Hi, you're doing a great job with your D
You are right, the treatment for ARFID and AN is different, especially where it comes to positive reinforcements. These children have a fear of food textures and tastes, but not the fear for gaining weight and neither do they have the negative bullying voice. My d has/had AN, but I grew up as a 'picky' eater, but looking now at ARFID, I tick all the boxes. Now, I can eat anything, even if I dislike it. I taught myself to expand my food palette and can give you the following pointers:
Have a weekly mealplan and stick it on the fridge. This way, you don't need to discuss the next meal and your D can refer to it whenever she feels she needs to prepare herself mentally for the next meal. I know it's hard to squeeze in all the meals. Over the weekend I have a big breakfast and lunch to absorb morning tea's calories; I have a large afternoon tea and late dinner and maybe a small supper just before bed. Kartini clinic's mealplan only has 4 meals a day (breakfast, lunch, afternoon tea and dinner), so you can see what works for you.
Let her cook. I know this is a big no-no with AN children, but preparing the meals with Mum’s help, reduced my anxiety. I thought, if I could eat all the individual ingredients, I could eat the whole dish (lasagna, bacaon & cheese omelet for example). As I got used to a certain dish, I was able to eat a similar dish outside of home (family, restaurant)
Give her multi-vitamin and calcium tablets. I used to get back pain as a teenager and x-rays showed it was due to low bone density, because I didn’t get all the nutrition I needed (I was also always very tired). I wished my Mum just placed a calcium tablet in front of me. These days I still give my 2 daughters multi-vitamin, calcium, magnesium tablets as well as an omega 3 oil capsule. I used to add a zinc tablet, so that’s worth looking at as well.
Be confident that your child will like the dish. My mum used to say that I would like this or that and when I tried it, she was right! I do think now, it was her confidence that gave me courage to try it.
Aloe vera juice will help with tummy discomfort. Sometimes my d feels very nauseous while eating and would often not finish her plate. Just a glass a day of aloe vera juice for a week, strengthened her stomach and the nausea went away.
Keep it bland. I believe ARFID children have very sensitive taste buds and things just taste stronger for them. When adding spices, just add a small amount and gradually increase it until she can tolerate a normal amount. Just as a side note, it is still difficult for me to eat spicy food and drink juice or strong coffee or tea (I eat/drink it very slowly).
Continual exposure will help to reduce the anxiety, initially I only ate a little bit of a scary dish, but as the dish got presented every time I was able to eat more of it until I could finish it.
Here is a good video on ARFID: The cases that don't fit the box Pt 4: ARFID. Dr. Amy Talbot: