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martican

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Reply with quote  #1 
Today, I found my D vomiting. She has a purging AN, and we are at the 3rd round, luckily caught within a week (I think). I am so deceived right now. I am questioning myself if I am not doing enough. I had her sleeping with me in the same bedroom for the past 2 months (after the 2nd round was discovered), and I just allowed her to go back to her bedroom after absolutely great 2 weeks when I thought we are finally getting somewhere. Bathroom door has to always stay open and no flushing, even when she was given her bedroom back. We have a bird nest next to our house, and she likes to go and check it out. I never really let my guard down so today I went to check on her and the bird, and found her trying to cover the vomit with leaves. On my neighbor's property! She is approaching the mark of 120 lbs and she is terrified. We are going for weigh in on Friday. This forum is like my bible, and I go by most recommendations that work for us. I stay vigilant but now I have a feeling it's not enough. Maybe I am doing something wrong but I don;t know what? We didn't go anywhere this summer, we cancelled a cottage trip in the beginning of July and I focused only on weight restoration and we progressed a lot in that area. Also, I was due to return to work in Sept but I am so not ready, so I had to resign as they couldn't hold my position for so long. I have nothing else to give up to this evil disease, and it's still not enough! 
Kali

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hi Maritican,

So sorry you are having to deal with this...it is so hard...can someone stay with her for two hours after each meal? Your d's anxiety may be increasing as she approaches weight restoration. You are doing a great job with her weight restoration, by the way! It sounds like she is finding alternate places to purge, in the garbage and outside, because you are being so effective at limiting her opportunity to purge in the bathroom.

My d. had to stay with someone after eating and was not allowed to go to the bathroom unless it was an emergency, and then someone had to check before she flushed. After 3 months of that, it seemed to help to interrupt the behavior.

I also had to rethink my work commitments at certain parts of the process, and it is very hard but you are doing the right thing. 

warmly,

Kali

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martican

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Reply with quote  #3 
Thank you Kali for putting it that way! We did interrupt the behaviour  twice (in Feb and then in June) but it is always creeping back. I have to tighten the supervision, and not fall for her innocent - going to check the bird, going to pick some feathers in the backyard (btw it is not unusual behaviour for her even pre-AN). Garbage is being checked as well as last time I found that was her go to place. I was just thinking about the option of blind weighing ... I did read pros and cons in the hall of fame. However, she proved in the past, she does get over her fears once adjusted, so I lean towards open weighing as they always did at T as well. 
tina72

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Reply with quote  #4 
Hi martican,
you are doing great and you didn´t do something wrong. The problem is you have to be alert 24 h a day and give 150% and nobody is able to do this. Nobody is perfect. I agree with Kali that you must see that she had to go to your neighbors garden because it was not possible to vomit under your eyes, thats good. Try to find someone to stay with her for 1-2 hours after a meal. No exclusions. No visits outside the house. You got it interupted for 4 month (between Feb and June), that is great. Its hard to be alert all the time, but ED looks for holes in the net for months. Every time you think "now she got it" you have to stay alert. I hate this controlling and thinking bad thoughts about what she could do. And I´m sure there are holes in my net, too, because we are all human. Do you think she vomitted because she was afraid of the weighing? Than think about blind weighing, maybe that is less stressy.
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martican

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Reply with quote  #5 
Hi Tina. You are right. I relaxed a bit after having great and compliant couple of weeks. We just had a therapy and T explained she'd do blind weing only temporary bc she will know her weight eventually. My D was eager to know her weight so we established to deal with this head on, no avoidance, even if it is harder. Needless to say, she hardly gained in past 3 weeks. Half a pound. Not sure if it was due to her appointment bc she doesn't keep in her head when we see T so she wasn't focused on that. She was just focused on the number. Regardless, I continue what I have been doing. Thank you for your input though!
Francie

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Reply with quote  #6 
Hi Maritician,
It seems like you are doing all you can do to prevent your daughter from purging. My d has AN with B/P.

My d got around our 2 hour bathroom rule by sneaking food into the bathroom so she could eat and then purge. We keep only a day's worth of food in the house (I replenish meal by meal) and lock multi-serving packages like boxes of cereal in the car. Our d has told us that locking food away makes her feel bad so I try and limit even what I purchase so as to reduce temptation and the feeling of her being a 'criminal', but I can't do that with some items that are multi-serving packages. I buy small containers of other things and shop daily. 

My d has told us that her purging has become a habit. If your d is purging as a 'habit' it takes a long time to correct that. I have read that it is easier to learn something new than to unlearn something old.

As you will learn from being on this forum, healing from an ED can take a Loooooonnnnnnggg time so keep doing what you're doing and add to your vigilance when you discover loopholes.  Be patient, be hopeful, and eventually you will get there. Best wishes! XO

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Francie

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Reply with quote  #7 
Hi Maritician, here's a good thread from the Hall of Fame: http://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/show_single_post?pid=1266906046&postcount=5#gsc.tab=0
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martican

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Reply with quote  #8 
thank you Francie for the link. Although my D wouldn't eat a morsel more than I ask her to, those are still great tips to stop the habit. Close the loopholes - that is what I need to do. 
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #9 
Hi Martican ,
My son had purge type anorexia. He was in I P for 4 months, & although was under supervision, he was still purging when he cane out.
I had to leave my job, clear my diary & give this illness 24/7 attention for about 9 months after IP to get him into any sort of recovery, even after that , I have supervised for anorher year , from a slightly bigger distance.& I still supervise now from a longer distance & he is still in treatment albeit stepped down.
Dealing with this is at best a couple of years, this is a marathon not a sprint.
Re the weighing - alarm bells are ringing . I would not deal with telling her her weight "head on", playing by the numbers is part of the illness...We had to stop my S knowing his weight as he was never going to get into recovery knowing he was gaining...

If we knew then what we know now..
Best wishes

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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
martican

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Reply with quote  #10 
Thank you toothfairy! My D just had a therapy and hit 120.2 lbs. She was okay with it after all. (Yes, that makes me more vigilant! just in case). Maybe I am wrong dealing with this head on, I have to try though. Her T thinks that non-knowing would fuel the anxiety just as much (knowing my D, I agree).
My only issue was a resident doc who took us in first, without a supervision of a regular doc who sees us (she came to us later). He said - well, you are 120, now you don't need this butter and cream every day, you can start eating more healthy. I almost choked. I told the T who was terrified as I was, and hopefully she will pass the message. My D had to be explained the doc is just a student and he is just learning, and he obviously has plenty to learn about AN.
Bottom line, we are transferring to Phase 2, I am still in charge to see what it takes to maintain  the weight for 2-3 weeks, and then she gets to choose one snack.
After 21 months, 36 lbs gain (25 lbs only in the last 7 months), and getting her well above her previous growth chart, I never thought we'd get here. I am fully aware I still have at least half a marathon ahead of us and account for more growth weight wise in the next few years but let me soak this in ... for just a day [smile] 
Torie

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Reply with quote  #11 
Quote:
Originally Posted by martican
My D just had a therapy and hit 120.2 lbs. She was okay with it after all. (Yes, that makes me more vigilant! just in case). Maybe I am wrong dealing with this head on, I have to try though. Her T thinks that non-knowing would fuel the anxiety just as much (knowing my D, I agree).


They are all different.  Our T prescribed blind weighing, and it drove my d absolutely crazy.  It worked much better when I decided to try letting her see the number.


Quote:
Originally Posted by martican
 I am fully aware I still have at least half a marathon ahead of us and account for more growth weight wise in the next few years but let me soak this in ... for just a day [smile] 


Soak soak soak, lather rinse repeat - so happy for you that you're getting this little break (relatively). xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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