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peony

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Reply with quote  #1 
So it's that time of year ago.  Two years ago my D gave up chocolate and puddings for lent, which led to her giving up well just about everything !!!!!

Now back into a good patch ( I say this with a resignation of caution ) my D had recently ventured back into the common room to eat lunch with her peers.  Great - reduce social isolation, get used to eating with others!  Only now all the conversation is about what are you giving up for lent ( always food related ), what diet are you following as the weather becomes warmer and summer holidays start to be discussed.  D says this is ALL her female peers talk about. 

Massive thumbs up to D to recognise this is too triggering for her at the moment and she has gone back to eating in a quiet room allocated to her so that she is able to eat lunch safely.  But what a shame !  D says she sees many of individuals  struggling with all this diet talk, the need to conform for teenagers is so strong.

Just venting really and outlining what a difficult time of year this is for our children.  

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Peony
MarcellaUK

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Reply with quote  #2 
I hear you! XXXXing Lent. It was also the start of my daughter's total spiral into AN although she had had plenty of pre-existing issues with both mood and food.

I have gone through periods of ranting about it, giving up religion for Lent because of it, and trying to ignore it.

This year I'm trying temperance - moderation in all things, including my fury at the CofE for trying to reintroduce and publicising fasting in a world which is not suited to the concepts and with no heed of the dangers - oops, that wasn't very temperate was it?


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Fiona Marcella UK
wornoutmummy_uk

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Reply with quote  #3 
I was dreading Lent and all the talk amongst d's friends about what should be given up not for religious reasons may I add.  I saw this message on my d's instagram "Peopke keep talking bout food they are giving up for Lent.  I am thinking what foods can I introduce to my diet.  I am the equivalent of anti Lent.  This month I shall eat more cheese, red meat and pasta"!!  I love the idea of anti Lent [smile]
mnmomUSA

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Reply with quote  #4 
How about giving up the ED for Lent?  That would be a good one.....[wink]
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D, age 17, first diagnosed March 20, 2013, RAN, at age 13 Hospitalized 3 weeks for medical stability. FBT at home since.  UCSD Multi-family Intensive June 2015. We've arrived on the other side.  :-)
alwaysvigilantCAN

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Reply with quote  #5 
how about giving up talking about anything food or body related?
Peony I'm really impressed with what your D did. And you too mnmom

Just want to let you know that not all girls talk about fattening foods and how fat they are. I'm very lucky that my D has friends who are very much into eating robustly due to their activities. They love food. I feel so fortunate. 

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5 years in active recovery; With many, many days of full nutrition and closed loopholes, insight, life experiences and brain maturity we are slowly loosening the safety net
WFN_US

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Reply with quote  #6 
Lent brings fear and worry to my heart. Don't think that's it's intent though. This year I told my son (as I had in previous years) that we wouldn't be talking about fasting, giving up anything or meatless meals. He should just tell me what he is giving up and I just won't buy it. I don't even want to bring up anything to do with Lent incase it puts more pressure on D. Sigh. Something else ED has taken away.
HopefullifeUK

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Reply with quote  #7 
Lots of church folk in the UK are signing up for this way of 'doing' Lent...it seems a lot healthier in so many ways to me, and if you're not religious you can still do the activities

40 Acts:  http://www.40acts.org.uk

Their strap line is:40 days of giving back, doing good and living generously

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16yo d had RAN and over-exercising, with occasional binges. dx 12/13, BMI 17. D now WR and in some kind of stage 2. No therapy at the moment and doing OK.  East Midlands UK.
WFN_US

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Reply with quote  #8 
I suddenly realized maybe I could try to do something about this in a small way. I sent an email to a woman from my church who runs a youth group. I included the above link about the 40 days of service etc. I think that is so nice. Unfortunately there are possibly teens either with eating disorders or prone to them in the youth group. This might be a way of encouraging doing something for Lent that doesn't involve food. I also asked her to approach our pastor. My daughter would die if I did, and I think this woman actually "gets it" so will be helpful. Since our priests' sermons usually include talk about fasting and giving up food, I suggested offering some other ways people could "do" Lent. I am sure there are other medical reasons people can't do the food aspect of Lent too. It seems helpful to talk about alternatives for lots of reasons. We'll see if I can at least make a ripple of change.
hopefulmama

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Reply with quote  #9 
This is a slippery slope with us too, even though my d is doing well in recovery.  She texted me from out f state college (with a religious affiliation and emphasis on Lent) and asked what I was giving up.  I told her that instead of giving up, I was going to commit to 40 days of following my Bible reading of the day program. devotional and prayer journal.  She mentioned she was thinking of doing the same thing because she knew that giving up something wasn't good for her!!  We are using the same devotional book and text each other when we read something we really like.

