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lavmom

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Posts: 5
Reply with quote  #1 
Hi All,

Thank you for all of the great sharing and support here.  My d is near 21 , suffered RAN for 3 years and has been away for 6 months in treatment - 3 months at an ED center where she was weight restored but also diagnosed with Borderline Disorder and substance abuse issues (pot, alcohol) and self-harm.  She then has spent 3 months in  a rehab clinic that focused on her substance issues and some of our family issues. 

Great news - after an initial weight loss while in rehab she has regained her weight and is  maintaining it while shopping and cooking for herself.  A switch in anti-depressants has also lifted her mood.

She wants to come home - the treatment center would like her to stay, get a job and continue there.  I would like her to come home too - but nervous about relapse and helping her stay on right track.   I just feel like the ED was the main thing - and supporting her here would be good for her ( and me....) 

Anyone been in a similar spot?  Any thoughts or experience would be appreciated.

tina72

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Posts: 1,799
Reply with quote  #2 
Hi lavmom,
as a mum of an adult d I understand your fears.
First I would suggest that you listen to your gut. You know her best and if you feel it is better for her to come home and she also wants that, so why not give it a try?
Maybe she feels inside that you could help her avoid a relapse and I am sure that you are her best insurance for that.

How is your relationship now and how is her mood and her thinking about AN? Is there AN behaviour left? Can you talk about that and would she be compliant if you suggest that she needs to add x there or gain x kg more? Is she willing to get help from you?

Do you know why the treatment center does not want her to go home? I was thinking about what you wrote about "family issues". Is that treatment center blaming "family issues" for her AN? That would be very old fashioned...

So: I would listen to my gut. Normally recovery is better when there is someone who is the hawk watching her and can help her early in a relapse.
My d (18) is 1 year after IP now and she is going to University in October but we asked her to go to an Uni were she can still live at home. She is doing o.k. with most meals and keeping her weight but we want her to eat at least breakfast and supper at home and be here to eat at most weekends. We have a good relationship and can talk about relapse prevention and fear food and all that now.

What I would suggest is that you have a contract when she comes home. There need to be some rules and you can think about some incentives.
In our case we got her a car of her own and we said we will support University and pay for all that and all meals/food. What she has to do for that is going to monthly weighings (of more often if needed again), see her GP regularly (and allow me to join her and ask questions), keep her weight and eat normal.
We have no real punishment in there but the car runs on hubbys name and she knows that will be the first thing cut out if she is not compliant.

It is your home and your money so you set the rules and rules are very important in AN recovery.

Tina72

__________________
d off to University now 22 months after diagnose, still doing FBT and relapse prevention 
needhelp

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Posts: 107
Reply with quote  #3 
So excited about all the proms- not only because it’s such a special milestone- but because the girls WANT to go- I think just wanting to go is a big W in the win column! Keep up the great work, Moms- your girls are moving forward thanks to all your continued efforts!

And as it has been mentioned before- every step forward is a W- making it through a meal without a tantrum, trying a new food, shopping for clothes- all fabulous!
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