User’s Guide | Rules | Contact a Moderator | Registration or Login Problems? | Eating Disorders Learning Center | F.E.A.S.T.



Custom Search of F.E.A.S.T. and Forum Content:
Register Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment   Page 4 of 44      Prev   1   2   3   4   5   6   7   Next   »
Sotired

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,812
Reply with quote  #76 
Hi peach,k63,elena and morgana,
I can't tell you how many times peach that my d has delighted in mentioning to all and sundry how I too throw my toys out of the cot!if I say'well sometimes you just have to suck it up,crying in front of you won't fix it so I don't', she delights in mentioning the three or four times I have like its a constant thing...teenagers!same thing with losing my temper.if SHE does it it's understandable,if I do it it's terrible-not a lot of allowances made by her!
Day programme timetable is a bit odd k63,it goes from 11-6pm.so she does breakfast,maybe morning tea here, then the rest of her meals there except for supper.as I don't drive she has to bus in so leaves here at 10am.d eats some meals with us on 'home days' and some meals and snacks in her room.refuses to be supervised, or is ok with it,depends on the day.
I hope my d sticks other promise too elena,but if she does(a very big if),it's three days in a row and then four days at home so she may not have grasped my point exactly[smile]
I've been thinking about you too morgana,those first few days are super hard.but I hope that soon you can sit down with a cup of tea,a good book and just relax for a bit.trust me when I say that the time to recharge is a precious gift.
D got caught out today having wrapped glad wrap (cling film) around her middle.ed makes them do such weird things.my h and I just looked at her and said 'off it comes'.she claims of course it was just to make her feel better about her 'big stomach'.we said not normal,take it off.and she did!
She had roast chicken and corn for dinner,she let me choose how much ice cream she had for afternoon tea...are we finding our way?is it a ruse?only time will tell.
She asked if it was normal to have no interest in going out with anyone.i said its all individual.if that's how she is happy,then that's what's right for her for now.thank god I had done that other thread on physical intimacy or I would have had no clue!
Another week begins...

__________________
Sotired42
Elena

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 547
Reply with quote  #77 
Is it normal to wonder what disaster will occur this week? Ours has already started badly as our dogs fought over their food, unfortunately our youngest dog has a mean streak, most of the time he is soft and dopey, but he can't be trusted. So our old dog has a cone of shame and we need to get her to the vet tomorrow for stitches, it is too late tonight. Our whole family is stuffed up now, even the pets. 

Anyway, best of luck with this week.
Elena

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 547
Reply with quote  #78 
Oh yes, somehow we are supposed to be perfect and never negatively respond to the ED. My d thinks that she is infinitely superior to me, and a lot of it is that I'm humble enough to admit that I don't have all the answers and that I suffer from anxiety too. It all gets used against me and she treats me like a lesser life-form. This is all so hard, especially with your family's needs, so hang in there.
Sotired

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,812
Reply with quote  #79 
Sorry to hear about the crap start to the week[frown]and with your d purging you must feel wrung out.i never quite understand why you say in posts that you have it easy in comparison to others,I think you are having a really rough time and that you are completely allowed to own that.this is rough.its really hard.and with you also having the superiority complex teen it makes me feel better so you give to others too,just by reading their posts and acknowledging their hard times or celebrating their victories.
I start wondering on Sunday night what things will happen and I think that we do because everything changes on a dime.one minute you think it's going ok,next it's discovering the glad wrapped tummy,or evidence of a purge.my h gave my d a Stanley knife to do art with,I freaked out on the inside as that was her weapon of choice during really bad self harm days.held myself back from commenting but it was hard.
Own that it's hard.dont downgrade your issues,they matter.and be kind to yourself wherever you can.i went off to the gym today happy that I'm taking some time to look after my needs.make sur you do that too ok elena?hugs to you from across the pond [smile]

__________________
Sotired42
Elena

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 547
Reply with quote  #80 
I hope your week has started out OK.

I say that I have had an easier time than others because I have had an easier time of all this. It is possible to make my girl eat, although a challenge. We have had no admissions to hospital, and her BMI was never scarily low, and the needs of my other children are medium to low. We feel as if we are going through a rough time, but it is nothing to many people on the forum, including yourself. It is still hard but we'll get there.

My sweet dog is all stitched up now and still a bit doped out from the anesthetic. My other dog is isolated in separate part of the yard. Still not sure how to teach a really dumb dog that his behaviour is dreadful. Not sure if he even realizes that he has hurt his friend.

I can totally get your freaking out over h giving d a stanley knife, you did well not to react. 
Sotired

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,812
Reply with quote  #81 
Well yeah your d eats,but she purges soooo...kinda cancels that out.there are probably a number of people here who struggle but have not had to do ip.i think having them at home full time is a lot harder.im really struggling with it.so I'm gonna stick with thinking you are doing it hard,but are keeping on going.i think it was Torie who advised me way back not to get caught up in comparing journeys and feeling less than.(thanks Torie).every persons journey is so different.what worries me is that you sound exhausted.
Re the dogs,some just don't get on I guess.a friend of mine had to have her younger one put to sleep as it fought her older dog a lot and then started showing aggression towards humans.not the dogs fault,just bad breeding I think.your idea of having them seperate is a good one.
My d stopped eating at lunchtime today as she gets weighed tomorrow.sigh.i suspect there is some purging happening too but she will never admit to it- until she gets angry at me anyway.just left her to it,think she sneaked tiny bits of food but who knows if she kept them down.i hate the purging,the starving...hope she eats at day programme,she might,she doesn't want to be kicked out.fingers crossed [smile]

__________________
Sotired42
K63

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 809
Reply with quote  #82 
Hi sotired , hope weighing goes well and that she eats in day programme. It's a constant battle . I think it is part of teenager behaviour that they like to tell people when we have a hissy fit as I call it both my d s have done this to me at different stages. We are all human there is only so much we can take without breaking .
__________________
Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
Sotired

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,812
Reply with quote  #83 
Nope...she came back from day programme and just started in on how she was only going to do two days.long story short this ended up causing an argument between me and h,she listened in,threw all her toys out of the cot,packed a bag,ready to live on the street.many tears -hers and mine-later,we decided that what I can't cope with is not knowing from day to day whether she's going or not,she can't cope going there at all.
So another day,another plan.she will leave treatment there and do therapy and doc visits at reds.at least then I will know what is happening on a day to day basis.was going to start a thread called '17 sucks' but then decided maybe not [wink]am just glad she is sleeping in her own bed tonight,she would never survive living on the street.
Living with chronic illness is going to suck big time,but the alternative is worse so I will just have to find a way to deal.maybe h and I will start weekends away so that we survive this....

__________________
Sotired42
PeachdreamNZ

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 149
Reply with quote  #84 
oh gosh, sotired, that sounds like a really rough day!  that is a major bummer that d is dropping out of the 2-3 days at day programme.  But I so know what you mean about how difficult it is not knowing what is happening and not being able to plan anything.  It drives my anxiety nuts!  Hopefully you can get a good routine going with REDS so you can have the same day and time each week for both the doctor and the therapist.  Will they be doing FBT or will you get some other type of therapy through them?  You will be back to the same question though of what to do with her the rest of the time...some volunteer work maybe or taking over the house cleaners job[smile]?
__________________
D age 14 dx with RAN and depression April 2015.  3 IP visits from June to August 2015. Now above wr but still struggling with strong anorexic thoughts and depression.
Sotired

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,812
Reply with quote  #85 
Thanks peach.d will be in the adult side of reds so individual therapy.i will work our routine out for daily living.have decided to treat it like she's on school holidays,then I cope better.will give her a few weeks and then she can start looking for part time job when she's coping better with life.got 4hours sleep last night and we are off to discharge from residential today.eyes still hurt from crying.putting on a normal face with the kids today took a bit of doing.off to meeting now.hows it going in your corner?
__________________
Sotired42
K63

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 809
Reply with quote  #86 
Hi sotired, isn't it a pity when there is a programme available and they won't attend I was taking my d to CBT In July a 4 hour journey after a few sessions she didn't want to continue said he wasn't any good . It's such a struggle every day I am weary from it all now . My d is a kg from low healthy bmi and is really struggling with every meal. I hope you get a system going with d now that she is home all the time.
__________________
Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
Elena

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 547
Reply with quote  #87 
Let's just face it, our kids really hate anything that is a threat to the ED, programs, therapists and us, unfortunately. I'm sorry things have been so rough for you this week, Sotired. The only thing I can suggest is to see if you and your d have an interest or hobby in common, one that doesn't involve food or very much exercise. For my d it is photography, so almost every day when I was refeeding her and she wasn't at school we would pack our food in a cooler bag and go somewhere to take photos, it got us out of the house and thinking about something other than food ... just realised that this might not work for you, as I think you said you didn't drive... oops!
floating

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 876
Reply with quote  #88 
Thinking of you sotired  and the difficult time your all going through

Having them back home is so hard after IP care as the safety net feels pulled away and you are responsible for a child that is still very unwell

xx hug

__________________


Sotired

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,812
Reply with quote  #89 
D home with stomach bug today.so I have given her fluid and a blanket and left her watching TV while I took the dog for a long walk.hope she eats but she threw up breakfast so not optimistic.will get her checked at docs tomorrow.
Still feel shattered from all the changes.anyway,thanks for the kind thoughts butterfly,elena and k63so pleased that your d is making progress k63,you must be pleased [smile] and nervous too I guess,we never know if this time it's gonna stick.hope it does.
Back to life,back to reality.backto the here and now (song fro the nineties)

