F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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kmd
I am new to this site but very desperate for any advice at this time. My d is 19 with restrictive AN since age 14. Before she was 18 she was stable with FBT and then private ED therapy, dietician, meds( she suffers from severe depression). After 18 she attempted suicide, she was in ICU, then locked behavioral health unit, then residential but left against medical advice.  She refuses any level of care above seeing her therapist and dietician once a week which is obviously not working. She recently was hospitalized( only agreed to this after threatening to call 911 for a 5150) for being less than 75% BMI, was released and now weight has dropped to same place. In the last week her MD has recommended hospitalization twice and she refuses. We have absolutely no leverage here, she threatens to run away if we try to make her go for any treatment.

We have met with 2 attorneys ( we live in California) who say it is practically impossible to get a mental health conservatorship in this state. We were told she would need a history of at least 5, 5150's for the county to even look at the case.

 Does anyone have any advice on this difficult situation. We are taking her to an MD appointment again tomorrow and we are thinking if she refuses treatment again we will be forced to call 911 and tell them she is a danger to herself and see if they will issue a 5150 and hospitalize her for 3 days. We are desperate and do not know what else to do!

Thanks
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Torie
Hello and welcome.  Sorry to hear of all the difficulty.  I wonder if you are supporting your d financially - if you are paying for college, phone, car, insurance, etc. that can give you valuable leverage to get here into treatment.  xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Foodsupport_AUS
Welcome to the forum. It does sound like you and your daughter are in a really difficult situation. 

You mention that you don't have leverage but I am guessing that you are currently paying for her medical care, and she is also apparently living at home. How else are you supporting her? Her medical care is essential - I would be suggesting that she is obliged to take the advice of her MD if hospitalisation is recommended. What can you withdraw if she does not go down this path? It is a fine line between being caring and supportive and enabling the ED to continue without adequate treatment. 

Although you may be frightened that she run away, it does not sound as though she necessarily has anywhere to go. 

Your threat of continuing to call 911 is appropriate, each time she is a threat to her own health or life. 

As for her therapist and dietitian do they offer any feedback or involvement from you? Has she signed all the appropriate forms? Are you paying for what appears to be ineffective treatment? Can they involve you more to be doing more supportive feeding at home?
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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Foodsupport_AUS
BTW I  had to look this up and I know some of the other moderators had to as well 

5150 refers to the California law code for the temporary, involuntary psychiatric commitment of individuals who present a danger to themselves or others due to signs of mental illness.
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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kmd
Thank you for your replies. In response to your questions, she is completely financially dependent on us and lives at home. We have already taken away her access to the car , her bank account, credit card and the horse she used to ride. She does not care! There is not anything else we can take away except our financial support of her food, insurance and her place to live. If we kick her out of the house she has nowhere  to go. She has no friends and has cut out all of our extended family. We are worried if she leaves she will go off her anti-depressants because we currently administer them to her daily. We control her access to the medication because she took an overdose and almost died last year. 

Her current therapist has recommended she seek treatment but that does not seem to make any difference to my d. The last therapist she had finally refused to treat her anymore because my d would get weighed in regularly which was part of the therapists requirement. She is likely getting inadequate treatment but this therapist is the only one she will agree to see. Otherwise she will not get any treatment. As you can see we are in an impossible situation.
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Foodsupport_AUS
It is really a difficult situation, and I sure the options feel very limited. Your D however from what you have noted is very ill. It does not really make a lot of sense to support inadequate or ineffective treatment - more to the point why pay for it. If treatment is not moving her forward is it worth considering that you no longer pay for it. 

Your goal is to first of all to get her into effective treatment and to keep her safe. It is unlikely you will talk her into treatment so the question is how to make it so she does not have a choice but to seek treatment. 

Some parents here have made the difficult decision to have their child leave home - it is indeed very difficult and not without risk. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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ValentinaGermania
kmd wrote:
In response to your questions, she is completely financially dependent on us and lives at home. We have already taken away her access to the car , her bank account, credit card and the horse she used to ride. She does not care! There is not anything else we can take away except our financial support of her food, insurance and her place to live.


Hi and welcome from another mom of a nearly 20 year old d. It is hard when they get adult and you cannot force them to go to treatment any more.
What you can do is set rules and boundaries for living with you at your home and getting money from you. We have a contract with our d what she needs to do to get us pay for everything. This is something you need to discuss with hubby later when she is better.

For first aid I wonder if she is eating with you at the moment or cooking herself? If so, stop that. She wants to live with you, she can eat with you. You cook and serve again.
What is she doing the whole day? What is she interested in or what has she been interested before? If she is concentrating on her phone, please check what contacts she has there. Is it AN competiton on snapchat or instagram? Then stop it (I think you will pay for the phone).

Is there anything you can think about for leverage? Anything that might mean more to her than ED?
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Barberton
kmd, What sort of support are you receiving? If you are in California perhaps you should contact JD Ouellette https://www.jdouellette.com/, I think she's in San Diego and she does peer coaching. It sounds like you could use someone to help you navigate your next step. Good luck.
D fell down the rabbit hole of AN at age 11 after difficulty swallowing followed by rapid weight loss. Progressing well through recovery, but still climbing our way out of the hole.
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