Registered: 1398657817 Posts: 428
Reply with quote #26
Yay - yay and double yay! I'm so glad your first visit appears to show your daughter doing well. That's so wonderful and brings me a lot of joy! This stupid ED monster can be beat - and you have helped your D do it. I know - cautious optimism, but dont forget to enjoy these days of wonderful wellness for your D and her new adventure vs. worrying what might come.
__________________ 19 yo D. AN - since about 15 years old. WR quickly - but the last four years have been tough. Since Sept. 2017, two residential stays, now in IOP, fighting a relapse. ED is hanging on, mental state not great, can't get her to remain at a weight long enough or high enough to see mental healing. She's on a gap year that will likely now turn into two.
Registered: 1268143852 Posts: 1,395
Reply with quote #27
Dear Torie, your latest post made my heart sing!! Such good news! I know what you mean by all the uni walking - same with my son and I'd worry that he wasn't eating enough to compensate until he reminded me that he almost always popped into Subway on the way there to get a roll and into all the various supermarkets on the way back to buy food. He's always been into getting bargains and I remember him saying: "Marks & Spencers had knocked their packets of (ready-to-bake) chips [fries] down to 10pence, so I bought two packets!" And a similar comment about Yorkshrie Puddings. All stuff he wouldn't have touched with a barge pole back in the bad old days.
His room-mates (we call then flatmates or housemates over here) were really fussy over food and ate next to nothing, but it didn't stop my son from cooking himself fantastic meals every night.
He's back home now after 4 years at university and not once did he cut down on food. I really hope that the same happens for you and your D. Such good news about the T - better than the uni health centre nurse who told my son that she could tell he was recovered by the way he "looked". And that eating disorders were "all about control". Hmmnn...
Fantastic news, Torie, continue to keep us posted!!
Save Save __________________ Bev Mattocks, mother of 24-year old male DX with RAN 2009, now recovered. Joined this forum in 2010 - it was a lifesaver.
Registered: 1430057967 Posts: 45
Reply with quote #28
So happy for you Torie!! College was a fresh start for my d and sure will be one for yours too.
I remember the first few weeks my daughter was in college (last fall) tracking her meal plan and visiting her and being worried all the time. I remember she missed her meals few times the first week but was quick to go back to eating 3 meals herself. That didn't stop me from worrying almost the whole semester. By Spring semester, I stopped worrying. She did confess to increased thoughts later part of the Spring and started going to therapy herself. She started her sophomore year this past week and we are at a stage where we trust her to take care of herself. She still has body image issues, anxiety and thoughts that she is not good enough (not every moment but on some bad days) but she also is leading a very fulfilling life in the uni with friends and is doing a lot of work on herself. And looking back, she is in a much, much better place although there have been ups and downs. Going to college made a lot of difference for my d in a positive way and I'm sure will be the same for your d too Thanks for always being there for all of us...
Registered: 1431767540 Posts: 1,960
Reply with quote #29
Makes me so happy to read your update Torie,it's frightening when they spread their wings,but it sounds like your d is off to a great start.a therapist that focuses on how to move forward and goals and dreams how to get that done is worth their weight in gold I reckon😀
It will get easier for you to relax in time .just as you stood on the shore waving the banner for your girl "it will get better"- I promise you it will get better for you too.as much as you can,take this time to focus on you now- maybe do some stuff that you want to do that you didn't let yourself do before.walking,the gym,a weekend or even a week away with a girl friend or your partner.
Take the time to enjoy just getting to be you again.i will be sitting here envying you by the by,im not allowed to go for long walks or the gym for another month yet 😁 __________________ Sotired42
Registered: 1438737617 Posts: 1,518
Reply with quote #30
Wonderful update Torie. So glad she is settling in and enjoying it. College is scary for everyone but it sounds like she is well prepared!!
Registered: 1396016102 Posts: 4,922
Reply with quote #31
Thanks, guys. Your support means so much.
I just want to say to everyone with younger kids ... the "normal" timeline for college is so not ideal for our families. So many of our kids are younger than their chronological age would suggest, and, as a separate issue, they need more support than their same-maturity-level peers. I wish my d had been willing to consider a gap year. That's my suggestion to you, dear friends - plant the seed of gap year idea early and often. As those who have followed our story know, it was my d's freshman year of high school that was especially hellish. Sophomore year was still scary, but much better. And so on. I always felt that school was the safest place for my d, and that her (non-athletic) extracurriculars were important for her mental health. And so, we never found time to fit in a proper DBT course. If she were here, that's something we could prioritize this year and plan everything else around that. But no. She is off on her own, away from my watchful eye. Ugh. So far so good, I think. I hope. I'm realizing that waiting a whole month to see her would be too long. My first visit was after two weeks, which felt about right. So maybe I will find some clothes and boots I will need to take to her soon. Something like that. Thanks again. xx -Torie __________________ " We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP ♡
Registered: 1452437794 Posts: 2,189
Reply with quote #32
Torie, So happy for you xxxxxxxx
__________________ Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in very strong recovery, and Living life to the full, like a "normal" teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine. Recovery is possible.
Registered: 1431807996 Posts: 117
Reply with quote #33
Just read this! I'm wishing you and your d the best of luck. Such a story of hope particularly having a D who is struggling with all the similar issues - (you are such a support). Really interesting comment about the chronological age and I'm going to bear this in mind too when it comes to the college/university decision. All the best and have my fingers crossed for you! Best, Izzo
Registered: 1435435970 Posts: 365
Reply with quote #34
Torie, what a good reminder for me to keep in my pocket--save some items she will 'need at college' to give me a reason to go visit.
I sometimes need reminding about the chronological age thing. My d is so beautifully responsible and mature in almost all ways, but more like a young teen in conflicts with me. Which may be actually normal for teen life in general.But it helps me be less angry and more accepting to think that ED set her back a little with that developmental element.
Registered: 1452125195 Posts: 270
Reply with quote #35
Torie - I'm just catching up on the forum and on your d's transition to college. Wow!! You are an amazing mom and always watching out for her even when she's not right there with you. She will learn and grow in so many ways with this experience. Wishing you both the very best.
__________________ ed_newbie "Lineage, personality and environment may shape you, but they do not define your full potential." Mollie Marti 15 yr old d diagnosed with AN late December 2015 at the age of 12 after a 23 lb weight loss during prior 3 months. Started FBT/Maudsley at home on Christmas Eve with support from amazing local nutritionist specializing in ED and trained in FBT. WR Feb 2016 and pushing our way through puberty and rapid growth.
Registered: 1268143852 Posts: 1,395
Reply with quote #36
Yes I would agree with Torie that our children can seem much "younger
than their chronological age would suggest" - both in appearance, experience, social skills and more due to the months / years 'stolen' by the ED. I remember comparing my son to the other boys at uni (first-time round) and thinking how young he looked (not to mention the fact he looked like a frightened rabbit in the headlights). He, too, felt as though he was only 15 or 16 (ironically the age that the ED arrived) compared to their 18, 19 or older. As time went on, however, (following his 2nd attempt at uni a year later), he caught up and everything improved the longer he was at uni. By the 3rd year he was so settled that he stayed for a futher year to do a Masters. __________________ Bev Mattocks, mother of 24-year old male DX with RAN 2009, now recovered. Joined this forum in 2010 - it was a lifesaver.