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fight4mygirl

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Reply with quote  #1 
I am starting a new thread in the hopes of finding everyone who has done this program.  We just bit the bullet and signed our family up for the week of March 6-10th (after finding out about it days ago).  That is only 10 days away!!!  It will be tough (my husband is missing his huge global meeting) but we both believe it is the right thing to do to reset our family and get back on track. I am having panic attacks though about telling our d.  She actually made weight yesterday at her appointment (thanks to 4 days of her packing in the food out of fear of not making weight) so this will come as a HUGE surprise.  She will feel completely blindsided and betrayed. Not to mention my husband has to fly soon after we tell her so I want to be as prepared as possible.  My questions to those of you who have done it are:
1. How/when did you tell your child you were going?
2. What was their reaction?
3. were there any severe behavioral ramifications once they found out? (I am fearful of my d's reaction) and if so what did you do?
4. How did your other children react when you told them?
5. Did you tell the school about the program (our school does not know about our ED yet)
6. Was there anything you wish the program had/had not done better?

any information you can share would be so helpful. thank you! 


toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hi again,
Just to let you know, that if my kids current treatment wasnt working out, that I would be on a flight to UCSD from Ireland with my kid.

Well done Mom

My guess is that you will get a huge uptake on behaviours, so have a plan A B & C for when you tell her.

When My kid had His IP assesment ,I told him the day before, & he was admitted the day after the assesment.
In the weeks leading up to the assesment, I told him he was going to be ok, help was coming, but I did not say what washappening.
He got worse by the minute,
as soon as I told him treatment was coming, Ed went off the scale with starving my kid.

Then after the assesment, he was getting admitted the following day, suddenly he could eat everything & more that day, to prove he didnt need treatment , he begged & pleaded to stay at home & try & be re-fed at home.....

That was my experience - of course I didnt give in to ED.

My kid's twin was quietly relieved that he was getting serious treatnent ,but was constantly re-assured by us that it was going to be ok, all would be ok.Fake it till you make it Mom.

I told the school immefiately upon diagnosis, I had already been in a lot of contact with the school over him,as my Son had written me a note to tell me what another boy had been doing to him ( pushing him around. Calling him a fat sh@@ , calling him names for eating slowly etc).
He said he felt so low and small that he started dumping his lunch.Then breakfast...etc
So I informed the school at all times what was happening.
They dealt ( somewhat -sort of ) with the bully, and the rest is history.
My S went to IP, I went & met with the principal, year head & counsellor, & they were BRILLIANT.
Now they were not able to help eith supervising lunches or anything like that when he was discharged, but they supported everything I did.
They allowed him to be staged & phased back to school, me take him home /meet him for lunch, constant appointments,skip all the house exams, exempt sport & PE.
They really sympathised & looked out for both of my twins in the school.
We are 1 year post IP & he is in school like all
His peers full time except no PE.

I still supervise and plate all his other meals & snacks now except school lunch, & there are safety nets in place there too.
I allow him dine with pals occasionally, & in pals houses, again he had a safety net there but is able to maje good choices now, & has minimum fear foods left.

Best of Luck
& keep us posted
Xx hugs TF

__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) ,  Now Phase  2 , making progress every day. Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT.
mnmomUSA

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Reply with quote  #3 
We told her as soon as we made the decision to go.  We presented it as a fait accompli....we were going.  Period.  She was, of course, predictably NOT HAPPY.  She said things like "you can't make me go" and "it's child abuse" to force her to go.  I remained very calm and handed her the phone to call child protective services.  Call, I said.  If they agree, then we won't make you go.  Of course, she never called.  She knew she wasn't winning that one.  Oddly, she got MORE compliant in the intervening time periods, in a last desperate attempt to "change our minds."  It was actually a period of calm in our house.

Now, I was very concerned about how she would behave at the airport and whether she would actually get on the plane.  We allowed PLENTY of time in case the demon came out.  She was actually quite well behaved.  Again, we were firm, but compassionate, that she WAS going and that we most definitely could MAKE her go, so it would be easier if she just went along.  And, she did.

We went over the summer, so there was nothing to tell the school.  However, she missed so much school for appointments, etc in the years before we went, that I DID have the conversation with the counseling office about her condition.  We got zero pushback for any of her missed classes after we had that meeting.  

I would present it to the other children as a chance to help their sister.  It really DOES help.  Some of the stuff is pretty intense....not gonna lie about that, but it was overall a great experience.  We had children (siblings) as young as 7 or 8 during our week.  That particular family had an even younger child that they opted to find child care for instead.  

Have you figured out where you will stay?  The biggest hassle for us was having to bring breakfast and lunch (and snacks if your child won't eat from what they have for snacks) every day (well, not the first day since it starts after breakfast and they provide lunch for the first day).  Bringing along a soft sided cooler would be very helpful, as well as easily packed disposable flatware, dishes, etc....if they fit in your luggage.   We rented a house and shopped at Costco the day before the program started (we flew in on Sat, had a nice beach day/shopping day on Sunday, and then program started Monday) and laid in breakfast supplies for the week (bagels, cream cheese, fruit, milk, etc) and then brought as we needed for each day.  We stored a gallon of whole milk in their refrigerator.  For lunch after the first day, we bought sandwiches and chips from the small deli on the lower level....worked out great for us, but obviously a bit more expensive than providing your own.  For dinner, at our rental house, we did heat and serve things from Costco---lasagne, rotisserie chicken, etc.  Restaurants were just too hard for her every night.  



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D, age 17, first diagnosed March 20, 2013, RAN, at age 13 Hospitalized 3 weeks for medical stability. FBT at home since.  UCSD Multi-family Intensive June 2015. We've arrived on the other side.  :-)
AUSSIEedfamily

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Reply with quote  #4 
Dear mnmomUSA,

The USCD program is aligned with the Centre For Balanced Living's (CBL) NEW FED intensive 5 day program Walter Kaye is one of the supervisors of the CBL program. The research data they are collecting shows that most of those who attend the program & do the follow up stuff make positive changes. I was fortunate to spend a day at CBL on the 4th day of their 5 day program & it was interesting to see/hear the clients talk about the program & the way they perceived their illness after the 4 days compared to when they how they perceived it at the start of the first day.

Attached is the preliminary findings report.

 
Attached Files
pdf Outcome data NEW FED TR Oct 28 2016-1.pdf (285.12 KB, 42 views)


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iHateED

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Reply with quote  #5 
Hi,

We attended the week-long program in February of 2014, so three years ago!  Our D was 16 at the time, and a junior in HS.  In August of 2013 we realized the problem was RAN (because our older D had an ED three years prior).  By September, our D quickly deteriorated so we checked her in to our local ER as not medically stable.  She stayed 10 days and then did 2 months of a PHP and then IOP.   After discharge in December and things given back to her even though she still had 10 pounds to go, she started going downhill again, but this time it was really hard to gain back control since the doctors gave the green light for certain things.  By February 2014, she was back to such a low weight and with no help from the program, we decided to give the UCSD program a try.  It was only a week and if it didn't work, we would have considered residential after that, but thought starting with the week was worth it.   AND IT WAS WORTH IT!   Here is a bit of our experience for you -  It was only me, my H and D.  Our older D was in college and we didn't want to pull her out. 

Getting her on the plane -- just said you will come with us or we will call for a police escort.  She wouldn't eat anything that day or on the plane.  When we landed, we made her eat in the airport or else we were going to take her straight to Rady's Children's Hospital and then she probably would have missed the program. 

We stayed at the Residence Inn in La Jolla which had a full breakfast buffet.  Each morning I would take some to-go containers to the buffet and make our breakfast to bring with us to program.  There is a stove top and microwave at program for you to use, and a refrigerator for items you want to keep all week such as drinks and milk.   I also took some extra items for the snacks for each day.  I remember there being a blender for you to use so if you haven't started doing smoothies, this would be a great place to introduce them! 

The most helpful part of our experience was getting my H and I to reframe our thinking and our wording of how we handled our D.   On the first day, when D didn't eat her lunch, we said, that's it, now we are not going to explore the area after program, we will just go back to the hotel.  The next snack came and D didn't eat again.  Privately, one of the great therapists told us that because we removed her incentive to eat completely, she had no reason to eat the whole rest of the day.   She had us reframe our wording into a positive outcome -- so we told our D that for every meal and snack she completed at program, she would earn half an hour of free time after program for her to choose what we would do.  We had 2 meals and 2 snacks each day at program so that gave our D two hours for her to choose what we did if she complied with all 4.   This really worked for us and D. 

The contract is the most valuable tool you will leave with so prepare a little bit ahead of time of what your family situation requires and what you KNOW you will be able to follow through with.  You cannot make it idle threats if you are not going to follow through.   My H did bring his laptop which was a big help, so bring one if you can.   Our contract was 7 pages long and covered every loophole we could think of at the time!  Our D was (and still is) a master negotiator and could wear you down and make you think you said something that you didn't say - but you believed her!   So our contract was super specific.  They gave us many samples to choose from and then you can customize one to fit your family.   If you would like to see our contract, please let me know and I can email it to you.

Good luck to you and your family.  There is lots to see and do in the area.  Mostly our D just wanted to walk on one of the many beaches after program watching the beautiful sunsets so that's mainly what we did each night.  
HateEDwithApassion

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Reply with quote  #6 
Hi,
I would be really interested to get a copy of your contract, too, if you don't mind sharing it. Not sure the best way, but thank you!


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17 yo D. Diagnosed in July 2013. W/R in Sept. 2013 and has remained so. Roller coaster on and off since, mainly with ED under control but co-morbid depression and other negative coping mechanisms making our life hell. Trusting in God for daily strength and wisdom.
sk8r31

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Reply with quote  #7 
We attended the UCSD 5 Day Intensive program in June 2011.  Once h & I made the decision to go, we had roughly two weeks before leaving...so like you, it was a whirlwind to get arrangements made etc.

We told d right away after making the plans.  It was just following the end of the school year, so there was no need to inform the school; however, in your shoes, I would be talking to the principal, counselor & teachers.  They should be in the loop, particularly since your d will still have a few months of school to complete after the program.

Our d was NOT HAPPY about going, 17 years old at the time, and our 'game plan' was to offer to take her on a college visit prior to the program starting, and then another visit a couple of months afterwards on completion of program.  Since she was interested in a few CA schools, that was enough of a 'carrot' to get her to go.  I flew out with her a few days early, & h joined us for the program.  Our son was in university, and doing a summer course, so he came only for the weekend following the program.  Interestingly, we had a lovely family weekend together....after such hellish times during the previous 3 years of ED life.

We rented a small house, about a 10 min ride away from the center, and cooked all our own meals, & brought stuff for lunches to the program daily.  It was just too difficult to manage meals in restaurants.

Bringing a laptop would be a great thing; you do need to write up a contract in the evenings, so it is very useful to have along.

A couple of other things to note....we ditched our 'team' at home just before doing the UCSD program, and connected with another FBT 90 min away.  We met once before leaving for CA, but T was in contact with program therapists both before & after the program, so we hit the ground running on our return, and it was tremendously helpful to have good professional support to follow up.  Not sure if we would have had as positive an outcome without good support on the homefront afterwards.

We started out with twice weekly sessions throughout the summer, and then gradually lengthened the time in between throughout that following year.  We 'graduated' from that care a little less than a year following our time in CA.

Expect to be mentally exhausted at the end of every day...and give yourselves some space to just decompress.  I thought we might enjoy the area sights each day after the program, La Jolla is gorgeous, but we were all really just too tired.  Our weekend after the program let us enjoy the area somewhat, and that was a lovely break, & a family reconnect time for us.

Really glad to hear that you will be heading off soon for this program.  It was certainly a game changer for our d and our family.  Wishing you & your family a productive week!

Warmly,
sk8r31



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It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
iHateED

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Reply with quote  #8 
To Hate ED with a passion -- I just sent you an email but I cannot attach a file to it through this system.  After you respond, I think I will be able to send it through AOL.  Let me know if you receive it.

toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #9 
Hi again,
I just wanted to mention my experience.
The day that my Kid went into IP (Adolescent unit), (he knew he was going in- just from the day before when he had the assesment), he had his breakfast, he took his phone and messaged his 5 best pal's, and told them he was going to hospital for a few weeks.
They went hysterical when they heard- my door was banged down with requests to visit him, and I brought a school pal every evening.e
The following day, I called all the pal's parents and told them exactly what was going on.
It turns out that some of them knew, from things seen by their kids at school, and some didn't and were shocked.
One parent said she was trying to get the courage to ring me, after the things her kid told her and tell me but couldn't.
Another parent told me that the kids knew he was dumping lunch and starving himself and purging, and told my kid just the week before that if he did not tell his parents the gravity of whats going that they would. ( we already knew at that stage ourselves).
I called up a family friend that we see regularly and asked to meet her for coffee and to tell her. She said, I already know your S has AN!
My kid's bmi at his lowest point was 16.8 and a lot of people already knew..
So I guess my point is that lots of people probably know if your D has been ill this long. My S was only ill a few months at this stage, and people knew.
The great thing for me has been that it is not a secret. Ed thrives on secrecy, and my S did not want me to tell anybody else, but I told all that needed to know.
The great thing is that everybody looks out for him,supports him, and if there is any funny business with food, I hear about it, so it closes more loops, and also it takes the mystery and stigma away, as we are just upfront about it.
Just wanted to mention this as my experience,
All the best x

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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) ,  Now Phase  2 , making progress every day. Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT.
fight4mygirl

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Reply with quote  #10 
Well we told our d and our 2 sons on friday. As expected she flipped out, tried to leave the house and when I tried to pull he back in she screamed that i was physically abusing her.  We got her to calm down after which she informed us that she would not longer talk to us especially at the program, that we were wasting everyones time and money and it was f'd up that we are taking her out of school.  She has since refused to do any of the intake labs or phone interviews.  She has been trying to stay at friends house's, been drinking and partying until all hours of the night.  I knew she would react poorly but this is heartbreaking. This is not the daughter I know.  Just when i think i have the ED figured out her behavior escalates and I cannot tell what is the ED and what is her.  Sometimes I feel like she hates us with every cell in her body.  I try and think it is the ED talking but the majority of her comments are about how she cannot stand to be with us, hates being in our house and thinks we do not care about her one bit.  Literally my every waking moment is about her and trying to help and love her and she thinks I am the most uncaring person alive.  I am hopeful that this is just the ED talking but sometimes I cannot sleep at night worried that she will never understand how much we love her.  My heart is broken.  I am still sure that our UCSD program will definitely help my h and I  but I am beginning to doubt how much my daughter will get out of it.  Sorry to vent...it has just been a tough few days. [frown]
Torie

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Reply with quote  #11 
Quote:
Originally Posted by fight4mygirl
Sometimes I feel like she hates us with every cell in her body.  I try and think it is the ED talking but the majority of her comments are about how she cannot stand to be with us, hates being in our house and thinks we do not care about her one bit.  Literally my every waking moment is about her and trying to help and love her and she thinks I am the most uncaring person alive.  I am hopeful that this is just the ED talking


That IS Ed talking.  

Your real d is in there, and she loves you.  Ed, on the other hand, recognizes you as the enemy, which is probably a good sign.

Hang in there.  You're doing the right thing, and you will get your real d back. xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #12 
Hi
Well when we realised that we had a MAJOR problem & GP said he was fine etc, we took matters into our own hands, I researched and got him a referral to a treatment centre.
I did niot tell him about the asses date until the day before, however I had been saying to him " its ok, I understand, help is coming".
All this did was escalate the behaviours.
I actually expected that he would be treated as outpatient, but to my shock & horror but ultimately my relief & joy he was there for 4 months.
After he was admitted, he refused to speak to me. He was very very hostile, very scary & difficult.
It was one of the (if not the) most awful, hardest times of ny life.To say I cried rivers of devastation is an understatement.
I also had to make peace with myself that even if he never spoke to me again, that I had to make the hard decisions.
But just so you know. This was all Ed kickback.
Underneath this- your D needs you & cannot help it.
Separate your D From the illness in your mind.
This will get better, it will take time.
We are a year post Ip now & he is doing well & recovering ( I still have him in therapy & most meal supervision).
My relationship with him is better than ever.
Im guessing that yours will be too.
Keep going,
We are here for you,
You are making progress.
X

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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) ,  Now Phase  2 , making progress every day. Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT.
aboncosk

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Reply with quote  #13 
Dear fight4mygirl,

Our family attended the IFT program at UCSD one month ago (January 30-February 3, 2017).  I told our daughter as soon as I knew we found out we could go.  We had looked into this treatment program at the end of October when her weight reached 95 pounds.  She had previously gone through an eating disorder treatment program from January through March 2016 (started at 116 in December 2015, discharged at 111 in March of 2016).  This illness entered our family on 12/31/2015.  She had gone through PHP/IOP and upon discharge, she maintained weight for a very short time; then slowly lost one pound here another pound there.  Anyway, I found UCSD on Facebook at 2am one night when I couldn't sleep.  I had gone into d's room to check on her because her weight was so low I was worried about her heart and breathing (she has a low heart rate anyway because she is athletic/dancer).  Anyway, it didn't work out with insurance and we put UCSD on the back burner.  Her weight continued to decrease and I found a post on Facebook from an organization called ProjectHEAL.  A family had documented their journey with ED and UCSD in a weekly blog on ProjectHEAL's FB page.  I caught the first installment.  One thing that continually went through my head was - is one week enough?  Is it REALLY enough to make a difference and turn this thing around.  The mother of the girl responded to that question I posted and she ended up calling me on Thanksgiving.  She encouraged me to fill out a scholarship application for treatment.  I will spare the details but several days after Thanksgiving we were awarded a treatment grant from ProjectHEAL.  I was thrilled, overwhelmed and beyond blessed.  Which is why I told our daughter when I found out.  But we had discussed this treatment facility as an option a few weeks prior.  The reason I wanted to check it out was in part due to school.  When d was in PHP/IOP, she missed a full quarter of 10th grade.  It was very stressful to come back to school in mid-March.  The treatment program only allowed for one hour of schooling each day and the teacher's level of schooling (in our daughter's case) only taught at a 9th grade math level - our d was in 11th grade honors math :/  Her school gave her very little while she was in treatment which was difficult to come back to.  Lots to make up and to come back and slide right it where everyone left off.  It provoked much anxiety.  UCSD is one week.  It's one week away from school which as a Junior was still tough BUT it was the least disruptive to our family's lives/schedule.  She was adamantly opposed to returning to a PHP/IOP program.

In regard to school, our d's teachers only knew she was absent for medical reasons.  Her guidance counselor has been in the loop since day one.  This was helpful because the guidance counselor could address teachers, help to get any assignments (this time with UCSD since we knew well in advance we were able to get some school work before we went), and be the go-between with the teachers  and attendance office.  Her absence was coded as "medical" for UCSD and therefore doesn't "count" against her and some school work was excused without having to make it up.  I will say if you haven't; you may consider approaching your daughter's guidance counselor at school.  Lunch will be an issue for you when you return.  Our daughter has lunch monitored in the nurse's office (the school nurse knows of her situation as well).  With the contract at UCSD, all meals/snacks must be monitored by an adult.  Of course, school presents challenges.  Our d is very low weight and if we wanted this method to work, we knew she'd have to return to lunches in the nurses office.  Not the greatest at 16 (almost 17 years old) but she's accepted it.  You will learn with the contract that it can be revised every 2-4 weeks.  We said once she shows she's making progress, we can incorporate maybe 1-2 lunches a week back in the cafeteria with her friends.  We are there yet but getting close. 

As for the logistics of the program, we stayed in a house about 15 minutes away from the Children's Hospital.  Traffic wasn't bad in the morning and took us at most 20 minutes each day.  We chose a house for several reasons:  one, it was less expensive than the Residence Inn in La Jolla, two, it allowed us to cook breakfast and dinner (eating out is a HUGE issue for our daughter), three, everyone had their own bed - which was important for a good night's sleep.  Our son was with us too (he's 12) and instead of the two sharing a bed and going through the LONG days at treatment - it was helpful that all could retreat to their own space.  I looked on VRBO, HomeAway and ended up finding the little house on La Jolla Vacation Rentals.com (I think that was what it was called).  We stayed in Ocean Beach which was an interesting/eclectic little area.  There's a dog beach about 10 minutes away and a cute little area with shops/dining in the general area of the dog beach.  The airport was also only like 10 minutes away.  Overall, it was a good location - close to airport, downtown. 

We flew in on the Saturday before treatment started so we'd have part of the weekend to visit San Diego and flew out the Saturday after treatment (early AM flight - wished we'd have left later to do more site seeing things).  Samira at UCSD said many people fly in the Sunday before and/or fly out the Friday afternoon of treatment or the following day. 

We didn't deal with any behavioral issues from our daughter and our son was thrilled to miss a week of school (we also told his guidance counselor our reasons for him missing to medically excuse his absence.  UCSD will provide you a letter for the school - just ask Samira about it).  Since we knew about it two months prior, we just kind of let things be with the anorexia.  Meaning, we didn't make any changes to what she was eating or how she was eating because we knew that changes would come with UCSD.  The treatment program she went through gave us a meal plan and a booklet that provided sort of a "diabetic exchange" method - 1/2 cup of veggies equals one serving type of thing.  Not a fan.  Basically we were arming our anorexic with the knowledge of counting calories with this method and what 16 year old measures out one cup of Rice Krispies and one cup of milk everyday (was not happy with the treatment program she went through - it got weight on her but barely had parental involvement and many things she wanted to talk about she couldn't because they were triggers for other patients...then how do you get better??).  Going into our week of IFT, know that it will be a HARD week.  Harder for some than others.  There are between 4-6 other families there with you.  You will form a bond with those people and it truly does help to see that others struggle with this too.  I will not lie - it can be heartbreaking at times.  They make your child eat.  As strange as that sounds, think about it.  They've been avoiding eating and now this Maudsley Method tells you to feed them what you think is an appropriate amount of food...it was terrifying for parents too!  But, they want you to push the ED, to challenge it.  The first day, they provide you with snacks and lunch.  I gave my daughter a HUGE sandwich.  The staff even said when we met with them later that day - that was a BIG sandwich.  But she ate it and she ate all of it.  It's pushing them outside of their comfort zone, away from their "safe" foods.  Our daughter was one of few that weren't currently in a PHP program.  Several were going through treatment at UCSD's PHP program.  So, for us, some things were different than others.  Meaning; our child has never flat out refused to eat.  She had been completing 100% of her meals - she just wasn't eating enough to help her gain weight.  She is a dancer and she had to stop dance in November because there just weren't enough calories to compensate for what she was burning off.  So, the first day can be a bit tough.  You will give your child a morning snack, lunch and an afternoon snack.  YOU prepare it.  This method as simplistic as it sounds works and it takes the anxiety away from your child.  They don't have a voice in what they are eating.  Part of what you learn is there is no negotiating.  That can be tough - we saw it from a few others in treatment.  You have to trust that YOU know what is best for your daughter and be willing to sit with your child for their meals.  The rest of the week you bring in lunch and snacks.  They will weigh her on the first day, Wednesday and Friday.  You should see some progress during the week.  When you aren't focused on meals and snacks, you will be in groups.  Sometimes, it's the teens in one room and parents in another.  Siblings go with the teens.  Other times, it's a full group together.  You will learn the science behind why eating disorders do what they do.  For us, this was important to hear.  Dr. Kaye will come in to give a talk about the research studies and what they have found.  It helps to hear the science behind this because it reaffirms that this is not a choice, that there are biological reasons for this.  Mid week you will start working on the contract.  Someone had said if you can - bring a laptop.  They also have some there for you to work on as well.  They give you the framework of what your individual contract will look like.  Your child will identify rewards and consequences in a group with the teens.  You and your husband will take that information and incorporate it into your own personal family contract.  You will leave with a contract that works for YOUR family.  Again, seems so simple.  Rewards, consequences.  I am here to tell you that this is working for our family.  Our daughter said she felt "stuck" and wasn't making progress. This program gave her the push to get better.  Now, we've had a few rough meals/snacks.  The ED thoughts can be fierce at those times.  But you will find a way to love and support her through this.  For me, the BIGGEST positive was that my husband and I are now on the same page.  I've spent almost the last full year doing the lion's share of recovery alone.  He's very black/white.  ED is VERY grey. It helped him learn about the why's of the illness. We did some group exercises that were pretty prolific in terms of understanding what our kids go through (one was called the Gauntlet - our daughter was the participant...I cried).  This illness has wreaked havoc on our family life, caused stress and tension in my marriage, issues with our younger son but this week brought us together.  The IFT week can be hard but going home and putting this to work is HARDER.  But, it's working.  We are on week four of our contract.  Our daughter is gaining.  We are working towards weight restoration.  We learned that you cannot have recovery until the physical aspects are addressed; then you can really work on the mental aspects of ED. As they physically recover, their brain resumes growth (we learned that it actually shrinks due to malnutrition) and you will see glimpses of your child's personality returning.  That's not to say you won't have those "days" where the ED is fighting for your child.  But you will fight back - harder. 

The only thing that we wish could've been done differently was there were a few times we started to cover a particular topic of discussion and because of questions or whatever we never got farther than number one on the list.  But, UCSD gives you a binder of information.  You will have what seems like downtime as you eat/snack with your child so the actual time you are "learning" isn't truly 9am-3pm each day.  However, these people know what they are doing.  This is their niche.  They understand eating disorders.  Not saying that other treatment centers don't - but it's scientifically proven that Maudsley works.  We also learned that most treatment programs get a patient to 85% of their ideal body weight and then discharge them.  Which goes back to you have to be physically restored in order for mental restoration.  It creates a vicious cycle.  If they aren't physically restored, they will relapse and return to treatment...perpetuating the problem.  Now, we've only been in this for four weeks with the Maudsley method.  Been at anorexia for a little over a year.  These last four weeks have been better than the rest of the time we've tried to help our child. 

Ok - that's my soapbox.  If you have any questions, you can email me: aboncosky@gmail.com
I will be happy to help however you can.  The good thing is you will have a week away with undevoted attention on helping your daughter on her way to recovery.  Your family can pull together.  I wish you safe travels and much success at UCSD. 

Blessings to you and your family <3

aboncosk

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Reply with quote  #14 
Also, if you haven't read Eating with Your Anorexic by Laura Collins, I strongly encourage it.  She took ED into her own hands and details her journey with her daughter's recovery and the Maudsley method. 
iHateED

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Reply with quote  #15 
aboncosk, GREAT POST on UCSD.  This needs to be pinned for anyone searching about the program.  You have explained it all so well.  Our family attended 3 years ago and it was then very much the same as you describe -- evidence based treatment that works!

Fight4mygirl -- I know how hard it can be to hear your D say those things about you and to really sound like she means them -- but she doesn't -- and you will get your D back.  She also probably won't remember much of the hateful things she is saying to you now.   We went through it all too, the crying, the anger, the panic attacks, the screaming she hates us and will never love us again.  But I promise you it will get better once her brain has recovered.  The first and most important step is food.   Hang in there! 
aboncosk

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Reply with quote  #16 
Fight4mygirl - Best wishes to you and your family this week.  Please share your experience when you get a chance.  Praying that you have success like so many other families have had at UCSD.  Thinking of you <3
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #17 
Hi fight4mygirl,
Thinking of you this week,
The very best of luck xxxx

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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) ,  Now Phase  2 , making progress every day. Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT.
iHateED

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Reply with quote  #18 
Hi fight4mygirl,  Thinking about you today and hoping you had some success at your week at the UCSD family intensive program.  How are things going?
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