Registered: 1507710321 Posts: 3
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I have been visiting the site for nearly a year. I've never posted before as have always found the information and help I needed from other posts. So a big thank you to everyone as your words of wisdom have been invaluable.
My then 14 year old daughter was diagnosed with A N autumn 2016. Extremely lucky to have been referred to an excellent CAMHS team. We started FBT and initially things started well. However when the weight gain stalled after putting on 2 kg in 6 weeks and we tried to ramp up the calories, daughter became violent and to cut a long story short, she had an inpatient stay. Fast forward to now. She has been in a healthy weight range since the end of January when she was discharged. The unit stopped her taking ages to eat and chopping food into tiny pieces and stopped vomiting which had just begun prior to admission. Over the months apart from the odd wobble eating has remained consistent, she broadly eats anything including chips crisps chocolate etc and very gradually the ed symptoms seem to have lessened. However her mood seems low. Throughout all of this she has steadfastly refused to discuss how she feels with anyone. Will not engage with her CAMHS team nor with the dr and team at hospital. I feel she is depressed but I don't know how to help or get her to accept help. If anyone has any suggestions I'd be very grateful.
Registered: 1284535839 Posts: 3,157
Reply with quote #2
Welcome to the forum. Sorry that you have had to find your way here.
It is great that you have got your D to a healthy weight range, and that she is eating much better. Her mood however does seem to be an issue. I am sure if you have been reading for a year, that you know the first thing I am going to suggest, that is are you sure she is a healthy and normal weight for her? Her resistance about talking about herself, along with her low mood sounds a lot like her eating disorder is still giving her a hard time. Many people with ordinary depression want help for this, but it is common for an active eating disorder to cause isolation and low mood. There is no one way to work through this, but one thing I found when my D was engaging poorly was to spend a lot of time working at doing activities together, and actively working on her social networking. She had no ability to start much of this herself, she was too unwell, however bit by bit she was able to see friends more, do crafting activities, read books, play games more. We also got a dog, a great comfort for her no matter how sad she was. Pets can be great therapy, can be very soothing and great listeners without judgement. __________________ D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
Registered: 1438737617 Posts: 1,264
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Totally agree with Foodsupport. Also does she have any interests that she could take a class in? I did a few classes with my daughter when she was in a similar state-mosaics, ceramics, etc. and that really seemed to help her come out of her shell. Also I got her into volunteering in different things (which I did with her at the age your daughter is at). We volunteered at the local animal shelter walking dogs and playing with kittens and cats. My daughter loves music and so we play hand bells together which we started about the same time when my daughter was so low.
Is she (or you) open to a med eval? My daughter is on meds and will be probably for life (thanks to my genes for treatment resistant depression).
Registered: 1396016102 Posts: 4,478
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I agree with FoodSupport that the first question is: Does she need more weight? It's so very common for the professional team to be satisfied with a weight that doesn't alllow for full recovery. The one good thing about AN is that we know what the medicine is: food (and time). With depression, the needed treatment is less clear. Has your d been assessed for depression? Has she tried meds? CBT? We tried meds and also a therapist who claimed to be doing CBT. In the end, what worked for my d was weight + time. Unfortunately, it took a lot more time than anyone would want - about three years for her. Please feel free to ask all the questions you like. xx -Torie __________________ " We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP ♡
Registered: 1507710321 Posts: 3
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Thank you for your thoughts. I feel the low mood has only become an issue in the last month or so . I guess she may not be at the right weight as I know that is not an exact science. She goes to school and does a little job at weekends. I am more than open to medication and we are waiting for a psychological assessment. However in the past when she has seen the psychiatrist she refuses to speak. Equally if I try to talk to her she says she's fine and to go away. She throughout the process has been very difficult to distract and point blank refuses to engage in distraction activities, although she does do art. I sometimes wonder how much is teenage behaviour because when she wants something or needs taking somewhere she does not hesitate to ask. I guess I'm trying to find a way to get her to attend and engage with help!
Registered: 1268143852 Posts: 1,358
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Difficult one. My son suffered from severe depression and it was one of the last things to diminish. He's been on SSRIs for a number of years now and I think they've helped. He first fell sick with AN in 2009 and it wasn't really until a couple of years back that his mood improved although he was to all intents and purposes in remission on most other fronts. It was a slow process but the thing that I believe worked for him was finding a new social group who are on his wavelength. It took a long while to happen and at times he was convinced he'd be lonely for the rest of his life. But what he was doing throughout this was working with me on the various options and it sounds as if your D is still resisting your help.
I know that it takes quite a while for the brain to catch up with weight restoration. Another thing that may have helped was eating lots of 'mood foods' such as oily fish, omega3 and stuff like that. My son is convinced this helped to raise his mood. I'm not sure if any of this is any help, but I thought I'd throw in my two-penneth! __________________ Bev Mattocks, mother of 23-year old male DX with RAN 2009, now recovered. Joined this forum in 2010 - it was a lifesaver.
Registered: 1507710321 Posts: 3
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Thank you. I think the replies I have had have helped me get my thoughts together. I'm talking to Camhs tomorrow about weight and if they can speed up assessment of her mood. She is weighed fortnightly, chooses her own school lunch ( I sort all other meals and snacks) and has not lost weight since making the change to own lunch choice 3 weeks ago.
Registered: 1465177827 Posts: 95
Reply with quote #8
my d has also refused therapy many times. what seems to work for her is finding the right person to engage with. More often than not, this is not me. As much as I want her to, she resists sharing her struggles, thoughts, feelings, etc with me. though, d has developed a very strong relationship with my mother, whom she will often confide in. She also will sometimes talk to her sister and father. Thankfully all these people keep me in the loop!! is there someone like this in your d's life? My d does have an issue sharing with therapists and doctors though I do find, if they persevere and are willing to just take her silence of talk about other things (movies, books, etc) d is more likely to eventually engage.
hope this helps! mom up north __________________ Mom Up North