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toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #1126 
Sotired,
I hope you get time for you.

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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
Torie

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Reply with quote  #1127 
Sotired - Just returned home to read your update.  What a scare for you!  I'm so glad your d made it through OK.  Thinking of you ... hoping against hope you have a chance to rest up a bit before your surgery.  Love,

Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
catbells

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Reply with quote  #1128 
Sending hugs and wishes to you Sotired. You are amazing xx
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Mum to 17y/o D living in England. RAN since Sept 2015. Refed at home but after getting within 3kg of WR D relapsed July 2016. hospital twice for 2 and then 5 weeks. Now IP since Sept 2016.
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #1129 
It's all turned to crap.the day after my surgery the girl we are looking after threatened suicide so we had to put her in CFU.she is now in temporary respite care until I get my moonboot on.d had only just come out of a second time at hospital before this.then there was the autism course right before surgery.
Took days for me to be able to relax as I had telephone conversations,teleconference meetings and a difficult phone call with the girls parents too.
Ds potassium is low so she will probably be in hospital by Monday.foster daughter comes home on Tuesday.
Even though I could be doing more on my crutches I find myself unable to make myself.i am hoping that when I get my moonboot my mood improves and I feel like getting out of bed.
For now I'm struggling,not gonna lie.d has lost all her hair and her eyebrows.i don't know if you can die from gastroparesis,but I'm not sure how much her body can take to be honest.i cry pretty easy right now.
I've had friends helping out, I'm eating properly,I'm doing what I'm supposed to...but I'm just not feeling good at all.
Thank you for your kind wishes you guys sent, I've just been too tired and down to reply before now sorry.

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Sotired42
deenl

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Reply with quote  #1130 
Hey Sotired,

Just sending you a big fat hug. Hoping the bad times pass quickly.

Best wishes
D

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2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, tons of variety in food, stepping back into social life. Sept 2017, back to school full time for the first time in 2 years. Happy and relaxed, just usual non ED hassles. 

  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal. (but don't give up on the plan too soon, maybe it just needs a tweak or a bit more time and determination [wink] )
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
HateEDwithApassion

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Reply with quote  #1131 
Sotired,

I am going to pray for you right now. Your burden is huge, and you are doing a Herculean effort to not just help your D but another struggling child too. You are amazing to even have a heart to do that. 

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17 yo D. Diagnosed in July 2013. W/R in Sept. 2013 and has remained so. Roller coaster on and off since, mainly with ED under control but co-morbid depression and other negative coping mechanisms making our life hell. Trusting in God for daily strength and wisdom.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #1132 
Hi sotired,
I hope you are getting better soon and are able to get off the bed again.
I think at you and send you some big hugs from Germany!
Tina72
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Reply with quote  #1133 
Dear Sotired,

I am thinking of you and sending you positive thoughts, cyber hugs, and compassion.  
Tali97

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Reply with quote  #1134 
Hi SoTired,

I am so sorry that those around you are not stepping up to care your burden for a while. I hope that they will do so soon to allow you to recover.

The gastroparesis I seem to remember that your daughter is taking many medications. I know that some medications can have a side effect of lowering absorption of certain minerals. I know that for my kid's asthma med lower magnesium in their case(it was linked to the celiac) and other meds lower potassium. 
When my son was on the tube he had a good liquid multi vitamin and mineral which I pushed down his tube. However given her loss of hair I would be asking the docs what they willing to do about the malabsorption/malabsorption problem that is going on. Hope things improve for all soon. 

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18 year old boy (Gluten Free/Dairy Free 2005)
 IP - March/April 2014.  ARFID.
 2015 - Gastroparisis
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #1135 
Thinking of you Sotired x
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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
Torie

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Reply with quote  #1136 
Aw SoTired ...

Coming back online after being away for a few days, this is SO not the report I was hoping to hear from your neck of the woods.  Ugh ugh ugh.

It's okay to stay in bed and take time to recover.  Let's say five gold stars for opening your eyes in the morning and another 5 if you get out of bed to pee, alright?  Really, it is your turn for everyone else to care for you while you heal,  for a change.  (Not going to happen, I know, but that doesn't change the fact that it IS your turn.)

Hang in there.  So great that your surgery is behind you and now you can move forward with your own health.

Brighter days are coming, Sotired.

Love you,

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
Kali

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Reply with quote  #1137 
SoTired,

Thinking of you and your beautiful daughter and her friend, and hoping that you will all get the help and support you need to come out the other end of this stronger and better. Sending big hugs and virtual flowers.

Is your d. in the hospital? What does her team say? You mentioned she might go in today. I'm glad you have had friends helping out.

Can the parents of the girl you are looking after step up to the plate here and be more involved in her care? Suicide threats are very serious and everyone she knows and her professional team can help form a protective circle around her and help her through this. As they say, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. 

warmly,

Kali

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Sotired

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Reply with quote  #1138 
You guys are the best.i read all your answers and messages of support and love and I cried (again).im still pretty tired but I will try to answer the questions asked.my foster ds parents are...interesting.one flew out of the country (possibly for work) and is still away.the other refused to even buy her shoes-she is using a pair of my ds.she has a trust fund and rather than pay for anything her dad just uses that money for her.i think it's a bloody disgrace.having said that,he is trying to reconnect with her and since I have had a very calm ,but very blunt conversation with him,he has a much clearer understanding how much help his child needs.
Her stay at CFU was a blessing ,as now we have been able to get a referral to tupu ora (formerly REDS) , get her on meds and if needed they will help with sorting her a living away from home allowance from the government.ithasbeen a week since she purged.i have however talked with her about the fact this isn't forever living with us so I want her to reestablish a relationship with her parents and get supports in place for her if that isn't possible.im trying to get some wrap around care going Kali but it's not a quick process...
In terms of my own d, she was in hospital but it was a suspiciously short admission so I'm not sure it will work.
The weird thing Tali is that she is taking the vitamins that promote hair growth and it was working.then suddenly for no reason that we can tell,they just stopped working.also,the eyebrows falling out hasn't happened before.so I can't explain it at all.
There has been so much shouting and screaming in this house Torie that it felt like a return to the bad old days but times two.both my daughters were very self centred,bi@chy to me and throwing tantrums.finally I lost the plot with them individually,really lost it.i was so tired,I hurt,I couldn't believe that I had failed so much as a mother,that two out of three of my children were just..awful.after that they came right and have been lovely.a day late and a dollar short,but I suppose better late than never.it wasn't that they hadn't done stuff ,but they were sometimes so horrible about it-and it was for two weeks that I needed them to be good to me,not two years after all.
Still,it's all finally coming right,I'm in a moonboot with crutches for a month now so more challenges ahead,but hopefully we all survive them...
Thank you so much for your prayers ,kind thoughts and compassion.you guys are so very kind.

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Sotired42
Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #1139 
It never seems to stop does it? I hope you continue to heal well with your surgery. 
Some positives there in terms of D's friend, but no wonder you lost it with your children. Thinking of you. 

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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
Torie

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Reply with quote  #1140 
I guess sometimes we need to lose it so that our kids can see we are human after all and not bottomless pits of masochistic toleration.  I have had that experience, too, where things get worse and worse until I can't take it any more and practically throw someone out the window.  And then - poof - they are transformed into decent human beings.

Good luck with the moonboot.  Please take it easy as best you can.

Hugs,

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
tina72

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Reply with quote  #1141 
Hi sotired,
I hope it all will get better in your house soon. You have a very big mountain there in front of you and I admire you because of that power to do that for your d and her friend. It is no wonder that you are out of control or sad or tired and you do certainly not have failed as a mother! We do all our best and sometimes there is a limit. Thats human and you are not superman! And I´m sure that your kids are not awful (they cannot be in my eyes because they seem to have a wonderful mum and this is genetic!) but the situation and this damn illness are awful.
The hair los was a big problem for us, too, my d lost nearly half of her hair. It increased at the beginning of refeeding and we gave her vitamins and minerals but it didn´t stop totally up to now (2,5 months in WR). Could you get her blood tested what minerals and vitamins are still less?
We think of you and we hope it all will get better soon. You are doing an incredible good job!
Send you a hundred hugs from Germany,
Tina72
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #1142 
I've had to make a hard decision yesterday.after trying very hard to make it work,I finally told ds friend that she needs to move out.i was just getting too stressed trying to sort her stuff whilst trying to cope with my own and my kids.i have done what I can and regardless of whether it was enough,or how angry ds friend gets,I cannot do this anymore.
I'm also now brutally aware of how much ds friend lies-not just part of her ed I think,but part of her survival mechanism.my d is stressed from constantly having to help her friend.that makes the gastroparesis worse.
These,and do many other thoughts have gone round and round in my head and I suddenly realised that I cannot keep subjecting myself to more strain-I'm not a hero and it won't be the first time in my life I have to accept failure.
My h says I have done a good job and she is more stable than she thinks she is-and I have tried to talk to her often about how parents just do their best as well-I. Never planned this to be long term.i have gother on meds and eating regularly.i have sent her off to the doctor to get various things checked out.i have sat with her for hours trying to get her feeling better.
She is always welcome to visit and stay the occasional night after she leaves.i left her leaving date open ended but she decided it would be this weekend.i am relieved to be honest.we are in need of peace here and I am not getting itso decision made,we move forward.

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Sotired42
Torie

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Reply with quote  #1143 
Sotired, much as we would like to, we can't singlehandedly save the world.  Honestly, it makes no more sense for you to keep taking care of that girl than it would for me to say, "Send her to me!  I'll deal with it."

You made the right decision.

"Just" coping with your own recovery from surgery and your little tribe of 3 is more than enough for any mere mortal.  

Good call, Sotired.  Hope things work out for her.  xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #1144 
Thanks Torie.
I've learned a lot from this experience and my ds friend has too-as have her parents.i have ruthlessly pulled their heads from the sand I think, handing them a lock box with her meds and a list of "suggestions" to keep their d on track for wellness.what all of them do with this information is now up to them.
My d said that she is really relieved to not have her friend here any more,that she just wants to be friends and not have the stress of having to look after her (though in reality that was me mostly).so some valuable lessons learned in our little corner of the world.
I'm still glad I tried,but I'm just as glad i can just concentrate on us now and my own recovery with my foot.
Hope all is going well with your d in college Torie,I've been wondering how she's settling in and hoping it's going well.😊

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Sotired42
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Reply with quote  #1145 
Do any of you ever wonder if you are surrounded by people with eating disorders?im starting to feel like that. I know people on caffeine pills ,people who binge eat,people who forget to eat...and now one of my friends is training for her first bikini competition.thats good right?she had twins,went through postpartum depression and so in theory this should be a nice thing for her to restore self confidence.
Except,
Except she also finally told me she had an eating disorder.that she's eating more-1500 cals a day now-than she was.shes 5"2 and a slim build.shes a personal trainer who before this competition never seemed to eat lunch unless she was at mine because she was "too busy" to eat.
She's taking a supplement that is stripping her abdominal fat-so now I can see ribs when she posts online.
I feel ill when I look at those pics but she seems so happy and her husband is fully supportive of this.she trains every day I think-look when I'm not recovering from ops,I do too so it feels hypocritical to judge that.
Am I just seeing stuff that isn't there?am I so warped by what we went through that I'm looking at this through anorexia lenses?
I know others from the gym who have trained for these kind of comps but they didn't seem to be as extreme.
I'm just a bit freaked out.i want to support her dream but it frightens me too.i see her next thurs and I'm worried I will say the wrong thing...

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Sotired42
Torie

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Reply with quote  #1146 
Sotired, Since you are one of the wisest people I know, I was going to say I don't have any advice for you on this.  But then I remembered some good advice I have been told several times but can never seem to remember when I need it: Ask questions.  Very often, the best way to express our concern is by asking questions.

Good luck.  Hope your recovery is going as well as possible. xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #1147 
It's freaking me out.straight after posting a photo of ribs clearly visible,she then posted about how she was squeezing her sausage body into her competition bikini.its just awful Torie.shes such a lovely person and this just sounds tormented.
I will try what you say.questions.lots and lots of questions.thanks hon

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Sotired42
Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #1148 
I know the feeling. I often feel I am jumping at shadows, but other times there is a lot more to it. With adults we can only express concern, with kids I do tend to talk to their parents, and cop the fact that some just don't want to hear or know. 
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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #1149 
She told me she has suffered from eating disorders before,whilst we've been mates.its why I always fed her when she got here.but I have text her about my concern and you are right foodsupport, there's nothing else I can do.i too,feel like I jump at shadows but as a keen gym goer I also hear a lot of stories from former anorexics when I'm at the gym,once they hear about my d.
Decided I would rather express my concern than pretend I'm not.now I will let the cards fall where they may.im no kind of real friend if I pretend I think everything is ok.realistically if I was a client of hers (she's a personal trainer) and I heard this slim person refer to herself as chubby I would be wondering what she thought of my less than perfect body the whole time I trained.
I'm about strength not skinny.

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Sotired42
mjkz

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Reply with quote  #1150 
I think most of the world has an eating disorder in some form or another.  Having been through this with my daughter makes me particularly sensitive.  Like you, I had to realize I can only do so much to help people so express your concern and then let it go.  Lifestyle changes are something people very rarely are willing to do even when it is to save their lives.  Sad but true.
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