Registered: 1519503402 Posts: 5
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My daughter has reached weight recovery, which is huge and I feel blessed, thankful, relieved, lucky. No lack of gratitude on my part.
But, though her body is healthy, her mind is not. Though we no longer hav rages, it is very clear that she would not eat if I did not feed her. Because she is weight recovered, our service provider says that she is done with FBT and they no longer have support to offer us. They recommend we find and individual therapist, but that is proving easier said than done. What are the next steps? How do I adjust calories for her to maintain (or gain at a "normal" rate with her growth)? When do I begin to hand back some control and in what order? She was sick for a week, lost 4 pounds, and we went right back to the rages when it was time to eat again. So, we are teetering on the fragile and I dont want to go back. Can someone who has walked this next step to recovery share their experiences with me?
Registered: 1501455946 Posts: 25
Reply with quote #2
Hi Tara, Congratulations on restoring your d’s weight. You are doing an awesome job.
I would get a new FBT therapist. FBT has 3 stages, the second is when the therapist helps the child to become independent.
Please follow the good advice you read here. Keep feeding. Kids with ED need extra calories for sometime after weight restoration. I listened to my dietician who suggested I stop giving my d shakes. She slid down 3 lbs and the behaviors were creeping back.
We had begun giving our d independence in plating some meals but she lost weight again and started to purge . I think we went too fast. We are back to phase 1. Taking things slow as there is no straight path to this disease.
Keep up the good work❤️ __________________ Beans ❤️🙏🏻
Registered: 1501455946 Posts: 25
Reply with quote #3
Sorry, here is another thought.. check out Dr. Sarah Ravin’s blog. She has an excellent explanation of phase 2. It helped clarify a lot as to how we need to proceed.
Sending prayers ❤️ __________________ Beans ❤️🙏🏻
Registered: 1492110966 Posts: 340
Reply with quote #4
Hi tara21, How wonderful! You have done so well.
I am not sure if you have seen the video on "state vs weight" please look that up. some have found that the WR goal was set too low by the professionals and that weight needed to be higher than originally thought to help with brain healing.
Also look up mamabears's thread on stage 2 and recovery. It takes a long time. It really is not just about the weight but the mental state- albeit related. Your D is only 10 right? I know the kartini clinic advocates parents in control for a long time ie even up to 18 years old. At 10, I am not sure I would be giving her any control over choices of foods etc. My D is now 13 and almost 12 at the time of DX and doing great now. I only allow her a few choices ie the type of juice and snack and allow her to pour her milk, juice but I am still in control of her caloric intake which is still at 3500-4000 to maintain her weight. We had to go ++ above the first weight goal to see her brain get better. She is at 9 kg above the original target. Her weight gain is slowing so I think she is getting her normal growth rate back. "She was sick for a week, lost 4 pounds, and we went right back to the rages when it was time to eat again. So, we are teetering on the fragile and I dont want to go back" well This makes me think that she needs more weight as only 4 pounds and ED came right back. I don't think that add more weight is going to hurt her. You say that if you don't feed her she won't eat. So IMHO, I don't think she is ready to have any control back yet. I think she needs more weight. There are a few posts on Stage 2 etc please look them up. All the best, XXX Food+more food+time+ love=healing---> recovery
Registered: 1521119942 Posts: 65
Reply with quote #5
I.am in a similar place. My daughter almost reached her original weight. I understand she needs to go further. But she is getting frustrated and asking to have a "normal" schedule and not have to eat two milshakes a day. I know she will need a lot of calories, supervised eating, and fixed schedule for a long time. And I know using logic to tell her that not eating two milshakes everyday will not make her normal. Seems hard when to her she is almost there to get her to keep going.
Registered: 1396016102 Posts: 4,895
Reply with quote #6
I agree with ScaredMom that more weight sounds prudent. Anyone can lose 5 pounds because of illness, travel, whatever, so it's just too dangerous to hang at the minimum healthy weight. And, as you probably know, it is normal and expected to gain a little weight each year through the young adult years as bone density increases and organs mature. It sounds like your d is still experiencing some disordered thinking, and a couple additional pounds may help with that.
But hey! Lots to celebrate here!! You and your d are doing great! Keep up the good work. xx -Torie __________________ " We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP ♡
Registered: 1284535839 Posts: 3,548
Reply with quote #7
What a fantastic job you have done Tara at getting her weight up.
Like the others I would be looking for a new FBT provider. FBT indeed has three stages, the first involves the majority of weight recovery and the next two involve learning independent eating and resolving other issues. It is normal for things not to magically resolve with weight restoration though many people find a significant improvement. She will need supervision of eating for a long time to come, even with that improvement. Keep up that great work and just keep on feeding. __________________ D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.