__________________
Sotired42
Elena

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 547
Reply with quote  #90 
It is not much fun when they are sick, especially stomach bugs. I hope it is just a short lived one and that you don't get it too, or the rest of the family. Thinking of you.
Morgana

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 326
Reply with quote  #91 
How is she today? This was my fear a few weeks ago, my son's girlfriend had a stomach bug and I had to tell him she couldn't come over until she had been clear of it for 3 full days. He was okay about it, but gave me that look like I was over-reacting! I didn't care, I just could not imagine what would happen if d got a stomach bug the state she was in. Sotired I'm thinking of you xx
__________________
15yr old d. June 2014 stomach pain. Medical investigations until Feb 2015, referred to CAMHs dx food anxiety. Kept restricting and losing weight until July 2015, medically unstable. Began intensive re-feeding at home. Re-evaluated by psychiatrist, dx Autism Spectrum Disorder and Atypical AN.
Found out it's actually Typical AN.
IP from Oct 15, ng tube Nov. Re-started eating food July 2016. Discharged from IP August 2016 97% weight for height.
floating

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 876
Reply with quote  #92 
Blinkin heck sotired that's all you need this early stage at home

Hope it is a 24 hour one and your poor D is ok tomorrow

At least she is resting

Hope you get a little more sleep tonight xxx


__________________


Sotired

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,812
Reply with quote  #93 
Hi elena,butterfly,morgana,
Bug seems to be mostly finished,she is still a bit tired but took herself off to the doc to get a check and obs done.as I don't have access to that info I have to take her word for it that everything is ok.havent heard anything from reds yet which is concerning as we in theory are still covered by residential but in practice as she is refusing to go are now between teams.i check n with her about eating intermittently but am mostly just doing my own thing so I don't end up fighting with her.we are off to a firework display tonight so hoping it all goes well.feel like there have been more than enough fireworks here!

__________________
Sotired42
PeachdreamNZ

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 149
Reply with quote  #94 
That's really good news sotired that the bug did not last long.  Any type of illness that could affect eating really worries me after our experience with influenza A a few months ago.  I can't believe it was the last day of school today for my older d, one week of study leave and then ncea exams.  Where has this year gone?  The last thing I remember was a family wedding in February and then we disappeared into the rabbit hole and I feel like the rest of the year has been some type of time warp or alternate reality.  Our medical certificate from starship expired this week so northern health wanted to know if we want to go back to school fulltime next week.  I don't think they really understand EDs...while d is looking much better doing half days has been more than enough for her physically and mentally for the last month.  She seems to be internalising all her feelings these days instead of letting me in and it bothers me that I am being lulled into thinking things are going well when this could be a new trick of 'Ana's'.  I love a good fireworks display!  Hope enjoy the evening and have fun imagining a few rockets up the ED[smile]
__________________
D age 14 dx with RAN and depression April 2015.  3 IP visits from June to August 2015. Now above wr but still struggling with strong anorexic thoughts and depression.
Elena

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 547
Reply with quote  #95 
I hope the fireworks stay outside not inside! I'm glad the gastro seems to be over.How is your boy going? is school any better? Hang in there.
Sotired

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,812
Reply with quote  #96 
Fireworks display was awesome and didn't go on forever so we all really enjoyed it took earmuffs for small boy,made it much better.my an d said 'oh.exposure therapy' when I said that it was nice to return to these things as we had missed out for a few years because he couldn't cope.earmuffs rock!in terms of school it's been a mixed bag as always so in the coming week I will go and check out the girls old school and see if they would take him.
Was lovely watching the girls go on a couple of fair rides and enjoying it.still had ed along for the ride-she was texting an ed friend and suddenly asked me where she would buy scales from!said I won't have them in the house so not to worry about it.i hate anorexia.its always there like a nasty ass shadow determined to ruin everything.the more we do as a family or when we take her out,the more it says to us that our d is just faking enjoyment.sucks cause I'm pretty sure that SHE loves it.too hard to acknowledge it I guess.
Reds have been in touch so hopefully that kicks off in a couple of weeks.until then my d still has a few things to tie up at residential.reds said to get her cv in order so that she can start applying for jobs.not sure what I would write under general health...any ideas?rosie said its not good for her to lie around doing nothing forever so after a holiday,that will be the expectation here.
Just over living with anorexia.love my d but this is so hard.

__________________
Sotired42
Linda2

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 329
Reply with quote  #97 
Hi Sotired,

Oh dear, I am so sorry to hear, it is hard when your child is purging.
My daughter was part of the first group that started there when the place opened in 2010. Later on she briefly went to the day programme but it wasn't 'purge-proof' at all. My daughter knew 5 places to purge all in the immediate surroundings (i.e. the Chinese boarding house next door and the old sports complex at the back). I did advise so it might have changed since then but even then, it is terribly hard for them not to with so many gaps in the net.

(sorry I am sounding like a real old timer...)

Sotired please read my husband's post on Battymatty's thread. I am hoping that can help your daughter as well, because her gut bacteria will be totally depleted.

Uhm...Oh yes,  years ago I read about the link between anorexia and autistic spectrum disorder, which is both genetic. Without wanting or needing to diagnose my daughter, I have found that the strategies  parents who have a child with Autistic tendencies or disorder have helped us to help her recover.
ie i already knew she never liked change; she needs long preparation (the sweetie : )
So with that in mind, I asked my colleague who has an autistic child and I applied some of her strategies. I took 2 full months to help her mini-step by minuscule step to change to another type of muesli bar  and then the next type etc
You will already know about this with your experience.
I applied the same 'mini-steps' strategy to other areas as well, i.e. changing her room to another room in the house (took 6 months)
I think it was important to keep introducing changes, but slowly and with her involvement.
Hope that helps,

Love,
Linda
Sotired

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,812
Reply with quote  #98 
Hi Linda 2,
My son is a diagnosed ASD.iwe have tried everything with our oldest d but she will only do things on her own terms or she won't do anything.i read what your h said on bat mats thread with interest and will get some pre and probiotics but I don't know if d will take them.she is a severe restrictive anorexic so at her worst does not drink water or swallow her own spit,requiring hospitalisation.she hasn't been that bad for a while but it all changes on a dime.so,awful as it sounds,I'm leaving her to it in many respects.i make sure she has eaten something for each meal.i hope she is not purging.at 17 she falls through the cracks in the system, so we do what we can.we have tried many different plans,none have been effective.strageies that work for her brother don't for her.i hope all is going well for you and your d.

__________________
Sotired42
Sotired

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,812
Reply with quote  #99 
D self discharged from thrive with my hs permission.she has agreed to therapy at reds and doctor checkups .during our journey we have been involved with private cbt,strengthening families,FBT,CYFS,ICIS,lsuye ,18 hospital admissions,three times under the MHA, crisis team,marinoto,reds,CFU(secure and unsecured unit) and thrive.(and a partridge in a pear tree...)believe me,I have fought.we have gone through multiple self harm,one serious suicide attempt in front of siblings,food hiding,food purging,running away....by the time I started posting here we had been lurching from one crisis to the next for so long I couldn't even remember any semblance of a normal life.my other kids,one has moderate to severe dyslexia and the other high functioning autism,which means many of the problems but no elegibility for funding.so I have been sorting stuff for them at the same time.for us the journey is a bit fraught and although I wish for recovery I no longer hope for it.if it happens it will be driven by my d.i have kept her alive and safe and that has taken all my strength.i appreciate any suggestions though and will look into the pre and probiotics [smile]
__________________
Sotired42
Linda2

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 329
Reply with quote  #100 
Dear Sotired,

That is really tough. It sounds like the only thing you can do at the moment is 'hang in there' and whenever she is ready do whatever you can do; you are doing an awesome job. I am convinced that although we did not notice it at the time, every thing we did went into her emotional piggy bank. I used to visit her in hospital/ CFU only for her to go off at me and tell me to f..* off, but every now and then I would see her looking out at me from behind the ED (a little bit like bccka5's image with that eye). She would look at me like that and then quickly look away again.
Keep up the blood tests and meetings, you are doing an awesome job!
She will come back.

<>HUGS>>
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

F.E.A.S.T. Families Empowered and Supporting Treatment of Eating Disorders
is a 501(c)3 charitable organization committed to maintaining the Around the Dinner Table forum as a FREE service for any caregiver of a loved-one with an eating disorder.

P.O. Box 1281 | Warrenton, VA 20188 USA

US +1 855-50-FEAST | Canada +1 647-247-1339 | Australia +61 731886675 | UK +443308280031 

This forum is sponsored by F.E.A.S.T., an organization of parents serving parents and caregivers of patients of all ages with anorexia, bulimia, and other eating disorders. Information and advice given on this forum does not necessarily represent the policy or opinion of F.E.A.S.T. or its volunteers and is meant to support, not replace, professional consultation.

F.E.A.S.T. is registered as a nonprofit organization under section 501(c)(3) of the United States Internal Revenue Code.

Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Community Rules | Forum Rules | F.E.A.S.T. Principles | YMadmin | WTadmin
Custom Search of F.E.A.S.T. and Forum Content: