F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Hello everyone, just thought i would post. I've made a decision today, a decision for me. I've decided to stop beating myself up, hating people who i feel didn't safeguard or help my daughter when she was in the worse grip of anorexia this time last year, feeling guilty, thinking about 'would of's and should of's and the list goes on and on! It's making me ill and slightly mad to be honest! I need to look after me, my mental health, my body i.e. eat well amd exercise. I've been on a walk today and actually broke down crying out of the blue! That's when i knew things have to change for me! My daughter aged 10, is doing well in her recovery and i know she is safe. I just need to look back to where we were this time last year, when i knew something was seriously wrong with her i just didn't know what, until the word anorexia was said by the Doctor on the 26th March last year. That's when the nightmare began!    
I must be in the right place so i can continue to battle with my daughter, my only wish is that she one day is 100% recovered, whatever that looks like!  

Those days when we found out our hearts worst fears can be etched into our minds and souls. 

I think this is a positive step you are taking in letting go of the hurtful, angering baggage. You do see how well you have done. Hold on to that. 

I have reading and talking to friends about compassion fatigue.  I think this  term describes my experience and feelings  better for me , rather than Depression or anxiety. We cannot be broken if we are taking care of our ED kids. 



When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
It is absolutely correct that you need to care for yourself in order to be able to care for your d.  You can't help someone else if you can't breathe yourself.  xx

"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 

She will be 100% recovered Human because she has you in her corner. Teach her why a good life is worth living ....she will follow your lead. You are her everything....her rock. Treat yourself with that compassion you deserve as she needs to see that you love yourself. She deserves that mum. 

Vurtual hugs to you to give you strength in this new chapter. Xx

Enn wrote:
Those days when we found out our hearts worst fears can be etched into our minds and souls. 


I have reading and talking to friends about compassion fatigue.  I think this  term describes my experience and feelings  better for me , rather than Depression or anxiety. We cannot be broken if we are taking care of our ED kids.

I could't agree more. Compassion fatigue: we need a break from time to time. We are not broken, we just need to recharge our batteries. And then we will fight on!

I still get triggered by memories of those first weeks. More in the sense of relief that we caught it in time, than the actual drama we had to go through. Thoughts like, How could we have not seen it earlier? (Probably because it wasn't there yet)

I have been thinking lately how I might have triggered others by a well-meaning remark, unaware of the person's circumstances. For that I hope for forgiveness, which has made it easier for me to forgive those who offended me in this way. 
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.

@Human I found the 1 year anniversary hard too with lots of flashbacks and I felt quite down. 

Recently I had a “transformational” moment as well when I suddenly decided it was time to let go of the anger I had inside - mainly directed towards some clinicians who I felt had hampered my D’s recovery. I felt that I was spending too much energy on negative feelings and just let them go. I honestly feel so much lighter now and able to look forwards and focus on the next stage of the journey of recovery in a hopeful positive way. Wishing the same for you. Sending love. 

Oh yes compassion fatigue and first year anniversary flashbacks here too for sure! I feel mean sometimes because I just don't have the energy to look after anyone else but my D at the moment (not even my self, but that one is getting slightly better) and my younger s but only the basics really. I'm not fun to be with at the moment. Try to take care of yourself, I now it's easier said than done, because I'm trying my self.
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
Thankyou everyone for your support and advice, it's so difficult for us all i know as we have/are living and breathing this dreadful illness. I find it difficult to talk to my family and friends and my daughters father, as they haven't lived through the dark days as i have. I understand now how i feel from reading about your experiences and compassion fatigue. I thought i had anxiety and depression, but i now know i haven't. 
Virtual hugs to you all xxx