F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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believingbody1

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Reply with quote  #1 
So latest on D. She is nearing her "target" weight after just 3 months of refeed. Her therapist suggests that we move her to phase 2. D admits to still having ED thoughts and wanting to restrict, count calories, and feeling guilty after eating. D's biological dad even suggested that D be allowed to eat on her own at school with friends and unsupervised. Her therapist agreed it may be a good idea?? On top of that, it was suggested she start basketball workouts in June. Wife and I feel that even though we are nearing her weight restoration, that we are giving her the reigns too soon and flirting with a relapse. (Can you call it a relapse if she isn't in remission yet in our minds?) Therapist seemed to insinuate that we are being over-sensitive to the AN. Wife and I just feel it would be better in long run to slow things down, get a few more pounds on D. We are considering the basketball if her ED MD is in agreement but feel basketball, plus letting D be in charge of some of her meals is a little too fast and we are a little furious/frustrated. Are we being oversensitive or too fearful of letting her move into phase 2. I just don't want to D or us to move backwards!! 
lou7

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hi BB1, sounds like you've done a brilliant job!

And greeting from the abyss of a relapse - so

1. Phase 2: No. If I understood correctly, you are not even quite WR yet. Keep feeding, and get a nice buffer on top of what your T might suggest is an "ok" weight (it never is).

2. Basketball: Maybe after summer, if everything goes fine? Just make sure it's for fun and social interaction more than competition and exercise.

3. Unsupervised lunch: Hell no.

I think you and W have a good insight, just do what feels right for YOU who know your D best. Every case is different, but your D still needs you to fight the ED for her and it would seem it's too early to put her in a position where she has to do the fighting.

How is D doing?

Warm wishes to you and keep going!
tina72

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Reply with quote  #3 
Quote:
Originally Posted by believingbody1
So latest on D. She is nearing her "target" weight after just 3 months of refeed.


Congratulations on that, you are doing really great!!! [thumb]

Quote:
Originally Posted by believingbody1
Her therapist suggests that we move her to phase 2. D admits to still having ED thoughts and wanting to restrict, count calories, and feeling guilty after eating. D's biological dad even suggested that D be allowed to eat on her own at school with friends and unsupervised.


Many parents here (my hands up, too) made the mistake of starting phase 2 too early. I know that the FBT manual talks about starting at 95 % WR but this is too early in my eyes. It is hard for her when it doesn´t work and you have to go back to Phase 1, feels like a relapse and a failure. ED thought and the desire to restrict faded slowly away at 4 months after WR in our case. State, not weight is the secret. Start phase 2 slowly when you see changes in her state. No unsupervised meals at school at that state.

Quote:
Originally Posted by believingbody1
Her therapist agreed it may be a good idea?? On top of that, it was suggested she start basketball workouts in June. Wife and I feel that even though we are nearing her weight restoration, that we are giving her the reigns too soon and flirting with a relapse.


You are totally right. You are flirting with a relapse if you do that too soon. Wait at least for the end of summer break to start any sports. Slowly. And no competitive sports. For a long time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by believingbody1
(Can you call it a relapse if she isn't in remission yet in our minds?) Therapist seemed to insinuate that we are being over-sensitive to the AN. Wife and I just feel it would be better in long run to slow things down, get a few more pounds on D.


I would not call it a relapse, but also not recovery. And recovery is the start for giving back control and allow sports again. You are not over-sensitive, you got it really better than the so called professional therapist. Stay strict. You are right. The way back to square one is a short one. Recovery from AN is a marathon. You are right to be afraid of a setback.

If you want to give her some control back, start with letting her chose which yoghurt flavour she wants to eat or let her chose between two snacks you have chosen before. Something like that. Just to show her that you will give her control back when its time and when it works. And maybe to calm down ex and T.

Tina72

P.S. I experienced that it was in our case the surrounding that asked us to give back control to our d "because of her age" and not really my d herself. She feels that she cannot cope with too much control up to now and she is having the plated lunch with delight until today. It gives her freedom from AN and less stress with eating.

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d off to University now 2 years after diagnose, still doing FBT and relapse prevention 
Mamaroo

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Reply with quote  #4 
I have to agree with the others. My d was allowed to return to school physical education at around 95 % wr. I allowed her to play basketball the following year, once a week. Dancing and gymnastics triggered her ED and I will never allow her to do that again. Here is a link to a Kartini Clinic blog on returning to exercise:
https://www.kartiniclinic.com/blog/post/exercise-and-the-severely-anorexic-patient/

As to going into phase 2, there are plenty here who went to phase 2 and regretted it. It takes a long time before ed is completely defeated. My d can choose her snacks once or twice a day, but I make sure it is enough and also varied, not just fruit.

Follow your gut. You've done great job up to now!


__________________
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. She is back to her old happy self and can eat anything put in front of her. Now working on intuitive eating.
toothfairy

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Posts: 2,612
Reply with quote  #5 
Hi there, 
We treated our kid's illness  very aggressively. and it took 1.5 years before school lunch could be eaten at school unsupervised. Even after that we had and still have a safety net in place ( into year 3 now, strong recovery).
This is a very long road, and it is  a common error for clinicians to allow this.
Here is a very good link
https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/stages-and-timelines-and-how-they-set-us-all-up-to-fail-7917698

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Food is the medicine. Recovery is possible.
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