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Alethea

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Reply with quote  #1 
Last time I wrote for help we were going through the terrible traumas of refeeding and coping with the terror and melt-downs. My friends, after 7 years and an impending 4th IP averted my d has weight restored in 4 months and is in the 3rd week of wt maintenance. I am speechless at the change in our lives and in discovering my d's personality now it is not being totally controlled. I know we have a very long way to go yet. This seemed unimaginable when we started to run home like an IP ward.

I need advice about d's younger sister who has just returned from 4 months abroad horribly underweight. She is overjoyed to wear size 0 jeans and says she feels confident and has no intention of gaining. She eats all meals with us but painfully slowly and tries to cut down. I know I am over anxious and see an everywhere so have had difficult chats with her.  She tells me she doesn't cry if she has to eat cake so isn't an but alarm bells are ringing.She makes very unkind remarks to recovering sister who's struggling more. I know there is a lot of jealousy and I am being emotionally manipulated by the ds' games but the fact remains younger d is in a bad place. She screams at me that she isn't her ill sister, is 18 so an adult (!) and can do what she likes. She is seeing family doctor but can be so persuasive and won't let me come. She has moved out and is living with bro who says she is behaving oddly. Am truly stuck trying to find the truth and remembering how slow I was when this illness first struck our family.
sk8r31

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hi Alethea,

You are right to be concerned.  EDs do have a genetic component, and as you have one d with the illness, her sibling is also susceptible.

Losing weight, intentionally or not on a trip, can trigger an ED.  This was the case for our family; our d became very ill while we were away for a month, and I ended up bringing her home and she was admitted to the regional Children's Hospital for medical stabilization.  That was just the beginning of our journey...

Though your d is 18, you are still able to contact her doctor with information and concerns.  Though the doctor can't discuss anything with you, they can take the info and it can help to inform care.

I would remain as calm as is possible in front of your younger d, and state your concerns.  The FEAST Family Guides can be given to her if you choose, but should certainly be shared with family doc, along with the Academy of Eating Disorders Risk & Medical Management of EDs pamphlet.  

I would urge you to make sure that d is getting the medical monitoring she needs and to make your home a place where ED and ED behaviors are not welcome. 

So sorry that you find yourself dealing with this, and sending you much strength.

Warmly,
sk8r31

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tina72

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Reply with quote  #3 

Hi Alethea,
I would be concerned, too.
There are more than one signal of ED:

1. underweight
2. slow eating cutting down = ED behaviour
3. unkind remarks to weight gaining sister
4. she screams at you when you mention she could be ill???

There is definitivly a genetic component and here are more than one family with two girls with ED. Try to speak to the family doctor about your concerns.
Being an adult gives you some problems but if you have a good relationship and if she mentions NOT to be ill she should listen to your concerns. This is the most concerning signal of ED that she doesn´t seem to see a problem...
Tina72

Kali

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Reply with quote  #4 
Hi Alethea,

Quote:
My friends, after 7 years and an impending 4th IP averted my d has weight restored in 4 months and is in the 3rd week of wt maintenance. I am speechless at the change in our lives and in discovering my d's personality now it is not being totally controlled.


This is amazing and you are doing a wonderful job with your older daughter! I can remember when you wrote some months ago that your d. was struggling at University in London, and you were thinking about the next steps and trying to decide what to do. I'm so glad she was able to make progress and you were able to help her.

You are right to be concerned about your younger daughter and as sk8ter31 and Tina72 have said, keeping an eye on her, eating together and getting in touch with her Dr. to express your concerns and make sure she is being medically monitored are important in this situation. 

Also of concern is the fact that she is being unkind to her sister and I'm wondering if there is some way to stop that from happening.

Best wishes,

Kali


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Alethea

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Reply with quote  #5 
Thank you for your thoughts. They helped me focus and stop panicking. Doctor was great. Given her a target weight and wants to see her to monitor weight. 
She has accepted this and not indignant. Just need time now for us all to calm down and get used to being together and work on wt gain.

Sotired

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Reply with quote  #6 
We had the same thing happen here with ds younger sister .she lost 8 kg and we had some anorexic behaviours as well.we got to experience behaviours that we hoped we would never see again-lots of justifying weird eating patterns.the really frustrating part was that the doctor-the same one who deals with former an daughter -still thinks I'm nuts for being concerned.so yesterday I pulled the "with all due respect,you don't live with us.you don't see the behaviour we do at home." card.the doctor was quite shocked I think.
Our younger d is 17 almost so we have to use different leverage.if she wants to do what she wants to do-she has to eat plenty to be able to do it.she has just over 2kg to go now for weight restoration and we are pushing a bit harder now.d got quite a shock yesterday that I argued with the doc and then made it clear that we would follow our own path on this.
I will be taking her for a weigh in in six weeks and hopefully we will be where we need to be with her.
I found the calming down and being firm to be good,but sometimes due to past issues,not easy.
We will get there though and so will you Althea.
(Hopefully with what remains of my sanity intact...😂)

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