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deenl

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Reply with quote  #51 
Hmmm, I'm sure it didn't escape her notice that she believed she could get better at the time her brain was well nourished.

Maybe she should focus more on simple nourishing her brain and not worry so much about all the rest for now.

Warm wishes
D

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Mother of 13yo son restricting but no body image issues; inpatient 6 wks Sept/Oct 2015 but lost weight! So emotionally destroyed they agreed to let him home to us. Stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery for Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid. Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home.

2 years since first signs and life is good. Happy, first trip away in years, tons of variety in food, stepping back into social life. 

  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal. (but don't give up on the plan too soon, maybe it just needs a tweak or a bit more time and determination [wink] )
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
nerd

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Reply with quote  #52 
Sure--but it didn't stop her from resuming diet pills and losing most of the weight starting from the day she was released. She was also freaking out over the "2nd puberty" the dr. said she was undergoing, with the telltale acne included.
nerd

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Reply with quote  #53 
How do you grieve or come to terms with the fact that you've lost your loved one to ED?
Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #54 
I am assuming that you mean your friend is being taken over by her eating disorder? 
As a parent you go through the normal stages of grief, the difference is that when your child is ill you never get to acceptance that this is the way it is going to be, or very rarely. Most parents will move heaven and earth for their children to help them get well. Our role as parents is to be the source of hope and recovery even when they have no hope themselves. 

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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
mjkz

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Reply with quote  #55 
Exactly what Foodsupport said.  I don't grieve because I never gave up hope and never stopped fighting.
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #56 
I think you grieve the same way you would for someone with a terminal illness.you try and have good memories that you create with the person you love whilst coming to terms with the fact that sometimes love isn't enough,no matter what different forms of media tells us.
So instead you fill your memory bank,you try and have good times together.you fight if you are able-but we all have to be realistic both here and in real life about what people's limits are.sometimes the law is such that we cannot fight, sometimes we are too tired to fight,sometimes the person does not want us to fight on their behalf-in those circumstances we have different choices to make.
You can choose not to stay in this situation-if the pain of watching someone destroy themselves is too much, then you can choose to tell them that you love them,but you cannot participate in watching them die.
You can choose to stay part of their life, but not to be involved in any health decisions.
You can walk beside them guiding them towards treatment whilst acknowledging that you cannot force treatment upon them.
You can attend meetings for yourself about being friends with someone with an active eating disorder-if there are no groups for that in your area,maybe try al anon, they may have helpful strategies for you to help you survive this difficult time.
Above all,don't blame yourself for whatever decision you make.this is unlikely to be the only pressure you are facing in your life and you have to make choices that work for you as well.
My thoughts are with you at this time,

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Sotired42
nerd

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Reply with quote  #57 
Thank you all. I will have to make a decision at some point. I have heard that the only person who thinks s/he cannot recover is the patient, meaning, they can envision anyone recovering but themselves. Her GP told her that she had a patient of the same age, in worse health physically, who recovered. Seems that if she could do it, so could my friend? But I can't wait in limbo, either. She wants actual palliative care in a hospice, or to fly to Switzerland, because she saw somewhere on the net that you can petition for that as an ED patient (but your health has to meet certain criteria, and hers isn't too bad). The worst is her psychiatric health. But if you are in a state of mental pain 24/7, that is not a life, so I get where she's coming from.
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