F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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hopefulheart
We are 4 years in and due to various things, my originally very compliant 14 year old has gone through FBT and stalled at phase 2 when Our team refused to support further weight gain - (though I was adamant she was not WR) and we were left in limbo...fast forward 2 years and our current therapists now say they can’t help her any more other than to give her ‘space’ in psychotherapy (with someone else who I’ve never met) once a week where food is not the focus or discussed and she works on finding out who the real ‘her’ is. 
We have begged for help. I want to scream because I know what we need to do, I know how to get weight on her but they say she is too entrenched for us to take control again and for refeeding to be done as we have done it before. They want her to take
responsibilty and make more
decisions about her needs as she is nearly 18. They have said hospital would make her worse; she needs to start making her own choices and experiencing success. (ie meet her for lunch, she challenges her thoughts and chooses what she WANTS to have; it’s highly stressful and she doesn’t manage to actually eat anything but it’s a success because she made a choice about what she wanted...).
Meanwhile, I feel I’m losing more control, her thoughts are becoming more entrenched by the day, she has just dropped yet another dress size (from a 10/12 to a 4 in UK😩). 
She cannot go to Uni
because of this, I see all her opportunities fading and she literally talks the talk but cannot put it into action. 
The physical violence and running away when we did try to take back control or when we push her try and finish things had become so bad we told our team that we just couldn’t get her to gain weight and that she needed a higher level of care. They disagreed. They think we can do it.  But she’s still not gaining and is in fact 7 kg lower than she was when we started this whole nightmare!!!  I’m beyond frustrated/angry/worried/let down/terrified/ not sleeping etc. 
How can she suddenly have a
’light bulb’ moment when her brain is so malnourished???? Her anxiety and depression is really bad right now but the consultant won’t increase her low dose of meds as my daughter refuses and says she is fine (???!!!). I hate this illness. All I see ahead of her is a life of chronic starvation and all I selfishly see ahead of me is a life of continual fear and worry, cut off from my family and friends while trying to keep her alive. 
She is so resistant but will admit at times that she hates living like this and wants to get better. I feel her personality and sweet soul has been swallowed up by Anorexia. She needs me to stand up to this for her,but I just can’t cope with the aggression and her volatility anyore. Her dad is also broken. Please someone tell me that she can claw her way back from this. I almost feel the therapists might as well be saying she won’t be hospitalised until she’s ‘critical’ so step back and let it happen...I can’t let that happen. Or maybe I should? I’m helping her to ‘survive’ right now and that isn’t helping her at all.
Apologies for the rambling. I’m going to have to give up my job as she finishes school soon and can’t go to Uni so will need supervising in this ‘half life’ hell that we have found ourselves in. 😩😢. I feel my whole family are falling apart and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. X
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blondie
I know there are times when it feels like hope is futile but sometimes you have to go through these really dark patches in order to make some progress

You say that your daughter is nearly 18 so that will mean she will transfer from CAMHS to the adult service I believe and they might be able to offer something beyond what your current team are - that said I would keep pressing the current team and contact the head of service as it may be that getting them to step in can help stimulate some action

Does your daughter know that she won't be allowed/ in a position to go to university? Does she have any thoughts on that?

Whilst I know it's horrid, sometimes the thing that actually enables them to move forwards is being hospitalised - that's what we found with my sister at least - it was only after that that she realised what she really wanted - to get her A-Levels, go to uni etc and that's what she did - as a mature student - so it isn't necessarily a disaster is things don't work out for her this year - in fact so many now are not going to uni - it definitely isn't the "be all and end all" that it once was. Another thought is that letting your daughter know that you are increasingly in favour of IP treatment may be the thing that spurs her into action - especially as, if you're in the UK, there is no guarantee that she will be placed somewhere close to you - it could be miles away...

Maybe her having the weekly psychotherapy sessions could help? Sometimes it's worth trying every avenue - if only to rule it out and show that you are trying the things that are being offered but to no avail.

Please, please don't give up - there is always hope even when it doesn't feel like it
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yellowcaty
Hi hopeflheart

Firstly I really feel your pain. Fighting ED and a care system is horrific. This story could be ours apart from the fact that my D got an IP bed last April. She is still in there battling, but is at a good weight. My D turns 18 at the end of the month and like yours should be getting ready for university like all of her friends. 
I would fight CAMHS if they won’t do anything and go above their heads. There are NHS commissioners in each area and you could try your MP. I know you haven’t stated your D’s weight but in terms of dress size that is lower than my D was when she was admitted.
The system does change once they become 18 and the care provided is again dependant on where you live. For my D to receive any care post 18 she had to be transferred to an adult unit 3 months ago in a neighbouring county. I would fight as hard as you can now before she turns 18.
The other thing is that psychotherapy was a bit of a turning point for my D. They are beginning to explore the other issues behind the ED which is helping.
Others here will be able to help you with how to refeed at home again. I have very little experience of this to share with you, but just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

Sending lots of love and hugs xx
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tina72
We are 4 years in and due to various things, my originally very compliant 14 year old has gone through FBT and stalled at phase 2 when Our team refused to support further weight gain - (though I was adamant she was not WR) and we were left in limbo...fast forward 2 years and our current therapists now say they can’t help her any more other than to give her ‘space’ in psychotherapy (with someone else who I’ve never met) once a week where food is not the focus or discussed and she works on finding out who the real ‘her’ is. 


Hi hopefulheart, I hear you, I can imagine how you feel. Are you in UK? I do not remember that at the moment.
You were right that she needed more weight gain to start brain recovery and I am so angry that the team let you down with that. That is such a common mistake with professionals that we always tell new parents not to listen to their target weights and numbers and go for state not weight. Your gut feeling about that was totally right, she needed more weight.
To say that she needs "space" and psychotherapy is so old fashioned treatment that I really cannot believe that you have been told that in 2019. AN is a genetic metabolism disease like diabetes. Would they tell a diabetes patient that he does not need insulin but "space" and psychotherapy? For sure not!

We have begged for help. I want to scream because I know what we need to do, I know how to get weight on her but they say she is too entrenched for us to take control again and for refeeding to be done as we have done it before. They want her to take responsibilty and make more decisions about her needs as she is nearly 18.


You know what you need to do. Get more food in and more weight on. Stop listening to them if their advice is obviously not purposeful. She cannot be responsible and she cannot make good decisions about that so it is up to you now.
Is she eating with you? Living with you? Who pays for food and living and cellphone and everything? I am sure you do so you can set the rules. Plate 3 meals and 3 snacks and require to eat them. Add butter, cream and oil to everything possible. No diets any more. No diet food in your fridge. Do you need help with ideas what to serve to help her gain weight?


Meanwhile, I feel I’m losing more control, her thoughts are becoming more entrenched by the day, she has just dropped yet another dress size (from a 10/12 to a 4 in UK😩). 


She is losing weight by this "treatment" she gets at the moment and further going down the rabbit hole and the "professionals" just watch that and do nothing??? I am really sorry, you could have been in Germany with that ideas. I fear it is time to put the big girl pants on and say NO to the team and to ED and start refeeding yourself.

She cannot go to Uni because of this, I see all her opportunities fading and she literally talks the talk but cannot put it into action.  The physical violence and running away when we did try to take back control or when we push her try and finish things had become so bad we told our team that we just couldn’t get her to gain weight and that she needed a higher level of care. They disagreed. They think we can do it.  But she’s still not gaining and is in fact 7 kg lower than she was when we started this whole nightmare!!!  I’m beyond frustrated/angry/worried/let down/terrified/ not sleeping etc. 


If she is going down the rabbit hole it is obvious that she needs a higher level of care. If the system refuses that you can a) start to fight the system and go to higher levels (NHS? Eva Musby might know who to call) or you can b) start to give her that higher level of care at home. Physical violence and running away must stop. Can you get help for that from friends or family members? Can you call the police (the often have a mental health officer there) to come around and talk to her when she is violent? It often helps to have them around ONCE.

How can she suddenly have a ’light bulb’ moment when her brain is so malnourished???? Her anxiety and depression is really bad right now but the consultant won’t increase her low dose of meds as my daughter refuses and says she is fine (???!!!). I hate this illness. All I see ahead of her is a life of chronic starvation and all I selfishly see ahead of me is a life of continual fear and worry, cut off from my family and friends while trying to keep her alive. 
She is so resistant but will admit at times that she hates living like this and wants to get better. I feel her personality and sweet soul has been swallowed up by Anorexia. She needs me to stand up to this for her,but I just can’t cope with the aggression and her volatility anyore. Her dad is also broken.


