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deenl

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Reply with quote  #51 
Hmmm, I'm sure it didn't escape her notice that she believed she could get better at the time her brain was well nourished.

Maybe she should focus more on simple nourishing her brain and not worry so much about all the rest for now.

Warm wishes
D

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2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, tons of variety in food, stepping back into social life. Sept 2017, back to school full time for the first time in 2 years. Happy and relaxed, just usual non ED hassles. 

  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal. (but don't give up on the plan too soon, maybe it just needs a tweak or a bit more time and determination [wink] )
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
nerd

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Reply with quote  #52 
Sure--but it didn't stop her from resuming diet pills and losing most of the weight starting from the day she was released. She was also freaking out over the "2nd puberty" the dr. said she was undergoing, with the telltale acne included.
nerd

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Reply with quote  #53 
How do you grieve or come to terms with the fact that you've lost your loved one to ED?
Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #54 
I am assuming that you mean your friend is being taken over by her eating disorder? 
As a parent you go through the normal stages of grief, the difference is that when your child is ill you never get to acceptance that this is the way it is going to be, or very rarely. Most parents will move heaven and earth for their children to help them get well. Our role as parents is to be the source of hope and recovery even when they have no hope themselves. 

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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
mjkz

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Reply with quote  #55 
Exactly what Foodsupport said.  I don't grieve because I never gave up hope and never stopped fighting.
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #56 
I think you grieve the same way you would for someone with a terminal illness.you try and have good memories that you create with the person you love whilst coming to terms with the fact that sometimes love isn't enough,no matter what different forms of media tells us.
So instead you fill your memory bank,you try and have good times together.you fight if you are able-but we all have to be realistic both here and in real life about what people's limits are.sometimes the law is such that we cannot fight, sometimes we are too tired to fight,sometimes the person does not want us to fight on their behalf-in those circumstances we have different choices to make.
You can choose not to stay in this situation-if the pain of watching someone destroy themselves is too much, then you can choose to tell them that you love them,but you cannot participate in watching them die.
You can choose to stay part of their life, but not to be involved in any health decisions.
You can walk beside them guiding them towards treatment whilst acknowledging that you cannot force treatment upon them.
You can attend meetings for yourself about being friends with someone with an active eating disorder-if there are no groups for that in your area,maybe try al anon, they may have helpful strategies for you to help you survive this difficult time.
Above all,don't blame yourself for whatever decision you make.this is unlikely to be the only pressure you are facing in your life and you have to make choices that work for you as well.
My thoughts are with you at this time,

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Sotired42
nerd

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Reply with quote  #57 
Thank you all. I will have to make a decision at some point. I have heard that the only person who thinks s/he cannot recover is the patient, meaning, they can envision anyone recovering but themselves. Her GP told her that she had a patient of the same age, in worse health physically, who recovered. Seems that if she could do it, so could my friend? But I can't wait in limbo, either. She wants actual palliative care in a hospice, or to fly to Switzerland, because she saw somewhere on the net that you can petition for that as an ED patient (but your health has to meet certain criteria, and hers isn't too bad). The worst is her psychiatric health. But if you are in a state of mental pain 24/7, that is not a life, so I get where she's coming from.

Edit to add: She read about an older woman who went to Switzerland for euthanasia because she was "depressed" about "losing her looks," and figures that if they can approve such a case, that they can approve her, since the AN is causing at least as much emotional distress. Does anyone know about this? Sounds crazy to me. On the one hand, it's good that there's parity and that they recognize that mental illness is as severe as cancer, etc., but is being depressed about losing your looks in your 80s (she wasn't losing her looks, though--some women, like her, stay beautiful their whole lives) clinical or situational depression? Or maybe it's another mental illness like Body Dysmorphic Disorder and sufficient grounds for elective euthanasia in their jurisdiction? Still sounds weird, though, but I get it, kind of.
nerd

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Reply with quote  #58 
She has a general anesthesia procedure coming up this month, and I heard that she posted "anonymously" on a website that she's planning on ODing right beforehand, so she can pass on painlessly. When I asked her about this, she denied it.
AUSSIEedfamily

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Reply with quote  #59 
Dear nerd,

My thoughts feelings and prayers are with you. Recovery is possible but that is not easy for someone with a very entrenched illness. Our means of recovery was the experience of the Cullis Family and the education Bronte's mother gave us and our daughter. Bronte Cullis was very ill for a long time she is now very well and has her own children and is a primary school teacher. My own daughter was very ill and is now recovered and planning for children. June Alexander The Diary Healer https://www.thediaryhealer.com/ is another person who had a long tortious 38 odd year journey to health. You might try giving her these examples of extreme ill health to a now very healthly life

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mjkz

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Reply with quote  #60 
Nerd, please make sure you let her physician know.  Even if all you can do is call the hospital she is having the procedure done at, tell them her name and her plan.  Even if she is denying it, they need to know so they can intervene.
AUSSIEedfamily

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Reply with quote  #61 
Dear Nerd,

Here is a article from June Alexander (former F.E.A.S.T board member) about severe and enduring ilness. It might give you some ideas and help.

http://mailchi.mp/143946adf509/severe-and-enduring-anorexia-nervosa-should-we-ever-give-up


http://www.junealexander.com/blog/
https://www.thediaryhealer.com/

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Kali

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Reply with quote  #62 
Hi Nerd,

What a difficult situation. I hope your friend will be OK. Would it be possible to have you and others in her friend group arrange to spend the days before her procedure with her 24/7 before she goes in to make sure she doesn't follow through on her plan? At one point years ago I had a friend who talked about ending her life and a group of us set up a plan where one of us slept at her house each night for a week and made sure that she was not alone while she was in distress. We were able to distract her from the distress and make her feel valued and loved and she was ok.

Know also, if you are in the US and someone is suicidal, they can be placed in what is called a 72-hour hold in a hospital in order to be evaluated and kept in a safe place. 

Here is the number to the US suicide prevention hotline if you want to phone them and ask whether they have any suggestions for what you can to do help your friend in her present situation.

1-800-273-8255

Sorry

Kali

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nerd

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Reply with quote  #63 
Thank you all for your advice and encouragement. I showed her the links and also called her hospital. They said they will talk to her, and also that they take every patient's vitals and make sure they're not in possession of meds right before the procedures. I talked to her brother and some other friends, too.
mjkz

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Reply with quote  #64 
Awesome Nerd!!!  So glad you stepped up and let people know.  Hopefully she will get the help she needs.
nerd

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Reply with quote  #65 
I hope so! She won't allow anyone to sleep over at her place. Even her boyfriend doesn't sleep there, since her hypomania interferes with his sleep--but she has a 1-bedroom, where she can fit a bed in the living room for him. (He also doesn't invite her to his place. Seems like he might be cheating, as he has done so in the past, but I could be wrong. He loves her, but he has a lot of personality disorder traits. He also has mood swings, is argumentative to the point of being banned from places, and enables her. However, he did freak out and helped get her in tx when she was near death.) 
She has had her mom stay before, and would do so again. However, her mom is getting older and lives across the country, where she is caring for her sick husband--who, incidentally, has been trying to convince her since they met that my friend is faking her mental illnesses. Unbelievable. 
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