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Posts: 16
Reply with quote  #51 
Thanks Tina for asking, also that you think of me so often - I am touched.  Thank you also to all for your comments and replies.

Yes I see the difference between FB and these threads, which can become quite comprehensive and are a resource because they are searchable.  Though find I need to be careful about what threads I read too because sometimes I get a bit frightened and overwhelmed about all that might be ahead.

Serious day by day survival.  Yesterday morning she broke our bedroom door and spat in my face in the evening, and Thursday night was appalling demonic torture session from 11pm-midnight but today (other then writing Sadistic Scum on our broken bedroom door) each meal has been hostile but undramatic.  So that's good.  We often have horrific melt-downs later in the evening, just when our defences have come down a little, so am far from relaxed.  Still, we have gotten through the weekend, almost, so that's an achievement.  On Tuesday we will have been at it for 4 weeks and I have to say I expected things to have normalised a bit more by now then it has.  Started anti-depressants today (for the first time in my life), so that's an achievement of sorts!  I am in no way depressed but I am extremely stressed in my body much of the time, and doc thinks that this will help me deal with that, so am choosing to believe him.

Mother's day feels very poignant.  No hint of love or affection from D but I have the privilege of knowing that we are loving her to the uttermost right now, and love is never wasted. 

Monday I am going to call our camhs therapist C, and ask if H and I can have a meeting on our own with him, before next appointment week after next with D.  Will explain to him how committed we are to re-nourishing as a foundation for recovery, and that we understand his understanding is different, but is he able to build a supportive relationship with D without undermining what we are doing?  Desperately nervous about this but hopefully we can reach an understanding.

Bless you all this coming week!

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Posts: 4,773
Reply with quote  #52 
Originally Posted by freedomfighter
 On Tuesday we will have been at it for 4 weeks and I have to say I expected things to have normalised a bit more by now then it has. 

It really sucks how s-l-o-w the progress is with this vile illness.  THat is one reason I always cheer when people pack in the calories as much as possible to get through the beginning and middle parts as "fast" as possible. 

I'm sorry Ed broke your door and then left a nasty message (as though the broken door wasn't message enough).  Perhaps you can find a small bit of solace in knowing that Ed directed this venom toward you, which might have deflected it from your d a bit.  And knowing it is GOOD that Ed despises you.  

But please remember that your real d is in there, and she loves you.  You will get her back.

Keep swimming. xx


"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 

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Posts: 3,392
Reply with quote  #53 
You are doing an amazing job. You have had lacklustre support but still are making progress. The fact that ED is fighting you suggests that you are getting somewhere. Hopefully that weight is going on too. Best of luck with the therapist, you can always tell them anything you want and your expectations. They just can't tell you what D is saying to them. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.

Posts: 755
Reply with quote  #54 
Hi freedomfighter,
that is great that you had some undramatic meals today. I hope that will continue. Sorry for the broken door. Hang them out [biggrin]
I think nearly every day of you and all the other parents who are in the dark times because I am so grateful to be at the end of that tunnel and I know how you feel now. Keep swimming. I cannot say how long it will take, but it will get better with weight increasing and time.

"We often have horrific melt-downs later in the evening, just when our defences have come down a little, so am far from relaxed."
Yes, evenings were the worst times, I remember that well, and even now my d hates evenings and doesn´t want to be alone in her room then and likes to hang around with us and is cuddling a lot (I know you cannot believe now that this will ever happen, I did not, too). ED is in top-form in the evenings and tells her the whole time what bad things she has done the whole day. So it is hard for you, but it is even harder for her. Is there anything you can do to comfort her a bit or to give her a bit distraction? Does she watch TV with you or can you offer her to read a book to her? We started to listen to audio books and to do a lot of tinker work. There is easter coming, could you ask her to help you to do some decoration for the house?

It is good that you are on meds, I hope that will help you to calm down a bit. It is so different how many time it takes until it gets better, some have only weeks to wait and then a long way to recovery and some need to wait longer at the beginning but then see more progress more quickly, so I hope you are the second part.

Forget this mothers day, it doesn´t count because she is not able to tell you how much she loves you. I am sure you will get in back twice. See toothfairys post about the nice card the got from her son today. It will be your turn the next year. I can only give you that hope that today my d and I are as close as before ED, even closer.

Please keep us updated. It helps to come here and vent and tell what is working and what not. Although we might not always be able to help, but we are able to listen and that is important, too.
You are not alone. We are all with you in spirit.
Send you a huge hug.

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