It is very old fashioned idea to wait for that lighbulb moment. It will not come as long as she is malnurished, you are totally right with that. First aid is to get the weight on. Nothing else. Food is the medicine. She will not stop to be resistant and she really feels she is fine. She cannot see how ill she is and that is part of the disease (anosognosia) and the team should know that. Her anxiety and depression will only get better by weight gain. My d was 17 at diagnose 2 years ago and is now WR for 1,5 years and it was only with brain recovery that she saw how ill she was and that she does not want to get back to that state ever. She was very anxious and depressed and did not have any fun in her life until her weight was in a good range. Then she started to laugh and sing again. She is now at University doing really well so there IS HOPE.

Please someone tell me that she can claw her way back from this. I almost feel the therapists might as well be saying she won’t be hospitalised until she’s ‘critical’ so step back and let it happen...I can’t let that happen. Or maybe I should? I’m helping her to ‘survive’ right now and that isn’t helping her at all.
Apologies for the rambling. I’m going to have to give up my job as she finishes school soon and can’t go to Uni so will need supervising in this ‘half life’ hell that we have found ourselves in. 😩😢. I feel my whole family are falling apart and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. X


There is hope. She can claw her way back from this but not staying malnurished and not without help with refeeding. She needs you to take over and to help her eat what she needs to eat. I would not let her fall back to a critical state, that is dangerous and senseless. You would not say to a cancer patient "please come back when the tumor is critical and than we give you surgery". You need to step in NOW. You can help her no matter if she is 14 or 18. My d is 19 now and still needs some help with eating and we are working on that as a team now. With brain recovery this is possible.
Stop helping her only to survive and start helping her to recover. You can do that. Make a plan and have a meal plan and think about what she likes to do and with what incentives you might get her. Does she use her cellphone? Ipad? Internet? Is there anything she is interested in? Does she want to go to University?

Please do NEVER apologize for rambling here, this is the right and the only place for most of us to do that. It is hell and it is hard. But it does not have to stay that way. Come back and we think about what to do together. You are not alone.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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hopefulheart
Thank you all so much for your thoughtful responses. I was so emotional yesterday. And the stupid thing is, I KNOW what I need to do. We have refed before and it worked.
Up until we were told “whoa hang on now...”. I had read comments on this board for long enough to have known better and should have listened to my spidey senses. I’ll always pay for that. 
My daughter had always managed to stay engaged with life, which we always felt was such a big part of her recovery. She has stayed in school and has her snacks and lunch with supervision by the school nurse. She gained all her exams and is on track to take her final ones in May. 
She sees friends out of school and has her mind set on what Uni course to do when the time is right for her. She sings in her spare time and even has the confidence to go busking to earn pocket money! (I know....I have a lot of leverage...)
She reads quotes and has tried, with me, to set herself targets to aim for - broken down into manageable things; a day or week at a time. What I can’t do, is get her to accept  more. She comes to the table, she eats (though behaviours are rife at the moment), she selects her snacks from a choice that I provide. She eats everything with us unless at school with the nurse and occasionally we give her the chance to eat with friends to see how she manages (they all know and will text me if she struggles or skips anything). 
I’m just noticing that recently she is ‘unable’ to finish/ has done her ‘best’ and is leaving more and more. As I’m typing this, I know the answer!!! Nothing happens until it’s done. 
I suppose part of me is resentful that I’m having to give up my career (I had 7 months off already at the start of this nightmare) although she’s my girl and I’d do anything to help her. And part of me resents the team
for not supporting us more in front of her ie telling her she needs to start refeeding again and mum and dad will take charge. They told her she is underweight and needs to gain but once we leave the room she, of course, has a selective memory and I know that’s the anosognosia. 
I need to sit and talk through it all with her, tell her of the increases needed and that they will not be up for negotiation,  acknowledge it will be hard but that if she isn’t going to hospital that is what needs to happen. 
It just sounds so easy when I write it. Our reality is so different!
ED is so manipulative, I don’t think my husband will cope with it again (he has just lost his father and is  very low) so it will be down to me. 
You’re right, I need my big girl pants on and be ready to face the suicidal talk, the screaming, the hours of wailing, possible leaving the house etc again. I know you’ve all been there and I so appreciate all your words of wisdom and advice. 
The OCD rituals, the behaviours etc have all become so huge it’s just hard to know where to start. 
......I know! I can almost hear you shouting it at me!! “Start with the food!!!!” I’ll keep you posted. And thank you again. Love to all of you and your own loved ones. X
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tina72
We would never shout at you 😂!

