F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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So, we are officially 1 year WR (back to her growth curve plus cushion). D isdis pretty good with food, she sometimes prepares snacks and eats them semi supervised (because we are all at home due to lockdown). She had been able to eat morning snack unsupervised for a while before covid. We had some issues about clothes last week (dad's t-shirts that she used to wear everyday and then stopped, resurfaced I guess because she has been mostly in PJ's). Lockdown has made somethings harder, less (almost none) social interaction, less leverage (I hadn't needed until t-shirt incident), and now I'm starting to worry whatiwhat this keeps going much longer? she is starting to get restless, academic year is now over. She did so well last summer, nearly WR she had a month of drama summer course, she had her snack on her own, met new people, she was so looking forward to go again this summer. I mean is literally nothing for the next few (?)months. She is now at my mom's place along with little brother. Nice change of scenery for them, nice break for me, so I'm making the most of this couple of days and she sounds happy. But honestly, I thought we would be in a much better place, because of course I didn't see covid coming. it's so unfair that on top of ED she has to miss even more of her teen years because of covid/lockdown. I know of course that literally everybody is missing things and that many here have kids that have missed a lot. I just feel sad and I worry. My youngest is not really suffering so much the lockdown, he is 10 and happy to be with mom and dad, but my ED D is 14, soon to be 15, this is so not a fun life for a teenager.
Sorry for the pity party, she is doing well and I'm happy about it, just feeling a bit down today (probably because I have time to pay attention to myself for a change).
Love this place, is a lifeline!
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding

Well done on the 1 year anniversary!!! None of us could have predicted COVID and definitely has had its challenges here. We found it very difficult not to have leverage and very difficult not to have routine or social interaction. Things are opening up here and teenagers are meeting up again, and that makes life much easier, although I very much doubt that they are paying heed to the social distancing they are supposed to be doing, ie they can meet up here but are supposed to stay 2m apart. 

But many adults are not social distancing either so hard to expect the teenagers to do so although my older teen is fastidious about it. 

we got a puppy recently as well to provide my D with something to do!! And certainly it is very time-consuming and entertaining. It provides much love and is a therapy for the whole family.  

I understand that you feel sad when you have sometime to yourself. I do too sometimes when I have time to think. We all have lots of processing to do. I do hope you get a chance though to do something nice for yourself while the kids are at your mom’s. You deserve it and need it. Xx

Meant to add that Enn always says that natural to feel blue around anniversaries. I certainly found myself quite low and ruminating about all the stressful traumatic times at the 1 year post diagnosis mark. Xx

we hear you, covid19 was the LAST thing any of us experiencing an ED in the family needed 
seriously 😐 
the panic shopping, the shelves running out of food, I was slowly going crazy thinking what was my kid going to eat we even ran out of flour,sugar,pasta, mince and we didn’t notice any special shopping times etc as our kids suffering a life threatening illness (the elderly, nurses, disabled got special shopping hours here, but not us, no one thinks of how it effects our kids and us as carers/parents 
I found it very very hard as I know all in the ED world  would have 

enjoy your time without your kids and do something nice for YOU!!

yes they all miss out of so much and have so much taken away from them with ED and yay covid19 now on top of everything 
we are missing my d wedding 😢
my ED d was meant to be a bridesmaid her disappointment set her into a downward spiral as she had been looking forward to this for a year 
anyway many have lost more and we need to try to focus on what we do have and what to be grateful for
i only read about another family who have lost their d battle with ED and their d has passed away, just devastating to read this 
very, very sad and honestly has made me stop and think about each day each moment 

Hi PurpleRain,

I found the earlier anniversaries tough as well. And I totally get that you are having a moment now that the pressure is off for a few days. I did not have any respite at all for the first two full years as my son was very ill and home from school for two years. The September he went back to school, I had an extreme version of what you are experiencing and could do nothing but the basic cooking for the first couple of months! Your way of having a couple of days reaction here and there sounds much more sensible.

I know it feels endless when you are in the middle of the process but you are really doing wonderfully. I held on to the fact that the years of living at home with structure and good food are what solidifies recovery for many teens. This is why the kiddies and young teens have, in general, better recovery rates than older people with ED (although this is not the case for everyone)

Just to easy your mind about the social isolation. This was something that really worried the psychiatrist in our case as my son only saw his brothers and one other friend for 2 years. But I have to say it does not seem to have caused any issues. In fact, his mentor said he was better socially when he went back than he was before he got sick. And in the years since he has been fine. I know it is a bit miserable going through it but I think most kids will ultimately be fine. As regards the summer - volunteering with a animal charity, learning something that really interests her (there are tons of free courses on coursera.org futurelearn.com alison.com open.edu), a big craft project, redecorating her room, gardening, buying something off a second hand site, learning an instrument, a bit of loads of things. Think big! (as long as the budget can stretch that far) Who knows, there could be some unexpected silver linings to a summer of freedom.

Warm wishes and hugs,

2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.

Oh heavens! Yup anniversaries are hard!  I tend to feel them in my gut well before they strike. A week before or so of Our first anniversary I had this dread in the pit  of my stomach. I was on edge. And then it hit me. Also when  there is a bit of space from the acute refeeding a bit more regular, not yet perfectly wonderful life, it is a bit sad don’t you think? For me it was ‘ wow we worked so hard and did so well’ AND ‘ oh gosh why aren’t we further ahead?!’ All those emotions heaped together and you can flip and flop. Now that you have some time away from her it is natural to feel the exhaustion and the gravity of what you have done and understanding the work you still must do. It is but a pit stop to refuel and organize the next part of the journey. We have discussed PTSD and compassion fatigue. Maybe that is what your are feeling . Even though she is doing great because of you ( hurray!)in this quiet time without her it hits you hard because now you have the time to process the whole thing. It is huge what you have done and it is hard to feel great after the slog. It will come, be kind to yourself. What would you tell a friend? That you are proud of her for saving her kid.that she is so lucky to have you! You are amazing For making her healthy so she can become the best version of herself. You did this @PurpleRain


When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
Thanks everyone for the replies, you amazing ED parents! You got me teary and I'm not a cryer, even now. I should cry more actually! 
LaraB@ yes, ruminations! I know what you mean.
PleaseEAT@ so sorry about the wedding! Covid and ED have rob us of so many things! And yes, i remember the feeling of panic when lockdown started about not having enough food to feed her properly, it has been an eventful year and a half for sure! 
Deenl@ I know your story well, I have read a lot of your threads, they have been so helpful not only with ED D, also with nonED S (he can be a super resistor in other areas, not food).  I was actually thinking of your S  when I started worring about D possibly not being able to go back to normal school/social life due to covid (and beurocracy), I remembered that he didn't go for 18 months or so and was ok when he finally got back.
PTSD around anniversaries for sure enn@  (and mild depression, i took a test yesterday), but I'm having a relaxed couple of days, not cooking, eating whatever I want, watching some movies, having some time with hubby (yey!).
You're a wonderful bunch of people, I really appreciate your replies, I feel heard and validated and not so alone. 
Pity party over! 
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding