F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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roadtorecovery
So my daughter who was AN has had a bit of a setback.  She has been really really good since Sept.  Attitude great, weight great, eating great. Body dysmorphia was basically gone.  Looked in the mirror and loved her healthy strong body.  She had a binge and purge yesterday.  Per her she hasn't done that for over a month and maybe only a handful of times since Sept.  

I've seen a shift in mood in the last few weeks.  I know the holidays are very difficult and she has done well around us, not eating full go but at least eating everything that was offered although some foods like pasta were light and then she ate more of other choices at that meal to get more calories.  This was all done by her, not micromanaged by me.  

We weighed her today and she's dropped about 5 lbs.  We hadn't weighed her in a long time so I don't know when it happened.  We were really just going on state of mind not weight.  Before we weighed her I didn't know how much she'd lost but I knew she had lost some weight.  She's at a good weight at 158 plus.  She's at 153 now.  So the 5 lbs isn't a huge portion of her total weight but it is enough that I think it is affecting her.

Is this a normal setback?  She's quite upset, wants to figure it out on her own, I don't know if that is the ED talking or her really trying to figure things out.  I'm not in her head.  She is 100 times way better mentally than the last time she was at 153.  That was bad.  So we are on a good path.  Sept to now is night and day.  I've just seen a slight drop off of mental health over the past few weeks.  Thanksgiving was good so I'm kind of using that as a marker.
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Torie
Hi, I think your d is an adult,  but I can't remember if she lives with you.  Are you in a position to eat her meals with her and have her stay with you afterwards to ensure that what went in stays in?  It is great that she told you about the binge/purge - sometimes they feel they have "binged" when actually what they have done is heed their body's call to provide a good amount of nutrition.  

Anyway, the "purge" part of binge/purge is the problem in my book, and warrants considerable effort to minimize / avoid.  Do you think it would help to reassure her that it is okay to eat "extra" sometimes (and actually her body needs that "extra") and ask her to tell you when she thinks that has happened so you can sit with her (or Skype with her)?

As we say, "feedback not failure" and the feedback you are getting seems to be:

She needs to regain that 5 pounds asap, and ideally add another 5 so that her weight won't be at the edge of "enough."

She needs help nipping the purge in the bud.  Or, she is lying about the frequency and she needs more intensive support to eliminate a "habit" that is stronger than she is currently admitting.  Purging can be a tough, tough nut so I think it is important to address this even if it is truly very infrequent.  Even one instance is a serious alarm bell.

It sounds like you and the rest of the team did a great job getting her weight up last year.  Do you think you can re-establish the routine you used for that? xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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roadtorecovery
We are eating with her and will continue to do so.  The binges don't bother me (easy for me to say that) it is just her body needing/wanting food.  The purging is an issue,  We will go about putting weight on again and pray that this won't be a full blown  regression back to the abyss.  
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teecee
I think from reading your post you are doing great. We also have blips but she tends to spring forward from them. We suffered a setback over the holidays too. It is tough for them and anyone without ED. My D, despite the setback, thanked me for making sure we made her have whole milk....she’s really grateful?!!! I do not know where that came from but I’m super happy! You have so many positives to build upon...keep encouraging and supporting....be the ‘dolphin parent’ 😊
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Enn

I too feel you are doing very well! There are blips along the way for most. It just means you regroup and get it done.
The purging is the most serious part. How did you manage that before? But you said it was only yesterday? You just need to make sure it was no more often.  The weight gain will happen as you are eating with her. Just ensure she cannot purge.
Sending my best.

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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roadtorecovery
She only purges after binging.  If we can manage her calories and snacks, she doesn't usually binge.  She was traveling and I think that the last 10 days or so were too much and she didn't eat enough.  Hopefully getting her back onto a schedule will help.  She was doing so well.  
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Enn
She will get back there. You are on it! Changes in routine are learning opportunities and are a normal part of life. I know we have had issues with travel here too and now with a bit more time under our belts and more trips, d seems to handle it better. Again I think you are doing great!!
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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ValentinaGermania
I do not remember how old your d is but please check if she did not grow in addition. This can cause a set back too. Mine did grow about 1,5 cm at age 18 and now another cm at age 20. Very unexpected!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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