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Sotired

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Reply with quote  #1 
im starting a new thread now.d rang from thrive,wants to discharge herself and come home.also wants to live at 'a weight she can cope with'-48 kg.has rung and text me all day to the point where I've started ignoring the phone.she is still supposed to come home tonight for the weekend ,says she will eat,but probably won't.i have talked with thrive,they said she's to come home and they will see her back on Monday,she will be weighed and once more she will be in hospital.not sure how much more of this I can handle.hope things are going better for you guys [frown]
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Sotired42
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Reply with quote  #2 
Sotired

This is nearly word for word what happened to us 19 days ago when my D left IP.......
I asked them to roll with the resistance as when she hits 42kg she wants to go backwards

I think this is what is happening with your D Sotired. The ED is giving her grief, the nasty so and so.
Can she actually discharge herself as I thought she was under a section

So sorry that her home leave is causing you anxiety. These thoughts of discharging by your D may be temporary due to some issue in the IP unit and when you collect her all may be fine. such a rollercoaster ride eh, grr. my heart goes out to you as I can feel and understand your anguish

If you really think she will not return or eat I would seriously consider telling Thrive you are not coping well presently and need to cancel home leave as the longer she is in Thrive the safer she is and the more nutrition is going in.

Hope all settles down and weekend goes well and there is a very good chance it will...........positive thoughts your way
you can do this 

Cyber hugs xxx


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Sotired

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Reply with quote  #3 
Thank you butterfly,and I am so sorry for what your services are putting you through too.d on her way home now,hopefully she will calm down and eat something when she gets home.she is still under section but I'm not sure how enforceable it is at this point.will just have to see how the weekend rolls out but must confess I'm dreading it.[frown]
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Sotired42
JustFlippinEatItNZ

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Reply with quote  #4 
Sounds like something has triggered her to suddenly be scared of something at thrive. U could ask her to think about whether she's trying to run away from something she needs to face, or whether she's running toward something positive and beneficial. She may not be able to tell the difference in her current state.
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17yo D, AN since Sept 2014. BMI 19.
Onward and upward - a gram at a time.
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #5 
Oh god oh god oh god.so ds plan is to check herself out of thrive next week.but it gets better.she plans to lose weight til 50kg.but it still gets better.she plans to leave school.nope,still better than that even.wants to get job in a bakery.
My h has had enough,says he can live with all of that except the no school part.i feel like I've been punched in the gut 38 times in a row,just can't keep fighting anymore.scared to have her at home,tonight she came in to my room,held my wrists and bounced up and down on my stomach whilst screaming at me.then 10 mins later it was like nothing had ever happened.
She has eaten while home but the super sudden mood swings and possible attacks are going to be hard to get used to again.
I know I'm not perfect,but I'm not quite sure what I ever did to deserve this.

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Sotired42
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Reply with quote  #6 
O blinkin heck Sotired that is just unacceptable behaviour and dangerous, she could of really hurt you. Did you phone thrive. 
My heart goes out to you......you saw the signs things were not good and unfortunately a mothers instinct is normally right.

This leaving school is so typical as they are looking for financial independence to avoid the one person who loves them the most and try their best to keep them safe...the parent

You DO NOT DESERVE this treatment, so please do not even go there. The ED is a nasty jerk......

I would fight to keep her in thrive as long as possible. Your D is under 18 so fortunately the health system have a duty of care to keep her safe and at present this is on your side, use it to the max
My D has been ill before her 17th birthday so bear in mind a lot changes at 18...................

Glad she is eating for you though as good sign she is able to fight the ED a little.

Hope you get a break and D settles down for next few days.......thinking of you 

Hugs xx

 



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K63

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Reply with quote  #7 
Hi sotired , sorry that d /ed is being so difficult . That behaviour isn't acceptable I find the general parenting bit more difficult now with ed but sometimes we have to say this is not ok behaviour. If she is in a place during weekend have a chat around she signing herself out and not going to school etc and see where she can see this leading to . I see two very different conversations with my d and my ed d when her ed is very active I stop her and say I am not listening to it . It's like talking to someone who is sick and hungover about not drinking too much . Hope things will settle down and you get some bit of space over weekend. We are struggling through each day here too it's not normal but hope we will get normal back some day.then it will all have been worth it.
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Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
kmama65

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Reply with quote  #8 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sotired
Oh god oh god oh god.so ds plan is to check herself out of thrive next week.but it gets better.she plans to lose weight til 50kg.but it still gets better.she plans to leave school.nope,still better than that even.wants to get job in a bakery. My h has had enough,says he can live with all of that except the no school part.i feel like I've been punched in the gut 38 times in a row,just can't keep fighting anymore.scared to have her at home,tonight she came in to my room,held my wrists and bounced up and down on my stomach whilst screaming at me.then 10 mins later it was like nothing had ever happened. She has eaten while home but the super sudden mood swings and possible attacks are going to be hard to get used to again. I know I'm not perfect,but I'm not quite sure what I ever did to deserve this.


Oh my dear. You didn't do anything to deserve this.   What happened sounds very scary. If she is a possible harm to you , maybe that is a way to keep her in thrive?  I hope things take a turn for the better soon. 

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Megan Mom to daughter age 14, dx ED NOS age 10.  First period last month finally. ED behaviors not much improved.. still growing and still needs more weight on
Elena

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Reply with quote  #9 
Oh Sotired,
Just when things were starting to look a little better! And as the others have said, you haven't done anything to deserve this. My D can be quite rough especially with her siblings, but it is not really violent, just more as if she does not know how to relate to them any more, it is amazing the amount of tolerance they show towards her, but I have to watch out for them. Sometimes we have to let them know that enough is enough and violence is not OK.

It does sound as if something has triggered quite a reaction from her ED, I hope she levels out again soon, and I hope h realises soon how important a joint front is and that to get through this more weight is the key, not less. There is this desperate urge from these kids to get away from those who care about them most, and it is tough to be rejected time and time again when so much is being sacrificed for them. I've given up thinking that one day she will thank me for all of this, somehow I think she'll always hold her sickness against me, and everything else bad in her life, it is good to have someone to blame, so why not mum!?

Hang in there!
PeachdreamNZ

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Reply with quote  #10 
Hi sotired.  Did you tell anyone yet about what she did?  I think that needs to be documented so you can hopefully enforce the MHA and have her kept somewhere safe for you both!!  Part of me think , oh well, let her go get a job and see what the real world is like...you can see that lasting all of a few minutes before they fire her or she leaves because she is back in hospital..but it seems that the real world needs to be kept safe from her possibly as well.  This lack of emotional regulation seems to be so common with ed or maybe its just part teenagers and partly ed.  More than ever sotired, its now time to think of you and the rest of your family.  Let me know if you need anything at all!
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D age 14 dx with RAN and depression April 2015.  3 IP visits from June to August 2015. Now above wr but still struggling with strong anorexic thoughts and depression.
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #11 
Hi everyone,
It took me a little while to recover but it was the fright more than the pain that got to me.here in NZ the legal age seems to be 17 for practically everything to do with mental health.this means that I'm not sure what our rights are at any given time.i could document what she did to me but am unsure what good it will do.i can go against my hs wishes obviously but that will come at a cost as it means he won't support me in it.i need him,he's all I've got in the battle.
My own health issues are making it hard to keep fighting,I am trying not to sound pathetic here but some days I really hurt physically with my endometriosis.the irony that I have to lose weight to fix my own issues is not lost on me.
I will talk about everything with thrive at our meeting though.our d is eating so that's a good something anyway.she still wants to do treatment but at REDS in an outpatient way.is threatening to ban me from meetings.it may be that she ends up in hospital on Monday because she is still under the MHA but I am unsure even of this.
Thank you all for your support butterfly,k63,kmama65,elena and peachdream.i may need another coffee session peach,if that's cool.
I will just keep going,today will be a one second,one minute,one hour day kind of day,and everyone here has those.strength to us all on the journey,

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Sotired42
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Reply with quote  #12 
Endometriosis sucks. I was so glad to stop having periods ... something for you to look forward to, I guess. Yikes, what a frightful array of challenges the fates are throwing at you, sotired. I hope your doc is giving you something strong enough for the pain, and that that something doesn't contain aspirin.

xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #13 
When the pain is really bad I take neurofen and go to bed cause only lying flat fixes it.i am still hoping to get a hysterectomy but have to lose 7 kg to do it.as I'm in my early 40 s I still have a while till menopause[frown]
D is eating but after her weekly date with her boyfriend usually all bets are off.she will eat to see him but whether she does tomorrow,who knows?she is being pretty rude and aggressive but no more physical stuff thank god.trying to prep for small boys birthday party next sat, hopefully she will be nicer then at least.wish it wasn't all so hard.anyway,hope all is well with you Torie.

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Sotired42
PeachdreamNZ

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Reply with quote  #14 
Absolutely up for another coffee anytime sotired!  I really hope d keeps eating now that date with bf is over.  Hopefully this is all just teething issues with her getting use to being back at home a bit more..she does need to know that any threatening behaviour will be taken seriously tho...are you saying your h would not support you if you felt you needed to report her in some way, either her health professionals or even the police?  We went through a similar phase and it was just so awful to feel victimised in yet another way by this horrid disease.  Hope you are feeling a bit better today and the pain is not so bad.  Take care, sending cyber hugs your way..
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D age 14 dx with RAN and depression April 2015.  3 IP visits from June to August 2015. Now above wr but still struggling with strong anorexic thoughts and depression.
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #15 
Excellent,will sort another coffee,maybe next Sunday?saturday is small boys party...hoping it will go ok.would be tricky reporting her because of past issues here so I will just tell thrive and see what happens with the information.sadly,none of this is teething issues,this is actually a return to the behaviour we used to have,but it used to be just shoulder barging and aggressive rudeness.seeing as she wants to come home it's surprising she would be this bad,normally she would wait til she got what she wanted first.last night she was shouting at her sister for drinking 'her'coke zero.it sounds like a normal thing but was actually all ed voice sounding.my h and I are finally back on the same page but we are both scared of what happens next.honestly,I'm sort of praying for ip,as she is sometimes better there.we have had no therapy ourselves for three weeks,twice because I was putting her back in hospital,once because the therapist couldn't get here.no one has rung from reds,I'm guessing it's cause they are too busy which is fair enough.its so awful but I can't wait for her to be back at thrive,I don't know what to do with her here.
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Sotired42
JustFlippinEatItNZ

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Reply with quote  #16 
:-( sounds like hard work.
Did she keep eating after the date?

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17yo D, AN since Sept 2014. BMI 19.
Onward and upward - a gram at a time.
JustFlippinEatItNZ

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Reply with quote  #17 
Things sliding slowly downhill here. Taking it day by day...
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17yo D, AN since Sept 2014. BMI 19.
Onward and upward - a gram at a time.
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #18 
Oh dear.has your d stopped eating?p has eaten but probably purged it back up.will find out tomorrow.alternated between being incredibly unpleasant and nice so very confusing.because we were prepping for small boys party we sort of just let her go with it,not like I can ever make her eat anyway.will you try for thrive sooner?p is giving up on school,makes me so so sad.it doesn't really matter but I just hate how much this illness has stolen from her,and from us.my h and I are at a loss to know what to do,so will wait to see if thrive have any ideas.we have a sinking feeling that she will be living at home with us before long and will never leave because she won't be well enough.i never expected this...


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Sotired42
Morgana

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Reply with quote  #19 
I am so sorry things are like this for you. Physical violence can't be tolerated, I'm sure I was given that advice here a few months ago. It is hard though because we know it's the illness, which isn't their fault, and we tolerate a lot we wouldn't normally tolerate. And the ed takes advantage of this, trying to wear us down and physically hurt us so we can't fight it. Can you speak to her about it when she is calmer? Or her treatment team at thrive? 

With regards to endo, you are not being pathetic. I suffered for years until a total hysterectomy at 38. It is an exhausting, debilitating and painful illness, and doesn't get better on it's own. One thing I found really helpful was an injection of hormones to force my body into menopause. It lasted 3 months and was very effective, apart from hot flushes, and they gave me hrt to manage the effects of menopause. It was a little break from the symptoms. They can't give it long term but it is worth having for the short time whilst waiting for a hysterectomy. I also had the mirena coil, which worked to ease the symptoms for about a year. Again it wasn't a cure but it gave me time, which is what you need right now whilst waiting for the hysterectomy.

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15yr old d. June 2014 stomach pain. Medical investigations until Feb 2015, referred to CAMHs dx food anxiety. Kept restricting and losing weight until July 2015, medically unstable. Began intensive re-feeding at home. Re-evaluated by psychiatrist, dx Autism Spectrum Disorder and Atypical AN.
Found out it's actually Typical AN.
IP from Oct 15, ng tube Nov. Re-started eating food July 2016. Discharged from IP August 2016 97% weight for height.
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #20 
Yup and you were probably given that advice by me...there are reasons why I will be bringing this up with thrive instead of anything else.also it is a one off incident not ongoing so they probably wouldn't do anything anyway.we will instigate some rules now about conduct at home,regardless of how the ed voice makes her feel,for mine and my other children's safety.if she cannot respect those rules we will have to find a new solution,maybe leave at child and family unit,instead of home leave.
I have tried the mirena but it had a couple of side effects for me so I only had it six months.i have had 3 laparoscopic surgeries on the endo but that stuff is like a bloody weed,it always grows back.i desperately want a hysterectomy but my surgeon will only do it when I weigh 80 kg or less as I tend to be a bit of a bleeder.7 kg to go i think.doesnt help that I eat when I'm bored (long time when you are admitting to hospital) or stressed(just living my life[smile] )but I am determined to get this done now that I have some iron back in my system to give me energy to focus.
D back at thrive for now,my h will have to do admission to hospital tomorrow if d needs it as I will be running round getting things done for small boy tomorrow.hope you are at peace now with your d going ip.
Strength to you on the journey,

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Sotired42
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #21 
Another day in paradise...d rang from thrive,she hasn't eaten anything except her half portion of dinner at thrive.she was going to run away but was too weak to do so...said this with no irony as she then said she can live perfectly happily at home weighing 48.5kg (she was constantly in bed,always freezing,very weak,but sure if that's your definition of perfectly happy and doing well...).
Ended in another shouting match with her ,just couldn't believe what she was saying.too weak to stand up and walk,but sure she will get a job in the supermarket.why not?so I will have her come home and I am just going to have to let her fail.but now we will have no safety net like we did so it will come at huge cost to us all.selfishly I wish she could have waited one more week til after her brothers birthday before this meltdown.but no,once again it has to be all about her and her stupid illness.i know I should be patient and kind but I'm really over her today.
Feel like we are in the seven circles of hell and will never get out.just because I knew this was coming ,it sadly doesnt make it any easier to cope with.one foot in front of the other...

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Sotired42
PuddleduckNZ

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Reply with quote  #22 
One foot in front of the other indeed. [frown]

So what do Thrive do if they don't finish meals? They must have this dilemma with other teens/YAs too? What do they do when they don't comply, just send them to hospital for a few days?


Keep going sotired xx

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Son 9yrs when he became unwell 2013, ED slide from April 2014, dx at 10yrs July 2014, 2 hospitalisations - dx so many times Behavioural Anorexia, EDNOS, ARFID. FBT from August 2014. Anxiety, Emetophobia. 12.5yrs old now! In recovery, gets better every day with constant vigilance, life returns.
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #23 
Usually three red flags and they're out.only because they couldn't that they haven't kicked her out long ago. The place that you put 16 year olds and over my butt.its only designed for people who want to get well.so I'm getting my starving,aggressive,angry 17 year old back.i can hardly wait.the MHA seems to have gone MIA.
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Sotired42
mjkz

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Reply with quote  #24 
What about letting Thrive know that she can't come home anymore?  It sounds like they consider 17 an adult and I think I remember you walking about a supportive living situation she could go into rather than come home.  Maybe it is time to let everyone know that Ed is not welcome in your house.  You have seen a return of aggressive violent behavior and you are right.  It is like living in Dante's Inferno.  It sounds like you have already brought her home and she fails each time so why keep repeating the same pattern?  A supportive living situation that is not at home and a place where people have to put up with her behavior could be just the right thing to breaking this crazy cycle.

My daughter is 25 now but at 18 she was put in a group home because I couldn't and wouldn't deal with the violence and the not eating anymore.  She found out the world is not going to cater to her eating disorder and whatever happens to be setting her off emotionally at that moment in time.  Made home and eating look pretty darn attractive.
PeachdreamNZ

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Reply with quote  #25 
oh sotired, this all sounds just so stupidly stupid and awful for you!  What is the MHA doing for your d right now?  Surely she has proven over and over that she needs the support of the MHA as she is not able to get better on her own??  Time for some legal advise?  Maybe CFU can be the next step after she leaves thrive?  I know you must be running out of fight, but again you will need to fight against this ridiculous system to get what your d deserves.  Let me know if there is anything practical I can do..apart from coffee on sunday[smile] 
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D age 14 dx with RAN and depression April 2015.  3 IP visits from June to August 2015. Now above wr but still struggling with strong anorexic thoughts and depression.
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