F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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sppb

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Posts: 4
Reply with quote  #1 
I have so appreciated the great information and support posted here while I have mostly lurked over the past few months. My daughter (age 20) has a long ED history and we have made many mistakes along the way.  But thanks to the great info posted here our eyes are opened and we are hopefully doing better to help out daughter this time.

She has been at Laureate for a little over three months now and is WR to a range that matches her historical growth curve.  Which is 10# or more higher than Renfrew and ERC set for her.  I am excited that this will giver her a chance for real recovery.

She will be doing 4 weeks in Magnolia House (their healthy living house) before coming home, so we are thinking hard about what we are going to to to support her when she is home.  

I would appreciate any tips parents or other carers of adults/older teens can offer to help the transition home after a long stint in treatment.
Mamaroo

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hi Sppb

Welcome to this forum and I'm sorry you need to find yourself here. You have already done a great job getting your d to a weight above what previous treatment teams recommended. Hopefully the 4 weeks at Magnolia House will strengthen her resistance against this illness. 

We went away on an overseas trip in Dec/Jan and there were so many distractions and new experiences that my d was able to eat freely. There was nothing which reminded her of the eating disorder. However as soon as we came back, she fell into her bad distorted eating habits again. This made me think that eating is not only based on what is on our plate, but also in which context the meals are served. I reminded my d that during the holiday she could eat without asking what the ingredients were or questioning the portion sizes. So, she needed to transfer that experience back home. I tried to mimic the meals, settings and eating habits which we had during the holidays at home. I included meals and drinks which we had there, so that she is reminded of that feeling of being free of the eating disorder.

My suggestion is that to include some of your d's positive experiences from Magnolia House and Laureate in your daily routine. It is like replanting an older tree,; it is good to fill the hole with some of the original soil of the tree and as the tree's roots begin to grow stronger it can grow into the new soil. Your d might have some disordered eating habits, which is rekindled when she is at home. Try and notice them and root them out.

I would also suggest that she stays close by you for a while and continue her studies at a nearby university if possible. This way you can see if she is struggling before she looses too much weight again.

Other people here have experience with older children and would be able to give you more practical advice.

Sending you lots of hugs!!!! 

__________________
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. She is back to her old happy self and can eat anything put in front of her. Now working on intuitive eating.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #3 
Hi sppb,

as a mum of an also now adult daughter I would throw my 2 cents in:
I would try to keep her living at home for at least 1 more year. Try to ask her to have college/uni/job near your house.
I would try to take as much routine as possible from IP/Magnolia House. If they had lunch at 1 p.m. have it at 1 p.m. If they had a meal plan, take the plans of the last 4 weeks and do as much similiar meals as possible. Try to give her some freedom in choosing, but also try to serve as much ready made plates as possible.
We are now 1 year after WR and I still do magic plate with lunch (which is the biggest meal here).
I would think about having a contract with her: you write down all you will do for her (pay for living, food, a car, college,...for example) and what she has to do for that (eat what you serve, allow discussion about eating if she eats not enough, go to regular weighings and let you be informed about that, go to regular GP checks and so on.
Write down consequences if she is not compliant or does not go to weighings and incentives if she did all you require for a months (maybe a daytrip to a town she likes or something like that). Work with reward, not punishment.
I would ask her to sign the forms that are needed in your country to allow doctors to give you information about her health.

Great that you did not give her up and that she is in such a good state now. You are heroe parents!

Tina72

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d off to University now 2 years after diagnose, still doing FBT and relapse prevention 
sppb

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Posts: 4
Reply with quote  #4 
Mamaroo and Tina72, thank you for taking the time to reply.  I appreciate the great suggestions.  As is stands now, my D is discharged to Magnolia house next week, so we start the 4 week countdown until she comes home.

I had a phone session with D and her therapist today.  They sent me her "red flag" list and we started discussing a contract for her return home. I will be incorporating the suggestions you've offered into our return plan.

Vielen dank für ihre Beratung! Thanks a million for your advice!

Warmest regards,

S
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