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toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #26 

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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #27 
http://canped.ca/
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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #28 
This illness is very serious and is a very steep learning curve. The illness has the same mortality rate as childhood cancer, and it has the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. 
I strongly recommend the following books to start with.
Skills based learning for caring for a loved one with anorexia, by Janet Treasure.
Help your teenager beat an eating disorder by locke and le Grange.
Eva Musby - Anorexia and other eating disorders.
Throwing starfish across the sea.- Laura Collins.
Brave girl eating by Harriet Brown.
My Kid is back by June Alexander.
Eating with your anorexic - Laura Collins.

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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #29 

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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #30 

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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #31 

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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
EC_Mom

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Reply with quote  #32 
YES to lunches with her. She has shown that the ED is not allowing her to eat and that she needs you there to require her to eat. I did this for several months. Mamabear on here did it for years. You need to show ED that you mean business, that there will be no holes. If there have been holes that you are plugging and she objects, you can say, "I've learned a lot and now know better how to support your eating."

I hope the professional help is good. Many of us on here have had at least one or some bad experiences with professional help. ED is just not something a lot of practitioners--even so-called 'experts'--understand. Be sure to treat your professional help as YOUR adviser, and you are the last word (esp. if one of them says something stupid like, "Don't try to control your daughter's eating.")
tina72

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Reply with quote  #33 
Hi pettely,
if you are in Denmark you are very lucky because there are only a handful of FBT therapists in Europe and one is in Aarhus!
http://maudsleyparents.org/providerlist.html#GERMANY
https://www.talkingworks.dk/
So if I were you and not toooo far from Aarhus I would call her ASAP!
I think she does skype, too. She is Australian and I think she only speaks english but that is your least problem, we have done a lot of holidays in beautiful denmark (I really LOVE your country) and everybody spoke english there.
So: See your doctor to check her heart and blood. Don´t believe him/her if she tells you that this is normal puberty or going back on his own or not dangerous.
A lot of doctors don´t know anything about Anorexia, thats the truth and we nearly lost our d because of bad advices even from doctors.
Get the best help you can get with FBT! Our d made great progress since we started that.
Tina72
pettelly

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Reply with quote  #34 
Unfortunately we're nowhere near Aarhus - we're in Copenhagen. 

We spoke with the school who gave us a list of therapists they have worked with (and who will work together with the school). We have an appointment with one on Wednesday. We'll have to pay out of pocket because we can only see our GP to get a referral on Friday but I'd rather pay and  get hlp than wait. 

Kali

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Reply with quote  #35 
Hej Pettelly,

There have been a couple of other Danish families who have posted here, in case you want to take a look:

One parent is named E28

https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/long-needed-update-6530426?pid=1282050791#gsc.tab=0

and another, Christian

https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/recovery-story-8515827?highlight=christian&pid=1295776436#gsc.tab=0

They have both posted recovery stories and their children seem to be doing well.

hilsener,

Kali

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pettelly

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Reply with quote  #36 
We seem to have got really bad really quickly.

She had a smoothie yesterday morning without too much fuss and then went on a school trip. Her packed lunch was no great shakes: sandwich with cream cheese, grapes and pistachios. And she shared the pistachios with her friends (i.e. didn't eat them). She had a decent dinner but normal-sized. So I insisted she have a smoothie after. Of course she's on to me now that the smoothies are for weight gain and we had a 2 hour stand-off until she agreed to drink it. She was furious!! Partly because I put peanut butter in and she could taste it. 

I also saw a post-it note on her desk which had at the top '900 cals per day' with her food detailed below so clearly that's what she's been restricting at (and fits perfectly with her weight loss over the last month). She grabbed it and ripped it up as soon as she saw me looking.

Then, after drinking the smoothie, she sobbed and sobbed, it was heart-breaking, but she wouldn't let me comfort her, called me evil, a witch etc. Husband (not quite as evil as he did not make smoothie) held her hand until she eventually fell asleep.

This morning was even worse. I made her a smoothie and insisted she drink it. We had an epic tantrum with her even taking cleaning fluid and saying she would drink it. We were really close to taking her to hospital. She did eventually calm down but we couldn't send her to school in such a state so she stayed home with husband (who thankfully is self employed and totally flexible). We have an urgent appointment with GP today.

What a nightmare. And this is just the beginning?! It'll get worse?? I can't get my head around at how bad this is getting and how quickly we're going downhill. 


Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #37 
You are doing an amazing job to get things started. More to the point you are getting things going in. That is a great start. She will initially feel distressed at increased intake and she will also  feel distressed about gaining weight. That is par for the course. The resistance is to be expected, but the fact that she does it with your insistence is great. Unfortunately initially she/her eating disorder will be angry at you for making her gain weight, but it is the best treatment we have so far for malnutrition and it saves lives.  
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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
pettelly

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Reply with quote  #38 
Thank you, this is the reassurance I need. 

At what point DO you take suicide threats seriously? I don't think she means it, she's just furious, but she's 13 and doesn't have adult judgement. 
deenl

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Reply with quote  #39 
Hi,

Personally I always took a better safe than sorry approach to suicidality. My son was 12 when he got ill. He got as far as having plans and letters written.

He, too, lost the plot once we realised and challenged the ED. We couldn’t get him started on refeeding at home so you are doing great, believe it or not. For many there are a couple of weeks where all hell breaks lose but it settles down as they realise that come what may they have to eat.

Just watch that your daughter doesn't water load (drink lots of water) before you go to the doctor. Or hide weights in clothing or underwear. Our kids are terrified inside and are desperate to avoid weight gain and refeeding. Desperate people do desperate things. Even though they have a history of being really honest. We always joked that our son couldn't lie, you could read it on his face! Until he was so sick.

Best of luck at the doctors and keep asking anything you need. There is a huge learning curve and a good bit of trial and error to discover exactly what helps your daughter get well.

Warm wishes

D

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2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, tons of variety in food, stepping back into social life. Sept 2017, back to school full time for the first time in 2 years. Happy and relaxed, just usual non ED hassles. 

  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal. (but don't give up on the plan too soon, maybe it just needs a tweak or a bit more time and determination [wink] )
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
Kali

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Reply with quote  #40 
Hi Pettelly,

You are doing all of the right things in this situation. You are reaching out for help and advice, you are requiring your daughter to eat, and you are setting up professional help. You also live in a country with excellent medical care. The fact that your husband works at home and you are a ten-minute ride away from your daughter's school also works well in your favor for refeeding. The fact that you have been able to get your daughter to eat is an excellent sign.

Your daughter seems a similar height to mine, and her weight similar to when we first discovered that she was ill. She needed 3700 calories a day to gain 2.5 lbs (1.13 kg) a week. A maintenance diet when she is weight restored is around 2500 calories a day.

If your daughter is threatening to harm herself, in your situation, I would take all the cleaning materials, any sharps or razors, and any pills, and put them in a place where she cannot access them. And I would mention it to the dr. and not leave her alone at home.

And lastly, please take a deep breath...and another. Eating disorders are treatable illnesses and remission is possible.

Kali

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Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #41 
Unfortunately yes you do have to take the suicide threats seriously. Around half of deaths from eating disorders are via suicide. My daughter made a number of suicide attempts at around 13 -14 and remained intensely suicidal for some time afterwards. That being said a lot of the distress and some of the threats comes from the intense emotions around eating rather than a genuine desire to die. If your D is making threats it just means she needs to be evaluated even more quickly. 

Food is an essential treatment. If there are threats to self or others then that becomes a further level of safety that needs to be obtained. Keep her close while you work on getting things sorted. 

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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
pettelly

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Reply with quote  #42 
It was because she was threatening suicide that I was thinking of taking her to the hospital. The appointment at the GP today was a disaster. They referred us to a drug abuse clinic and didn't even examine her - the receptionist gave us the referral (which she could have done over the phone!) [mad]. They're pretty crappy doctors anyhow so I made an appointment wiht another doctor who has always been really good and attentive. Hopefully he'll actually examine her and refer her to the right place! 
pettelly

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Reply with quote  #43 
Thank you for these messages. I feel like we've fallen down the rabbit hole and entered a bizarre new world where black is white and day is night. It's hard to believe we're in a good place comparatively as I dread to think that this could be worse but I see that this is actually the case. 
Kali

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Reply with quote  #44 
Pettelly,

Sorry the dr. appointment was not helpful.

Many of us have found that we needed to find MD's who have training in the treatment of eating disorders. I got that info by calling around, asking around and looking online.

Sometimes eating disorder therapists will also know which doctors are helpful. You are doing the right thing, keep trying until you find the right team.

Kali

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pettelly

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Reply with quote  #45 
This was just the GP to do an initial assessment and to get a referral. But those docs have always been bad so no surprises. We'll go to the nice one tomorrow. 

We know she gave away the pistachios because she told us. From what I've read, deception and deceit is part of this illness and I'm expecting it to come but she's probably not quite appreciating how determined we are to get her weight up so is being happily honest with us.
Torie

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Reply with quote  #46 
Pettely, I'm so freaking proud of you, I don't even know what to say!!!  So great that you are being successful in requiring the smoothies!!  Yay yay yay!! You are doing what you need to do to stamp out this vile illness, and you will get your d back.

Please remember that it DOES get better.  Really.  xx

-Torie
 

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Torie

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Reply with quote  #47 
Forgot to say, one question and one answer:

Like so many here (raises hand), you will need to lock up all sharps, medications, ropes, etc.  We can't 100% keep them safe, but we can at least remove the temptation of seeing those things all the time.

And, how do you know your d gave away the pistachios?  It's best if you or your h can be there to supervise every meal and every snack because if you don't see her eat it, she likely didn't.  And even if you DO see her eat it, well, they suddenly become magicians at disappearing stuff into sleeves, hoods, bras, waistbands, dog's mouths, potted plants, toilets, you name it.  (The list of creative hiding places that have been reported here is much longer than that.) 

Hang in there - you're doing great! xx

-Torie
 

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
tina72

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Reply with quote  #48 
Hi pettely,
take a deep breath and don´t give up hope. You are doing great and you are doing the right thing. Nobody said it is easy [wink]. The beginning is the hardest because your d´s ED is seeing that there is an enemy: you. Its quite normal that she gets a lot of stress now because you are fighting the ED. She will call you a lot of bad things. The will hit you and throw things (especially plates). But the best thing is: it will get less with every day and she will not know that she did all that and what she called you later. Its not your d, its ED speaking and throwing. Try to devide that, even if its hard. Try to fake confidence if you don´t have it at the moment. Try to love her even if you think you do not know this kid. It is not your d. She is occupid by this terrible illness.
You did a really good job by getting her to eat on your own, a lot of us (me included) needed some IP to get started. And that was the worst time of our life. If you learn how to get her to eat (and that is different for every patient) you will get more hope. You will see what works and what not soon. Ask, ask, ask. It helped us a lot to have all these wonderful people here on our side and in our team. We are a great and big armee against ED!!!

A lot of us had to deal with suicidal thoughts. Its quite difficult to say if its only words spoken or real plans. Try to keep her as save as you can at home. Take away everything that possibly can hurt her. Take away her room door key (we forgot that). Think about closing her window with a key. Keep the house locked so that she cannot run on the street. It sounds strange now but all that could happen. ED has a lot of ugly faces...
Think about getting her out of school for some weeks. She would not have the power to learn anything anyway right now. She is so young and she can get that school stuff later. My d wasn´t in school for 3 months and she finished the year with no problems. Don´t be afraid of that. You will need all your power to make her eat.
She will do anything to avoid eating at the beginning. Try to make it easier for her by serving some "safe" food. Food that she knows and that she normally likes. Try to add canola oil to the smoothies, it doesn´t taste and smell at all. Make fruit/vegetable smoothies with up to 100 ml oil for 400 ml fruit. That looks and smells "healthy" and she will drink it more easy than an ice-cream-smoothie.
It´s a pity that the doctors appointement was bad, but a lot of us experienced that. Try to get another one and ask at the telephone wether somebody there knows anything about ED. After a while you will split scatter of weat.
If you are in Copenhagen think about contacting Kelly Pacheco by skype. She may be able to give you some adresses in Sealand. To get the wrong help takes too much time for you now.
It is a totally different world. We were all shocked when it hit us. But so is cancer. If you get breast cancer your hole world breaks together, too. But the good news is: as with all the other bad and mortal diseases, there is hope. And the medicine here is quite simple: its just food. You "just" need to get that food back into her. The beginning is hard, but as ED sees that you are fighting it it will leave your house one tiny step after the other. There is a life after ED.
Keep on going!
Tina72
pettelly

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Reply with quote  #49 
What's IP?
bewell

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Reply with quote  #50 
Hi pettelly. You've got such a good advise. My daughter was about the same age as yours when diagnosed. We found out she has anorexia last October and could only start real refeeding last February. We had some ineffective therapy at first (weekly talk sessions), trying to make her eat more, but that didn't work. Then I found FBT therapist (who helps parents with education on how to do refeeding)and we started real refeeding at home. I knew I needed to stay calm and confident, but a lot of times couldn't even fake it. But it still worked. The main thing for us was to be consistent that if we put the food in front of her, we wouldn't stop until the food was eaten, no matter what it took. It seems that you are doing it already, so you are doing the right thing. And of course daily shakes, they were the main thing that was helping with the weight gain as all the other meals were normal size( the same as ours and her brother's). We supervised all the school snacks and lunches and by July she gained 20lb, which brought her to normal weight. We are still only in the beginning of this road, but at least out of medical danger and our daughter is in a much better place emotionally. I understand how you feel right now, but hang in there, feed her, take turns with your husband, and it will get better. Oh, and try not to reason wirh her when she is not herself, it will only make things worse.


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