"She sees friends out of school and has her mind set on what Uni course to do when the time is right for her. She sings in her spare time and even has the confidence to go busking to earn pocket money! (I know....I have a lot of leverage...)"

Use that. Tell her you will support her with everything and you want her to be abe to go to University but health comes first and she needs to be able to maintain a good weight and eat at the cafeteria there herself before she can go. Make a contract about what you will do for her and what she needs to do for that. We have that. We pay for all and help with everything but she needs to eat 3 meals 2 snacks, maintain her weight and see GP regularly.

"What I can’t do, is get her to accept  more. She comes to the table, she eats (though behaviours are rife at the moment), she selects her snacks from a choice that I provide. She eats everything with us unless at school with the nurse and occasionally we give her the chance to eat with friends to see how she manages (they all know and will text me if she struggles or skips anything)."

Add more fat to her food and increase portions slowly. She does not need to accept that. Her body and brain needs it. Cancer patients do not need to accept chemotherapy, they just need to take the meds. Food is her meds. Add fats and increase portions slowly so she gains again. Think about weighing her somewhere (maybe at a friends house) regularly and insist on blind weighing.
Make sure she is safe and lock doors if needed so she cannot run away. Lock away shoes if needed, there seem to be a bit of resistance t run away in socks.
Be aware that she might try to hurt you or herself so take away all scissors, knifes and chemicals, meds etc. Try to supervise her 24/7. GET HELP. If hubby is not able to do that at the moment (I am really sad for his loss) think about wether you can ask a friend or someone from family to come over for meals and for distraction. Some eat better when there is a "whitness".

You can do that! I am sure! You just need a little kick into your butt, get hubby on page and start!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Elibean1
You’ve got this - that’s really clear from all you just posted! 

Only, I wanted to add that I hear the pain and loss around your own life, and work. That matters - you matter - too. That’s a lot of supporting others (your husband as well, I imagine, given his own loss).  

I hear wonderful, strong, loving women fighting for their children on these pages but somehow...women...we seem to expect ourselves to sacrifice without question. I’ve put work and finishing my masters on hold, and I absolutely needed to - and would do it again in a heartbeat. But I am so glad you felt able to share the honest aaaaaarggghhhh that goes with that - if you see what I mean! 

I hope we’re both in a position to cheer each other on with picking up the threads of non ED life in the not too distant future. I’m sure our daughters will be cheering too xxx
Elibean
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scaredmom
Dear hopefulheart,
There is a lot of hope. I now right now it seems so bleak. You will fight for her and with her. Get her away from that team ASAP!!
I would lodge a formal complaint to your team and give them the FBT manual (ie throw it at them) I am enraged on your behalf. 
May I suggest you contact melstevUK?She really seems to understand the politics in the UK health system too and may have some suggestions as well as Eva Musby, that mim321 mentioned. 

You say:'My daughter had always managed to stay engaged with life, which we always felt was such a big part of her recovery. She has stayed in school and has her snacks and lunch with supervision by the school nurse. She gained all her exams and is on track to take her final ones in May. 
She sees friends out of school and has her mind set on what Uni course to do when the time is right for her. She sings in her spare time and even has the confidence to go busking to earn pocket money! (I know....I have a lot of leverage...)
She reads quotes and has tried, with me, to set herself targets to aim for - broken down into manageable things; a day or week at a time. What I can’t do, is get her to accept  more. She comes to the table, she eats (though behaviours are rife at the moment), she selects her snacks from a choice that I provide. She eats everything with us unless at school with the nurse and occasionally we give her the chance to eat with friends to see how she manages (they all know and will text me if she struggles or skips anything). "
That is really positive!!!

