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Izzo

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Reply with quote  #1 
I'm trying not to think about this but I just can't help it - my d is coming up to 1 year in IP. I'm trying to think about the present and the future but the grief that comes from this anniversary really creeps up on me from time to time. 

As far as my D is doing, she has come a long way with baby steps - she eats everything, has been WR for 4 months, and incidents/SH have come down to once a week max. Although still on 1:1 her observations have stepped down slightly. 

However it just seems as though my D will never have the breakthrough that is needed to embrace life. In fact some of the therapists believe this doesn't happen until they are more mature and approaching adulthood - 17 or 18. My D is 15 (16 in a few months) but does that mean another year in IP? I so hope not but I guess I can't put a time on this as I'll only be disappointed.

I count my lucky stars that my D has come this far but there just seems so far to go still....  
BattyMatty_UK

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hi Izzo, it sounds as if your D has come on leaps and bounds in the last year and this is so positive. By way of encouragement, I used to feel like this about my son; that he would never 'get his life back' and that the remnants of the ED would drag on forever. But slowly but surely he did get his life back. He did kick out all the remains of the ED, make some fantastic new friends, do fun stuff, EAT PROPERLY, learn to drive, go to university (and live away from home for 4 years), graduate with a first-class honours degree, go onto do a Masters Degree and now teacher training. When I look back on the 'ED years' I am astonished at how far he has come.

My son's ED first showed up in summer 2009. It robbed him of his health, his mental state, his friends, his schooling and a whole lot more besides. We still had remnants of the ED floating around as far on as 2012, even 2013, maybe even longer than that. Recovery doesn't suddenly happen . It really was a case of SLOWLY but also SURELY. Little victories which all added up to a MASSIVE, MEGA, MONSTER VICTORY when we look back to the horrific ED years.

Oh and I will add that the later years (part of 2011 and then 2012 onwards) weren't so much a case of fighting the ED, but being thrilled at positive change after change. OK there were some nasty blips, but he always pulled himself through it. Positive years, really, with a definite focus on full recovery and getting his life back.

I hope this encourages you. xxxx

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Bev Mattocks, mother of 23-year old male DX with RAN 2009, now recovered. Joined this forum in 2010 - it was a lifesaver.
mjkz

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Reply with quote  #3 
Izzo even if the maturity doesn't happen until later, that doesn't mean she can't do that outside of the hospital.  She has come leaps and bounds just from December with the horrible Christmas incident!!  I think the hard part is tempering our own expectations and not letting our loved ones realize how impatient we can be for them to get their act together and get well.  She hasn't taken baby steps at all but rather jumping hurdles.  It took well over three years for my daughter to extinguish all self-harm and she was already an adult.

Any idea on when she might get off the unit and maybe even some home leave?
Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #4 
It is sad that she has been inpatient for that period of time. As you say though there are lots of positives, but she is still really struggling. I agree with the others that it can feel like it takes for ever. I hope it doesn't take another year for her to be home with you but it is not something that can be forced or pushed along at this point. Time is a great healer. Thinking of you. 
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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
Torie

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Reply with quote  #5 
Izzo, so great to see your name in the "Author" line!  I'm sorry you and your family have been selected by the fates for so many extra challenges, but really, she has come such a long way.  It is like baby- and toddler-hood in a way - seems like forever while you're going through it, but looking back from the other side the time seems much faster.  That's not to minimize how much it sucks or how unfair it is, just that you WILL get through, and life will continue to get better again.

Keep swimming. xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
Izzo

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Reply with quote  #6 
Thank you BattyMatty_UK, Torie, MJKZ and FoodSupport_AUS. Very encouraging advice. The progress is continuing (very slowly)  and I have to count my blessings. However there are still "why the hell did you do that? " moments. Perhaps the last vestiges of late toddlerhood:-)  

Mjkz, my D isn't anywhere near home leave -  she has to get off 1:1 completely and prove she can manage a bit in the community. Unfortunately at my D's unit (despite being very good) there is a bit of a competition about who has the highest level of observations [groan] - and although she has got out of the 'who is the least greedy' competition that obs thing is currently holding her back. She is having garden time now which is a step forward but she needs to take more responsibility for herself and this has been stressed by the team. She also isn't accepting that I'm not going to split up with my H to accommodate her return home.

On the up side my D has told the unit that she is sick of being in hospital. She still wants to be transferred but we will only allow a step-down unit if that is the case but she wants to know the criteria for it so she can work to that. 
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #7 
Hi Izzo, 
I was wondering how you got on, you have made real progress since last year, so sorry its slow.
I hope that the rest of this year brings real brain healing and recovery.
Stay strong,
XX TF

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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
Izzo

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Reply with quote  #8 
So.... eating is good (with support), weight is good, and incidents are rare -... however my D has decided that she doesn't want to go home at all - ever - and she won't see me . I am sinking again to another low - perhaps she is just being a teenager ?
Torie

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Reply with quote  #9 
Izzo - It is ED who doesn't want to see you.  Your real d still loves you.

Hang in there. xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
Izzo

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Reply with quote  #10 
Thank you so much Torie - always so supportive
mjkz

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Reply with quote  #11 
Hey Izzo.  Torie is right.  It is either ED or another person on her unit did that so she is trying to outdo them [frown]  You know how competitive they can be.  Wish we could get them solely focused on who can get better sooner!!!
Izzo

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Reply with quote  #12 
Hi mjkz - yes definitely there are some others who don't see their parents .. at least she is seeing her F but I am missing her...
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