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nerd

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Reply with quote  #1 
Hi,
I'm a family friend trying to pick up the slack for a mom who isn't interested in learning much about her adult daughter's SE-AN, and a brother who lives close by, but is equally passive. Her father is deceased, and she has a (somewhat enabling) boyfriend, but lives alone. She has a good relationship with everyone, but they've only been actively supportive when she was IP. She is doing better now, but as far as I can tell, has no real desire to recover. I can't see her complying with modified FBT, even though she is eating. She is middle-aged, so it's not like she's just out of her teens and more dependent.
Anyway, it's nice to be here!
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hi nerd,
Welcome from Dublin.
You are a very good person to help your friend with this horrible minefield of an illness.
As you probably know it is a symptom of the illness that she has no real desire to recover.
Have you checked out Tabitha Farrar, there are AMAZING podcasts and blogs here , also Tabitha does private consultations.


http://tabithafarrar.com/


__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) , Then FBT at home since.and making progress every day. He is now in good recovery, and Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #3 
Hi nerd,
you seem to be a real good friend if you join us to help your friend. Its normal that she isn´t interested in recovery, that is one symptom of this illness (and one of the worst). Can you get anyone from her family or a friend who is living close to her get into the boat?
It is possible to recover even as an adult, but she needs help. Where does she live (country, state)?
Tina72
nerd

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Reply with quote  #4 
Thank you, toothfairy--yes, I have heard Tabitha Farrar. I agree--very useful! I'll check out the  private consultation info, as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by toothfairy
Hi nerd,

Welcome from Dublin.
You are a very good person to help your friend with this horrible minefield of an illness.
As you probably know it is a symptom of the illness that she has no real desire to recover.
Have you checked out Tabitha Farrar, there are AMAZING podcasts and blogs here , also Tabitha does private consultations.


http://tabithafarrar.com/

nerd

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Posts: 14
Reply with quote  #5 
Hi tina--in the boat? For recovery? She lives on the West Coast of the US. Her mom is on the East Coast. Her brother and his family are nearby but the brother seems more concerned about not spending his money on her, and the wife is sympathetic, but emphasizes personal responsibility too much, I think.
My friend has been dragged to IP before, but didn't have the insurance to go either before or after that one hospitalization, so she tends to use the ER. 
Thank you!

Quote:
Originally Posted by tina72
Hi nerd,
you seem to be a real good friend if you join us to help your friend. Its normal that she isn´t interested in recovery, that is one symptom of this illness (and one of the worst). Can you get anyone from her family or a friend who is living close to her get into the boat?
It is possible to recover even as an adult, but she needs help. Where does she live (country, state)?
Tina72
tina72

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Posts: 115
Reply with quote  #6 
Hi Nerd and everyone else here,
would you please not use so many sweds like ER? Here are a lot of peoples from other countries and we don´t understand that. What is ER?
Thanks,
Tina72
deenl

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Reply with quote  #7 
Hi Tina.
Er stands for the Emergency Room. It's the part of the hospital used crisis situations like accidents or life threatening symptoms.

Unfortunately a worldwide forum will have some communication issues. Each area has a different health care system, we all use different nuances in our language, all on top of the fact that typed words have no tone of voice.

You're doing great and your level of English is very impressive. Keep asking if we say something you don't understand.

Warm wishes
D

__________________
Mother of 13yo son restricting but no body image issues; inpatient 6 wks Sept/Oct 2015 but lost weight! So emotionally destroyed they agreed to let him home to us. Stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery for Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid. Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. 

Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.

If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal. (but don't give up on the plan too soon, maybe it just needs a tweak or a bit more time and determination [wink] )

tina72

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Reply with quote  #8 
Thanks deenl,
now I learned another thing. I will be patient and make a list besides my pc. I´m just not used to so many abbreviations. [wink]
I´m glad when I understand the whole words...[biggrin] I shoud have watched more hospital series in the past...
Thank you again for the explanation. Hope I didn´t scare off Nerd.
Tina72
tina72

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Reply with quote  #9 
I´m still laughing because NOBODY before said to me that my level of englisch is "very impressive". You saved my day today, deenl!
I think I will print this post and put it on the wall in my room. I must messure myself, I´m sure I´ve grown a bit in the last minutes even if I´m 45.
Tina72
nerd

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Reply with quote  #10 
no worries
tina72

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Reply with quote  #11 
Thanks nerd, now I can make supper and sleep well...[smile]
Tina72
Torie

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Reply with quote  #12 
Tina, I'm trying to learn some German and your English is light years better than my German.  Deenl is right that that your English is excellent.  xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
tina72

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Reply with quote  #13 
Thanks Torie,
you are all so nice and I´m just so glad that I found you all. Your posts make me laugh (which I thought wouldn´t be able again) and sometimes cry (but also tears of joy). If you like to improve your german feel free to write me some privat emails in german.
Tina
nerd

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Reply with quote  #14 
So someone brought up limiting certain foods in the 1st year so the patient doesn't freak out and quit recovery due to binging. But I think for an adult it might be different? (Plus, what is hyperpalatable for a teen might be sickly sweet for an adult, for example.) But...is there any validity to that approach? Maybe she fears overshooting?

https://www.kartiniclinic.com/blog/post/why-we-limit-hyper-palatable-foods-for-one-year/
tina72

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Reply with quote  #15 
Hi nerd,
most patients fear overshooting, but from what I heard about it from other parents is seems to be only a fear. I once read about a study which validied that most of the patients with AN stay at the low weight side their whole life. A few get to "normal" weight and some fewer are actually getting overweight. I will search for this study again and post it when I found it. I have just been reading too much...
For an adult it might be easier to stand this fear by limiting such "sweets". Our d first thought she cannot eat ice cream and cakes because she will be "fat" in a week then. During recovery she learned that gaining weight is quite difficult and its harder to eat big amounts of so called "healthy" food than smaller amounts with sweets and cake on the plan. Your friend must learn that there is nothing bad happening by eating an ice-cream now and then. Its like medicine: it depends on the amount wether its healthy or poisoning. If you have a good meal plan integrating all different kinds of food that is healthy. Nobody would like to have a meal plan just with sweets.
The problem is they have to learn to listen to their body again. As long as they cannot trust themself to make good decisions somebody else has to do that. If your friend is living alone, maybe a good dietitian (one with experience with AN!) can see her weekly and give her a meal plan. But that needs a lot of compliance and work, I don´t know if your friend is able to do this. Normally the patients don´t want to get better and thats why they can´t do it on their own.
Tina72

Thats not the article I mentioned, but maybe it will help you or your friend to read this good information about the physical and psychological effects of gaining weight: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hunger-artist/201011/starvation-study-shows-recovery-anorexia-is-possible-only-regaining-weight
tina72

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Posts: 115
Reply with quote  #16 
Maybe that was the study I mean:
Murray, H. B., Tabri, N., Thomas, J. J., Herzog, D. B., Franko, D. L., & Eddy, K. T. (2017). Will I get fat? 22-year weight trajectories of individuals with eating disorders. Int J Eat Disord. doi:10.1002/eat.22690
https://uncexchanges.org/2017/03/16/will-i-gain-weight-forever-what-we-know-about-weight-trajectory-during-recovery-from-an-eating-disorder/
Tina72
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