User’s Guide | Rules | Contact a Moderator | Registration or Login Problems? | Eating Disorders Learning Center | F.E.A.S.T.



Custom Search of F.E.A.S.T. and Forum Content:
Register Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment   Page 3 of 3      Prev   1   2   3
Seabird

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 210
Reply with quote  #51 
Hello everyone, it's been a while..


Those of you familiar with our story will I'm sure forgive me for time out to recover from the trauma.  

I attended the At Home With Eating Disorders Conference in Melbourne earlier this year which was a good starting point for my own recovery. 

There were many times during my son's illness that I truly did not know if he could recover.  Watching my only child suffer months of the whole realm of ED impacts, was torture.   Knowing that I only had a small window of time to fully fight on his behalf, before he entered the adult mental health system, meant that I focused entirely on his recovery over that period.    

Other parts of my life around me, including other relationships with friends and family, were put on hold and suffered.  

I am going to cut to the good part here, because I spent enough time last year writing about the ED warzone. 

My son hasn't fully recovered, however when I walked out of the Melbourne conference and flew back to NZ in May, it was with a solid kernel of hope in my heart.  I just knew by then, that there was hope for my son, despite all the challenges.   I knew I could trust my gut feeling about that, despite everything.   

Life doesn't always shower the support people need upon them at the time it is needed.  How much stronger are we than we ever possibly could have imagined?  
Using the knowledge and support gained from the experiences of others and access to research and resources, it is possible to turn things around, even faced with uncooperative people and your typical ED sufferer who refuses to ask for help and doesn't want to make use of the help that could be available.

So, here are our milestones this year -

For his 18th birthday we had dinner at a cafe, which we both enjoyed.   

He decided to go vegan but agreed to see his GP, the outpatient dietician and take B12 supplements.  

He has completed his school final year, after massive disruption last year, and gained a qualification that will enable him to attend tertiary studies if he wishes to in the future. 

He still lives with his dad full time as it is conveniently located and he doesn't have to deal with the stress of moving between homes.  He is on good terms with both his parents.

I personally delivered his food shopping every week for most of the year, based on a shopping list with standard items from his meal plan, so it was easy for him to have the food there without having the stress of having to get it;  he would discuss the shopping list quite comfortably.  

One day I baked some vegan cookies and took them around - he immediately grabbed one and ate it right up just like that.  He enjoys food to some extent again, although it's not overt he will make comments about preferences, flavours etc. 

Just recently I've started giving him a food allowance instead so that he can buy 75% of his food, I still buy some standard items

We regularly catch up for a chat, go out to cafes, go for walks, the library or shopping.   It's an hour's drive each way for me so it's a big time commitment to do the shopping and spend the time with him, but I know he appreciates and needs my support.

Instead of all the destructive behaviours we saw last year, he is doing what we decided was important which is to try to find hobbies and pastimes that he enjoys so that he can start to feel something positive, some happiness, reward of doing something or creating something.   He's doing a lot of music (playing, writing) and a bit of art, which has blown most of us out of the water it is so good.   He reads a fair bit and has read about other people's struggles with mental illness.  

The exercise compulsion and the self harm just faded away.   Gone.

He got himself a part time cleaning job a couple of months ago, which doesn't involve fronting up to a lot of people, something he struggles with. He's enjoying the job and it's a huge boon to his confidence. And it pays! 

I mainly just try to take him out and about into the normal world and be sociable and have fun with him.  We play with the dog.  I got some chickens and a hen house at home and he came to visit me out in the country.  

I still go through the phases I am now accustomed to, of worry, and relief once I spend time with him knowing he is fine for another week.   He's mainly in a good mood when we catch up but if he is a bit stressed, I've learnt to just back away and give him a few minutes and he will normally explain what is bugging him.   A little distraction usually works wonders and he's smiling and chatting again.   

I am back at work full time this year, am able to reconnect with my own life and slowly but surely get things back on track for me and the other people in my life who have been missing out or suffered the full impact of my son's ED.    I feel a lot older.  

My son is living life now to some extent on his own terms and as a young adult, he is undoubtedly taking better care of himself than a lot of 18 year old boys and seems to have come a long way to accepting himself and who he is, and to start to explore and enjoy his talents and obsess less about things.  Both his weight and "state" seem to be pretty stable.  After Christmas we will start him reducing his medication dose very slowly, and see how that goes.  

So, a year of welcome recovery after the storm.    

Young people have boundless potential to recover from illness, which seems a miracle in itself.  









 











__________________
Mother of 18 y.o. boy diagnosed April-May 2014 with RAN, exercise compulsion, anxiety, depression & SH, FBT 4-5 mths to WR, WR since Sep-Oct 2014; suicide attempt 4-6 wks after WR,  IP 4 weeks, back to school full time 2015 and now completed school, still in recovery.   

When your last bow is broken and your last arrow spent, then shoot, shoot with your whole heart
 [Zen saying}
Psycho_Mom

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,849
Reply with quote  #52 
Hi All,

This is a big day for me. I'm posting our Story of Hope.

Two and a half years ago our 15 year old d, our only child, the most important person who has ever come into my life, was diagnosed with a restrictive eating disorder. She's now in what I can only call, (with a smile big enough to last the rest of our lives) remission.

Whew. It was a journey through hell, and there are many things we will still be doing to try and make sure that we never go through it again. But she now behaves in a completely normal way about food and eating and weight and anxiety etc: she eats and maintains her weight independently, she has no food restrictions, she expresses enjoyment about some foods. Her body dysmorphia is long gone; she's a beautiful muscular slender young woman and she knows it. While she tends towards introversion, the crippling social anxiety is gone. She has distanced herself from friends she didn't really like, is confident enough to know and choose what she does and with whom she does it based on her own preferences, and is capable and sometimes even enjoys leadership roles. While she still cares very much about being an excellent student, the intense academic perfectionism is also gone--just yesterday she finished a paper and said, "Hmmph. It's not great, but I'm tired and it's good enough," and went to watch TV! She plays team sports, but is also capable of sleeping in until noon and watching TV all day, in a perfectly normal teenage way.

2 1/2 years ago, her BMI was 17.something and she was bradycardic and starting to have heart arrhythmias and panic attacks. We narrowly avoided hospitalization, mainly because I found this site right away. (Also because we had a really good pediatrician and a really good therapist.) The idea of Magic Plate, of requiring the sufferer to eat so that she could regain weight as quickly as possible, immediately made sense to me, and FBT made sense for our family. I had read that quicker wr was the best predictor of recovery, and people, I was in a complete and utter PANIC to get her better asap.

There are times when terror has its uses. That's why we get to feel it, I guess. Those first months, I couldn't sleep at night, thinking that my d was in the next room and her brain was starving and her heart was slowing. I dropped everything else, I couldn't and didn't focus on anything else. I stopped working, we stopped d's sports, we stopped socializing. I shopped and cooked and researched and drove around meeting d with snacks and meals, so that she could maintain some kind of life while still having 3 meals 3 snacks. MY h worked long hours and took care of everything else including earning all the money, the breaking-down cars, telling me regularly that I was doing the right thing, and taking care of the new dog, who added much-needed wiggly fun to our family. But mostly of course, in those early months, I followed my d around with a plate, enduring screaming and hitting and swearing and arguing and negotiating and thrown pancakes and all that, and repeating endlessly "This is your meal, and nothing else will happen until you finish it".

She gained two pounds a week and was basically wr in 3 months. But she hated me, and she still had daily ed fits, and she still thought she was fat, and meals were still rotten times, and she still thought if she didn't get straight A's everyone would think she was dumb, and weekly weigh ins were still the WORST. I often came on this site and whined, and asked, is she EVER going to get a clue?

For our d, there was no magic moment, no light switch going on, no aha. Or perhaps, there was a string of teeny, tiny moments of learning, all possible because she was at a good weight and because I worked hard to keep her there. I served and monitored all meals and snacks, and served high-cal foods and daily super-smoothies, for nearly two years. She missed school trips, she went to parties but not overnights, she did activities in 3 hour increments, she sat out a sports season. She was never, ever, ever allowed to miss a meal. Lots of people, including me, thought maybe I was psycho. As she showed ability, d gradually was allowed to serve herself meals and snacks, closely monitored. D continued individual therapy for over a year, and we did family DBT skills class, and I did a ton of research and talked to d whenever I had an opportunity about the nature of eds.  Exposure therapy to feared foods took over a year and a half of gradual, consistent reintroduction of foods. I also did exposure therapy with her to address academic perfectionism and social anxiety. 

