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scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #1 

I am writing this more for me than anything today. I have been a bag of a lot of emotions these past few days anticipating today.
It was one year today, although it was Thursday March 9th, 2017 that my 11 yo D was admitted for RAN.

I keep remembering that day in colour as if it was yesterday. I am trying to remember how amazing things are now, but to think of how ill she was this time last year is so sad and frightening. How did I not notice earlier?  Oh well.

I have to remember all the good that has happened.
She EATS!!! She eats things that she used to throw at me last year, without any issues now. She takes new foods or more foods easily. She gained 18-19 kg in the one year and is still gaining. She is 6-7 kg higher than the first target weight. She is loving and happy. She has a lot of friends and is creative, kind, fun, and enjoys life. She SITS! For those of you who can recall our story, she would stand all day!! She was obsessed with every day being "the same". She had to do the day the same way and same times as the day before. She now sleeps in, she sits all the time!!

I am still vigilant and she doing some snacks on her own at times. I know it will take time, she is only 12. I am in no rush at all, slowly moving forward and as someone posted recently "life has no time lines"- or something to that effect.

She is so beautiful!! I am so proud of her. If it was hard on me, it was really hard on her.  We only were able to do this through all of your guidance, kindness, experience and love, so thank you my FEAST friends you are family to me.

It was, and continues, to be a lonely road for me. But I am making progress. I have started EMDR and so far so good. (thanks to someone who posted on this here- I took your advice). I am pushing myself to do fun things more and more and it is helping.

Love to you all
It does get better for you who are at the very start of all this- but sometimes it is only after reflecting on where you have been, do you see that. You are all heroes to me for your support and heroes to your beautiful, precious children.
XXX



tina72

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hi scaredmom,
we joined in here nearly at the same time, my d went IP two months before your d. Although mine is some years older, so many feelings and experiences to share. I feel so with you. I am grateful for every little step of progress and lokking back I see what we have achieved.
"How did I not notice earlier?  Oh well." Don´t ask yourself that, it is wasted time. You cannot notice something you do not even know it exists. As all of us you have never heard of all that before and never know what ED does mean. Now you know and you are vigilant and the same will never happen again.
It is so great to hear that she eats, and that she sits!!! I remember your post about the standing. It is so great that you broke that and your experience with that will help a lot of parents with the same problem.
You can both be proud of yourself, you have done an extremly good job. You are a wonderful mom. You saved her life.
The lonely road will get better. Social contacts still are very rare for me, too, but I am working on that. There will come a time when your head is not completely occupied by ED and there will be space for other things, too.
We are here to listen, to be friends and we are proud to know you.
Your sister Tina72
cbmum

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Reply with quote  #3 
I haven't been on the forum for a while, and what a great story to come back to! [smile][smile][smile]
__________________
D, b.2002, diagnosed with depression, anxiety and EDNOS Spring/Summer 2016.
Some restricting, some vomiting, some self-harm for good measure.
FBT, CBT, now on 3rd type of anti-d's.
WR for some time but still depressed and plenty of ED behaviours, the worst probably being the never-ending deceits.

sk8r31

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Reply with quote  #4 
So heartwarming to hear your update!  And a reminder to those in the early days of fighting ED for their loved ones that brighter days are ahead!

I remember when my d was first dx.  All I heard was how an ED had the highest mortality rate of any mental illness, and that recovery was not a guarantee.  What I really needed and wanted in those early days was HOPE.

Parents on ATDT and in person gave me that hope.  I am forever grateful for that optimism, particularly in the early days when it all looked so bleak.  Not to mention the sound advice and compassionate, non-judgmental views.

Again, so lovely to hear your update, and may the recovery journey move forward as smoothly as possible!

Warmly,
sk8r31

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It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
EC_Mom

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Reply with quote  #5 
So great to hear this update! And indeed it must be great for those still in the trenches to see that those dark days are over for you, and can be over with lots of food and time.
kazi67

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Reply with quote  #6 
Hey Scaredmom
So lovely to read your story!!
You have been to hell and back and now have your beautiful girl :)
Great inspiration to others on their journey
Totally agree with you what an amazing site this is to help/support and inform us all
xx
Kali

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Reply with quote  #7 
Hi Scaredmom,

You can change your screen name to proudmom! Thanks for letting us know how well things are going. It is always encouraging to hear when someone has made progress against the illness!

warmly,

Kali

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Food=Love
scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #8 
Thank you for all your support. sk8r31 I too needed hope as i was told over and over again about the high mortality. I was so scared I checked her breathing at night many times. what I needed most was hope that we could beat this. I did not need to be convinced that she was gravely ill. I needed tools and support and strength to do this. So i feel if I can offer hope for better days to anyone,then that is what I will do. FEAST gave me what I needed and still need to conquer this.
xxx
lmd24

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Reply with quote  #9 
Scaredmom, thank you for this. My D was diagnosed in September and this lonely journey has been a zigzagged one these past several months. Reading about your daughter really does encourage us newer members. I’m truly happy for you both. Great job, mom!!!
LauraCollins_US

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Reply with quote  #10 
Warm congratulations. I wish every parent could get a message just like this from a year in the future.... And you have provided it for countless parents early in their journey. A view to the reason we do it, the challenges of it, the emotions it brings.

