F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Mcmum
Hi everyone.  Would appreciate your advice as my 10 year old is struggling to eat enough again.  He was diagnosed with an over a year ago and has been doing well. In the past couple of weeks though, he has become resistant again, hiding food, skipping bits of lunch and regarding anything calorific as if it were poison that he has to be subjected to.
We are OK and know what to do but any idea why now? ??
Nothing has happened and there's no particular stress. He's almost 11 and admitted recently that he only started eating again so that he would be less rubbish at football 😥
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MKR
Hi @Mcmum,

You have caught it well!  Could it be just a growth spurt?  I hope it has nothing to do with being more "fit" for football.
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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deenl
Hi Mcmum,

I am the mom of a son too. If I had to make a guess, I would guess that he is preparing for or has just had a growth spurt. Once my son was eating regularly, he started to catch up on the growth he had missed out on during restriction. But any reason that he is experiencing negative energy balance will cause a spike in ED symptoms so extra football training, puberty, more walking around, fighting off a bug, growth, literally anything. It could also be that you are doing fewer additions to his food as his health has improved. We are in our 5th year and my son still needs 3,000 - 3,500 calories a day to prevent weight loss. Some kids just seem to need the additional calories for a very, very long time.

Good for you for noticing the slip and stepping back in. Hope things get back on track soon and relatively easily.

Warm wishes,

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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Mcmum
Thanks, thought as much.  He's even started watching cookery programmes again! !!!
Will ramp up the calories and sit it out. I suspect deenl, that it's a combination of everything you say. 
Thanks Zylie - exercising was a problem - I guess an ed isn't just for Christmas 🙄
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deenl
Oh lord - the cookery programs. That brings back memories. Good job you recognise all the signs and can step in.

Go, mom!
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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ValentinaGermania
Did he grow? Maybe his body is preparing a growth spurt and he needs more intake at the moment. Increase meal plan and see what happens. And stop those cookery programms asap! My d binge watched cooking shows on Youtube when she was very sick and she was relieved when we cancelled internet as she could not stop that herself.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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MKR
We had cookery books from the library.  Father took them right back every time!

@Mcmum, how I wish ED was a seasonal little thing.... But you are great batting it back every time!
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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MKR
On that note, just as I thought it was safe to start some sort of cognitive exercises, today my D skipped lunch (not hungry in the heat) so I offered a snack. Two tiny quiches (her favourite spinach and feta flavour at that). "Ewww, white carbs!"  And she chucked both far into the garden, didn't even give me a chance to have them myself. Followed by a rant why we keep giving white carbs every week, no self-discipline etc etc.  Here we go again...

I have learnt on the forum that safe weight needs to be adjusted for age. So two years on, the threshold is higher and it shows.  Thank you everyone for passing the hard-earned knowledge.
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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ValentinaGermania
Zylie wrote:
Two tiny quiches (her favourite spinach and feta flavour at that). "Ewww, white carbs!"  And she chucked both far into the garden, didn't even give me a chance to have them myself. Followed by a rant why we keep giving white carbs every week, no self-discipline etc etc.  Here we go again...


We told my d very clear that even if she does not want to eat something food is not going to be thrown away. There are kids in Africa dying from starvation and we will not throw food away that can be eaten by somebody here. When she did it she needed to replace it from her poket money.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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MKR
Exactly @ValentinaGermania !!

I actually asked for my $6 back and will chase the payment.  I will then give it to charity or buy something to give to City Mission collecting for Christmas.

This took me completely by surprise.  We haven't had major dramas for a while, must be her skipped lunch talking. I will warn her dad, too.
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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Enn
Mcmum,
I just want to say that you are such a good mom. 
You have picked up issues in the last few weeks. That is a short time. I do think that there are blips with ED all the time and the key to moving forward is finding them quickly and moving in with your therapeutics swiftly. 
I would agree with all speculations: puberty/perpubertal, growth, relative energy deficit for whatever reason. 
My d was triggered by girls at school on diets!!! Then there was tossing of food, more anger about her food, well the same as we all have seen.

So take this in stride and feed and look for triggers. Also know it may happen again as he is still so young. It sucks though! 
We say recovery/remission is not linear. 
Sending my best. Keep us updated. 
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Mcmum
Many thanks everyone!  We've been in most of the day and have got through a lot of food. ...
Great to have this community xxx
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ValentinaGermania
Zylie wrote:

This took me completely by surprise.  We haven't had major dramas for a while, must be her skipped lunch talking. I will warn her dad, too.


It always takes us completely by surprise 😁...
You think "oh, now it is working" and then bang, the next thing happens. Try to stay calm and work through it. And yes, give dad some warning! 🙂
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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debra18
The same thing happened to my daughter. Found her hiding food again and was obvious she wasn't eating what she was supposed to at camp in the summer. She only goes to school now half a day so I am supervising all meals for the day. She does online homeschooling in the afternoon. I was able to get her back on track this way but it took a few months. I think consistent long term supervision is very difficult. She is older and healthier than she was when she got sick so I don't feel that in school supervision is an option anymore. 
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Torie
Zylie wrote:
today my D skipped lunch (not hungry in the heat)


Excuse me, what?  They need to eat lunch whether it is hot or not, whether they are hungry or not.  I would say they need to eat lunch ESPECIALLY if they are not hungry. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Mcmum
Oh debra, that's rubbish!  Glad you've got things in place and are on it. As they grow, they're vulnerable aren't they???
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MKR
Hi @Torie ,

You are right!  This was in transition between staying with dad and coming over to me. D thought neither of us would notice that she only ate a couple of strawberries from the pot-luck lunch (popular in New Zealand but to me a most disorganised way of eating). He sent me a message to warn lunch still overdue. Well, we paid for it with a classic ED scene. I am still upset (with myself) for thecslip.
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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greekdude
food programs + youtube alert :
there is a filter by opendns : category : tasteless , which is supposed to block anorexia content. Will make a thread about it.

My S again searches for vids with huge hamburgers.
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Torie
Zylie wrote:
This was in transition 


It seems that transitions always add another layer of difficulty on top.  Ugh.  Like any of us need that extra layer.  I hope her dad is able to learn from this.  We had a vaguely similar episode during refeeding that really helped hammer home the importance of timely, full meals.  Although we all paid the price (in different ways), in the end it was worth it because of the lesson learned.

Feedback, not failure!  xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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mjkz
All that focus on eating, cooking, cooking shows means you need more food.  Classic sign of starvation.  If you look at the Minnesota starvation study, all the men started focusing on food, cooking, etc. as they went into starvation.

Anyone else remember the Frugal Gourmet?  If I ever see that man, I think I'll scream 😎  Hot pan, cold oil, things don't stick 😂
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MKR
The importance of a united front!  "I've already eaten" is a very dangerous statement, indeed.

Food images: now I know why at the library my D always tried to take out cook books. 

@greekdude , how can I block exercise websites and videos if I only have a wi fi hub that is linked to a cellphone number?
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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greekdude
@Zylie this is done in the router or Access Point. In the DNS settings.
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