IF that sounds like a lot of work, let me tell you, I think my job was easy, compared to my d's. She had to endure it all. The physical pain, the surreal confusion, the nightmarish trauma that I know ed inflicts and that I also know I will never understand, the fear that she would never have a normal life, and most of all the intense shame at the pain her behavior was causing us. Sometimes she'd scream bloody murder at a meal, and then hold her head and ask, "What is HAPPENING to me?" It took a long, long time and a lot of repetition and a lot of FOOD for her to accept that the illness caused her behavior, and that she was not responsible for it. (But she is now responsible for staying healthy.) In other words, to separate the illness from her self. Now, she looks back with horror at ed, and never, ever wants to go there again.

Despite how hard ed sometimes made her fight, she was always highly motivated to get better, to please us (her parents), and to go to college (we always made clear that she certainly wouldn't be going until she was well enough) and to be "normal." In her perception, we made her eat and she didn't have any choice about it. But I can only admire and be proud of her, because I have seen her curled in a ball hyperventilating from terror when faced with a piece of chocolate, convinced that she would die, or suffer agonies worse than death. And I have seen her eat the chocolate anyway. No matter how irrational, there is nothing braver than that.


If you are reading this, it is because someone dear to you suffers from an eating disorder. I am sorry. There are few things worse. I have never cried so hard or been so scared or seriously frightened myself with my own anger or drunk so much alcohol. My h is the calmest most sensible man I know, and this illness once made him rave. We had been married 27 years when our d got sick--and you don't last 27 years without a lot of water under the bridge--but dealing with a child with mental illness tested our marriage in ways we could never have imagined. We also lost friends and family and opportunities and good china, and I have never, ever, felt so alone.

We survived. We learned some things. Some priorities are permanently changed. Best of all, our d is happily applying to colleges and going to Spain in the spring, and her room is a total mess, and she doesn't have a 4.0 and she's OK with that, and she and I talk and laugh and discuss current events, and she wants spaghetti carbonara for dinner!

Please know that with aggressive, compassionate care, and a long jaunt through hell, and lots and lots of FOOD, and the support and wisdom of the people on this site, your loved one can get to full remission and live a healthy, happy, normal life!

That sentence needs more exclamations!!!!!

!!!!!

best wishes,











__________________
D diagnosed with EDNOS May 2013 at age 15, refed at home Aug 2013, since then symptoms gradually lessened and we retaught her how to feed and care for herself, including individual therapy, family skills DBT class, SSRI medication and relapse-prevention strategies. Anxiety was pre-existing and I believe she was sporadically restricting since about age 9. She now eats and behaves like any normal older teen, and is enjoying school, friends, sports, music and thinking about the future.
Doitagain

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 498
Reply with quote  #53 
Thank you for posting this - it's just wonderful to read and your story will keep people going, including mex
Jax1

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 40
Reply with quote  #54 
Well done! A hard won success against a terrible illness xxxx
ed_newbie

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 256
Reply with quote  #55 
Psycho_Mom, Thank you for sharing your story (lots of exclamations!!!) [smile]
__________________

"Lineage, personality and environment may shape you, but they do not define your full potential."    Mollie Marti  

ed_newbie

14 yr old d diagnosed with AN late December 2015 at the age of 12 after a 23 lb weight loss during prior 3 months. Started FBT/Maudsley at home on Christmas Eve with support from amazing local nutritionist specializing in ED and trained in FBT. WR Feb 2016 and now chasing growth and taking one meal at a time.
paigeseeks

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 8
Reply with quote  #56 
Thank u. I too am in a total panic and not ignoring the situation as we start this journey. Each situation is a little different but I am taking everyone's input to get thru and get help as soon as possible. I have to learn what all the abbreviations on this website are and magic plate etc is fbt too. Thank u for giving ur story of hope
hateed

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 3
Reply with quote  #57 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Psycho_Mom
Hi All,

This is a big day for me. I'm posting our Story of Hope.

Two and a half years ago our 15 year old d, our only child, the most important person who has ever come into my life, was diagnosed with a restrictive eating disorder. She's now in what I can only call, (with a smile big enough to last the rest of our lives) remission.

Whew. It was a journey through hell, and there are many things we will still be doing to try and make sure that we never go through it again. But she now behaves in a completely normal way about food and eating and weight and anxiety etc: she eats and maintains her weight independently, she has no food restrictions, she expresses enjoyment about some foods. Her body dysmorphia is long gone; she's a beautiful muscular slender young woman and she knows it. While she tends towards introversion, the crippling social anxiety is gone. She has distanced herself from friends she didn't really like, is confident enough to know and choose what she does and with whom she does it based on her own preferences, and is capable and sometimes even enjoys leadership roles. While she still cares very much about being an excellent student, the intense academic perfectionism is also gone--just yesterday she finished a paper and said, "Hmmph. It's not great, but I'm tired and it's good enough," and went to watch TV! She plays team sports, but is also capable of sleeping in until noon and watching TV all day, in a perfectly normal teenage way.

2 1/2 years ago, her BMI was 17.something and she was bradycardic and starting to have heart arrhythmias and panic attacks. We narrowly avoided hospitalization, mainly because I found this site right away. (Also because we had a really good pediatrician and a really good therapist.) The idea of Magic Plate, of requiring the sufferer to eat so that she could regain weight as quickly as possible, immediately made sense to me, and FBT made sense for our family. I had read that quicker wr was the best predictor of recovery, and people, I was in a complete and utter PANIC to get her better asap.

There are times when terror has its uses. That's why we get to feel it, I guess. Those first months, I couldn't sleep at night, thinking that my d was in the next room and her brain was starving and her heart was slowing. I dropped everything else, I couldn't and didn't focus on anything else. I stopped working, we stopped d's sports, we stopped socializing. I shopped and cooked and researched and drove around meeting d with snacks and meals, so that she could maintain some kind of life while still having 3 meals 3 snacks. MY h worked long hours and took care of everything else including earning all the money, the breaking-down cars, telling me regularly that I was doing the right thing, and taking care of the new dog, who added much-needed wiggly fun to our family. But mostly of course, in those early months, I followed my d around with a plate, enduring screaming and hitting and swearing and arguing and negotiating and thrown pancakes and all that, and repeating endlessly "This is your meal, and nothing else will happen until you finish it".

She gained two pounds a week and was basically wr in 3 months. But she hated me, and she still had daily ed fits, and she still thought she was fat, and meals were still rotten times, and she still thought if she didn't get straight A's everyone would think she was dumb, and weekly weigh ins were still the WORST. I often came on this site and whined, and asked, is she EVER going to get a clue?

For our d, there was no magic moment, no light switch going on, no aha. Or perhaps, there was a string of teeny, tiny moments of learning, all possible because she was at a good weight and because I worked hard to keep her there. I served and monitored all meals and snacks, and served high-cal foods and daily super-smoothies, for nearly two years. She missed school trips, she went to parties but not overnights, she did activities in 3 hour increments, she sat out a sports season. She was never, ever, ever allowed to miss a meal. Lots of people, including me, thought maybe I was psycho. As she showed ability, d gradually was allowed to serve herself meals and snacks, closely monitored. D continued individual therapy for over a year, and we did family DBT skills class, and I did a ton of research and talked to d whenever I had an opportunity about the nature of eds.  Exposure therapy to feared foods took over a year and a half of gradual, consistent reintroduction of foods. I also did exposure therapy with her to address academic perfectionism and social anxiety. 

IF that sounds like a lot of work, let me tell you, I think my job was easy, compared to my d's. She had to endure it all. The physical pain, the surreal confusion, the nightmarish trauma that I know ed inflicts and that I also know I will never understand, the fear that she would never have a normal life, and most of all the intense shame at the pain her behavior was causing us. Sometimes she'd scream bloody murder at a meal, and then hold her head and ask, "What is HAPPENING to me?" It took a long, long time and a lot of repetition and a lot of FOOD for her to accept that the illness caused her behavior, and that she was not responsible for it. (But she is now responsible for staying healthy.) In other words, to separate the illness from her self. Now, she looks back with horror at ed, and never, ever wants to go there again.

Despite how hard ed sometimes made her fight, she was always highly motivated to get better, to please us (her parents), and to go to college (we always made clear that she certainly wouldn't be going until she was well enough) and to be "normal." In her perception, we made her eat and she didn't have any choice about it. But I can only admire and be proud of her, because I have seen her curled in a ball hyperventilating from terror when faced with a piece of chocolate, convinced that she would die, or suffer agonies worse than death. And I have seen her eat the chocolate anyway. No matter how irrational, there is nothing braver than that.


If you are reading this, it is because someone dear to you suffers from an eating disorder. I am sorry. There are few things worse. I have never cried so hard or been so scared or seriously frightened myself with my own anger or drunk so much alcohol. My h is the calmest most sensible man I know, and this illness once made him rave. We had been married 27 years when our d got sick--and you don't last 27 years without a lot of water under the bridge--but dealing with a child with mental illness tested our marriage in ways we could never have imagined. We also lost friends and family and opportunities and good china, and I have never, ever, felt so alone.

We survived. We learned some things. Some priorities are permanently changed. Best of all, our d is happily applying to colleges and going to Spain in the spring, and her room is a total mess, and she doesn't have a 4.0 and she's OK with that, and she and I talk and laugh and discuss current events, and she wants spaghetti carbonara for dinner!

Please know that with aggressive, compassionate care, and a long jaunt through hell, and lots and lots of FOOD, and the support and wisdom of the people on this site, your loved one can get to full remission and live a healthy, happy, normal life!

That sentence needs more exclamations!!!!!

!!!!!

best wishes,










hateed

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 3
Reply with quote  #58 

Quote:
Originally Posted by hateed


Sorry, I think I messed up my reply by hitting 'add reply' too soon. 

New member and I am grateful to read your post. My D has been in hospital for 5-1/2 months now and will be transitioning to be a day patient in a couple of weeks. We are all apprehensive as we are scared to go back to how it all started. But to be fair, D has come so far and right now she also says she never wants to go back to ED. But She is also scared about coming-out of hospital, we think. 

I love to hear success stories, as I get tired of Family therapist constantly pounding on the negativity of everything.  

Thank you for your story and I can't wait to get there!!!!!

Exclamation marks too!!!! 


Torie

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 3,996
Reply with quote  #59 
We've been on the Road to Recovery for nearly 2 1/2 years now, and I think we've gotten to the point that our journey could be called a Story of Hope. (I wonder if anyone ever posts on this thread without a niggling fear that tomorrow's post could be titled, "Back in Hell Again." Or, if anyone here ever gets rid of that niggling fear with or without posting.)

Anyway. It's been a roller coaster journey starting with the terror of finding out that DD was deeply depressed, cutting, and thinking of suicide. And fasting, too, but it took me a while to realize the terrible significance of that. The depression and extreme self-loathing preceded Ed for her and, I think, helped shove her down the rabbit hole. Fasting numbed the pain and dulled her emotions; she's obviously among the unlucky few for whom starvation feels GOOD. 

Believing depression to be the crux of the problem, I signed her up with a t who claims to practice CBT. I don't know if she did or if she didn't; I don't know if she helped my d or not; what I do know is that she referred her to psych with the idea of trying antidepressants. My d was on Prozac for a while, but the suicidal ideation seemed to worsen so that was discontinued. I guess we'll never know what was going on in the chemical soup of her brain at that time - adding meds to depression to re-feeding - yikes, what a combo for an already-stressed brain to contend with.

For the Torie family, the roller coaster takes an uphill climb during the spring and summer ... then careens downward in about August. The first fall and winter were terrifying, except we didn't know how scary the fall was because we didn't recognize that there was a problem until winter. Re-feeding only took a couple of months because she hadn't lost all that much weight. Well, sort of. Turned out she needed to keep gaining for a few months after that so was well and truly wr by mid-summer, just in time for the fall ride down the roller coaster. Not so bad the second fall, though. The valley wasn't as deep during Winter #2, and the uphill ride took her to a better place in Spring/Summer #2 as compared to that scary first spring/summer. The downturn #3 was a gentler ride yet, and now, starting the spring uphill climb #3, she's really in a pretty good place. 

She eats. I guess that's the short version of success/paradise, isn't it? She just eats, pretty normally. She helps herself to snacks like any normal person would, and sometimes she chooses to finish what she's served even if I tell her it's a bigger serving than usual so she doesn't need to finish if she doesn't want to. Yesterday, she told me at school she had smelled the type of cupcakes we used to make for birthdays in elementary school and asked to make them with me again. The day before that, she asked her dad, "How many pieces of bacon do I get to have?"  Not "have to have," but "get to have." Little things like that.

The depression? That's not as clear. Surely much, much better than the dark days when I was scared to open her bedroom door in the morning. It's hard to tell. I think that's one of the problems with teenage depression - it's so hard to know where they are on the depression spectrum. She occasionally makes a slightly positive comment about herself, which is a huge improvement on the self-loathing part of the problem. 

The perfectionism? Definite improvements there, too. She has gotten a few truly bad test/quiz scores this year and so has had the opportunity to see that life doesn't end when you fail a quiz. The junior year stress is ramping up (for everyone), and she seems to be holding up pretty well.  Well, yeah, I can still tell how stressed she's feeling by the amount of skin picking she's doing, so there's that. 

I watch her like a hawk. It's hard to imagine sending her off to university just a year and a half from now, when I don't leave her home alone for more than an hour at present. Such a long, long road to recovery. And such a precarious-feeling wellness even when you think you're pretty much there.

Thank you, FEASTIES, for helping me make my way down this lonely road. I couldn't have done it without you. xx

-Torie


__________________
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
aloha

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 40
Reply with quote  #60 
Inspiration to keep going even though my head is wrecked with e.d day and night
Thank you
DolphinUK

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 706
Reply with quote  #61 
Thank you for all the wonderful stories of hope. It is lovely to hear positive outcomes that will help those going through the hell that is the world of Eating Disorders.

It has been a few years since I last posted here when my D was recovering from AN and where, I got the most tremendous support which definitely kept me motivated to help her recover and kept me strong. I can never thank you enough for this. I think that it is now time for an update on how my D is doing with her life.

We slipped quite quickly into AN in 2011 with D losing almost half her body weight by July 2012, becoming depressed,with OCD behaviours and feelings of life not worth living. We struggled in the beginning as our GP did not recognise how ill she was or how to help her.
She was 18 yrs old so too old for CAMHS but with a BMI considered too high at 15.5 to enter Specialist Services. There was the void, no mans land.... We were lucky, through my work, I managed to find a service that could help her and we began treatment. I had googled this forum and began posting and had looked for latest research into ED and the best way to help my child. I discovered Maudsley model and Janet Treasures book which became my bible. At last there was hope, we began refeeding D.

 Now in 2016,5 years after D began the most difficult journey she has ever made, she is a successful young women. She has her own home and is getting married next year to an amazing young man who supported her when she was very ill. She has a successful career but most importantly she is fully recovered from AN, eating "normally" whatever that may mean? She will eat anything and everything without fear including chocolate which she once informed me she would never eat again as it was,"not essential to life"!
She is happy and healthy and wants to start a family of her own very soon.

D has told me that without her dad and I sticking by her and making her eat even when her behaviour was beyond reason she would not be here today, and our relationship with her and her sister is extremely close and supportive. We love each other dearly and I am so proud of her. She has a tremendous amount of courage and bravery.

So, I wanted to offer hope for all parents/carers who are currently struggling with this vile illness, for our loved ones to make a full recovery. Keep on feeding, keep on believing that they will get better and take great care of yourselves.

Much love

DolphinUK

















__________________
You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore
Christopher Columbus
BattyMatty_UK

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,246
Reply with quote  #62 
Hot on the heels of Dolphin's update comes mine...

I joined this forum in early 2010 when my 16-year old son was rollercoasting downhill into anorexia. He'd been heading downhill rapidly for 7 or 8 months, but I only discovered this forum by chance in early 2010. As you will see if you look back on my posts from that period, we went through hell. Absolute and utter hell. Not only did we have to wait MONTHS for treatment (UK CAMHS) but my son ended up being rushed into our local hospital cardiac ward with Bradycardia (slow pulse rate; his was 29...)

Mainly thanks to the wonderful and genuine support I found on this forum, and some amazingly awesome friends I have made (and met up with several times) as a result, my son gradually recovered. When I say 'gradually', I mean gradually.

In 2012, aged 18, he made an aborted attempt at university and ended up taking a gap year and trying again the following year. By this time he himself was completely engaged in recovery, determined to kick the ED out of his life.

Today, aged almost 23, in November 2016, he is fully recovered and getting on with his life. He has a large circle of friends, at uni (where he is studying for a Masters after getting a 'first' in his BA degree) and at home.

Here is a poem that my son wrote a year or so ago:

NEVER AGAIN

Four years of torture, four years of pain,
Four years of worry, envy and shame.
You promised us love, you promised us life,
You promised us glory, not discomfort or strife.
We worked through the day, we worked till we cried,
We worked till I realised that you had lied.
Our life became hidden, shrouded in fears,
Our life was unworthy, hollowed by tears.
You took our passion, took pleasure with pride,
You took away our love and forced us to hide.
Fearing our friends, fearing our fate,
Fearing ourselves with anger and hate.
You watched us grow cold, you watched us grow thin,
You watched us in misery with that cold-hearted grin.
Yet now rid of you, rid of your pain,
I have one thing to say to you and that is: NEVER AGAIN!



You can read more about my son's recovery story on this page on my blog (it's based on a talk I did for parents in 2013): https://anorexiaboyrecovery.blogspot.co.uk/p/in-november-2013-i-gave-talk-at.html

__________________
Bev Mattocks, mother of 23-year old male DX with RAN 2009, now recovered. Joined this forum in 2010 - it was a lifesaver. Please do check out my blog: http://anorexiaboyrecovery.blogspot.co.uk/

Get free PDFs of my past blog posts 2011 - 2016: http://bevmattocks.co.uk/blogspdfs.html (Easier to read; more linear than clicking around the blog itself.)

'Friend me' on my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/battymatty76
Jasmine1

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 152
Reply with quote  #63 
It is so encouraging to hear the stories above and hope they will inspire some people who are new to this illness to have hope and keep going.

Two years ago my daughter was 11 and in hospital eating next to nothing - literally a few mouthfuls of lettuce at her worst. The eating disorder (Ed) battle raged on for nearly two years of hell. That is the only way I can describe it. I almost became a recluse at home every day with my daughter trying to help her beat Ed and ensure she ate enough calories to stay alive. Our whole family's life was disrupted and everything became about Ed. There were many a time I just wanted out - it was all too much. We had issues with behaviour and possible Aspergers too. But the love for my daughter kept me going. She went back to school part time and then full time and we were so lucky to have a great nurse there and canteen staff who reported back to us what was going on and they would challenge her if she tried to get away with not eating. But the bulk of her calories were given before school and then after school. I was almost clock watching all the time thinking what food I needed to prepare next!
When we tried to normalize our life it didn't always go to plan. We had a disastrous holiday - all inclusive in Spain where we spent hours in the dining room with her while fellow holiday makers gave us filthy looks - not understanding why every mouthful mattered for her! Or the time my husband tried to sneak out a banana for her for her snack later and got told off by the waiter as food wasn't allowed out of the dining room!!
It was a slow process and there really isn't any magic answers. Love really is endurance and sacrifice sometimes. Also I think this illness doesn't have any rationality to it. My daughter herself said yesterday - I really don't know why I had Ed. I don't either. But as a family we kept going with support from the community eating disorders nurse- until our visits gradually lessened to once a month, then every few months. Also this forum was a godsend too, thank you. Finally at the end of 2016 she was discharged from the NHS community care.
Anyway the best thing happened this Christmas. Pre illness I would have perceived this as something that just happens and something, myself I can't wait to stop!!!
BUT yippee!! She started her first ever period!! woohoo!!I know she is doing ok and looks a lot healthier but this really is the icing on the cake that maybe we are finally, at long last, over the worst 2 years of our lives. I am so proud of her!
For everyone who is dealing with this devastating illness, I just want to give you hope - that there can be light at the end of the tunnel. It will zap all of your strength and take you to some very dark places but keep on fighting. You really are superheroes.

__________________
Daughter was age 11 when she started restricting Aug 2014, admitted to paed ward Dec 2014 for low BP, pulse rate and spent 3 weeks there. As they were about to NG tube her, she decided to eat again. After approx. 1.5 years on a meal plan and lots of toil, sweat and tears she is weight restored and has just been discharged from NHS care. It's been a very slow traumatic process but each day we are making progress.
Blommie

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 378
Reply with quote  #64 
well, I thought it might be time to write in this section of the board. I have looked at it for ages but never sure we quite qualified to write yet. In 2014 I was convinced our d (13 at the time)would die from her ED. She stopped eating and then even stopped drinking water. She landed in hospital with  low heart rate and with irregular rhythms. When it was time to take her home 2 weeks later, there were no ED beds for her to go to  so we took her home... and the fight began. And what a fight it was... she trashed the house, ran away, tried jumping off our roof after getting onto it somehow... she swore and screamed and hated us. She self harmed, purged and her OCD was unbearable. The team told us that due to her comorbids (mood disorder, anxiety and OCD), she was so complex that we might have to consider that she would never fully heal. WHAT? I refused to accept this to be true, I refused to accept I would not have my d back! So we continued to fight for every crumb to be eaten, stopped life for her (and for me) and she slowly, slowly, slowly painfully slowly gained weight. She hated me, she hated her dad and she hated herself the most.
6 months after her hospital admission, she went back to school and then slowly at first but then quickly she lost all the weight she had gained and this time we could not get her to eat- nothing worked so she spend 6 months in a day unit. I took her in the morning and collected her in the evening and she continued to hate us and life. But the weight went on, faster this time and with MORE FAT in her diet we could see a change in her mood.
After her discharge she has had a few blips of weightloss that we have quickly jumped on and have recovered her from- not always easy to do but easier than before.
And guess what? She doesn't hate me anymore!! She loves me, she loves her dad and she is even learning to love herself. She is about to sit her GCSE exams, she is 16 and beautiful, has a boyfriend and eats when she is hungry. Her OCD is disappearing, her mood disorder improves and she is learning to manage her anxiety- slow but steady progress.
THERE IS HOPE!!! the hope lies in weight gain, high fat foods like cream, butter, oils. I know it is a different journey for each of us but we were told not to expect a 'normal teenager' and we have one. She laughs with us, hugs us, kisses us, sits on my bed and tells me stories at night...she eats. Don't give up- fight for every crumb- it is worth it!

__________________
D officially diagnosed April 2014 at age 13 after being hospitalised on a medical ward due to severe restriction. Been refeeding at home, doing FBT through CAMHS. Living life moment by moment
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

F.E.A.S.T. Families Empowered and Supporting Treatment of Eating Disorders
is a 501(c)3 charitable organization committed to maintaining the Around the Dinner Table forum as a FREE service for any caregiver of a loved-one with an eating disorder.

P.O. Box 1281 | Warrenton, VA 20188 USA

US +1 855-50-FEAST | Canada +1 647-247-1339 | Australia +61 731886675 | UK +443308280031 

This forum is sponsored by F.E.A.S.T., an organization of parents serving parents and caregivers of patients of all ages with anorexia, bulimia, and other eating disorders. Information and advice given on this forum does not necessarily represent the policy or opinion of F.E.A.S.T. or its volunteers and is meant to support, not replace, professional consultation.

F.E.A.S.T. is registered as a nonprofit organization under section 501(c)(3) of the United States Internal Revenue Code.

Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Community Rules | Forum Rules | F.E.A.S.T. Principles | YMadmin | WTadmin
Custom Search of F.E.A.S.T. and Forum Content: