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kangamum

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Reply with quote  #26 
Thanks for that advice, we are still determined to continue with feeding her up until she is well past her 'goal' weight.
Torie

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Reply with quote  #27 
Love your name, KangaMum!

You're doing so well to have brought your d's weight up - Yay for that!!  The sooner you can restore that missing 5 kg, the sooner things will get better for you both (and the rest of the family).  I do want to warn you, though, that many if not most here (raises hand) find that the "professionals" underestimate how much weight will be needed so please be aware that 5 kg may not be enough.  And in any case, it is normal and expected to gain a little weight each year through the young adult years - I remember bracing for backlash the first time I said that to my d, now that my d is herself a young adult, I'm grateful to have been encouraged to tell her that.

It sounds like you know this, but ED is sneaky sneaky sneaky.  The wise veterans here encouraged me to have D use the bathroom before each meal "so that you can stay with me for at least an hour afterwards."  As Tina says, we have to be on the lookout for hidden weights and water loading and other tricks that make the weight look higher than it is.  Ugh ugh ugh ... my d was so honest before ED.  (And she is again honest.)

It's a tough journey, but you will get your d back.  Keep swimming. xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
Mamaroo

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Reply with quote  #28 
Hi Kangamum

I am happy to hear she will be getting some anti-depressants. I hope it will help with the anxiety and make eating easier. You will know when she has regained her weight when her state is better. She still needs to gain 1-2kg in any case. Run away when the experts say she just needs to maintain her weight. Here is a video from Janet Treasure:


Lots of best wishes!

__________________
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for a year and WR at age 11 in March 2017. She is back to her old happy self and can eat anything put in front of her. Now working on intuitive eating.
kangamum

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Reply with quote  #29 
Ever onward and upward! Thanks for all the support, such a comfort knowing that there are so many wise women warriors out in the wide world looking out for each other. You all rock!
teecee

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Reply with quote  #30 
Hi kangamum
Just wondering how you are getting on. Hopefully still moving forward
Teecee x
kangamum

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Reply with quote  #31 
Hi Teecee,

Can't tell you how much it means to me that you have 'followed me up' so to speak. I'm not quite as demoralised this week, weigh-in due this afternoon so will see what transpires after that. H is still not able to stand by my side in the trenches, but he has started to offer to help with ancillary things which is an improvement. I am a bit more understanding of him now, and feel I am getting a bit less hostile towards him. Which is obviously a good thing!

D has developed a sudden long list of food dislikes, things she previously enjoyed, so many that I frequently stumped as to what to feed her. I told H that this weekend we will be tackling these foods, wondering if it's best to do them slowly one by one, or just dive in the more the merrier. I suspect this is happening because she is getting closer to WR, and the ED is flaring up. If restricting is not an option, then some new rules might be just the ticket!

I have read some threads on fear foods and there doesn't seem to be a clear consensus on the how, just that it's the right thing to do....

Sending you a hug
xxx
needhelp

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Reply with quote  #32 
Hi Kangamum - I'm so glad to hear you are doing better : )  We all know the wonder of positive baby steps, and how much they can alleviate some of the grief, bewilderment, and sorrow ED can bring to a family.  My H also didn't understand.  As I am an information junkie (when I want or need to learn about something) - I found myself outlining books and articles so I could learn - and he could digest the abridged version.  It helped him better understand some of ED - but also to know that his place to help would be more driving to the store, driving to college, cooking (which is good, because I can't!!) - and I handled more of the direct interactions - as well as finding appropriate programs/therapists, etc. I found it helpful to point out the baby step victories, because he didn't usually see them - but could acknowledge them if I brought them to his attention and compared a behavior to a previous one he had witnessed (or heard me talk about).  Not sure if you have other children in the house.  For us it has been really important to find "our places" in this battle, in an attempt to provide as normal an atmosphere as possible - especially to avoid fear.  Older sister, very understanding, younger sister frightened.

It's interesting that although we are from all parts of the globe, we share such similar experiences.  We are united in our victories - which include feeling supported - so glad we are all here to support you -- we all understand that feeling, and it truly does help : )

Sending hugs to a mum who seems to be an ED Warrior!!! Those fear foods don't have a chance!!
Mamaroo

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Reply with quote  #33 
Hi Kangamum

I hope the weigh in went well this afternoon. When we went for a weigh in either she cried on our way home, or I did [wink]. As she got better, the weight gain didn't bother her so much, she just got upset that she was missing school.

My d was refed on ensures for months, so all food was fear food. When her weight gain plateaued, a muesli bar was added. I took 3 muesli bars to the hospital to have with our care coordinator (an absolute angel). We all ate them together. Later on we added a cheese muffin and cheese with crackers.

Then we needed to replace the ensures. We started with a ham and cheese sandwich, which I made 3 off and took to the hospital. She refused to have a bite, stating she is now vegan. I reminded her that she was already having cheese, so she is not in fact vegan. A compromised was made that she would have a cheese sandwich and she took a small (minuscule) bite of the sandwich. The following week she had 1/4 sandwich, followed by a 1/2 and then 3/4 and finally she could eat a whole cheese sandwich. Everyday during those time I would give her the 1/4 or 1/2 or 3/4 sandwich as we had with our care coordinator. The next time she got a ham and cheese sandwich as was able to et it. So this is the very slow approach on fear food.

As my d got used to eat proper food again, introducing fear food got easier. To get her to eat ice cream, I started with yogurt, then frozen yoghurt, followed by frozen yogurt which looked like ice cream and the finally ice cream.

The more she was exposed to fear food, the less effort we needed to tick off the rest of the list. Where it would take a month to get her to eat one of her fear food, by the time she was WR, she would eat a donut whenever the rest of us was having it. It just wasn't an issue any more. We needed to expose the fear food several times before it could come off the list, so persist, even if she only looks at it first and then just takes a small bite.

In your case I would start with one fear food at a time. Tell her that you are serving this, because it was all you had in the fridge or that it was on special (my favourite as I always buy specials). Serve it to everybody so that she can see it is normal to eat that particular fear food. My d didn't use to eat battered fish. So the first time I let it slide, but the next time I told her to look around her and that everybody was eating the batter part as well and that I would need to give her an ensure if she didn't finish the whole meal. As we were in a restaurant I couldn't risk making a scene. So she ate it!

Best wishes!!!!!



__________________
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for a year and WR at age 11 in March 2017. She is back to her old happy self and can eat anything put in front of her. Now working on intuitive eating.
kangamum

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Reply with quote  #34 
Mamaroo, love the specials excuse, I will pinch that if that's ok 😄

What a relief, today's weigh-in went well with a 1000gm (sounds more this way) gain. So all the hours of vigilance and worry get a reward on a small black dial beneath her feet. And I get a glass of champagne with dinner woohoo!

But...doc thinks she might have Glandular fever (think it's called mono in the US?). Blood test tomorrow and results Friday. 16th birthday Saturday and big plans for day out with friends. Sleepover, the works. Which won't happen if results are positive.....

Taking it a day at a time and crossing fingers and toes, poor kid.
teecee

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Posts: 68
Reply with quote  #35 
Hi kangamum I’m glad you’re feeling better and things certainly seem like they’re steadily moving forwards. My experience was that once we tackled a couple of fear foods the fears for the remaining foods melted away a lot quicker.
The weight increase is something to celebrate well done.
Day at a time/it’s a marathon not a sprint/keep swimming 😁 ...love those sayings! Xx
Mamaroo

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Reply with quote  #36 
Quote:
Originally Posted by kangamum
Mamaroo, love the specials excuse, I will pinch that if that's ok 😄

What a relief, today's weigh-in went well with a 1000gm (sounds more this way) gain. So all the hours of vigilance and worry get a reward on a small black dial beneath her feet. And I get a glass of champagne with dinner woohoo!


That's wonderful news!!!! Sending you a huge high 5

__________________
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for a year and WR at age 11 in March 2017. She is back to her old happy self and can eat anything put in front of her. Now working on intuitive eating.
tina72

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Posts: 1,047
Reply with quote  #37 
Hi kangmum,
that is great, congratulations!
[thumb]
ED:0 knagamum:1
You will win that war!!!
Tina72
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