What an incredible young lady! She has a lot to live for and you will make it happen. You will feed her and get her back. It just takes time. 
I know it is hard to get her accept more food, what I do then is to add oils, butter cheese to get the calories in first and weight up then add in the extra volumes like a spoon more here and there. The first is the weight gain anyway you can do it. 


I suppose part of me is resentful that I’m having to give up my career (I had 7 months off already at the start of this nightmare) although she’s my girl and I’d do anything to help her.


I know life is really tough right now. I am glad you posted.  

I can totally relate. To give up  a bit of who you are can be devastating. Your dreams take a back seat at this time and you will get it back. Can you do something nice for yourself? Something indulgent? A spa day, a fancy outing? 

I am sorry about your H's father and your h's sadness. My condolences about his father.

You will get there as you are determined and you are bigger than ED. 
Big hug.
XXX
Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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tina72
"I would lodge a formal complaint to your team and give them the FBT manual (ie throw it at them) I am enraged on your behalf."

YES! Throw the FBT manual at them! It is such a blame that your poor d got such a bad treatment in 2019!

It is never too late to start to help them. I know adult women who have a long AN history that are in recovery today because they are at a good weight now.
Please do not lose hope. The war is lost when the last battle is lost, not one moment before that.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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hopefulheart
Thank you all again. Just having my own feelings validated by others who know what I’m going through makes a big difference. Sometimes ED is so emotionally manipulative I actually feel as though I am the one doing everything wrong. 
Tina- I do add oil and butter and cream to all that I can; I think if I added any more I may as well serve up a slab of butter for dinner! 😂 She just has to eat an increased amount and the reactions when I try to give her more are what have convinced me I have to give up work. (ie we’re back to food being thrown, handfuls being taken off the plate etc). 
This afternoon my girl asked for something that I knew was ED driven so I refused - compassionately - and I made it clear my decision was based on not having seen any evidence that she would manage due to the restricting I have seen recently. Her response was to cry and scream (so I knew I was right!!) and leave the house. I explained if she left I would need to call the police and report her missing. She then went for me, attacked my husband when he tried to pull her off me, then she ran from the house. I’ve had a call from a friend to say she has gone there. I have no family in the area. 
I’m going to let things calm down before I go and try to collect her. At least I know she is safe. 
Her whole response, though terrifying and upsetting, has made me more adamant that I was right to make the decision I did. No normal teen would react in this way. 
My hubby has had it. I feel his compassion for her has gone and he can no longer separate her from the illness. He just believes we should let her get ‘sick enough’ to be admitted. I’m exhausted trying to educate him as well as support her! 
Have retreated to the spare room to feel sorry for myself and get myself together for the battle ahead! 
Thank you all for your advice. X
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tina72
You might need to lock the doors at least in the nights and make sure someone sleeps with her or hang her bedroom door out. You might also need to lock windows so she cannot escape. Make clear that running away has consequences (cut internet, take phone or something she cares about).

You can increase amounts slowly or use tricks with that like bigger plates or deep plates for everything. Do you think you could probably introduce a smothie or milkshake in addition? That was the game changer here with weight gain...
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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hopefulheart
Thank you all again. Just having my own feelings validated by others who know what I’m going through makes a big difference. Sometimes ED is so emotionally manipulative I actually feel as though I am the one doing everything wrong. 
Tina- I do add oil and butter and cream to all that I can; I think if I added any more I may as well serve up a slab of butter for dinner! 😂 She just has to eat an increased amount and the reactions when I try to give her more are what have convinced me I have to give up work. (ie we’re back to food being thrown, handfuls being taken off the plate etc). 
This afternoon my girl asked for something that I knew was ED driven so I refused - compassionately - and I made it clear my decision was based on not having seen any evidence that she would manage due to the restricting I have seen recently. Her response was to cry and scream (so I knew I was right!!) and leave the house. I explained if she left I would need to call the police and report her missing. She then went for me, attacked my husband when he tried to pull her off me, then she ran from the house. I’ve had a call from a friend to say she has gone there. I have no family in the area. 
I’m going to let things calm down before I go and try to collect her. At least I know she is safe. 
Her whole response, though terrifying and upsetting, has made me more adamant that I was right to make the decision I did. No normal teen would react in this way. 
My hubby has had it. I feel his compassion for her has gone and he can no longer separate her from the illness. He just believes we should let her get ‘sick enough’ to be admitted. I’m exhausted trying to educate him as well as support her! 
Have retreated to the spare room to feel sorry for myself and get myself together for the battle ahead! 
Thank you all for your advice. X
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hopefulheart
Thank you both x ❤️
Tina, my daughter nearly always ‘comes round’ after a meltdown. The deadness and darkness in her eyes clears and she is herself again, though sad. In the early days, I slept with her every night and spent some  on the landing outside her room when things were bad. Her bedroom windows are always locked and our doors are always locked at night. 
Claire - thank you for your kind words about taking care of me. I feel great guilt at saying I resent having to give up my career. It’s not just the job, it’s the friends I work with that I will miss.
I hate this illness with a passion. 
But I thank God for all of the wonderful souls on here who take time to reach out to others in crisis; in this instance, me!  
I shall watch the video and hopefully my husband will be open to watching it too x
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hopefulheart
Thank you both x ❤️
Tina, my daughter nearly always ‘comes round’ after a meltdown. The deadness and darkness in her eyes clears and she is herself again, though sad. In the early days, I slept with her every night and spent some  on the landing outside her room when things were bad. Her bedroom windows are always locked and our doors are always locked at night. 
Claire - thank you for your kind words about taking care of me. I feel great guilt at saying I resent having to give up my career. It’s not just the job, it’s the friends I work with that I will miss.
I hate this illness with a passion. 
But I thank God for all of the wonderful souls on here who take time to reach out to others in crisis; in this instance, me!  
I shall watch the video and hopefully my husband will be open to watching it too x
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Elibean1
Morning! (Or not, depending on where you are) 

Jobs are so much more than jobs, aren’t they? and friends so important - ones that aren’t anything to do with ED as well as ones that are. I hope you get to stay connected with work colleagues. 

I hope this phase surprises you by being shorter than you expect...and that both you and your husband have lots of support. 

Xx
Elibean
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tina72
Thank you both x ❤️
Tina, my daughter nearly always ‘comes round’ after a meltdown. The deadness and darkness in her eyes clears and she is herself again, though sad. In the early days, I slept with her every night and spent some  on the landing outside her room when things were bad. Her bedroom windows are always locked and our doors are always locked at night. 
Claire - thank you for your kind words about taking care of me. I feel great guilt at saying I resent having to give up my career. It’s not just the job, it’s the friends I work with that I will miss.
I hate this illness with a passion. 
But I thank God for all of the wonderful souls on here who take time to reach out to others in crisis; in this instance, me!  
I shall watch the video and hopefully my husband will be open to watching it too x


So only thing you can work on at the moment is increasing amounts. Can you tell us what she is eating so we can come around with ideas where you can sneak in something?
"Tina, my daughter nearly always ‘comes round’ after a meltdown. The deadness and darkness in her eyes clears and she is herself again, though sad."
That is a very good sign I think.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Alethea
Your situation sounds so similar to ours but we are coming through. Don't lose hope! My d has regular periods (after none for 7 years) and is working hard at not dipping. ED services always set her target weight too low. When a 4th long term stay in a clinic loomed she knew she'd not be able to finish her year at uni and despaired and agreed to work with me. We had all the terrible scenes but the bottom line was hospital/not being allowed to live at home if she didn't eat her full meal plan- always supervised. I spent months accompanying her to the bathroom, waiting outside lectures, ED services appointments (always made it worse). With time (and wt gain) she began to thank me for being there and giving her extra courage to fight it. She refused the supplement drinks so she had 200 ml blue milk 6 times a day to bump up the calories. Have you had a break over the past 4 years? Can you push CAMHS for a place inpatient? It may give you a break to recharge and be ready to take over from the clinic when she comes out. CAMHS made us go through hell (siblings still traumatised) before she finally got a place. There was a school on site and her care was excellent. It was a long journey for us but I believe it was because we were so clueless and I discovered this site late. You have already managed to refeed your d before. That is a huge achievement. Sending a big big hug for strength.
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Ronson
I don’t think it’s selfish at all to be worried about how this affects your own life as well as your daughters.  It is so hard.  You don’t get the support there is with a physical illness.  There is a stigma - we can’t always tell people - they don’t always understand.  You need time for yourself and time have a life outside of this.  
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