My older son came home from college last night for Spring Break and announced he has given up meat for Lent.  The old me would have been happy about this because he was making such a religious commitment.  Instead, I launched into a speech reminding him of the genetic predisposition for EDs in our family, that this was something he really needed to watch, etc.  I think he will be fine, but I hate how ED has made me think like this [frown]

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AlwaysHopeful_CH

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Reply with quote  #10 
I remember seeing 40 Acts last year and thinking what a good idea it was. 
Doitagain

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Reply with quote  #11 
hate lent with a vengeance. reminds me of d giving up sweets and crisps and telling me it was being done for lent. lent has now gone, Advent calendars gone, making a Christmas cake - gone. . Pancake Tuesday (shrove Tuesday ) - gone. Bonfire night toffee apples - gone . Halloween feast - gone. sorry to be such a misery but I mourned the loss of Pancake Tuesday this week. I miss baking cakes and everyone loving it. I miss so much… Oh well.
IrishUp

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Reply with quote  #12 
We give up things that prevent us from being our best selves, instead. This is after all, far more in the spirit of the observance, IME.

AFAICR, Jesus says lots of things about treating each other well, and has almost nothing to say on the subjects of chocolate or donuts. And when he DOES talk about food, it's to feed people. Just saying.

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Michelle41

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Reply with quote  #13 
I have also been struggling with Lent. I am afraid to give up any food or food group because I want to be a healthy model and support for my D when she comes home. I ave decided NOT to give up anything for lent, but to add a morning prayer and devotional time. Lent is about sacrifice to get closer to Jesus, so sacrificing time in am to read Bible & pray will be my Lent.
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Michelle
YogurtParfait_US

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Reply with quote  #14 
Yes, giving up something for lent is a human custom. It isn't ordained by God. Neither are other kinds of religious fasts, and thoughtful religious leaders also put health first. There is a mom here (don't remember who… hmmm…) who was talking about a Jewish fast day, and their rabbi spoke with their daughter and told her that she should not fast, because her health came first, and her participation in the holiday without fasting was just as pleasing to God. I thought *good for  him/her!*

I LOVE the idea of adding something for a religious observance. a non-religious friend of mine did a "random act of kindness" every day for lent. She posted her random act on Facebook for 40 days (if you can believe that!) Seems a little much, but actually it was kind of fun to see what she was up to in order to do a creative and unexpected kindness each day.

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"Hope is a wonderful thing ... but hope by itself is not enough. Hope is the reason to take action, to make a plan and then to change the plan when it isn’t working - over and over and over again if necessary." Hannah Joseph (Let's Feast Friday Reflection, "Just Keep Going," Friday, March 3rd, 2015)
AlwaysHopeful_CH

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Reply with quote  #15 

I've shared this link with a young lady who is well on her way to full recovery and although her church fasts regulary, she just doesn't as it would be way too triggering.  No great outrage from her church at all - they are sensible about these things and totally supportive (YEAH!).

However, she really liked the idea of "giving" in place of "fasting" and is thining about that concept.

I told another young lady about it - also into recovery but not so far along.  She had mailed me along the lines of "Great, it's Lent = legalised restriction" and I really don't know if she was being ironic or not.

So we've worked on a re-frame along these lines:
"Yes, I'm giving up for Lent. Today I'm giving up old clothes to the charity shop, tomorrow I'm giving up some spare time to weed the neighbour's garden.  And above all - I'm giving up focusing on myself and food."

Her task now is to "give up" something every day .... including things like "Today I gave up counting calories".   "Today I gave up stressing about XYZ." She has a book and is writing down these hings every day and sending me a photo of what she has written/given up ... so far she's managed it :-)  

In this context "giving something up for Lent" can have very positive repercussions.

Maybe this helps someone somewhere too :-)

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