User’s Guide | Rules | Contact a Moderator | Registration or Login Problems? | Eating Disorders Learning Center | F.E.A.S.T.



Custom Search of F.E.A.S.T. and Forum Content:
Register Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment   Page 4 of 5      Prev   1   2   3   4   5   Next
deenl

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 771
Reply with quote  #76 
Hi again,

No ideas for eating out for us!!!! My S can only eat a specific place at the table. NOWHERE else [rolleyes]

He did ask about food etc but I just started saying that it I could see talking about it was causing him stress so better not, hmmmm? Nice matter of fact voice. That worked for us but if your d says she needs to know you could, for instance, just say 'ah well, let's try it this way for a while. Did you see ...(fill in youTube vid, local gossip, news, other change of conversation topic as appropriate)?'

Another idea is say that you see how difficult it is and that you will only answer say, 10 mins before a meal.

In general, there is no appeasing the monster that is ED so all conversations about food should be shut down asap. All in the nicest way possible. And then a quick change of topic, an urgent phone call, need to go to loo etc. 

Remember that most kids with ED interpret neutral facial expressions and tone of voice as irritated, angry, judgemental etc so work hard to keep your body language matter of fact and friendly. I needed a bit of practice to get it just right. S keep telling me not to talk in that sugary voice!

Keep reading on the site and you will find lots of great info.

Warm wishes,
D

PS I recommend you start a separate thread. You will get so much more collective knowledge from all the great carers on the site.

__________________
Mother of 13yo son restricting but no body image issues; inpatient 6 wks Sept/Oct 2015 but lost weight! So emotionally destroyed they agreed to let him home to us. Stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery for Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid. Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. 

Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.

If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal. (but don't give up on the plan too soon, maybe it just needs a tweak or a bit more time and determination [wink] )

deenl

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 771
Reply with quote  #77 

Hi everyone,

I haven't been on the forum much as I have been busy, busy, busy. I've nipped in to keep up to date on everyone's news but I have missed the contact.

It is a time of anniversaries for us so I thought it would be a good time to review the last year or so.

Spring 2015 S refuses the first ice cream of the year [confused]

May/June 2015 H & I talk often about a 'something' up with him.  S is critical and intolerent of classmates. 
He mentions to me that he only allows himself 2 choc bars a week on specific days. I encourage him to loosen up. He eats a bar on a different day but later tells me that was the last time he ate one.[frown]
In gym they have to run and measure their heartbeats. Coach says 90 good range to exercise. S runs and runs but his heart never hits 90[eek]

July 2015 S depressed and having extreme outbursts of rage and/or despair. I wonder if it is a 'phase' and am slow to seek professional help (Yeah, bum) [frown] He ends up with years of creative work destroyed.[bawl]

End of month H sees S in togs and is shocked by how thin he is. Go to GP who doesn't weigh him, thinks he can survive fine on 1 slice bread breakfast, 1 slice lunch and 1/2 a dinner, missed lanugo but at least listened to his heart. Come back in a month if we are still worried. [tounge2]

Aug 2015 Go for scheduled week hols in camper. Hell. My mom comes to visit for a few days and keeps having to go to her room for a 'nap' and cry. Go to psychologist for intake talk. When we say situation is urgent and want frequent appts, told weekly is how we do it [tounge2] 2nd appt he won't talk to her; referred to psychiatrist. Before that meeting S has told me about suicide plans. We stay with him 24/7. Psychiatrist comes 3 days in a row house visit. 3rd day consults with pediatrician who urgently wants to see S.  (we now know that he was about 40% underweight)S refuses but we force S into car and frog march him into hospital. He loses the plot totally. H, I and psychiatrist hold him down for an hour until psych crisis team gets all sorted to sedate him. He is taken by ambulance to closed psychiatric ward. This is the rock bottom. Ring my mum to cry [bawl]and say at least he is somewhere where they know what to do and he will have no choice but to get better. Oh, the irony.

Sept 2015 Let home after 1 week as no longer suicidal. Does not sleep at all following night and cannot eat so voluntarily goes back in-patient. Then it all goes wrong. They diagnose depression (cause GP said so apparently) and strive to build a ‘therapeutic relationship’ and ‘invite’ him to meals. The psychiatrist, based on what she sees there, thinks he is autistic and in spite of me giving very well informed contra-indications, she tells S when he is alone. I will never forgive her.[mad]  He roars crying on the phone to Nana and me and at the next day visit and it is only on the day after that he tells me what happened. S is ambushed with 5 adults surrounding him when I walk in and they force a NG tube in (NG tube not the prob but the unexpected, knee-jerk decision to do it under duress with many adults holding him down is) S has flashbacks of this experience. H and I fighting against Dutch legal system which puts all decision making powers in hands of doctors.

They want legal powers over S for 6 months. H and I fight wildly against them. 2nd independent psychiatrist spends many hours reading file and talking to us and agrees to give us a chance. S is allowed home to us.[smile] He has lost a further 2kgs there.[frown]

Oct 2015 H and I decide first priority is to create calm, consistent, stress free environment and to do what we can to encourage eating. Any big pressure causes 100% refusal. We measure BP, pulse, temp at home and have very close medical monitoring. The danger is very real. He speaks so quietly that it is very difficult to hear him.  Edit: H & I are also fighting each other. A lot. So much so that we fear for our relationship. 

Books read:

  • Help your teenager beat an eating disorder. James Lock, Daniel LeGrange
  • Eating with your anorexic. Laura Collins. Thanks for the hope and empowerment, Laura.
  • Skills based learning for Caring for a loved one with an Eating Disorder. The New Maudsley Method. Janet Treasure. More suitable for older and more entrenched sufferers but some helpful techniques

Nov 2015 Psychiatrist decides we are dealing with an ED. Genius.[rolleyes] I knew it a month ago. Weight remains stable. Begins 90 min weekly sculpting course. We give him an 'occupational therapy' budget. He buys model kits and craft supplies.

Book read:

  • Anorexia and other Eating Disorders. How to help your child eat well and be well. Eva Musby. Very detailed and comprehensive to the question ‘But how?’

Dec 2015 Plans to go to Ireland for Christmas cancelled but my mum flys to us. Found ATDT. Lifesaver. We tried Magic plate, LSUYE, and various other suggestions but S refused all and only ate his own ‘safe’ menu.  We are afraid to push as he is so dangerously ill and if he loses weight he will be back inpatient - few suitable places so we are caught between a rock and a hard place. Weight remains stable.

Jan 2016 Still stable but no progress. S has, with massive stress and panic, complied with medical monitoring so we hatch a plan for him to go to the children’s hospital close by to shake things up

Feb 2016 S spends the month in hospital. Naturally, hiding food etc. [sneaky]I stay the night sometimes when he is terrified. But he gains slightly and I take over the cooking of his safe foods but start loading in the calories. We also get the mealtimes down to 30/40 mins instead of hours.[thumb] The whisper disappears, OCD tics reduce

Mar-Jun 2016 Gains at 300g per week. Still occasional ED sneakiness but on the whole eating safe foods without much trouble. Mood improves; sings, laughs, brushes hair, oh the tiny things we are grateful for.[biggrin] Now does spring cleaning chores to earn hobby money. Begins to focus all his ire on me.[frown]

Books read:

  • Decoding Anorexia. Carrie Arnold. So great for understanding the illness. Love it.
  • Give Food a Chance. Julie O’Toole. From the Kartini Clinic. How it should have been done. Sigh.
  • A parent’s guide to Gifted Kids. James T Webb. Read it for one of the other kids problems and it reinforced that very high IQ is a very important consideration in any treatment plan. I also highly recommend ‘Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnoses of Gifted Children and Adults’ by the same author.
  • Freeing your child from Anxiety. Tamar E Chansky A God-send in helping you know what to say to talk your kid off the ledge.
  • The Highly Sensitive Person. Elaine E Aron. Informative and another consideration in our situation.
  • The Expanded DBT Skills Training Manual. Lane Pederson. Very, very usable for the lay person. It has all the life skills I always wanted to pass on to my kids. I am working through it for myself and it is also putting a bit of structure on all the lose info I had floating around in my brain but wanted to be able to teach the kids.

Jul/Aug 2016 The two brothers have holidays from school. All along they have been the most important thing in normalising his life. And they do absolutely amazing. With only a little coaching they treat him totally normally. Edit: H & I are also back to normal. It takes more than Ed to kill 20 years together! [love]

But we are stuck. But stuck on a steady 300g per week (thanks to Torie for the Benecalorie tip; costs a fortune to get from US but who cares) which is not the worst place to be stuck. And we have put 10kgs on him at home, ourselves. And he is only now at a BMI of 15 so it’s not really so surprising that progress is hard.

This quote I read recently sums it up.

Quote:
I’m not where I need to be; but thank God, I’m not where I used to be
.

Books read:

  • Rewire you Anxious Brain. Catherine Pittman. Another excellent book for understanding the 2 pathways that cause anxiety.
And I am busy, busy, busy with the usual endless cooking and washing up that goes with refeeding; getting two other kids with extra needs ready for back to school and all the things that were put on the back burner this last year (life long friends, taxes, transforming pigsty back into home) and personal growth. My New Year's Resolution for the last 20 years has been to 'get organised'. Bummer that it took my son to nearly die for it to actually happen. But to paraphrase Carrie Arnold - Nothing made it worth it but I'm not adverse to using the manure to fertilise something worthwhile.

I also want to take this opportunity to express the absolute overwhelming gratitude that I feel to all the forum members for sharing their time, experiences and opinions. I have no doubt that finding the forum has allowed us to save our son. From the very bottom of my heart. Thank you.

D


__________________
Mother of 13yo son restricting but no body image issues; inpatient 6 wks Sept/Oct 2015 but lost weight! So emotionally destroyed they agreed to let him home to us. Stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery for Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid. Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. 

Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.

If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal. (but don't give up on the plan too soon, maybe it just needs a tweak or a bit more time and determination [wink] )

Sammie

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 140
Reply with quote  #78 
Hi deenl- I second everything that Toothfairy said. It is great to hear that your S has made such great progress! Your strength, love, perseverance and courage are inspiring. ED cannot compete with a mother on a recovery mission! You saved your child's life this year. Well done to you and your family. Xx
happiness

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 55
Reply with quote  #79 
Dear deenl,

i have always read your posts but have never read your full story. You are incredible. You must be a superhuman to have been able to fight through this.
You have come so far and you will get further and your son will be healthy and happy one day. It just is a very, very long way and no one tells you that at the beginning of this journey! 

Please keep on posting! You are an inspiration to us all!
deenl

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 771
Reply with quote  #80 
Thanks you for the sweet words. It's lovely to think that doing the right thing for my son may also help other people. 

Warm wishes,
D

__________________
Mother of 13yo son restricting but no body image issues; inpatient 6 wks Sept/Oct 2015 but lost weight! So emotionally destroyed they agreed to let him home to us. Stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery for Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid. Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. 

Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.

If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal. (but don't give up on the plan too soon, maybe it just needs a tweak or a bit more time and determination [wink] )

Optimistic

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 323
Reply with quote  #81 
Thank you, deenl, for sharing your story. You have truly done hero's work! It is a reminder to all of us on the Forum that there is no one path toward recovery. Your boy is blessed to have you.




bks76

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 54
Reply with quote  #82 
Deenl,

Thank you for sharing your experience here. I know progress is not as fast as you hope, but it's truly amazing how you've been able to save your dear son. Your commitment to creating a calm and loving environment in the face of such a scary time is inspiring, your strength and courage, unbelievable! I have thought of you often over the summer and was happy to see a positive update. I know in our own struggles with our son, I learned so much from you. Thank you! I wish you the best as you continue helping your son recover.
deenl

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 771
Reply with quote  #83 
Hi all,

Just thought I would write a note to my past self with all that I have learned so far and the things I would try if I could go back in time.

So ...
- Before we knew much about EDs he would cook for himself. It was the only way he could eat at all. But knowing more now I would try to meet him halfway (Assuming Magic Plate does not help); maybe he prep meals with me or he prep and if not enough I add or some food plus (spiked with calories) hot choc or smoothie or nutridrink. Basically any form of collaboration that got more food in. He used to make soup that he ate over a few days, if I could go back I would spike it with anything I could to bump up the calories.
- Develop mantras that work; this is what your body needs to avoid more intense treatment or this is what your body requires so that you can stay home with your brothers or anything that seems important to him. Think a dripping tap wearing away at stone.
- keep my body language and tone matter of fact and supportive; I know you are doing your best but if you need more intense care then it just is what it is but let's eat what we need today and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.
- I have noticed that we can only introduce changes in our son's routines during transition phases; eg hospital, just home from IP. Once the routines are set they stay for a long time so think carefully about what is important and do all you can to set that in the routine.
- Keep as much flexibility in everything; crockery, little bit more one day, little less another; variety in food. Not easy but any little helps.
- remain very matter of fact but strong; really try not to let your own emotions into your voice
- bake family favourites for everyone else and leaving them on the countertop. Make it as easy as possible and try to avoid power struggles
- making two options that are nutritionally sufficient and giving him the choice
- keep serving up nutritionally sufficient meals; 6 times a day, no matter what
- point out gently that the choice not to eat (enough) has consequences, be specific about them
- keep offering love, support any which way but especially through body language. I realised that although I was keeping my voice controlled, I was stomping around!
- having the products in the press that best support nutrition e.g ban lettuce and salad ingredients, buy pasta salads and coleslaw. Find the brand of bread with the most nutrition ditto everything else. Spike the milk with extra milk powder and cream (I do this with the almond milk, started with teaspoons and gradually increased until at this stage every litre gets 2tbsp cream, 2tbsp milk powder and one scoop nutridrink powder), spike jam jar with oil; go through the presses and fridge adding, adding, adding. The rest of the family will survive the temporary increase in calories. (Warn them in advance not to say anything about poss changes in texture or taste.) This works with my son. I am sure he knows and can taste it but he can pretend he doesn't and ED doesn't flair up.
- remember that just because a technique didn't work in the past it may work now or with a different person or with different food, etc. Get creative.
- know that you can only do your best. With this flipping illness sometimes it takes a village, a miracle, a month, year before anything sticks. But do what you have to to recharge the batteries and keep at it.

Wishing you all success,
D

__________________
Mother of 13yo son restricting but no body image issues; inpatient 6 wks Sept/Oct 2015 but lost weight! So emotionally destroyed they agreed to let him home to us. Stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery for Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid. Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. 

Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.

If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal. (but don't give up on the plan too soon, maybe it just needs a tweak or a bit more time and determination [wink] )

ed_newbie

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 256
Reply with quote  #84 
I love that you share this hindsight with other caregivers. Experience yields wisdom when we are open to self examination. Best wishes to you Deenl. Your family is lucky to have you!
__________________

"Lineage, personality and environment may shape you, but they do not define your full potential."    Mollie Marti  

ed_newbie

14 yr old d diagnosed with AN late December 2015 at the age of 12 after a 23 lb weight loss during prior 3 months. Started FBT/Maudsley at home on Christmas Eve with support from amazing local nutritionist specializing in ED and trained in FBT. WR Feb 2016 and now chasing growth and taking one meal at a time.
momon

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 654
Reply with quote  #85 
Thinking of you too deenl and hoping things are going well for you and your son!
mjkz

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,068
Reply with quote  #86 
Same here.  Hope you come back and update us!!!
deenl

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 771
Reply with quote  #87 
Hi guys,

I am so touched [wave]

I have not been on much mostly because we are deep in the hard slog, putting one foot in front of the other and hauling ourselves out of the hole. It is simultaneously the most important and the most boring work of my life!

But we are still seeing progress. He is growing and has about 5/6 loose teeth so even they seem to be catching up. His mood is stable and happy as long as he is in his routine. He eats his regular amount of food and is increasing variety.

But ... he is touch and go at the 'right' weight for his increasing height. I want to add a few more kilos but can't get him to eat any more.

And he is now almost 18 months out of school. The crazy laws in Holland are showing their teeth again and they are starting to demand that he go back to school. Full stop. That's what we want too but he has not eaten outside of home/hospital for 18 months and I refuse to send him back even part time unless he maintains his intake (he will most likely need to increase it because of the extra activity) I want him to start going back to school but in our time and our way not just because the law says so. It seems that our previous fights to maintain our parental rights over our son (oct '15) have only been hiding in the recesses of my memory. Now that we have a new set of laws trying to usurp us instead of supporting us, I find that I am anxious and shaking.

But I can't lose sight of what is best for our son and normal life is best. So I keep holding onto the fact that I think he will return to school and it will go ok (most likely some hiccups) and hubbie and I will stay strong and fight for the timetable that suits us.

Warm wishes to you all, as always,

D

__________________
Mother of 13yo son restricting but no body image issues; inpatient 6 wks Sept/Oct 2015 but lost weight! So emotionally destroyed they agreed to let him home to us. Stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery for Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid. Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. 

Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.

If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal. (but don't give up on the plan too soon, maybe it just needs a tweak or a bit more time and determination [wink] )

deenl

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 771
Reply with quote  #88 
Oh, and another thing that only you guys can appreciate.

He has a butt again!

I keep catching sight of it, walking calmly to my room and doing the happy dance. I would feel weird telling some other people that I check my kids ass out but when it has only been skin and bone for a year that little pudgy bit of muscle makes me want to sing to the heavens!

And it keeps me motivated and knowing I am doing the right thing and I have to keep going, grinding away.

Stay strong,
D

__________________
Mother of 13yo son restricting but no body image issues; inpatient 6 wks Sept/Oct 2015 but lost weight! So emotionally destroyed they agreed to let him home to us. Stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery for Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid. Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. 

Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.

If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal. (but don't give up on the plan too soon, maybe it just needs a tweak or a bit more time and determination [wink] )

Torie

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 4,300
Reply with quote  #89 
Hi Deenl - So glad to hear your update!! Especially about the butt.

Keep up the good work - thinking of you. xx

-Torie

__________________
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
Mamaroo

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 77
Reply with quote  #90 
Hi Deenl

Thanks for the update and congrads on the great progress. I can so relate to the butt. Now that my D has gained some weight, it's great looking at her legs and not seeing those bony knees sticking out!

__________________
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for a year and WR at age 11. Challenging fear foods now.
Torie

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 4,300
Reply with quote  #91 
Quote:
Originally Posted by deenl
Now that we have a new set of laws trying to usurp us instead of supporting us, I find that I am anxious and shaking.

Well that takes the cake.  (Pun intended.)  I am so so so so sick of hearing about outsiders who think they know best, making this hero's work more difficult.

Good thing he has you and that you're up to the challenge.

You rock! xx

-Torie

__________________
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
mjkz

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,068
Reply with quote  #92 
Quote:
That's what we want too but he has not eaten outside of home/hospital for 18 months and I refuse to send him back even part time unless he maintains his intake (he will most likely need to increase it because of the extra activity) I want him to start going back to school but in our time and our way not just because the law says so.


While I can understand why you would feel the way you do, how long are you going to wait until you try eating in other places?  Maybe trying to send him back will help break out of where you are at now and actually help.  Does he think he is ready?
deenl

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 771
Reply with quote  #93 
Hi mjkz,

He will not talk about any difficult topics. What I do see is mixed signals that he needs to move on. He is bored sometimes at home but has massive anxiety when we take on challenges. So I do want to push him forward. He has always had very strong negative reactions to being thrown in at the deep end as it were. Anxiety, insomnia, retreating into himself, cutting himself off from loved ones and friends and acting rude and surly. Not really a recipe for successful transition back to school and not his usual character.

I want to use some laddered exposure therapy to get him where we need him to be. I think I just felt huge panic and a bit of flashback at the thoughts of someone without understanding pushing us too far, too fast and according to some standard timetable. But I have rallied myself and I am trying to use the opportunity but resist too much pressure that increases the chances of relapse. Basically trying to find that sweet spot that gives us the best progress.

Thanks for taking the time to reply,

D

__________________
Mother of 13yo son restricting but no body image issues; inpatient 6 wks Sept/Oct 2015 but lost weight! So emotionally destroyed they agreed to let him home to us. Stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery for Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid. Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. 

Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.

If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal. (but don't give up on the plan too soon, maybe it just needs a tweak or a bit more time and determination [wink] )

mjkz

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,068
Reply with quote  #94 
Quote:
I want to use some laddered exposure therapy to get him where we need him to be. I think I just felt huge panic and a bit of flashback at the thoughts of someone without understanding pushing us too far, too fast and according to some standard timetable.


I can understand that. Maybe though now is the time to start doing that.  If you can show that you have a plan to get him back full-time written out and the approach plus he is already doing a half day a week or whatever, you can stave off the regulation happy Dutch laws while moving ahead.

Quote:
Anxiety, insomnia, retreating into himself, cutting himself off from loved ones and friends and acting rude and surly.


I have that reaction to being pushed into things!!!  Change is not fun.  Have you been able to get him involved (I don't know the Dutch system so forgive me if these are dumb questions) in any kind of DBT or something that can help him cope with anxiety other than not eating?

I'm so glad you are back!!!  I worry when people disappear.
Torie

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 4,300
Reply with quote  #95 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mjkz
I'm so glad you are back!!!  I worry when people disappear.