Thank you for contributing to the priceless record of how courageous and strong and wise parents can be -- and the vision of our dear ones freed from the clutches of a treatable disorder!!!

xx
Laura

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Laura (Collins) Lyster-Mensh
F.E.A.S.T. Outreach Director
martican

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Reply with quote  #11 
You did just that, scared mom! Offered us hope that we desperately need. Thank you for that, and I am so happy your D is in a good place 😉 
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #12 
Of course I remember your story so well. I have to say that I am absolutely thrilled to read this today.
You worked so hard, I hope you have some me time now.
Best wishes.

__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in very strong recovery,  and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine. Recovery is possible.
scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #13 
Thanks to all of you for your kindness. I am struggling a bit with flash backs  this week. This has been traumatic for me- we have discussed PTSD on this forum a few times. But I am trying to stay focussed on the good stuff. Writing this post and seeing your responses, (which I look so forward to) helps me stay positive. I feel blessed to have you all.


tina72

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Reply with quote  #14 
Hi scaredmom,
these flashbacks will follow you for some time. What you went through is/was traumatic and your soul needs time to recover, too.
We are blessed to have you, too, and I am so sorry that I know you all only virtual and cannot see and hug you. Come here and join us when you have a bad day. This is the place to vent and to talk about what we have experienced. No one out there will understand that.
I send you a huge hug. [wave]
Tina72
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #15 
Hi again,
It is no surprise you feel like you do, I can really relate to this and still live in a state of hyper vigilance from the trauma.
It does get better over time. We need to allow ourselves to recover too.
We will get there,
Best wishes
TF

__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in very strong recovery,  and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine. Recovery is possible.
iHateED

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Reply with quote  #16 
What a great update.  The ptsd of this illness stinks!  Take time for yourself to heal too - therapy, massage, a new hobby - anything to put some focus back on your life and away from food and calories and counting calories and weighing and all those numbers swirling around in your head every day.  I had a very hard time turning that off.  Three years into recovery and I still get flashbacks that are so real.  Keep up the good work!

scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #17 
Tina, Toothfairy and iHateED,

I really needed your words today. Thank you for thinking and caring about me. I am really trying hard to help myself and do nice things too. It is hard, iHateED when you speak about the numbers swirling around in my head- that is so true. I have to turn that off and distract myself. 

 you are my angels!
XX
Mamaroo

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Reply with quote  #18 
Hi Scaredmom, like the others said, try and getting something away from ED. Can you join a mothers' group, a book/yoga/art club? I am not a social person so reading magazines, or books not related to ED, doing gardening and I've started baking for pleasure again!

Thinking of you and sending you plenty of hugs!

__________________
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for a year and WR at age 11 in March 2017. She is back to her old happy self and can eat anything put in front of her. Now working on intuitive eating.
EC_Mom

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Reply with quote  #19 
Scaredmom, I did EMDR therapy for PTSD. It helped. Not a miracle cure, but less of that prickly sense of dread and constant vigilance in terror. Worth a try.
scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #20 
EC_Mom, 

Yes, I think it was in one of your posts about EMDR that I sought out a T for me. I have only met with T three times but I like her and will continue to go. She and I have discussed EMDR and she wishes to try it with me. 
Mamraoo,

Thanks for your suggestions. I do love to read and love comedy shows. I am trying to get "outside of myself" but it is hard. I have to remember, that I have to model a good, happy life to my kids too, so that motivates me too.  I used to love baking too, I am glad you are doing it for pleasure. 

Just a question to all of you... when you are out and about, do you think you see ED everywhere? I do, and it really shakes me up. I saw a young girl, likely 14-16 years old yesterday and I just saw ED.  I started tearing up and my ED D saw that. I made up a story, but I don't think D believed me. Wow, what this illness does to all of us!


tina72

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Reply with quote  #21 
Hi scaredmom,
I am totally with you: I would not say I see ED everywhere because it is still a rare illness, but when I see a very thin person I immediately think that she/he has ED. It could be cancer or some other disease, too, in reality. But I can say I see if someone is unnaturally underweight. And yes, it touches me very much, too.
My d said she sees ED sick people, too. I think it is just because we are aware of the symptoms now. A dentist will look on every ones teeth perhaps...[wink]

This disease is in that world and you cannot change that. You cannot safe all people from hunger or other illnesses. You can just offer help. So if this girl lives in your neighborhood, you can offer her parents help. If she is a total stranger you saw in a train, you need to forget that. You must care for yourself now.

Love,
Tina72
scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #22 
Tina
You are right it may not be ED just my hypersensitivity to all very thin people. Thanks
for being here.
xx
Mamaroo

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Reply with quote  #23 
Hi Scaredmom, same here with seeing ED everywhere.
When driving around town or walking in the shopping centres, I see thin people it always triggers ED thoughts. Some people can be thin, yet not develop an eating disorder, so then feelings of how unfair this illness is, comes up. My biggest gripe however, is when we meet up with friends and my friend would describe her latest diet with me (vegan or variant of it) and I can just climb the walls [mad]! Luckily she said nothing in front of my children. Another irritant is when we invite friends over and their children don't want to eat what I made for them (nothing fancy, usually hot dogs). I think if my AN child can eat this so can you!!! Agh!! Enough venting for today. 
Looking forward to Easter this year, because my d is going to love eating all those Easter eggs.
Have a great day!

__________________
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for a year and WR at age 11 in March 2017. She is back to her old happy self and can eat anything put in front of her. Now working on intuitive eating.
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