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trusttheprocessUSA

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Reply with quote  #51 
Thank you Torie.

Today is vitals check and weight. I'm starting to think his ED thinks no activity and increased food was just a one week plan - its not.

I am nervous about the outcome.




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Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
Torie

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Reply with quote  #52 
Of course you are nervous.  Dealing with ED turns the best of us into a quivering mass of nerves.  You don't deserve this. (Of course not.  No one does.)  But you will get through. With every day, every meal you are beating ED back into his cage.

If your supply of big girl panties starts running low, you can always order more.

Good luck today.   Please keep us posted. xx

-Torie

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mjkz

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Reply with quote  #53 
TTP, I'm a big believer in things happening for a reason. I'm so glad this happened while he was still home and not living at college.  As hard as it is to go through this, you are seeing first hand where he needs more help to be successful at college and keeping himself healthy.
trusttheprocessUSA

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Reply with quote  #54 
vitals done - my sons BP and HR were very high due to extreme anxiety and fear he might have to return to treatment. But a high heart rate I'll take.

Weight up 4 lbs.

I told him this is acceptable and that we would keep this up and weigh him next week. He was So pissed off. I said we are trying to keep you home and out of treatment.
He stormed off and showered.

I reported this via email to our new therapist - my son doesn't know anything about her yet. God I hope we can hang in there until June 5.

Your support and encouragement helped me feed him this week - because many times I thought maybe he was fine and I was overreacting. This disorder is a silent, invisible viper.

Please continue your support. It is my life line.

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Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #55 
Hi there,
So pleased at the progress,
The only thing is ( & I hate saying it) is that he has gained 4 lbs...he had lost 8 , it sounds like he possibly may need more than another 4lbs given his state.
Anyhow,
We are here for you xxx

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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) , Then FBT at home since.and making progress every day. He is now in good recovery, and Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time.
trusttheprocessUSA

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Reply with quote  #56 
toothfairy you may be right - we will see. 
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Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
Torie

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Reply with quote  #57 
Sounds good!

I think.  I do have a nagging bit of concern that he was weighed by people competent enough to ensure no weights, water loading, etc.

Good grief, this vile illness makes one so suspicious!

It seems common to get some kickback for a day or so after an appointment, so if that happens please remember that it's normal and to be expected.  Of course, I hope Ed doesn't do that this time.

You're doing great.  Keep going. xx

-Torie

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trusttheprocessUSA

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Reply with quote  #58 
I'm doing the weighing him at home now. After returning from treatment we went to pediatrician every week for 18 months and I was careful to have him pee before weigh in and was in a hospital gown. When I weigh him at home it's in shorts. This is not new for us.

Push back - you bet. He was ok with snack because it looked the same as always - just made with HWC instead of milk.

Dinner - scary. He made us wait for 10 min. I made huge plate of brisket nachos and he shoved it in made grunts and mumbled under his breath. Nachos wasn't the meal to serve. I tend to over do it and make it huge. He got so full he couldn't eat the last few bites and said just give me a Boost+ that's his supplement if he can't finish a meal or only eats half. I have had boost+ in my fridge for over 6 years just in case.

Lots of remarks "you said my weight was acceptable I should be done" "you are trying to get me to gain beyond my highest weight."

Not sure what he's doing now - we take turns going up and checking on him. He can't restore his weight with just 2 cups of milk mixed with HWC at night.

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Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
trusttheprocessUSA

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Reply with quote  #59 
weird sneaky behavior last night - poured water on my side of the bed so I'd sit on it, broke my reading glasses in half, dropped bathing oil on bathroom floor, hid my Alexa cord (cant find it) kicked the wall very hard 2 times. Husband thinks its funny. At least he's not self harming or purging or running away or punching through walls or breaking windows - I guess he has a point. 

He came down for snack on his own while I was making it without being asked.........

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Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
mjkz

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Reply with quote  #60 
Quote:
At least he's not self harming or purging or running away or punching through walls or breaking windows - I guess he has a point.


I would say what he is doing is equally inappropriate.  Sick or not, that really is pretty passive-aggressive behavior.  I doubt your husband would find it funny if it was happening to him.
Torie

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Reply with quote  #61 
Maybe take photos of the damage - no telling when it might be helpful to have evidence.

I'm really sorry to say this, but it is a little bit funny as long as you're not the person sitting in the soggy bed with no glasses and no cord.  Goodness, how they regress!  xx

-Torie

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toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #62 
I think if at all possible, I would phone Kartini to have a plan B on the go...at this stage...
And/Or UCSD
Just in case
X TF

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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) , Then FBT at home since.and making progress every day. He is now in good recovery, and Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time.
trusttheprocessUSA

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Reply with quote  #63 
I post the nitty gritty so others can tell me if this is normal. Don't worry toothfairy, I have Dr O'Toole in my back pocket.

I had a life saving hour therapy appt via phone with our family therapist in Portland. She was able to support me, offer ideas for my sanity and cheer me on. 

Dinner last night was just like normal - some laughing, some videos shared between my older son, husband and RAN son - crass as you might expect.

After an even day with meals easily eaten, grass cutting done, tanning, language test for college placement - which he remembered all on his own - at 8:30pm I feel fast asleep on the sofa with my timer set for 10:15 pm to serve the milk/HWC.

He came down at 10pm woke me up and asked for his milk. WOW!

He's still pissed but can respond to a question. His dad will be the normal parent and I'm the refeeder. He knows this drill.

What I know:
He wants to go to college one hour away from home.
He thinks that's an option.
That's my leverage to: get him to see the therapist on Monday and work with her, have him take responsibility for eating and taking care of himself.

feeling a bit better but prepared for battle if needed.

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Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
Torie

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Reply with quote  #64 
Quote:
Originally Posted by trusttheprocessUSA
I post the nitty gritty so others can tell me if this is normal. 


Good plan.

Quote:
Originally Posted by trusttheprocessUSA
He came down at 10pm woke me up and asked for his milk. WOW!


This is decidedly NOT normal!!  What would be normal is for you to wake up with your 10:15 alarm to hear him claiming to have drunk his milk, leaving you to scrutinize the remaining level in the milk jug, freshness of residue in the glass, presence or absence of same in the sink drain, etc.

THAT'S GREAT!!!!

Keep going. xx

-Torie


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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #65 
sounds like progress....[biggrin]
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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) , Then FBT at home since.and making progress every day. He is now in good recovery, and Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time.
trusttheprocessUSA

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Reply with quote  #66 
Normal in this wholly ab-normal ED world!
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Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
trusttheprocessUSA

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Reply with quote  #67 
another smooth day of meals in the bank. His dad is very low key and has him talking and laughing a bit. He's still pissy with me but I am asking him questions about end of school stuff, exams, graduation practice, etc. and he is asking me a few things too. This is a positive. Since my husband can clearly see things moving in the right direction he is helping me calm down. I know my PTSD is alive and well.

I spoke with an attorney yesterday to draw up papers for Power of Attorney for both of my kids and an addendum for health as it relates to my RAN son. This was the plan before this relapse - hopefully the new therapist will help guide me with getting him to sign it. 

TRANSITIONS ARE HARD - and issues may not show up in the way you expect them too.

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Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
Torie

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Reply with quote  #68 
Yay!!!

Team TTP: 1
ED: 0

So glad your h is being so helpful.  And that you're feeling a bit better yourself.  You're making great progress.

Keep swimming. xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
trusttheprocessUSA

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Reply with quote  #69 
He came home from school yesterday went directly to fridge and asked his he could have nachos for snack. He plated a big plate with chips, brisket, loads of cheese heated them up and put 3 big spoonfuls of and sour cream on top ate em up and enjoyed it. WOW is all I can say frankly after his last experience with nachos I thought he may never eat them again!

This is his last week of high school. No exams just graduation in 10 days.

We are heading toward out meeting with the new FBT therapist in town on Monday. I haven't told him anything about this yet - any advice on how to tell to him about it?

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Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
AUSSIEedfamily

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Reply with quote  #70 
Not sure. May be your H can kind of raise it?
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Torie

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Reply with quote  #71 
Wow!!! Yay!!!

Maybe tell him your top priority is to make sure he has the kind of normal life he deserves.  You want to make sure you're doing everything possible to make that happen.

Others will have better ideas, I'm sure.  But that's my two cents.

So very glad to hear about the nachos!  xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
trusttheprocessUSA

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Reply with quote  #72 
So it felt like we needed to update him on what was happening because in the silence I worry it adds to his anxiety. After dinner we asked to talk with him for a few minutes. I told him it had been a tough 10 days and that we have the same goals for his success in college, and life, etc. We found a therapist who will help prepare you for college life. He rolled his eyes ad shook his head. I told him we are all 3 (me, husband and him) going to see her on Monday at 2pm. He looked at me like we were ridiculous but agreed.

What is wrong with me that I think he should be happy for the help and support........no 19yr old boy no matter what would want to go to a therapist. 



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Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
AUSSIEedfamily

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Reply with quote  #73 
Dear trusttheprocessUSA,

Well done!! ED zero (0) trusttheprocessUSA & H one (1)

I think the rolling of eyes & head shake is possibly a lot of the ed because if knows you are onto it & its expressing its frustration that you have got it as your target. Its another form of flack when you are on target!!


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deenl

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Reply with quote  #74 
Quote:
Originally Posted by trusttheprocessUSA
What is wrong with me that I think he should be happy for the help and support........no 19yr old boy no matter what would want to go to a therapist. 




Hi trusttheprocessUSA,

As a mum of 3 boys I just had to laugh [smile]

What serendipity that the person you need crossed your path right when you need her. Hope the appointment goes well.

Warm wishes
D

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Mother of 13yo son restricting but no body image issues; inpatient 6 wks Sept/Oct 2015 but lost weight! So emotionally destroyed they agreed to let him home to us. Stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery for Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid. Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. 

Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.

If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal. (but don't give up on the plan too soon, maybe it just needs a tweak or a bit more time and determination [wink] )

iHateED

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Reply with quote  #75 
Hi TTP,  I am just catching up and sorry to see about the blip your son is having.  It doesn't sound like a relapse but more of a blip.  My D had a similar blip at the end of senior year and prom season.   I hope you can work with the T to lay out a plan of what the next few weeks and two months must look like in order for your S to leave for college.  That's what we did and told our D we would not pay tuition until the August deadline at her dream out of state school.  We had a local college acceptance as well as a back up plan.  Our T said flat out to our D, "if we feel you need to be weighed weekly, then I don't recommend you go away to school".   I think this was great coming from the T.   Our D got over her blip and had a great summer of recovery, left for school and has not had another blip.  I still stay very "silently" alert to her eating and actions.  The first year of school, my H and I went to visit about 2 weekends a month, to take her out to dinner with some friends each time.   She has done really well and shows no signs of ED.  She has just finished her sophomore year.   We did purchase tuition insurance but thankfully we never needed to use it!   Our normal carrier for homeowners and car insurance didn't offer it, but we found other companies who specialize in it.  It was only a few hundred dollars which to me was worth it should we have needed it.    Also make sure your new T writes up a plan or a contract that your S agrees to if he is healthy enough to go away to school.   One other thing, we didn't make our D join up with the university ED program.  We thought it would be a good idea but she cried after the first time and said to us that she doesn't want to keep thinking about her past illness, that she just wants to forget about how bad it was and move on. 

Hang in there and best wishes for continued improvement. 
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