Likewise. xx

-Torie

__________________
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
ed_newbie

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 256
Reply with quote  #96 
Me too. I miss deenl's posts.
__________________

"Lineage, personality and environment may shape you, but they do not define your full potential."    Mollie Marti  

ed_newbie

14 yr old d diagnosed with AN late December 2015 at the age of 12 after a 23 lb weight loss during prior 3 months. Started FBT/Maudsley at home on Christmas Eve with support from amazing local nutritionist specializing in ED and trained in FBT. WR Feb 2016 and now chasing growth and taking one meal at a time.
deenl

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 771
Reply with quote  #97 
Is it... could it be... the beginning of the end?

A few weeks ago, all of a sudden, some flexibility came back.

After a year of only eating kiwis twice a day for snacks, I 'forgot' to buy some and substituted grapes and there was no problem. Then apples, mandarins and bananas. The bananas are still difficult though.

Evening snack is also varied without too much moaning.

My relationship with him is much, much better as long as I don't poke the beast. And even when I do it' glowers and grunts for a few hours and then back to normal.

He is open to going back to school (in theory) for an hour here and there after being at home for 18 months.

He is due to have his height measured at the end of the month and if he has not taken a huge growth spurt then he should be about the right weight for height per MY calculations. But I think he has had that huge growth spurt - all but one pair of trousers are too short so I will be playing catch up again. But although it is a strain to make sure his weight keeps pace it is lovely to think that his body and brain are so sure of nutrition that growing feels safe.

There is still quite a way to go especially when he starts socialising and runs into difficult situations but I see light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks once again for all the support we have gotten along the way. We wouldn't be where we are without you all.

Warm wishes,
D

__________________
Mother of 13yo son restricting but no body image issues; inpatient 6 wks Sept/Oct 2015 but lost weight! So emotionally destroyed they agreed to let him home to us. Stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery for Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid. Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. 

Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.

If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal. (but don't give up on the plan too soon, maybe it just needs a tweak or a bit more time and determination [wink] )

Torie

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 4,300
Reply with quote  #98 
Wow wow wow!  So glad to read this happy report, deenl!  

He is so lucky to have you. xx

-Torie

__________________
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
Francie

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 172
Reply with quote  #99 
Congratulations, Deenl, such happy news. Look at where you and your son were and now where you and he are now. You are working a miracle. So happy for you, thanks for sharing your good news. XO
__________________

Francie

Sotired

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,887
Reply with quote  #100 
Gosh that's such great news deenl!you have had such patience and fortitude and I love that it's paying the best dividends to you ever-the joy of approaching a normal life again!hopefully those small changes in different fruit(big changes for us as parents though) lead to more changes as time goes on.i remember being so excited when smallboy would have two different choices for lunch, not just the same thing day after day.
Hopefully socialising gets easier-I actually did some role play work with middle d about what she could say in different,difficult situations.i also did some with smallboy.it just helped ease their anxiety-if your instincts are to freeze when confronted its good to have some solutions tucked away inside you.
You probably already do that,but just throwing it into the pot.i also give smallboy melatonin to help with sleep as the better he sleeps, the better he's set up for the next day.mykids are are all anxious and they all need different solutions.one needs meds,one just needs to have access to vent and the other needs meds, venting and to be taught appropriate ways of expressing anger or anxiety.he is finally able to tell the teacher when he doesn't understand something and can the teacher please help him.its a wonderful change.
Anyway, giant hugs to you hon, you are a warrior and a hero-don't you ever forget it[smile]


__________________
Sotired42
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

F.E.A.S.T. Families Empowered and Supporting Treatment of Eating Disorders
is a 501(c)3 charitable organization committed to maintaining the Around the Dinner Table forum as a FREE service for any caregiver of a loved-one with an eating disorder.

P.O. Box 1281 | Warrenton, VA 20188 USA

US +1 855-50-FEAST | Canada +1 647-247-1339 | Australia +61 731886675 | UK +443308280031 

This forum is sponsored by F.E.A.S.T., an organization of parents serving parents and caregivers of patients of all ages with anorexia, bulimia, and other eating disorders. Information and advice given on this forum does not necessarily represent the policy or opinion of F.E.A.S.T. or its volunteers and is meant to support, not replace, professional consultation.

F.E.A.S.T. is registered as a nonprofit organization under section 501(c)(3) of the United States Internal Revenue Code.

Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Community Rules | Forum Rules | F.E.A.S.T. Principles | YMadmin | WTadmin
Custom Search of F.E.A.S.T. and Forum Content: