Registered: 1435435970 Posts: 365
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D is 2 years into recovery, many pounds gained, mostly much better. Eating seems fine and normal, she asks for things and eats calorie-dense foods. A few months ago she had a few weeks where she pushed back on some snacks, but that seems ok again.
But lately I have seen the ED voice and face--that creepy, angry, distorted stuff--coming at me for around other things. Like not being willing to drive her someplace unsafe; or insisting on a curfew; or not watching Netflix on school nights. She also said the other day that she felt "fat" in her jeans. What is 'normal' and what is ED coming back?? I feel like I'm in a horror movie and the bad monster is around the corner. The audience is shrieking "Watch out!!" and I don't know if it is coming or not.
Registered: 1438737617 Posts: 1,518
Reply with quote #2
What is 'normal' and what is ED coming back??
Puberty and normal should never occur in the same sentence. My daughter did the same thing and still does at times. I've given up on trying to tell whether it is ED or not and just parent accordingly. With the ED, you need strong boundaries, to stick to them and to follow through with consequences. I just keep the same kind of tactics whenever I see the ED voice or face. Your daughter is testing the boundaries and needs to know that you will keep her safe whether she wants you too or not. Still scary as all get out but you can't parent from a stance of fear.
Registered: 1209507043 Posts: 2,668
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I don't recall how old your d is but generally when there is a return of any ED type behaviours in the teenage years that is an indication that there is probably growth going on and that more food is needed.
You say your d pushed back with snacks but is ok again now - I wonder if this is because she is not being fed as much as she actually needs? Are you still monitoring her weight? It would be worth checking her weight over the next couple of months - and I bet if you tried to increase her intake the ed monster would start to surface again. I suspect she is not being fed as much as she requires and this is leading to the ed type behaviours and faces It would be worth trying to make some increases and then see what happens. __________________ Believe you can and you're halfway there. Theodore Roosevelt.
Registered: 1452125195 Posts: 270
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We are about 15 months into recovery and having the same experience here!! Eating seems almost normal and weight above target but she's really pushing boundaries and anxiety is so high. Questionable judgement calls. Rebellious attitude. Taking risks. And as we push back and discipline her the voice is eerily reminiscent of refeeding tantrums. Starting to question if there are more serious co-morbid issues that need addressing at this point. But also wonder if I am over reacting and this is just teen drama? So hard to tease out what's really going on.
__________________ ed_newbie "Lineage, personality and environment may shape you, but they do not define your full potential." Mollie Marti 15 yr old d diagnosed with AN late December 2015 at the age of 12 after a 23 lb weight loss during prior 3 months. Started FBT/Maudsley at home on Christmas Eve with support from amazing local nutritionist specializing in ED and trained in FBT. WR Feb 2016 and pushing our way through puberty and rapid growth.
Registered: 1431767540 Posts: 1,960
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I found this too-that suddenly the ed voice was involved in everything for my d,not just meals,but outings,activities relationships-all while she was at a good weight too.it took time for that to fade as my d used it as a tool against us,but gradually it went away.it took longer than I thought it would though.
Registered: 1210867727 Posts: 5,573
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EC_mom, is her target weight going up as she ages? You've probably heard this before but weight needs to increase as these kids move into their 20s--organs mature, skin thickens, bones densify, etc. Maybe she is falling behind a bit and that's why you are seeing ED again?
Been awhile since I've spouted a cockamamie theory, but here goes: 95% of neurotypical people who lose weight will gain it back PLUS 5-10 lbs. Each time they lose weight! We make our kids behave like neurotypical people--we make them eat mechanically if they can't eat intuitively--because we know they need food to be healthy. But maybe after weight loss, even among people with ED, the body needs to gain some extra weight for brain repair. There aren't many treatment providers out there telling their patients to overshoot, so I don't have any facts to support this theory. But I've been on the forum long enough to know that parents are more willing to overshoort a short target and that many of them have seen great results. /cockamamietheory __________________ Colleen in the great Pacific Northwest, USA "What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease." Alexander Pope, 1688-1744
Registered: 1435435970 Posts: 365
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Thanks everyone. Good points, all. I started increasing the calorie intake, and then the behavior suddenly seems to have abated. Also told the FBT about it. I will keep you posted. It is just so scary to have the demonic face/voice suddenly present even when eating has been just fine.
P.S. Colleen--it is so great to see you back on this forum, you helped me many times (under another name).