User’s Guide | Rules | Contact a Moderator | Registration or Login Problems? | Eating Disorders Learning Center | F.E.A.S.T.



Custom Search of F.E.A.S.T. and Forum Content:
Register Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment   Page 1 of 3      1   2   3   Next
NELLY_UK

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,898
Reply with quote  #1 
Hi I just dont know what to do. My d who works and stays at a friends most nights has just come home, had a bath, got into phs and now £50 worth of dominos has turned up.
This is a dangerous mega binge. I have tried to plead shouted for this to stop. She is 19. Barely comes home. I dont know how she can afford it. My husband wound me up to a pitch about it so I dis the confrobtation and now he has said there is nothing we can do leave her to it.
I know if i stop the purge someone will get hurt.
Beside myself wanting to prevent this yet cant call police or ambulance up front.
I thought she was coming home to sleep amd go to work but this is a nightmare. Cant think straight at all. This is an awful new development. The purgeig will be huge and dangerous.
Help!!

__________________
NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
NELLY_UK

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,898
Reply with quote  #2 
Shall i call an ambulance while she is purgeing?
__________________
NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
NELLY_UK

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,898
Reply with quote  #3 
Why is my family shouting at me to do nothing?
__________________
NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
AUSSIEedfamily

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,738
Reply with quote  #4 
Sear Nelly,

Might be an option. Only wish I could do more although there is an opportunity for me to talk to Janet Treasure when she gets here in May. Also I will talk to anyone from the UK when I get to Prague.

I will be passing through London on my way to Prague and if you have time would love to catch up with you & H.

__________________
ED Dad
NELLY_UK

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,898
Reply with quote  #5 
I have all the razor blades, towels, tissue. The water is turned off. I am by the bath room door avoiding a fight. Waiting for her to die.
As you can tell, I cant deal with this any more.

__________________
NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
AUSSIEedfamily

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,738
Reply with quote  #6 
Dear Nelly,

Not sure although a mothers intuition & unconditional love is unique to a mother

__________________
ED Dad
NELLY_UK

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,898
Reply with quote  #7 
Ffs as she is over 18 they will ask her if she wants to go to hospital. Wtf
__________________
NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
AUSSIEedfamily

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,738
Reply with quote  #8 
Dear Nelly,

You are doing what you can and trying to prepare to be there if your needed. Take lots of deep breaths and know that you ready for what may occur

__________________
ED Dad
AUSSIEedfamily

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,738
Reply with quote  #9 
Dear Nelly,

We had kind of the same sort of things when our D relapsed although not binge and purge and we got as much in place before.

You are doing good work

__________________
ED Dad
Kali

Avatar / Picture

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 650
Reply with quote  #10 
Nelly,

Are you and h. able to take the pizzas away from her or is it too late for that?

Kali

__________________
Food=Love
NELLY_UK

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,898
Reply with quote  #11 
Ffs as she is over 18 they will ask her if she wants to go to hospital. Wtf
__________________
NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
toothfairy

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,562
Reply with quote  #12 
Nelly can you call the NHS 111 mental health crisis line.

http://www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/AboutNHSservices/mental-health-services-explained/Pages/mental-health-emergencies.aspx

__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
Kali

Avatar / Picture

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 650
Reply with quote  #13 
Hi Nelly...you are in the UK—can she be sectioned? When the ambulance comes can you explain to them that she is a danger to herself due to the purging and insist that they take her and you go in with her?

so sorry...Kali

__________________
Food=Love
NELLY_UK

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,898
Reply with quote  #14 
She isnot sectionable as she knows what to say. There is no mental health crisis team because she has not engaged with core services. The GP could re refer her if she is agreeable and then she waits for an appointment. But she wont engage because of the bad experiences she continually gets here. And of course she doesnt want help.
My son is home from uni shouting at me for letting her ruin my life. He expects me to shut her out like he has.
There will be medical help when she has an emergency and not before.
My husband has a defibrillator ready.

__________________
NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
Foodsupport_AUS

Avatar / Picture

Lead Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 3,152
Reply with quote  #15 
Sorry this is happening Nelly. It does sound like calling the mental health crisis line is a good idea. It sounds like you have removed dangerous things. 
__________________
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
NELLY_UK

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,898
Reply with quote  #16 
She is back in her room. Probably got a bag in there to puke into. I can call all sorts of people but it has to come from her unless there is a medical emergency. She has to speak to them, ask for help. Then they will talk to her for 30 mins once a month.
She is on the phone. Even she cant talk and puke at the same time.

__________________
NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
mjkz

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,264
Reply with quote  #17 
What makes this different from every other time she binges and purges?  You either allow her to do it at home or you don't but one way or another you need to make a decision and stand firm.  If you don't want her doing it in your house, then tell her to leave.  As she is 19, you don't have to allow her to stay.  You know the options open to you Nelly and what is available in regards to help.  You have to be the one to access it though.  We can't do it for you nor can the rest of your family.  What you allow will continue.  Take a stand and live with it.
NELLY_UK

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,898
Reply with quote  #18 
Its different because her binges were not huge, they were normal to large meals. This is ENORMOUS. We have never allowed purgeing but faced violence and called police. Her bf used to be aware as well so he helped when she was not with us. She finished with him so there is not that support.
She has purged out and about in the neighbourhood to avoid us after meals. She can purge hours later if required.
So you would make her homeless then?
There is no support for her unless she chooses it. Even then its very very ill informed support which has been destructive. Hmmmm.

__________________
NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
NELLY_UK

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,898
Reply with quote  #19 
You make it sound like I am the blocker to her recovery / death. It all depends on me and my decisions. Not my son or husband who also expect me to fix it by a miracle or throw her out.
It is simple - throw her out. And for some reason its me that has to do it.
I am clearly understanding, rightly because of my actions so far, that this is my doing and my fault. I have made it this bad.

__________________
NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
iwanttohelp

Registered:
Posts: 21
Reply with quote  #20 
Dear Nelly, so sorry that you have to watch this, unable to prevent it or help your d.
How are you all today?


Let me tell you something from my experiences with BN sufferers amd from what i learned about this illness and the human body:

a binge of this amount is in most of the cases NO Medical emergency.
Its ugly and frightening and surely very exhausting for a body, but still no emergency.
I just say this to calm you down. Your ds body is probably very used to this: eat a hell lot and purge it afterwards. She will be tired and dehydrated after it, but not in a too bad condition.

Its like she was an alcoholic and drinks one bottle of wodka every day. Normal, healthy ppl would be at the risk of dying! But not an alcoholic. His body is used to it.

So its normally not the actual happening binge, that is dangerous, but more the long term consequences. As you and your h probably know, as you are both familiar with medical things (you as a nurse, him as a medical).

I am really really sorry that your d still is so deep in the grips of BN and seems to have lost every feeling of cover up her illness. To me its a sign of how wasted her brain is, how  much she lost the view of what is normal and appropriate.

Hang on there and take care of yourself. You will always love your d. But love cannot safe ppl from their own. I hope a day soon your d decides that living with BN is horror and damages everything so she asks for help. I know you will be there then.

viola

NELLY_UK

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,898
Reply with quote  #21 
Hi viola, not everyone thinks as sympathetically as you and possibly with good reason. I am not a nurse By the way, just a mum[wink]
I am feeling I should be doing better somehow. It is up to me. My family are useless, aggressive and blameful.
I dont care whose fault it is, but I feel helpless and ruled by it. How can I self care when I am waiting for a medical emergency that one day will happen.
It has been 6.5 years of severe bulimia but now its taken on a new much worse position in this humungous bingeing that is new.
I honestly dont think making her homeless will prompt a need to recover. But I think I am my own with that.

I will ring the GP today and MH crisis line. I dont expect any help at all as its not me thats ill.


__________________
NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
AUSSIEedfamily

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,738
Reply with quote  #22 
Dear Nelly,

I completly understand where you are now & how you are feeling. You have been dealing with this for so very long and other than the great IP have been let down by the service providers that should have provided what you need especially given that you live in the country that invented family orientated treatments.

Its hard for me from Aussie land I just wish I was just around the corner to help you out & I wish I was as good as Charlotte in getting support in the UK.

I have e-mailed you my number call me if you want to or text me a number to call you on.


__________________
ED Dad
toothfairy

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,562
Reply with quote  #23 
Dear Iwanttohelp,
I have a real problem with your message.
Nelly's Daughter has a long history, and in my view it is not appropriate for you to imply that this is not an emergency.

You may be a psychologist with experience , but having lived myself with a child that purged. It can very easily turn into a medical emergency for a variety of reasons. From self harm to choking, internal bleeding to stomach tearing, not to mention heart failure.
Especially with that amount of food.
TF

__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
NELLY_UK

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,898
Reply with quote  #24 
They wont section her. We have tried this so so many times. She has a job and can be rational so although we all know when it comes to food she is off the scale sectionable that isnt enough.
Last time I called the police when she was completely out of control self harming as well as binge purge she spent the night in a cell. The next day she was sent home. There was no intervention then apart from an mha which said she was fine to go home. No follow up, no support, nothing.
An ambulance will only take her if she agrees to go and if it is medically neccessary. Mental health doesnt count as medically neccessary unless she threatens suicide to them directly.
This is why I am going mad with it all.

__________________
NELLY D 18 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
toothfairy

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,562
Reply with quote  #25 
Hi Nelly,
I dont think that mjkz was blaming you, or saying that you were the blocker to her recovery.
From what we know above , there is no way you can get her help unless she agrees.

On that basis, you have tried everything with her living at home, and allowing her access to your house. She refuses to accept help.

Last night, she had access to your house to binge & purge.
If she was in treatment, and this happened, personally I could accept that as a lapse, but if not I would consider clear rules as to what is acceptable in my home.
It is not sugguesting that she is made homeless, but as of now, can you create a boundary here, & a contract for her when she is in your home.
This is in no way a personal attack, this illness is horrific, and I am deeply sorry that you are still dealing with this horror.

How is she today, did she sleep in your house Nelly?
Thinking of you
TF

__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

Easily create a Forum Website with Website Toolbox.

F.E.A.S.T. Families Empowered and Supporting Treatment of Eating Disorders
is a 501(c)3 charitable organization committed to maintaining the Around the Dinner Table forum as a FREE service for any caregiver of a loved-one with an eating disorder.

P.O. Box 1281 | Warrenton, VA 20188 USA

US +1 855-50-FEAST | Canada +1 647-247-1339 | Australia +61 731886675 | UK +443308280031 

This forum is sponsored by F.E.A.S.T., an organization of parents serving parents and caregivers of patients of all ages with anorexia, bulimia, and other eating disorders. Information and advice given on this forum does not necessarily represent the policy or opinion of F.E.A.S.T. or its volunteers and is meant to support, not replace, professional consultation.

F.E.A.S.T. is registered as a nonprofit organization under section 501(c)(3) of the United States Internal Revenue Code.

Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Community Rules | Forum Rules | F.E.A.S.T. Principles | YMadmin | WTadmin
Custom Search of F.E.A.S.T. and Forum Content: