User’s Guide | Rules | Contact a Moderator | Registration or Login Problems? | Eating Disorders Learning Center | F.E.A.S.T.



Custom Search of F.E.A.S.T. and Forum Content:
Register Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment   Page 1 of 2      1   2   Next
rose08

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 49
Reply with quote  #1 
Hi All, my first post here and I am so hopeful I can find advice from those who have gone through this with their own children.  

My once happy, creative, healthy child has been stolen by Anorexia and in a period of months became withdrawn, anxious, fixated on "healthy eating" with an absolute conviction that she wants to ultimately become vegan and her life's goal is to be as healthy and fit as she can be. Her list of "safe food" was ominously short and within months she was seriously underweight with borderline stats for hospitalization. In our province there are no dedicated treatment facilities for eating disorders - however I was fortunate to find a GP and psychologist who recognized what we were dealing with and where aware of FBT and willing to learn along with me.  

We are now two months in, and still have a long way to go before being weight restored, but we are making slow (painful) progress. She is really struggling with the amount of food she has to eat, so my GP suggested adding (and not telling her due to the "demon effect" fallout") extra's like nut butter, cream, coconut oil etc to her yogurt and fruit smoothies to bump up the calories... has anyone had success with this?  Also, at what point do we start challenging her food fears?  Or, do we accept her "healthy lifestyle" choices as long as she is eating and increasing weight and hopefully in the not too distant future maintaining her weight? I don't know if I should let it go - or demand that she eats a slice of cake, or a packet of chips.....?? I am so afraid her ED is hiding behind this, however her psychologist seems to think it is fine for her to only eat "healthy foods" - as long as she is gaining weight.  It is so unlike how my daughter used to be, but perhaps this is her recovery option?

Also, has anyone had success with Risperidol for Anorexia compulsions, thoughts and anxiety? My daughter complains of feeling claustrophobic in her body, especially after eating and it makes her incredibly anxious and I can see I am losing her to her anorexic voice when this happens - has any medication helped for this or something similar? Any advice will be appreciated.





tina72

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 243
Reply with quote  #2 
Hi rose08,
so sorry that you have to join us here but you will get a lot of help. Just ask all the questions that come around.
My first aid:
add oil (best is canola oil that doesn´t taste), butter, cream (better double cream) to everything she eats and where you can hide it. Her brain needs a lot of fat to recover.
Healthy eating is an ED symptom. Its called orthorexia nervosa. If your d has anorexia, EVERY FOOD is healthy for her just to gain weight.
Best success for us were smoothies. A life saver for many here. Mix up fruits or vegetables and add upto 100 ml canola oil to 500 ml fruits and juice. 2-3 times a day and she doesn´t have to eat that much. Tell her its healthy and its good for her digestion. It smells healthy and looks healthy.
Some psychologists demand to stay on this healthy food thing at the beginning. But the target must be to make it possible to eat cake and chips again. She should eat everything she ate before and what a normal teenager would eat. Some parents try to introduce one "forbidden meal" a week. It depends on her anxiety. Try it and if its not possible at the moment, try it again the next days. Its like introducing food to a baby. The first carrots he didn´t like, so you tried it again and again.
If she whines about that she has to eat "that much" you could tell her that its harder to feed your body with fruits and vegetables because there is no "power" in there and that she will have to eat less if she eats cake and chips, too. My d said at one point: if I have to eat anyway, I could even eat what I like. And all kids like cake and chips I think.
Go on! You are doing the right thing!
Tina72
eternalhope

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 86
Reply with quote  #3 
Dear Rose08, I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through, but I'm glad you have found the forum, as you'll get a lot of good advice from people who have lived through it or are currently living with a child with Anorexia. First, you are doing an amazing job, even if it feels slow. Your D is responding, even though it's been tough. My story is similar, 11-year-old D came home, expressed a desire to be healthier based on a health unit at school (we did not have the vegan/vegetarian issue), and she started restricting, which led to more restricting, and then eating almost nothing. I would not accept d's decision to be vegan, as it's enabling her Anorexia. D is still willing to eat foods that will help her gain weight and at a faster pace than vegan foods alone. My d restricted all dairy.. no cream sauces, butter, cheese, milk, ice cream, yogurt, and it was difficult to come up with foods to build weight. I'm concerned that if you allow her to restrict, she'll become even more restrictive, and her ED behaviors will intensify. All of the symptoms you mentioned above are common with AN- anxiety, withdrawn, etc. My d refuses medication, and her doctors have said that it may not have helped any way, as she did not have anxiety prior to the AN, but I have read it can be helpful for some patients, so if she is willing to take it, you may want to try it. At one point Olanzapine was discussed for my d. I haven't seen respiral mentioned in this forum, but maybe someone else has experience with it. As far as adding extras to the food, many people do it, and it's helpful to them. But you run the risk of getting caught and breaking trust. I think it depends on your situation.
rose08

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 49
Reply with quote  #4 
Thanks Tina72 - It's like a strange new planet negotiating her Eating Disorder. I'm glad to hear the smoothie option has helped, I guess I need to remember that food is medicine right now and how I get it into her (hiding it!) is one of the tools I need to use.  She is weighed "blind" once a week by our GP - we are trying to stop her relating her self worth to a number on the scale... easier said than done.  I feel like we have waged a small war just to make the small gain that we have over the past month and need to up our game against her ED as her weight recovery has been so slow.  I was fortunate enough to have time off work to be with her constantly for her 1st three weeks after diagnosis to get the 3 meals, 3 snacks established - she is now maintaining this routine after 2 weeks back at school and after an initial dip in her weight (unsupervised lunches....) we seem to have stabilized but visually is still drawing attention with her very thin frame which is another topic entirely.  Thank you for your reply, you are the first person I have communicated with that has actual real-life experience with this - it means a lot.
rose08

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 49
Reply with quote  #5 
Dear Eternalhope - thank you.  

To hear from other parents that actually KNOW about this is a revelation.  I am sorry to hear you are in a similar situation, I am new to this but sometimes our new reality and the speed at which it happened literally takes my breath away. For now I am grateful she is at least eating - even if it is "healthy food" (with tears, death stares, and horrible after-effects) but as you say, her drive to limit certain food groups and restrict needs to be monitored so carefully.  It does feel so slow.  I am so worried it will take too long and she will forget who she was before...that we wont get her back as she was before. I did a google check, The medication is Risperidone - we are in SA, so here it is called Risperdol I think.  Thanks for your message, much appreciated.       


eternalhope

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 86
Reply with quote  #6 
Rose08- where are you? We're in the US. I'm sorry to say it takes a long time. My d has been afftected since late January. Many say it's a year after weight restoration that the healing in the brain takes place. The more weight she gains, the more like her old self she becomes. That is what is happening with my d now, but she has a long way to go as the ED thoughts and behaviors are still there. It's a nasty disease. You are doing a great job. My advice- make sure that you, your doctor and the psychologist are all saying the same thing to her when she talks about being vegan. Tina used some great language above.
rose08

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 49
Reply with quote  #7 
Hi Eternalhope, we are in South Africa.  Luckily our doctor and psychologist have both been so great with learning about and facilitating FBT which is not too well known here, and I am in all the consults with my daughter.  I am very much trying for the team approach and keeping everyone on the same page so that they can support what we are trying to do at home.  I read through some of your posts and I can see such similarities in behavior. I will never forget the first time I witnessed my daughter having a ED meltdown, it was the first plated meal I gave her after her diagnosis and the very first time I had ever had to insist she eat - she ended up throwing her breakfast at me and trying to run out the house.  We were in complete shock... but it prepared us for what has since come and mostly we can manage but it is exhausting (and terrifying) some days.  I am glad to hear that you have made progress, I can only imagine how hard it must have been to get where you are now.
martican

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 93
Reply with quote  #8 
Hi rose08. So sorry you had to join us. It is tough battle. You already got a good advice for hiding fats in her meals. After finding this forum and trying this advice, we made a huge progress weight wise with my D. I would easy add 1/4 of a cup of canola oil in her smoothies (equal to 4 tbsps). That way she can eat normal amount but calorie dense. My daughter couldn't medically eat dairy so I made smoothies based on coconut cream and coconut ice cream. Also, when I was making thick legume soups or vegetarian chili (as my D was a vegetarian after AN dx), I would make these with homemade chicken or beef broth, and told her it was veggie broth. We got so far that she can eat fish and chicken, and we did that by introducing small bites with her regular meals everyday. Regular exposure but brace for it. Lots of hysteria around it but it was easier to get her eat 1 bite at first than a whole fish/chicken fillet, and then kept adding as she got comfortable. First few days she would just lick it (accompanied by a lot of screaming), then she would put it in her mouth and spit it out, then she finally swallowed it. I gave us about 30 mins for this (yes, it took that long to get her close to that bite) as I didn't want to interfere too much with the feeding schedule and sit at the table till midnight. It took 2-3 weeks of everyday exposure till she ate it as a main meal. I started with her fear foods after I got her eating regularly and established weight gain, but I think it is an individual choice. I found it overwhelming for myself to have her gain weight and tackle fear foods at the same time while dealing with other AN symptoms.  Also, check Eva Musby on Your Tube for the feeding strategies.
My daughter takes respiradol. It helped a bit with her sleep but it didn't really fully eliminate anxiety. Its side effect is a good appetite and it did work my D. He appetite went up right away but it didn't help with the anxiety of feeling full afterwards. My D also takes Zoloft. I read these meds don't fully work with undernourished brain.
You are lucky to find this forum so early in treatment, you will find so much useful info here. I didn't hear about this forum until we were 15-16 months in! Best of luck.
deenl

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 853
Reply with quote  #9 
Hi Rose08,

And welcome to our forum where you will find peer support to help you deal with this very difficult illness.

My son got sick at 12 also. We had difficulties finding care that suited our situation so we have done most of the re-feeding at home. 

Please feel free to read around the forum to learn as much as you can. We have lots of information in the learning centre 
And many of our most helpful posts have been gathered together in the Hall of Fame

Quote:
Originally Posted by rose08
My once happy, creative, healthy child has been stolen by Anorexia and in a period of months became withdrawn, anxious, fixated on "healthy eating" with an absolute conviction that she wants to ultimately become vegan and her life's goal is to be as healthy and fit as she can be. Her list of "safe food" was ominously short and within months she was seriously underweight with borderline stats for hospitalization.

These are all completely normal symptoms of anorexia. They will likely totally disappear with with nutritional rehabilitation and a period of time for brain healing to catch up.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rose08
We are now two months in, and still have a long way to go before being weight restored, but we are making slow (painful) progress. She is really struggling with the amount of food she has to eat, so my GP suggested adding (and not telling her due to the "demon effect" fallout") extra's like nut butter, cream, coconut oil etc to her yogurt and fruit smoothies to bump up the calories... has anyone had success with this?

I do this. My son has been fed this way for the last 18/20 months. He is also weighed blind and to this day does not know what he weighs and I deflect any attempts to discuss weight or food. This has been the only way we have been able to contain his anxiety enough to gain weight.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rose08
Also, at what point do we start challenging her food fears?  Or, do we accept her "healthy lifestyle" choices as long as she is eating and increasing weight and hopefully in the not too distant future maintaining her weight? I don't know if I should let it go - or demand that she eats a slice of cake, or a packet of chips.....?? I am so afraid her ED is hiding behind this, however her psychologist seems to think it is fine for her to only eat "healthy foods" - as long as she is gaining weight.  It is so unlike how my daughter used to be, but perhaps this is her recovery option?

The approach to fear foods varies. One of the difficulties in treating this illness is that different approaches work for different people so you can expect some trial and error. In our case, we did not challenge fear foods at all. The fear has drifted away as he has gotten better. In fact, in the last two weeks there has all of a sudden been an amazing improvement. I have had to practice my poker face as he has asked for macaroni cheese and BLT's!

Quote:
Originally Posted by rose08
Also, has anyone had success with Risperidol for Anorexia compulsions, thoughts and anxiety? My daughter complains of feeling claustrophobic in her body, especially after eating and it makes her incredibly anxious and I can see I am losing her to her anorexic voice when this happens - has any medication helped for this or something similar? Any advice will be appreciated.

Some people here have used Risperidol but Olanzipine is more common. If you would like to read about people's experiences go to the search button on the top left of the page and type in either word.

You have made a wonderful start. Please feel free to ask any other questions you have in order to bring you further.

Warm wishes,
D

__________________
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, tons of variety in food, stepping back into social life. Sept 2017, back to school full time for the first time in 2 years. Happy and relaxed, just usual non ED hassles. 

  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal. (but don't give up on the plan too soon, maybe it just needs a tweak or a bit more time and determination [wink] )
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
K63

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 851
Reply with quote  #10 
Hi Rose08 , welcome to the forum. My daughter loved all food types before she became unwell. She became a vegetarian when she became sick and eventually was only eating a few foods . When she was admitted in patient and because she wasn't vegetarian before she became unwell they gradually got her back eating meat chicken etc again. After discharge we worked on re introducing all foods piazzas burgers chocolate ice creams and only last month did she eat her first 99 ice cream in 3 years . From once she has had them I keep re introducing them. When she was very unwell I added double cream oil and butter to meals as she neede fats to fuel her brain. It's a very slow process. Sometimes she needed to be told in advance if we were re introducing a different or fear food sometimes she just preferred not yo know in advance. Well done on getting to where you are it's a very difficult job and remember to look after yourself take time away for a break as recovery is a long journey.
__________________
Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
seaglass

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 48
Reply with quote  #11 
It's tough isn't it? Sounds like you're doing an amazing job so far.

I added rapeseed/canola oil to everything I could and butter and heavy cream. I believed it was a win/win. However you can Up those calories helps. There are great recipes here for smoothies packed with a whack of calories (use search) and if you can introduce them daily they will help so much.

As for fear foods it's each to their own. Your main focus is to get as many calories in per day. But you can choose to introduce fear foods, say once a week. Maybe have a back up if they are refused?

The feelings after eating of feeling uncomfortable/bloated/guilty are common. Try hot water bottles and warm baths to help.

We added magnesium flakes to daily baths to reduce anxiety. Am convinced they help to some degree.

Keep going. Keep posting. We all get it and we're all with you xxx


rose08

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 49
Reply with quote  #12 
Dear Seaglass, Marican, Deenl, K53 and all the others who have commented so far,

Thank you, for the first time in this journey I feel as if I am being heard, properly, by people that have been there and got the Tshirt, shoes and cap!  Its weigh in day today, and to be honest, my nerves are shot.  Straight after we see our psychologist.  Thank you for all the advice re feeding, medication, what is "normal" (is there such a thing[smile]) ED behavior.  I will try the canola oil (readily available and reasonably priced here), as well as the magnesium flakes - I'm sure our local heath shop should have. Re her recovery and fear foods, Deenl thank you - this has been bothering me for awhile now that I should be doing more towards this - however as you say everyone reacts differently to various approaches. I know I am so impatient for recovery but I also need to be mindful of the small (but meaningful) progress we have made - throughout this I have relied on my instincts, and perhaps for now I need to ease into this rather than potentially derailing what we have gained.  I never realized how common the vegetarian / vegan thread is in the presentation of this illness. I have said to my daughter that once she is well, with a healthy relationship to food, and I know it is HER choice and not the ED's, that I will be her biggest supporter in her lifestyle / food choices. A long road ahead, but not as lonely anymore - thanks again everyone. 


Mamaroo

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 150
Reply with quote  #13 
Hi Rose
I hope the weigh in went well. When my d was at the beginning of recovery, she got very anxious when we had our medical appointments. When the doctor said it looked like she was on the right track, she would cry and scream all the way home. If she didn't make progress, I would cry, on the inside of course ☺.

You are doing really well with refeeding, just keep going and remember this is a (Comrades) marathon not a sprint. The way I added more kilojoules was by selecting the most caloric food I could find. If your d is eating yogurt, look for Greek, full fat yogurt. I would then mix another flavour yogurt in. I didn't bother much with fruit or veg at the beginning, they do not contain enough kilojoules and made my d full and bloated. I also baked some cheese muffins by doubling the sugar and butter in the recipe, then increasing the recipe by a quarter and made very large muffins. I also made cranola bars with a lot of high calorie ingredients such as nuts and coconut, butter, choc chips, sultanas and peanut butter (I used tahini instead due to allergies). My d also love nuts and they pack a punch! I make my own mixture with various nuts, pepitas, sunflower seeds and sultanas. I also got my d used to the idea that chicken and fish will be eaten with the skin, fat won't be cut off from meat, milk is full fat etc. The brain consists of 60% fat and, for my other d, it prevents binging.

Our treatment team prescribed a multi vitamin and calcium supplement and I added zinc and omega 3 oil capsules. Took some convincing before she took it, but I told her it's for her joints.

Best of luck and sending lots of hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗

__________________
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for a year and WR at age 11 in March 2017. Challenging fear foods and behaviours now.
mjkz

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,264
Reply with quote  #14 
You are doing amazingly well.  There are high calorie threads on ATDT for snack food and regular foods.  There are a few muffin recipes that pack over 1000 calories in one muffin.  Calorie dense foods are your best friend at this point.  My daughter is lactose intolerant which made it a little more difficult to refeed but I found smooties were a great way to get a lot of calories in all at once.  They can easily be made dairy free too.

We also had a lot of anxiety on weight in day.  We did blind weights and that worked best for us.
mamabear

Registered:
Posts: 5,584
Reply with quote  #15 
Hello... I don't post super often anymore but do poke around on occasion and your thread caught my eye.

A quick hostory about my d/my family for you. She started off at 9 on the " healthy eating and exercise more" kick from school nutrition classes etc. Quickly spiraled into cutting out food groups etc and BAM hospitalized at 10.5 for a month. 3.5 ish years of hardcore refeeding, keeping up with growth and puberty, putting out ED behavior fires, tackling exercise compulsion and food ditching etc. Very high calories for about 2.5 years ( 6000). Ate lunch at school with her majority of 2.5 school years. She is now 17 and has been in solid recovery and thriving for several years. She eats completely independently and has gained for age on her own for 3 plus years now.

So first of all , I want to give you HOPE bc FULL RECOVETY IS POSSIBLE!

But I'm not going to sugar coat how hard and long the war will be.

My advice: Push for fast and furious weight gain. The faster the better. The less she has to live with that bastard ED screaming in her head. 2 lbs a week is totally doable. Put heavy cream, canola oil, butter etc in everything possible. You will be amazed at where you can put it. A little oil mixed in pudding, applesauce. Add melted butter into chili, soups etc.

We ripped the bandaid off of fear foods. Decided that it was going to suck no matter what since she freaked out about it all. So anything she ate pre ed was fair game including desserts daily.

We ate lunch with her when she returned to school daily. Every now and again as time went on and she improved mentally we would give lunch s go, often only to have weight loss or stagnant weight with her swearing on our souls she was eating. ( Followed her bus to watch her dump 1200 cals of noodles into garbage). So we would go back to full supervision. This is feedback not failure.

Until my daughter was fully done growing/puberty it was a constart battle. Her body was a fine tuned machine.

Please remember that your true daughter IS IN THERE being held hostage by a dictator. She NEEDS YOU TO TAKE CONTROL AND NOT FEAR HER ED. Show it who is boss. You love her fiercely and you will not let Ed get its way. Don't give her back independent eating for a long time and when it happens it needs to be ever so tiny and incremental. Don't worry about any of that right now. One meal at a time. One bite at a time.

You can do this. It's so hard but so worth it. We just toured our first college. Life is great and we take nothing for granted.

__________________
Persistent, consistent vigilance!
tina72

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 243
Reply with quote  #16 
Hi rose08,
You said " I am so worried it will take too long and she will forget who she was before...that we wont get her back as she was before."
That was my biggest fear, too. But I can tell you by now: it will take some time. It will be hard. But you will get her back. She is hidden in there and she won´t forget that. My d forgot some things that happened through her darkest days. She forgot what she did then and what she said to us. But that was ED and I´m glad now that she is able to forget some of the ED shit. But she never forgot who she was before.
She will come back. With every pound she gaines you will get a bit of her back and push a bit of ED out of the house.
You are doing the right thing. Go on. There is a life after ED [wink]
Send you a hug from Germany to South Africa!
Tina72
ed_newbie

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 262
Reply with quote  #17 
Hi Rose,

Like mamabear I also don't visit the forum as often as I once visited, but your post also caught my eye.  My daughter was 12 when she fell victim to anorexia. Your post reminded me so much of our experience.  

I just want to say you're doing great and echo the other members when they say there is hope for recovery.  My daughter is about 19 months post diagnosis and is doing so well.  It is hard to believe how far we have come.  Like mamabear suggests, we hit the anorexia very hard and put the weight back on as fast as possible.  I will admit, this approach was traumatizing - but it was so very worth it.  

Read as much as you can on this forum.  We will all be here cheering you on! 

P.S.  Deenl - I am amazed to read about your son's request for macaroni and cheese and BLT's!!  Hooray!!

__________________

"Lineage, personality and environment may shape you, but they do not define your full potential."    Mollie Marti  

ed_newbie

14 yr old d diagnosed with AN late December 2015 at the age of 12 after a 23 lb weight loss during prior 3 months. Started FBT/Maudsley at home on Christmas Eve with support from amazing local nutritionist specializing in ED and trained in FBT. WR Feb 2016 and now chasing growth and taking one meal at a time.
momon

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 663
Reply with quote  #18 
My d fell ill at 10 and had exactly the same reduction in food variety  as yours. We used somewhere between the "rip the bandaid" and "focus only on weight gain" on adding in variety.  Right away I added back in full fat milk rather than soy milk that she had retreated to.    Within a few days I added back in hamburger as it is hi cal and can go into a lot of dishes.  Then pretty fast, alfredo sauce and pasta as it had been a favorite food.  Then bread. Then butter on bread.  And so on.  I was probably adding in a new hi cal fear food every few days but I definitely did not wait until we got the initial weight gain to start increasing variety and facing fear foods.   One thing I'd note-- if you're not getting the weight gain, it's pretty likely that you need to step up to some higher cal foods quickly and maybe not via only what can be done with hidden add-ins.  Also, we tried to every single day to increase the volume, at least a little bit, as the volume may well be short for you too.

If you look back at my earlier posts you can see what my process was for handling fear foods. It was very hard, I'm not going to sugar coat that, but I am a strong believer in variety being key to the brain recovery and in addition to my thinking variety helped with initial weight gain, I wanted to get her going on cognitive recovery.

My d is doing well, we still have to monitor amount, but she eats nearly everything,,,though that has also required sustained effort not to let her re-narrow her food variety.

Good luck to you and you are on the right path! Keep going upward on food amount and range.  Remember: you are the boss! You are in charge! You are strong and you can do it to help her get well again!
Torie

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 4,473
Reply with quote  #19 
Hello, and welcome.  I just have one thing to add to the good advice you have already received:  Please remember that your d is not rational about anything to do with food, calories, size, shape, weight, etc. right now.  No matter how brilliant and rational she is about everything else, she is. just. not. rational. about. food. right. now.  So there is nothing to be gained by trying to reason with her or ask her opinion.  That was very hard for me as it is opposite to my customary parenting style.  Instead, you will have to do all the thinking for her and make all the decisions.  If she tries to turn it into a debate, change the subject or adopt a mantra like, "I'm really sorry, but we can't talk about calories right now."  Or, "I don't discuss ingredients."  Or, "I'm so sorry this is so hard, but this is the way it needs to be."  Whatever.

Please feel free to ask all the questions you like. xx

-Torie

__________________
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
mjkz

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,264
Reply with quote  #20 
I did the same as momom.  Add in foods she ate prior to the ED every few days including fear foods and treat it as the norm.  It was not easy but it sure made it a lot easier in the long run than to wait until full weight restoration to start tackling fear foods.  My daughter was very sick for almost 20 years (old school treatment from 8 to around 21 when I started doing full-time FBT).  Now she is doing amazingly well.  Recovery is possible at any stage of the game.
rose08

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 49
Reply with quote  #21 
Once again, thanks to everyone for your replies (Tina, Momom, Ed Newbie, Tori, Mamabear and anyone else I may have left out)

Its been a few torrid days, hence my late reply.  Weight was slightly down this week, which of course completely shakes my confidence.  We have decided to add milk powder to her already hugely calorie dense smoothies, as well as increase portion sizes across the board, except for mid-morning snack and lunch as she has these as school.  I am showing real cracks in my own sense of self and our family is taking tremendous stain,  I am considering medication for myself as I am beginning to have a real "flight or fight" reaction around mealtimes, just knowing what is coming our way.  I hope to be able to post more positive news next time, but for now we are firmly in the trenches.
Love from South Africa.
tina72

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 243
Reply with quote  #22 
Hi rose08,
you are doing the right thing. It takes some time to figure out what you need to give her to push up the weight. Try to find food with high calories on less portion. I now know what are the ice-creams and puddings and yogurts with the most calories in our supermarket [wink] Try to add canola oil or double cream to everything she eats (you can perfectly hide it in smoothies, Yoghurt, pudding, muesli and everything that is already smooth. She wouldn´t taste it and she needs a lot of fat. The brain is 60% fat and it needs that fat back for recovery.
If you need medication, than take some. You must look for yourself first, because you are the CEO in fight against ED. Try to get some help from friends, family, neighbors. Some people wait for being asked for help. If there is someone who could take over at meal times, you could have that "flight" sometimes if you need it.
Send a hug!
Tina72
mamabear

Registered:
Posts: 5,584
Reply with quote  #23 
I know how hard this is. I know how scary and exhausting.... I have taken Wellbutrin now for about 4 years and it ha helped me a ton.

But here is the reality. If your daughter is eating snack and lunch at school without 1:1 supervision I would pretty much bet my house that she's not eating it or if she is she is not eating it all. And you cannot trust a word she says bc it is ED talking. My daughter swore on her baby twin cousins souls she was eating her lunch and had no idea why her weight was down.... I followed the bus to school and watched her dump 1200 cals of heavy cream, butter, cheesy noodles in the garbage. She was fake eating. We ate with her or had an Americore worker or teacher eat with her nearly daily for a couple of years. It was a huge hurdle for my kid. And over 7 years of being on FEAST now it has come up a million times. Her brain needs her medicine every few hours. If she isn't eating it eating enough between breakfast and after school, she's not going to gain and ED gains power.

My d had a daily shake every single day after school for years. It was made with a container of Ben and Jerrys or Haagen Das and a cup of cream and 1/3 cup canola oil. It was well over 2000 cals by itself and yes- pretty large. But it could easily be cut in half etc.

Be aware that kids this age recovering from ED will need large amounts of cals and fats for a long time and you will most likely see needs rise as her growth and puberty kick back in. It is not uncommon for these kids to need 4000,5000,even 6000 daily.

Go at this like you are at war with ED. You are going to kick its ass. You love your d fiercely and you will fight for her bc she needs your help. She needs ED to blame you and not her. She cannot tell you yet what's going on in the torture in her head. But know that SHE does hear you.

So ramp it up. Jack those cals and food. Get that weight up up up. It's amazing to watch the fog lift and your kid come back to you.

I used to slap cold water on my cheeks like a boxer before meals etc. I would say out loud " Brkng it ED. I'm going to kick your ass." Sounds silly but It helped me. Every battle won is a millimeter closer to the end. Not all battles will be won, but that doesn't mean you won't win the war.

You can do this. You can.

__________________
Persistent, consistent vigilance!
kazi67

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 27
Reply with quote  #24 
Hi Rose08
Your story is nearly exactly how my daughter started off with healthy eating etc
So sorry you are experiencing this it is totally horrible isnt it but I found hope and information on this site so I didn't feel so alone and when u r informed it is very empowering
I find I have to b stronger than the demon in her head
I also have taken time off work
I will prepare 3 meals and 3 healthy snacks and sit with my d till it's finished
I encourage her, ignore the tears and gently say she must eat the healthy plate to get better
My d loved dance and for first week I would use this as a motivator for her to eat until we had to cancel all classes and teaching as she couldn't keep up
Luckily for us her dance teacher loves her and is very supportive so now just getting back to class is the motivator we use to get her to eat we still have tears and moods etc but I just sit calmly and patiently
Now I get her to plan the next day's eating/menu and I have done lots of cooking
Today she prepared something so am happy we r seeing some positive behaviour
I find we can't overwhelm her with too many questions or ideas just one day at a time and I pick the times to discuss things with her
I hope this helps I also read the book by Janet treasure itsvavailable on iBooks
A recovery guide for sufferers families and friends
It's very good
Good luck and look after yourself too xx
kazi67

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 27
Reply with quote  #25 
M
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

Easily create a Forum Website with Website Toolbox.

F.E.A.S.T. Families Empowered and Supporting Treatment of Eating Disorders
is a 501(c)3 charitable organization committed to maintaining the Around the Dinner Table forum as a FREE service for any caregiver of a loved-one with an eating disorder.

P.O. Box 1281 | Warrenton, VA 20188 USA

US +1 855-50-FEAST | Canada +1 647-247-1339 | Australia +61 731886675 | UK +443308280031 

This forum is sponsored by F.E.A.S.T., an organization of parents serving parents and caregivers of patients of all ages with anorexia, bulimia, and other eating disorders. Information and advice given on this forum does not necessarily represent the policy or opinion of F.E.A.S.T. or its volunteers and is meant to support, not replace, professional consultation.

F.E.A.S.T. is registered as a nonprofit organization under section 501(c)(3) of the United States Internal Revenue Code.

Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Community Rules | Forum Rules | F.E.A.S.T. Principles | YMadmin | WTadmin
Custom Search of F.E.A.S.T. and Forum Content: