F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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I really thought things were going to be ugly after making her go to the hospital.  But she has confided in me more about her struggle.  While she was sick with the stomach virus she was more willing to eat what I made her, even if it was only a few bites.  Now she's feeling a little better, so she's back to work and back to her old eating habits.  Which means extreme restricting.  

I hate that the ER dr told her she must be keeping enough food in because her bloodwork was in range.  And she even said that can't be right.  She still has her first appointment in a few more days with the new therapists, whether she participates in the conversation will be another thing.  She has already told me she's not sure she will feel comfortable with her.

I just don't know how i'm supposed to get her help.  I have no bargaining since she self sufficient and an adult.  What if she decides she doesn't like this therapist and it takes us another month to get into another one.  I feel like this is the game she's playing.  Like it looks like she's going to therapy, it's just their fault she doesn't feel comfortable and won't commit to being open.

How do you parents do this?  I'm about to lose my mind and to top it off, the whole family is at each other's throats because we are all "tiptoeing" around her.
Your D may be an adult, and that does make things tougher in terms of requiring managing an eating disorder but you do have some choices here.
Given she is living at home, in particular you have some control over things. I know how bring out the ED beast can be frightening but it is more important to push her towards treatment than anything else at present. If she is at home, you can require that you make home an ED free space, that she comply with certain requirements as a proviso for her continuing to live there. You can also require her to continue to seek and engage with treatment, including having very regular medical check ups to assess her physical health. If she is significantly unwell these should be at least weekly. 
This is where the technique known as motivational interviewing comes to the fore. 
She needs to help you feel confident that she is physically safe. If she goes back to ER taking a copy of one of the medical guides for assessment of ED is useful. Most doctors have little ED training so have no idea how to assess the physical aspects of ED. Does she have a good primary care doctor who can assess her regularly? This can be a requirement too. You can even require/request she sign for releases of information so that you can feel confident that she is caring adequately for her health. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Mostly recovered 10 years later.  Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.