User’s Guide | Rules | Contact a Moderator | Registration or Login Problems? | Eating Disorders Learning Center | F.E.A.S.T.



Custom Search of F.E.A.S.T. and Forum Content:
Register Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment   Page 2 of 2      Prev   1   2
Kali

Avatar / Picture

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 728
Reply with quote  #26 
Hi,

Wow, we had the same issue with my d. arguing about how she didn't want to drink full-fat milk. Somehow I managed to make it clear over time that there would be NO items in our house that were diet, skim, low fat, sugarless, less than full fat, etc. It was not easy and it did not happen overnight, but I stood my ground and have insisted that she continue to drink the full-fat products. I refused to buy the lower calorie items and when she complained I said "this is what we have," poured her a glass of milk and changed the subject. It did take awhile and there were repeated incidents of back and forth discussion about full fat vs. low fat.

Quote:
My d refused to drink full-fat milk because it was a too strong taste. I guess they want to give an alternative. I didn't believe when my d told me it was on the list as well.


Kali

__________________
Food=Love
HateEDwithApassion

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 400
Reply with quote  #27 
My D was re-fed to weight restoration when she was first diagnosed without a FBT therapist. Now, I didn't know she wasn't an FBT therapist, and had I realized it sooner, we would have moved on right away, but the real catalyst was the ED dietician who enforced Maudsley. She insisted that my daughter's only job was to eat what we gave her. She was not allowed in the kitchen, not allowed to ask about ingredients. Just show up and eat. Amen!

My D loved and still loves her ED dietician, and I credit her with getting my daughter's buy-in to eating. She gave her the Minnesota starvation study to read and comment on. She gave her medical information on how no food is good or bad. She listened to her and addressed the myths she would come in with about meat, dairy, etc. with scientific information back. She was fully prepared to take on ED, and did.  She was more the therapist than the therapist. So, we fired the ED therapist, stuck with the ED dietician, and my D has an adherent DBT therapist. To help with coping with anxiety and depression. We are not out of the woods by any means, but her team is better now than it was when first diagnosed.

So, if you can get an FBT therapist, great. If you can't, just have other team members who 100% support you in magic plate and a high enough weight for restoration. That's really the most important pieces.


__________________
17 yo D. Diagnosed in July 2013. W/R in Sept. 2013 and has remained so. Roller coaster on and off since, mainly with ED under control but co-morbid depression and other negative coping mechanisms making our life hell. Trusting in God for daily strength and wisdom.
qwpo10

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 6
Reply with quote  #28 
Thank-you for all your suggestions so far. Unfortunately our daughter is deteriorating. Her ED team have referred her for a MHA assesment. We have been waiting for a bed at our local eating disorders unit and have been told that one is due to come up this Wednesday. But in the meantime, I have heard through this forum about the ITP at The Maudsley. I have read some very inspiring posts about teenagers who have been there, including one who, like our daughter, was steadfastly refusing help, but was inspired but the team to engage. I have also read how few inpatient beds there are, so feel that we are lucky that she may be offered one next week (although I suspect will only take it up if sectioned). We can't decide whether to ask for a referral to the ITP and accept the possibility that she may then miss out on next week's inpatient bed. She is losing weight, although is not yet critical. Does anyone have an opinion on whether the outcomes of the ITP are better than inpatient care?  Does anyone have first hand experience of the Priory adolescent eating disorders unit at Altrincham (Manchester)?
melstevUK

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 2,603
Reply with quote  #29 
Take the bed - you can look at ITP later.  She needs to be supervised 24 hours and the Priory Hospitals are experienced in the treatment of eating disorder patients in their special units.  You cannot afford to risk delays because she is deteriorating.  Get her sectioned if needs be although she may go without if you tell her that you will see it through and ensure it is enforced.

Also, you cannot guarantee when the time comes that you could get her to go to the day programme even if you got her on it.  And you will get a rest and have time to get yourself prepared for when she comes out of hospital.  

I can't stress how important it is that she gets treatment now, there have been too many delays already.



__________________
Believe you can and you're halfway there.
Theodore Roosevelt.
mjkz

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,404
Reply with quote  #30 
I'm across the pond but even I know how rare inpatient beds are.  Take the inpatient bed and see about using ITP as a stepdown when she is ready to leave inpatient.
qwpo10

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 6
Reply with quote  #31 
Thanks for your replies. Your clear guidance was brilliant at a time when I felt like a rabbit in headlights, not knowing how best to help d. She was sectioned and is now an inpatient in a Priory adolescent eating disorders unit. The unit is fantastic. She is eating and gaining weight. She is also emotionally ok ( except when she thinks about the weight gain). There are some major issues though that I would really appreciate people's advice on. She still has no insight - she doesn't think she is ill, and is only eating because she hates Fortisip and cannot stand thought of an NG tube. I realise that weight gain itself can aid insight, and that it is still very early days for her, but I am also aware that something else needs to change. Is anyone whose child has progressed from denial to having insight (and hence fighting to get better) able to let me know how they achieved this? Does anyone know anywhere I can read more about it?. What practical things can parents do, or is this more something that we need to leave to the therapist?

The other major hurdle we have is her relationship with her dad, my husband. Having read some posts after searching "hate" I think she has emotional anorexia. She repeatedly says how much she hates him, will not talk to him, and refuses passionately to let him supervise any meals ( I have started some supervised meals on the ward in preparation for home leave). He is totally committed to doing whatever is needed to help her, and comes with me to visit her every time, but just sits in the corner averting his eyes. The problem is that when she is discharged he is going to have to supervise her eating since he is at home and I am at work. Does anyone have any tips on how to tackle these thoughts of hers? The ward is aware and so far has just told us to fit in with what she requests, but that approach is go to be impossible in the long term. Is anyone able to provide reassurance from their own experience of overcoming this?

Thanks you for reading this, and for your thoughts.
Torie

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 4,591
Reply with quote  #32 
Please don't worry about the lack of insight.  When they are still IP, ED is very strong and mostly in control of her thoughts.  It doesn't matter if she has insight or not - it just matters that she eats what she needs.  

I think it's good that you're not having your h supervise meals at this point.  I would suggest that he only be involved in the "good" parts right now - if she has a chance to go for an outing, she needs to go with him (maybe JUST him); if there is something she wants, he is the one to provide it.  Often, tincture of time does miraculous work in healing this type of thing.  For the time being, I'd focus on helping your h avoid being in the bad guy role.

Please keep us posted. xx

-Torie

__________________
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
sk8r31

Avatar / Picture

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 1,266
Reply with quote  #33 
You and your h might find it helpful to look at some of Colleen's older posts on how she managed the 'emotional AN' with her d.  It really is interesting to see how she managed to overcome her d's 'I hate yous' and her d not wanting to spend any time with her.  Perhaps there might be some ideas there that could help your h.

Don't worry too much about insight at this point...it still is early days for your d.  

Big congrats on the progress being made, and really hope all continues forward in the best possible way.

Warmly,
sk8r31

__________________
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
deenl

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 891
Reply with quote  #34 
Hi,

My son still never talks about his illness and has never expressed any insight. The severe resistance to eating disappeared with weight gain and I make sure he eats 3 meals/3 snacks still all supervised. Depression, self harm, social isolation, emotional dysregulation etc all disappeared with nutritional rehabilitation.

I have read all Colleen's posts and in fact, talked to her once as my son's ED hated my guts too. I was the one at home doing all the refeeding. All I can say is that we had no option, I was the only choice. It's amazing what parents do when stuck between a rock and a hard place. I was just more determined than the ED, although our approach had to be very slow, calm and steady. Parental attitude is vital. We just acted as if X was going to happen and faked it until we made it. It ended up that I was the big baddy and Dad was his emotional/hobby/normal-ish relationship. But the good news is that it's all fine now between my son and I. Brain healing, food and time are magical. 

You have a great base, just keep up a similar routine to IP when she gets home. Dad might need to be rock solid for a few days while she tests the limits but I am sure he is up to it. I am sure the unit will go over some scenarios with you before she leaves and it is usually a gradual process anyway.

Warm wishes,

D

__________________
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, tons of variety in food, stepping back into social life. Sept 2017, back to school full time for the first time in 2 years. Happy and relaxed, just usual non ED hassles. 

  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal. (but don't give up on the plan too soon, maybe it just needs a tweak or a bit more time and determination [wink] )
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
toothfairy

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,941
Reply with quote  #35 
https://www.mirror-mirror.org/anosognosia.htm
__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
toothfairy

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,941
Reply with quote  #36 
http://tabithafarrar.com/2016/12/anosognosia-eating-disorders-dont-know-sick/
__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
EC_Mom

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 305
Reply with quote  #37 
My d acknowledged only much, much later that she had ED. Don't worry about that now, as people here say. Don't even push it, it' s not worth the argument that will ensue right now.

My d also totally rejected her dad. Now they get along great. It can get better, truly. Colleen's posts, mentioned above, were hugely helpful to me as well. She counts for me as one of the people who got my d better--just reading her posts made a huge difference in my approach.

There was a loooong stage where I was the only one to supervise meals. My h had to leave the room, sometimes even the house. Once d was in a healthy range we slooooowly reintroduced her dad. There were ups and downs.

But I'm here to tell you: It went incredibly back to normal (knocking on wood--never say never). She still occasionally rages at me or h, but about normal things like curfew. I remember well wondering whether we would ever have normal teenage struggles. 
mjkz

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,404
Reply with quote  #38 
If he needs to supervise meals, you need to have him doing that while she is still inpatient to get over this ED induced hatred.  Ed seems to pick one person and force your loved one to spew insane things about him/her when your loved one really truly doesn't feel that way.  I do think though that if he is going to supervise meals at home, you need to start him doing this while inpatient.  Otherwise you are setting everyone up for a big failure at home.

If he can't do it, then you will have to do all the supervising. Maybe that means he brings her to you at work to eat.  I don't know how she would feel about that but maybe that would be enough to help her at least try to eat with him.  It sounds like he needs help and coaching too on how best to help.  I'm just so glad you got her inpatient and she is improving.  Don't worry about insight.  That sometimes never comes.  For my daughter, she now knows she has to ignore what she sees in the mirror and eat no matter how she feels.  Is that insight?  I call it training more than anything else.  At this point I don't think it matters as long as she keeps herself healthy!!
Torie

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 4,591
Reply with quote  #39 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mjkz
If he needs to supervise meals, you need to have him doing that while she is still inpatient  


Great point.  I wonder if the treatment team could be persuaded to agree that this needs to happen as a condition for discharge.  Have you asked for their suggestions on navigating this?

Keep swimming.  xx

-Torie

__________________
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
toothfairy

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,941
Reply with quote  #40 
https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/the-myth-of-motivation-9496952?pid=1301967179#gsc.tab=0
__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
toothfairy

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,941
Reply with quote  #41 
https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/maudsley-approach-and-fbt-9298135?highlight=fbt+maudsley&trail=25#gsc.tab=0
__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

Easily create a Forum Website with Website Toolbox.

F.E.A.S.T. Families Empowered and Supporting Treatment of Eating Disorders
is a 501(c)3 charitable organization committed to maintaining the Around the Dinner Table forum as a FREE service for any caregiver of a loved-one with an eating disorder.

P.O. Box 1281 | Warrenton, VA 20188 USA

US +1 855-50-FEAST | Canada +1 647-247-1339 | Australia +61 731886675 | UK +443308280031 

This forum is sponsored by F.E.A.S.T., an organization of parents serving parents and caregivers of patients of all ages with anorexia, bulimia, and other eating disorders. Information and advice given on this forum does not necessarily represent the policy or opinion of F.E.A.S.T. or its volunteers and is meant to support, not replace, professional consultation.

F.E.A.S.T. is registered as a nonprofit organization under section 501(c)(3) of the United States Internal Revenue Code.

Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Community Rules | Forum Rules | F.E.A.S.T. Principles | YMadmin | WTadmin
Custom Search of F.E.A.S.T. and Forum Content: