Registered: 1404950645 Posts: 17
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I posted around two years ago about my college friend/roommate who struggled with an eating disorder in college and how she took some time off to get help. Your advice and suggestions were extremely helpful. I wanted to provide an update and thank you all once again for the help during that time. My friend is doing fantastic. I'm incredibly proud of her and the person she has become. She has a full time job and a boyfriend and is eating completely normally now. Trying new foods and all,I haven't seen her restrict in at least a year. Only once when she was upset about her cat dying and had a bit too much to drink on a night out,did she mention restricting but followed up with "but I'm not going to b/c I have to much to lose and I don't want to go back" I am so proud of her and how she uses her experience to help others. This has made us into even stronger friends and I know she will be in my life for the long haul Again, fhank you all so much for the advice. I hope this update brings hope for those whose family/friends are still struggling.
Registered: 1450168170 Posts: 985
Reply with quote #2
Wonderful news. You have really gone above and beyond the common bonds of friendship. I am so glad that your story has a happy outcome.
Warm wishes, D __________________ 2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid. May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, tons of variety in food, stepping back into social life. Sept 2017, back to school full time for the first time in 2 years. Happy and relaxed, just usual non ED hassles.
Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle. If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal. (but don't give up on the plan too soon, maybe it just needs a tweak or a bit more time and determination ) We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
Registered: 1452437794 Posts: 2,188
Reply with quote #3
Thanks so much for the update, it is really great that your friend is doing so well.
You have been an amazing friend,as this illness is so difficult to navigate even for a parent.
I hope you are very proud, Its a great story of hope ...
Best wishes to you all
X __________________ Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in very strong recovery, and Living life to the full, like a "normal" teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine. Recovery is possible.
Registered: 1396016102 Posts: 4,915
Reply with quote #4
Thanks so much for stopping back to share this good news! I'm so glad to hear she is doing so well!!!! xx
-Torie __________________ " We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP ♡
Registered: 1404950645 Posts: 17
Reply with quote #5
Sadly my friend has been struggling lately and I think she might be on the verge of releasing. She lives on her own and I live with my boyfriend and we see her at least once a week for dinner and on the weekends we eat dinner together and go out or watch movies and just hang.
She works for a huge advertising company and the stress of the job can be a lot to deal with. On top of that, her grandma died and her long term BF broke up with her shortly after. She’s been through a lot of transitions in the past few months. Recently she hasn’t been herself. She’s been anxious and sad which has clued me in that something is off. She will stress over small things or become very sad over little mistakes. The last three weeks when we’ve been together, she doesn’t eat a full meal and claims she ate a huge meal right before and isn’t hungry. I chose to believe her since she had been doing so well. Another friend of ours who battled drug addiction years ago, pulled me aside and said she could tell my friend is slipping, as she knows when people lie since she used to lie to others as well when she was actively using. After having a heart to heart, my friend admitted she had a bad week but insisted she was fine. I told her I will support her but would call her parents if she lost weight. She understood. I don’t know for sure if she is relapsing or just going through a hard time with the changes in her life. Do you have any suggestions on how to tell? She hasn’t admitted to a relapse and I’m not sure if she will. Back in college, I only found out because she was drunk when she told me. I appreciate the help and suggestions.
Registered: 1436500021 Posts: 904
Reply with quote #6
You are a really caring and true friend, and from what you are describing you are right to be concerned. You mentioned that she had spent a year at home and taken time off from school to try and recover. Was she home with her family and do you think that any of them might be able to come and stay with her for awhile and try to help her normalize her eating again and see if she needs help with what sounds as though it could possibly be depression? Is she still in any type of treatment or could you encourage her to call her former treatment team and make an appointment to see them? Maybe do some weekend food shopping trips together and make plans which include eating with her more frequently? You mention that there have been a lot of transitions for her recently and that can be a time when someone relapses or struggles. The fact that you have mentioned that if she loses weight you will be in touch with her parents and she is ok with that is encouraging. I do think that it can be very challenging for someone with an active eating disorder to live alone, especially if they become depressed, and that it is best for them when they are with others and there are regular mealtimes. Does she have any other friends who can get together with her regularly and make plans which include eating dinners together? Let us know how it goes! Kali __________________ Food=Love
Registered: 1404950645 Posts: 17
Reply with quote #7
Thank you for the helpful advice! She has been there for me during some hard depressive episodes so I want to be able to help her as well. I believe she is dealing with depression. I suffer from depression myself and the change in weather has certainly got to me. Her parents actually came down this week and agreed she looked like she lost weight and told her they will be down once a week for dinner (she can invite friends!)
She is no longer in treatment but with my encouragement said she will contact her previous treatment team and make an appointment to check in, which I think will be very helpful. We have a group of friends that are usually available for meals. She works long hours and is often times unable to join us during the week for dinner. The long hours I’m guessing would make it easier to avoid eating. I worry about her because she’s been moody and anxious lately and is starting to look tired. I’m hoping her mom eating with her once a week will help and I told her I would eat later with her once she finished work but she didn’t seem to keen on that. I appreciate the helpful advice.
Registered: 1496061527 Posts: 1,116
Reply with quote #8
that is realy nice that you want to help her. That is what friends are needed for. Itis great that you encouraged her to contact her treatment team and that her parents will come around weekly. Depression is a typical co-illness of AN because the malnurished brain suffers from depression. If she could gain some weight, the depression will slowly get better and then hopefully despair. Try to encourage her to eat with you as much as possible. Tina72
Registered: 1398657817 Posts: 428
Reply with quote #9
My D works a lot of hours in the summer, and admitted to us that she may not be able to return to that job this summer because it gives her an easy excuse not to eat. So, your friend may very well find that job facilitates restricting. That may also be why she wasn't too thrilled with your offer to wait for her to eat. Another thing she may do is tell everyone she did eat at work. In the AN world, if you don't see it go in their mouth, it probably didn't. 😉
What an amazing friendship you both have - how helpful you both have been to each other. Hope she does contact her team. I'm sure the noise in her head is overwhelming right now. __________________ 19 yo D. AN - since about 15 years old. WR quickly - but the last four years have been tough. Since Sept. 2017, two residential stays, now in IOP, fighting a relapse. ED is hanging on, mental state not great, can't get her to remain at a weight long enough or high enough to see mental healing. She's on a gap year that will likely now turn into two.
Registered: 1404950645 Posts: 17
Reply with quote #10
Thank you both. I really appreciate it. My grandmother passed away last week and my boyfriend was on a business trip so I ended up staying with my friend for the week since I didn’t want to be alone and its been good for us both. We ate breakfast and dinner together most days and her parents came to make dinner for us one night which was really nice. My family had been taking their sadness out on each other so to have a family dinner with my friends family cheered me up. Even if she got home from work late, I would wait for her and she would at least eat something even if she said she ate at work. I know her job is stressful and there’s a high possibility she just doesn’t have time to eat during the day or she is using that as an excuse not to eat lunch.
Now that my boyfriend is back, I see my friend on the weekends and at least once a week for some kind of meal. She said she didn’t have time to contact her treatment team this week as work is busy but she will make an appointment the following week. She still seems depressed which worries me. We have other friends who she can eat with and her and my boyfriend are close friends as well so she can come eat with him even if I’m not around. Our other mutual friend who battled drug addiction years ago, has had some luck with getting her to eat a bit more after she said she was done, as they seem to have a understanding since drug addiction and eating disorders can be similar.
I wonder if the change in weather could be causing the depression as well? Is there a way to tell if she is relapsing or just dealing with the transitions of life? Thanks again for the helpful advice. I greatly appreciate it.