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noo72

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Reply with quote  #1 
Hello everyone. I'm new to this forum and would really welcome some advice.
At Christmas, my lovely elder daughter (then 14) started to restrict her eating as she ''needed something'' after promising to stop her self harm. She has so much going for her, comes from an unconditionally loving and affectionate family. She is gregarious and popular, beautiful and academically above average. We have honestly put not pressure on her in any area of her life. But one of these facts seem to be improve her crushingly low self esteem. she has a history of OCD, anxiety and body image issue since puberty and by age 10 was buying sweets etc to eat in secret.

And so here we are. 9 months on, she has lost about 30lbs and has gone from a robust and curvaceous figure to being underweight. She has virtually all the signs of anorexia but no diagnosis yet; i was told by the multidisciplinary team at the local hospital where she has been referred that she does not have a full blown eating disorder.

i'm very confused by the fluctuations in her behaviour around eating. Since June, she has had:
-some weeks where she insisted on vegan food
-some weeks where she eaten about 600 calories a day
-some weeks where she will eat then use fasting to purge
-some weeks where she will only eat in the evening but that meal is almost like a binge
-some weeks where she will not eat any carbs
- one week away with cousins where she ate totally normally (including ice cream and fish and chips!!)
-followed by further veganism and calorie restrictions


i would say that my daughter does accept that she has a problem and wants to get help. however, she generally believes: 
1. that her obsessive vegan type diet is the new healthy version of her and not the eating disorder talking
2. she thinks that her lack of appetite is proof that she is eating enough

Two days ago, my daughter seemed to have a bit of an epiphany. She broke down in tears and said that she was scared of the weight that she had continued to lose and about how bony she was. she was scared about the lack of periods and future fertility issues.

we had a long talk about the need for her to increase her calories as 1000 calories a day (her norm) is not the healthy state of affairs that she seems to think it is.  this culminated in her eventually accepting what i was saying, largely because the advice came from the clinician i had spoken to, and agreeing to eat snacks between meals and she even had some chocolate biscuits last night!!

i'm guessing that she doesn't have full blown eating disorder as i wouldn't except these glimpses of rational behaviour and fear about the weight loss if she had full blown anorexia. 


however, in the past she has seemed to be better then slipped back massively. it is very disorientating.

I think part of me just wants to get this down in writing, but there are a few specific questions i'd like to ask, please:
1. am i correct in my assumption that because my daughter has the odd day when i pinch myself because she is eating normally, this must mean she does not have full blown anorexia?
2. i feel that use of social media and time spent online is making things worse, any suggestions about how to address this issue? 

3. to what extent should teachers at school be made aware of my daughter's fragile emotional state? she has very low mood and is very lacking in resilience if reprimanded or criticised about school work. there is one key person at school who is aware, but the teachers have not generally been informed (although the weight loss is very, very obvious so they would guess). however, my daughter does not want all her teachers to know.

4. if i feel that my daughter is at cross roads now and still has some control over her choices (in this moment at least but- who knows about tomorrow) would it be really morally wrong to say something like 'when you're well, we will take a trip to ...' (city she'd love to go to) as a sort of incentive/ something to look forward to. or would that be too much like a bribe?


any other advice about how to capitalise on this 'window' of time in which my daughter seems to want to change?

very many thanks in advance for any suggestions. thank you for reading. 

tina72

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hi noo72,
welcome to that club nobody wants to be member of and sorry that you have to join us.
To be honest I don´t believe that there is a light version of anorexia and ED. You are pregnant or you are not and so it is with ED, I think.
But what you see and experience is that there are thousands of versions of ED and anorexia. It seem to be the most different disease. Some patients show all the typical symptoms, some show only a few, some change between different symptoms. There are no two equal diseases and patients I think, its like snow flakes. That makes it so difficult.

To see wether its ED or just a "strange eating habit" you can ask yourself some questions:
Has she lost a bigger amount of weight?
Is she looking sick?
Is she restrictive with eating in what way ever?
Is she purging or binging?
If you answer one question with yes, she has a problem. Weight loss is to dangerous to spend too much time in asking why and wait for a "right" diagnosis. She needs to get that weight on again. If she is compliant and has no anxiety with eating, the easier it will be for you.


To answer your questions:
1. She may be able to eat normally at some days. But if she loses weight with that, it is no normal eating. Maybe she just wants you to think she is ok.
2. Internet and social media can get things worse.Try to figure out what sides she visits. Be aware of that "proana" sides. Try to figure out with whom she is chatting and if there are competitions about losing weight.
3. To be honest again, the teachers will know it by now because you can see it and your d may not be able to go to school soon if she is not gaining weight quickly. My d had to left school for IP for 3 months. So in our case we told the teachers and the classmates very open what is going on and that was very good because everyone helped her and kept her on path so she was able to join the same class after coming back what is very rare. Your d is ashamed, but there is no need to feel so. EDs are mostly genetic and she is not guilty for that. If you inform everybody totally they can see that it is a metabolism disease and she is not "crazy".
4. Normally they cannot want to change. But my d had that days too when she said that she want to change but she didn´t know how.
Incentives are a good idea, but make them short. A trip to ... is too much time away. Try to use short incentives: If you finished your plate, we can go and visit a friend, the zoo, what that film you like...
Ask what you need, there are a lot of very nice people here with a lot of experience.
Try to get on that weight as soon as possible.
Tina72
Torie

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Reply with quote  #3 
Hi noo - Sorry you needed to join us here, but this is really the best place for information and support.

I think my family's journey might give you hope.  When my d was 14 (almost 15), we had the shocking and horrifying realization that she was cutting, fasting, experiencing terrible self-loathing, and thinking of killing herself.  Yikes.  So very perplexing, horrifying, and traumatic for us all.  It was unclear whether or not she had anorexia, and the other symptoms (cutting, self-loathing, suicidal ideation) preceded the weight loss.  But, it became clear that (whether her main problem was anorexia or something else), she could't get back to being her old self without regaining the weight she had lost.  She was eventually diagnosed with AN by one of the top AN centers in the US, but that is almost beside the point.

What I learned here on the forum was that she couldn't recover until she regained the weight, and had kept the weight on for a while.  The good folks here convinced me that she needed to regain ALL the weight she had lost, and then a little more because it is normal and expected that teens and young adults will continue to gain a little each year.

And so we focused on getting her weight up.  Make no mistake: it was hell on earth.  But after it was done getting worse, it started to get better. And better.  We were lucky - and you are, too - that she still had a few years under our watchful eye until she would be old enough to leave home for university.  And now, she is healthy, vibrant, embracing life, and off at university.  (I just hope to God she is continuing to eat enough!!!)

So my advice to you is to be optimistic that your d, too, will recover from it all.  And to focus on the re-feeding because that does seem to be a necessary  (but not necessarily sufficient) element of recovery.

And read read read all you can, especially here on FEAST. 

Please feel free to ask all the questions you like.  You've come to the right place. xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #4 
Welcome to the forum, and sorry that you have needed to find your way here. The fact that you have done so says almost certainly that your D does have an eating disorder. She may be a lot sicker than you think. Her marked weight loss is very concerning, as teens and children in general should not be losing weight at all. 

If you haven't already I would suggest reading the FEAST brochure Puzzling symptoms which will explain many of the confusing things you are seeing. The other brochures are also available here.   There is a lot of info at the website too. 

It appears as though you have seen someone already, and have been advised that your D needs to gain weight. 

In answer to your questions.
1. My D when first diagnosed with AN on the first day did attempt to eat. She was told that she was life- threateningly ill. It lasted all of half a day in her case. We are here still 7 years later, and she is not fully recovered. I was also told that we had caught it early and it as possible that she would be better within a year. I say this not to frighten you but to help see that no one really knows at the start how things are going to pan out. The best you can do is help your D recover her physical health as soon as possible as for some this will also improve their mental health as well. The journey there however can be tricky. 

2. Social media can be very difficult for those with eating disorders. There is evidence of increased body dissatisfaction with high social media use and many find the pro-ana type sites seem to drive this further. If possible I would limit access to social media, but not necessarily stop it altogether. Depending on her current social isolation - a common occurrence in eating disorders, social media can limit the isolation and use under supervision can stop our children from becoming even more isolated. 

3. It is normal for the person with an eating disorder not to want others to know. Eating disorders thrive in isolation and secrecy. The more that others are aware, the harder it is for them to flourish. Her teachers and school do need to be aware that she has a serious life- threatening illness. (Eating disorders have the same mortality rate as childhood leukemia). You wouldn't keep leukemia quiet would you?

4. Even if your D wants to be well, offering a goal a few months away, will be almost impossible to achieve. For those who want to get better, there is a constant battle between wanting to get well, and the thing that has  to be done to get there. Lots would say I want to get better so long as I don't have to gain weight. The getting better is coping with the weight gain and eating to achieve it. Often as they try to recover it feels a lot worse before it feels better. Rewards should be much closer and easier to achieve. For example when you have finished X we could go and do Y. 





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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #5 
Hi there
Big wave from Dublin.
Here are a few links & videos you may find helpful.

http://www.feedyourinstinct.com.au/

__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) , Then FBT at home since.and making progress every day. He is now in good recovery, and Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #6 


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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) , Then FBT at home since.and making progress every day. He is now in good recovery, and Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #7 


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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) , Then FBT at home since.and making progress every day. He is now in good recovery, and Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #8 

https://mobile.nytimes.com/2006/11/26/magazine/26anorexia.html

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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) , Then FBT at home since.and making progress every day. He is now in good recovery, and Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #9 
https://aramblingbecky.wordpress.com/2015/02/25/they-have-to-be-ready-to-change/
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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) , Then FBT at home since.and making progress every day. He is now in good recovery, and Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #10 


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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) , Then FBT at home since.and making progress every day. He is now in good recovery, and Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time.
noo72

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Reply with quote  #11 
I am really touched that strangers on the internet have been so generous with their time and support in posting such detailed replies. A huge thank you to Tina, Torie, Toothfairy and to the moderator for your wise words.

I apologise for the delay in getting back to you but it has been an emotional weekend with minimal opportunity to post with privacy.

My daughter has continued to agree to snacks since our last 'big conversation' on thursday night and has eaten quite well over the weekend. although a couple of the snacks were not supervised by me, so i am having to trust her. and i do , for now, as she has always been honest about refusals to eat in the past.

i am really grateful for all the information that has been shared but there is one thing that makes me think that she can't possibly have  'text book anorexia'. basically, she will eat her family meal in the evening with real gusto as long as it is a kind of food that she allows. i haven't seen outright refusals at the table, as i only cook whole food type meals. i know i would get refusals if i tried to give her pizza or french fries or something, though. 

the reason for the weight loss despite eating ok in the evening has been that she eats virtually nothing during the day.

so sometimes when i read the info, i feel like it doesn't apply to us. its hard to explain  what i mean. dd meets so many of the ED signs and symptoms but throughout, she has always coped with the evening meal. then i think to myself ''someone with anorexia wouldn't be able to do this" yet she has lost huge amount of weight. is utterly obsessed with food. has no periods. is very low. and her thinking is very, very 'ED'. sometimes this make me feel like a don't have a proper perspective on 'how bad she is'. especially when my own anxiety as a worried parent goes through a heightened patch.

i am very grateful to you all for the answers to my questions.

my next ones are (if you don't mind):
  1. how can i supervise lunch and snacks when she is at school and wants to go out at weekends?? 
  2. should i continue to allow refusal to eat sweet snacks (most snacks between meals are limited to fruit, oatcakes, nuts and rice cakes) or should i dictate what the snacks are going to be
  3. at what point do i get the school to get more involved with meals- they currently check that she has 'a lunch' the problem is that it does not contain enough calories as she will only have the soup and one a bite or two of something with it
  4. what can i say to my daughter about her fears about fertility? she has become obsessed with this issue and her mood yesterday and today has been very low because of it
  5. how honest should i be about discussing health consequences and mortality risks etc. there is part of me that wants to give my dd a shake and scream at her doesn't she know what she is doing (just in case there is a rational part of her brain left) but i am also worried about her low mood and anxiety linked to health (pre ED)
  6. i am trying to deal with this well, but my dd can see that i am worried sick and i know that she feels guilty about this. any tips on how to keep myself grounded and not respond with heightened emotions? (i manage this most of the time, but sometimes the cracks start to show)


thanks again, kind people. i have looked at the 'puzzling symptoms' document and will follow the other links. there is a bit of me that is finding ED info to have quite a depressive effect on me and so i think i might be resting reading it all. anyone else ever felt like that? not in anyway being ungrateful for the info, but part of me is shying away form it, for some reason.

best regards, N xx
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #12 
I just want to say a few things from our experience.
For us,dinner was the last meal to go for our d.i suspect that this was because it is the only meal we eat all together seated at the dinner table.this meant she couldn't hide how little she was eating.
Purging was common for our d-as we discovered each new trick anorexia was playing,it was replaced by another.so we would think our d was eating,we would breathe a sigh of relief,only to then discover that it was hidden in a bag,jacket pockets or the waistband of her shorts-or purged.
What part of you thinks this isn't an eating disorder?im not attacking,I'm genuinely curious.
Because from where I'm sitting it most assuredly does-and not the 'easier' version either.
She has lost a tremendous amount of weight.she has no periods.she maybe eats once a day on average.she doesn't think or act as she used to around food.
One of the realities with anorexia is that they can appear normal-until you challenge the line anorexia has drawn.my d was very compliant ...so I thought.but as I discovered each new trick-the water loading,the food hiding,the self harm,the purging-her anorexia made the next step further.
Sit your girl down.tell her she is going to eat six times a day and will be supervised for not just meals,but for an hour after.explain to her that it's not her fault,that you know she can't help this,so you are going to help her.
If she then refuses to eat,get ready for a trip to a&e for assessment.if she threatens to harm herself ring your crisis team for assessment.
I'm assuming you have already got her under a doctors care,she has had blood tests and is having regular weigh ins?she mustn't waterload before the appointment,but if you suspect she is-then subtract a kilo from whatever weight the scale says.
I understand about wanting to hide from the reality of this.i understand not wanting to call it by its real name.i did that.i couldn't call it anorexia for three months.i wish I had taken it more seriously.i trusted my daughter when she told me she had eaten.my supervision was perfunctory for those three months.i was there but not watching properly.i learned everything the hard way,my daughter is paying a very steep price for that.
If you don't see it being eaten-it isn't being eaten.
There are so many hard truths with this illness.the two I believe are the hardest :that your daughter cannot tell the truth about this.she wants to,but she can't.her anorexia is fully in charge right now.
:that the longer you take to accept this has happened to your girl,the harder the recovery is going to be and the longer it is going to take.
This is not a time to trust her words-she's not the one telling you them.her anorexia is.put your rules in place and have plans A,B and C ready to go when the sh$t hits the fan as the eating disorder realises you aren't going to let it be in control anymore.
Find all your strength and move forward like a warrior.you are your daughters best line of defence.dont negotiate.you can't.if you try your daughters eating disorder will win.
Many kind thoughts your way

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Sotired42
noo72

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Reply with quote  #13 
Sotired, thanks so much for your detailed response. I do 100% believe that my dd has an ED i just don't know if its full blown anorexia as her ability to reason, shift behaviour, be compliant at certain times around eating, eat sweets with her friends 'to conform' (albeit fasting afterwards to compensate) do not tally with my own perceptions/ misconceptions/ preconceptions of how 'bad' a full blown case of anorexia might be. i do not honestly think i am in denial, just a state of confusion pre diagnosis. i am scared to death about my dd and very far from being in denial about it, its just that sometimes i do doubt my own judgement when my own anxiety spirals. does that make sense?

 i think partly this is because we have had only two hospital appointments, a month apart and haven't started family therapy yet. our next appointment is being brought forward due to weight loss over the summer. dd also has ongoing counselling for anxiety that predates the ED. but we have had two appointments with specialists in this whole time and the last one was at a time when she was having a two week period of eating normally so it was sort of suggested that it might just have resolved. 

i think i need more medical guidance, tailored to dd. and urgently. especially as my dd seems to accept the 'medical'  eating advice and almost be relieved by the fact that someone else is making those choices for her.

i'm actually going to text them right now.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #14 
Hi there,
I am not trying to scare you but I am not going to sugar coat this.
Before I answer your main questions there, I want to tell you that for us the main meal was the last to go as well, and that a 30lb weight loss in a kid is VERY VERY serious.
Also just to give you an idea, my kid lost 10kg and was very seriously ill and entrenched in anorexia, he had to go to hospital for 4 months and that was just the start of his treatment. A lot of us have found that our kids are actually much more seriously ill than we realised.
My Son was also purging , we had no clue about that as we did not know "the language and sneakiness " of anorexia.
I have to say I agree with Sotired and I think that it would not be prudent to think that your D does not meet many signs. There are many very serious signs in the information you have posted so far. 
My son was extremely high functioning during illness therefore seemed completely normal,eg...class captain, chosen to do school orientation and speeches for new parents at school the week before he was hospitalised for 4 months...
Just to let you know, my son has no recollection of this time, this memory gap is common in sufferers.
Re trust, sadly trust and anorexia do not normally go together...our previously super honest kids are taken hostage by the bully anorexia and will do what they have to to to make the kid sicker and sicker.
This is not your kid, its a vile potentially deadly illness. Separate your daughter from the illness.
Act now.

__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) , Then FBT at home since.and making progress every day. He is now in good recovery, and Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time.
noo72

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Reply with quote  #15 
hi tooth fairy, i did say in my opening post that i think she has virtually all the signs of anorexia. i feel continually sick with worry these days. i have just had a very long talk with the school and am really stamping my feet about the Ed treatment. i'm really not in denial about her being very ill and am worried sick. i just  am just confused and lacking in guidance as the treatment hasn't properly started. 

when my daughter has been so candid with me and so open, is it absolutely definite that she is always lying about what she eats? the multidisciplinary team paediatrician made a point of saying how open, frank and honest we seemed as family. i'm clutching at straws, maybe, trying to find a positive.





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Reply with quote  #16 
I think at the moment you are seeing her eating disorder, relatively unfettered by treatment. Most people with AN, my D included, have significant food rules. The rules often then move to keeping the disorder hidden as best it can. My D too was eating dinner too, until all of a sudden she wasn't and she was on death's door, because by then her daily intake was only a few hundred calories per day. 

I had thought my daughter was eating her measly lunch too, but she wasn't. 

It is important that food goes in regularly, no more than 3-4 hours between meals or snacks, and preferably less. It is not pretty re-feeding. Many here have quit their jobs, taken lots of time off work etc. to allow for the level of supervision that is needed. I drove to D's school for over two years for lunches, and we used the school nurse for snacks. The food was dropped off by me to the nurse so there could be nothing missing in between. 

I would not bother explaining the health consequences of her illness other than to remind her that she is not healthy at present and that you are working to get her that way. It is unlikely at this phase of the illness that she can turn this back to self motivation in anyway to recover. Our smart rational children are not rational at the moment, they can't even feed themselves enough to maintain their bodyweight. 

Forgive yourself the slips in demeanour. We have all had some less pretty moments with ED in the house. It can truly drive you nuts. One thing I do when or if I lose the plot is apologise for my bad behaviour. I also try hard not to make her feel guilty for being sick, she can't help it anymore than I can. Separating your child from the illness and accepting that she is not in control of it allows you to then not be angry at her too. 

__________________
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #17 
Hi again,
To answer your questions.
This is a steep learning curve, and it is prudent to read and learn as much as you can about this horrible illness.
quote
"

i am very grateful to you all for the answers to my questions.

my next ones are (if you don't mind):
  1. how can i supervise lunch and snacks when she is at school and wants to go out at weekends?? 
  2. should i continue to allow refusal to eat sweet snacks (most snacks between meals are limited to fruit, oatcakes, nuts and rice cakes) or should i dictate what the snacks are going to be
  3. at what point do i get the school to get more involved with meals- they currently check that she has 'a lunch' the problem is that it does not contain enough calories as she will only have the soup and one a bite or two of something with it
  4. what can i say to my daughter about her fears about fertility? she has become obsessed with this issue and her mood yesterday and today has been very low because of it
  5. how honest should i be about discussing health consequences and mortality risks etc. there is part of me that wants to give my dd a shake and scream at her doesn't she know what she is doing (just in case there is a rational part of her brain left) but i am also worried about her low mood and anxiety linked to health (pre ED)
  6. i am trying to deal with this well, but my dd can see that i am worried sick and i know that she feels guilty about this. any tips on how to keep myself grounded and not respond with heightened emotions? (i manage this most of the time, but sometimes the cracks start to show)




1- She may not be fit for school , you may need to pull her out to re-feed her, especially with a huge 30lb weight loss, it is unlikely she is functioning at school and her thoughts are likely clouded all day with anorexia thoughts. If she is fit for school, she will need her lunch supervised by you or an adult that understands the illness.
2.She needs 6 meals a day 3 full meals and 3 snacks. She does not get to choose. Food needs to be laden with cream , butter and fats to promote brain healing.
3.I would not leave anything up to the school to deal with, this illness has the highest mortality rate of any illness and nothing can be left to chance.
4.I will post a video for you to listen too in a few minutes, it explains how no matter what you say the dangers are, the kid cannot process it properly as the brain is damaged from starvation.
5, as above, you have to understand that telling her the dangers is not going  to work and also can feed into the anorexia that is trying to kill her.
She does not have control of this illness, it has full control of her and is much "bigger " than her. She needs you to take control. Full control.
6.It is important that you fake confidence and  that you are not upset or crying , as your daughter is absolutely terrified underneath all this and is too terrified to tell you.She needs you to guide her through this. This is a very long road, but recovery is possible.  

__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) , Then FBT at home since.and making progress every day. He is now in good recovery, and Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #18 

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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) , Then FBT at home since.and making progress every day. He is now in good recovery, and Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time.
noo72

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Reply with quote  #19 
I am feeling so confused. Foodsupport, my instincts are screaming at me that she is not well. i can really understand about the need to take time of work to supervise lunch etc. i was on the verge of having to do that in June. now i know i have to get the snacks in as a definite. people are telling me not to believe her, but there is no 'mechanism' in place  yet in school for supervised snack time. do i initiate this, or step up the lunch time rules without the being told this by the eating disorder team? the clinician on friday told me they didn't think supervised snacks at school were necessary at this time.  
noo72

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Reply with quote  #20 
also my dd says she finds the appointments with the ED team triggering and that they make her worse. she certainly did decline straight after her last appointment. coincidence? 
noo72

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Reply with quote  #21 
toothfairy, i'm so sorry, i totally x posted and didn't see your last two posts.

your numbered replies to my questions are so, so helpful. i guess i'm still sort of waiting to be told what to do by clinicians and with regard to school and meal times. perhaps i should be initiating more, but i feel sometimes like i'm feeling my way in the dark. should i be barging my way into school a lunch and break before a dr tells me to? i get myself into a desperate state of worry and think that taking this kind of action without a dr's say so might be making it worse in some way.

thank you for the tips on emotional reactions. i will try to do that more.


BTW without minimising the weight loss AT ALL, purely stating this for context. my lovely dd was previously on the upper end of a healthy weight percentile wise, and had gorgeous voluptuous curves. she is now in the underweight category. i am very aware that with someone who is heavier at the start, it may take longer for the dangers of an ED to be properly appreciated. i just wanted to clarify that she is technically about 2 kg underweight.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #22 
Yes you need to instigate practically everything with treatment and also your D , or her ed will do anything to get out of treatment.
My advice is make sure that the treatment you are in is current evidence based treatment as a lot of us have had very bad experiences with treatment providers and have found on occasion that sometimes no help is better than bad help...
I strongly urge  you to watch DR PEEBLES VIDEO AS THIS IS  MODERN  EVIDENCE BASED TREATMENT , that many many clinicians are not up to date with...

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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) , Then FBT at home since.and making progress every day. He is now in good recovery, and Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #23 
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/sites/default/files/Toolkits/ParentToolkit.pdf
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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) , Then FBT at home since.and making progress every day. He is now in good recovery, and Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #24 
https://www.anred.com/medpsy.html
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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) , Then FBT at home since.and making progress every day. He is now in good recovery, and Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #25 
Hi,
No need to apologise, it is a steep learning curve and the treatment worldwide is patchy ...some countries have none!!!

A lot of us here post with the things that "if only we knew then what we know now" after we have had the bad experiences or terrible treatment!!!
Some of us have pulled our kids out of terrible treatment and got our kids into recovery ourselves with the current evidence based treatment guidelines...
Forewarned is forearmed, do not wait for clinicians to tell you what to do....
The longer this goes on the harder it gets..
Food is the medicine.Food supervision time

__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) , Then FBT at home since.and making progress every day. He is now in good recovery, and Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time.
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