharing yours.
It is tough stuff and really, who knows what the right decision is?
So pleased to hear your D is more settled and that things seem to be working out ok.
We are going to give this new decision a go and see how it flies. Very willing to change it things in a heartbeat though.
Cheers,
Tassie-star
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Torie
AUSSIEedfamily wrote:
I think in your situation I would avoid the food classes completely

Are there any art/craft classes?


That's what I was thinking.  xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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tina72
No food class, no additional sports. I would also look for art classes or something like chess? Something intellectual would be great as ED kids are often very intelligent.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Mcmum
Hi there, just to chip in. I know in the UK that a big focus in food tech classes is "healthy" eating, nutrition and reducing sugar and fat in meals. I agree with the others that I wouldn't want to take the risk. My h and I are both teachers too so I can see the appeal of knowing your school ethos is a supportive one and knowing that you'll be physically on hand to support if need be. Best of luck. Hope it all goes well for you all x
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debra18
I have to agree not to put your daughter in a cooking class. You would also have to deal with the problem of whether or not she will eat the food she cooked and that's an added stress. My daughter is taking keyboard lessons and it has been a great investment of time and money. If possible can she develop an interest/ hobby not related to ED. If music lessons are not possible, and they don't have a class she is interested in, she might need an "independent study" where you buy art projects for her.
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tassie_star_5
Thanks all.

Yes, Art and other more suitable subjects are definitely on offer. This is just one of three subject 'lines' that D will need to choose from. If needs be, we can have her exempt from this line and she can, as debra18 suggested, complete some kind of independent study or the like.

Either way, you've all helped so much - D definitely won't be participating in any subject relating to food or "healthy eating/living".

We will see how returning to a school environment works out for her. anyway. With ED behaviour over the last couple of days, we are more than prepared to pull the pin....

Cheers,

tassie_star_5
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debra18
Sounds like a great plan. I have found it difficult to maintain the balance of challenging and stimulating my daughter at home and at school, but without any pressure. It has been very important to help her develop new interests and keep her busy and distracted all the time.
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tina72
Eva Musby has some information for schools collected on her homepage - how they can help and what they can do to make transition more easy.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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