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NELLY_UK

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Hi I just dont know what to do. My d who works and stays at a friends most nights has just come home, had a bath, got into phs and now £50 worth of dominos has turned up.
This is a dangerous mega binge. I have tried to plead shouted for this to stop. She is 19. Barely comes home. I dont know how she can afford it. My husband wound me up to a pitch about it so I dis the confrobtation and now he has said there is nothing we can do leave her to it.
I know if i stop the purge someone will get hurt.
Beside myself wanting to prevent this yet cant call police or ambulance up front.
I thought she was coming home to sleep amd go to work but this is a nightmare. Cant think straight at all. This is an awful new development. The purgeig will be huge and dangerous.
Help!!

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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
NELLY_UK

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Shall i call an ambulance while she is purgeing?
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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #3 
Why is my family shouting at me to do nothing?
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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
AUSSIEedfamily

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Reply with quote  #4 
Sear Nelly,

Might be an option. Only wish I could do more although there is an opportunity for me to talk to Janet Treasure when she gets here in May. Also I will talk to anyone from the UK when I get to Prague.

I will be passing through London on my way to Prague and if you have time would love to catch up with you & H.

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NELLY_UK

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I have all the razor blades, towels, tissue. The water is turned off. I am by the bath room door avoiding a fight. Waiting for her to die.
As you can tell, I cant deal with this any more.

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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
AUSSIEedfamily

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Reply with quote  #6 
Dear Nelly,

Not sure although a mothers intuition & unconditional love is unique to a mother

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NELLY_UK

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Ffs as she is over 18 they will ask her if she wants to go to hospital. Wtf
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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
AUSSIEedfamily

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Reply with quote  #8 
Dear Nelly,

You are doing what you can and trying to prepare to be there if your needed. Take lots of deep breaths and know that you ready for what may occur

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AUSSIEedfamily

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Reply with quote  #9 
Dear Nelly,

We had kind of the same sort of things when our D relapsed although not binge and purge and we got as much in place before.

You are doing good work

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toothfairy

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Hi Nelly
I am just so so sorry that this is happening,

Can you call an ambulance / mental health crisis team who can section her & hospitalise her tonight?

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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) , Then FBT at home since.and making progress every day. He is now in good recovery, and Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time.
Kali

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Reply with quote  #11 
Nelly,

Are you and h. able to take the pizzas away from her or is it too late for that?

Kali

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NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #12 
Ffs as she is over 18 they will ask her if she wants to go to hospital. Wtf
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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #13 
I would still do it anyway Nelly,

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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) , Then FBT at home since.and making progress every day. He is now in good recovery, and Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #14 
Nelly can you call the NHS 111 mental health crisis line.

http://www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/AboutNHSservices/mental-health-services-explained/Pages/mental-health-emergencies.aspx

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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) , Then FBT at home since.and making progress every day. He is now in good recovery, and Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time.
Kali

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Reply with quote  #15 
Hi Nelly...you are in the UK—can she be sectioned? When the ambulance comes can you explain to them that she is a danger to herself due to the purging and insist that they take her and you go in with her?

so sorry...Kali

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NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #16 
She isnot sectionable as she knows what to say. There is no mental health crisis team because she has not engaged with core services. The GP could re refer her if she is agreeable and then she waits for an appointment. But she wont engage because of the bad experiences she continually gets here. And of course she doesnt want help.
My son is home from uni shouting at me for letting her ruin my life. He expects me to shut her out like he has.
There will be medical help when she has an emergency and not before.
My husband has a defibrillator ready.

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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #17 
Can you call out a doctor on call
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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) , Then FBT at home since.and making progress every day. He is now in good recovery, and Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time.
Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #18 
Sorry this is happening Nelly. It does sound like calling the mental health crisis line is a good idea. It sounds like you have removed dangerous things. 
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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #19 
She is back in her room. Probably got a bag in there to puke into. I can call all sorts of people but it has to come from her unless there is a medical emergency. She has to speak to them, ask for help. Then they will talk to her for 30 mins once a month.
She is on the phone. Even she cant talk and puke at the same time.

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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #20 
I would consider if she ate all those pizzas & intends to attempt to purge them a medical emergency.
At the least it can be brought to a head Nelly, & you can insist on intervention.

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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) , Then FBT at home since.and making progress every day. He is now in good recovery, and Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time.
mjkz

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Reply with quote  #21 
What makes this different from every other time she binges and purges?  You either allow her to do it at home or you don't but one way or another you need to make a decision and stand firm.  If you don't want her doing it in your house, then tell her to leave.  As she is 19, you don't have to allow her to stay.  You know the options open to you Nelly and what is available in regards to help.  You have to be the one to access it though.  We can't do it for you nor can the rest of your family.  What you allow will continue.  Take a stand and live with it.
NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #22 
Its different because her binges were not huge, they were normal to large meals. This is ENORMOUS. We have never allowed purgeing but faced violence and called police. Her bf used to be aware as well so he helped when she was not with us. She finished with him so there is not that support.
She has purged out and about in the neighbourhood to avoid us after meals. She can purge hours later if required.
So you would make her homeless then?
There is no support for her unless she chooses it. Even then its very very ill informed support which has been destructive. Hmmmm.

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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #23 
You make it sound like I am the blocker to her recovery / death. It all depends on me and my decisions. Not my son or husband who also expect me to fix it by a miracle or throw her out.
It is simple - throw her out. And for some reason its me that has to do it.
I am clearly understanding, rightly because of my actions so far, that this is my doing and my fault. I have made it this bad.

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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
iwanttohelp

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Reply with quote  #24 
Dear Nelly, so sorry that you have to watch this, unable to prevent it or help your d.
How are you all today?


Let me tell you something from my experiences with BN sufferers amd from what i learned about this illness and the human body:

a binge of this amount is in most of the cases NO Medical emergency.
Its ugly and frightening and surely very exhausting for a body, but still no emergency.
I just say this to calm you down. Your ds body is probably very used to this: eat a hell lot and purge it afterwards. She will be tired and dehydrated after it, but not in a too bad condition.

Its like she was an alcoholic and drinks one bottle of wodka every day. Normal, healthy ppl would be at the risk of dying! But not an alcoholic. His body is used to it.

So its normally not the actual happening binge, that is dangerous, but more the long term consequences. As you and your h probably know, as you are both familiar with medical things (you as a nurse, him as a medical).

I am really really sorry that your d still is so deep in the grips of BN and seems to have lost every feeling of cover up her illness. To me its a sign of how wasted her brain is, how  much she lost the view of what is normal and appropriate.

Hang on there and take care of yourself. You will always love your d. But love cannot safe ppl from their own. I hope a day soon your d decides that living with BN is horror and damages everything so she asks for help. I know you will be there then.

viola

NELLY_UK

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Reply with quote  #25 
Hi viola, not everyone thinks as sympathetically as you and possibly with good reason. I am not a nurse By the way, just a mum[wink]
I am feeling I should be doing better somehow. It is up to me. My family are useless, aggressive and blameful.
I dont care whose fault it is, but I feel helpless and ruled by it. How can I self care when I am waiting for a medical emergency that one day will happen.
It has been 6.5 years of severe bulimia but now its taken on a new much worse position in this humungous bingeing that is new.
I honestly dont think making her homeless will prompt a need to recover. But I think I am my own with that.

I will ring the GP today and MH crisis line. I dont expect any help at all as its not me thats ill.


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NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
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