User’s Guide | Rules | Contact a Moderator | Registration or Login Problems? | Eating Disorders Learning Center | F.E.A.S.T.



Custom Search of F.E.A.S.T. and Forum Content:
Register Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment   Page 2 of 6      Prev   1   2   3   4   5   Next   »
EDAction

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 377
Reply with quote  #26 
YAY!  I would count that as a win too!

I hope you have more of these tomorrow too.  I hope your S turns the corner sooner than later, fights ED and works with you (albeit sullenly/angrily) to get back to himself.

How wonderful that your husband is so involved this time!  YAY!

The son who had a great relationship with you 4 days ago is not gone.  He will be back.  But it is excruciating in the meantime.  Thinking of you.


EC_Mom

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 274
Reply with quote  #27 
Yes it is a win for sure. I hope you sleep well tonight, you did everything you needed. And you can do it again tomorrow. Soon he will get back to normal. 

Can you sneak some hwc into the milk? You know the drill in any case. I have a feeling you will wrangle this blip pretty smoothly.
Torie

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 4,555
Reply with quote  #28 
Quote:
Originally Posted by trusttheprocessUSA
I think that's a win.


TTP's real kid: 1
Ed: 0

Go team!!!  xx

-Torie

__________________
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
trusttheprocessUSA

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,453
Reply with quote  #29 
We slept better that's for sure. We will see what today brings and hold fast to our plan. Thank you for the support - there are no words to express how vital you are to me.
__________________
Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
trusttheprocessUSA

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,453
Reply with quote  #30 
This is such a tricky disorder - I feel like I might be crazy.

My son is 18 now and 5'11" academy soccer player up until Dec 1, 2016. He retired. I watched and made sure he was OK not latching onto some running or gym craziness. All was well he was happy funny and a joy to be around.  We prepared a low key college enrollment process. 3 colleges close to home - low stress. He is a good student so no worries academically. We made a visual board of supports he had in place for all 3 universities so he would be successful. We visited all 3, ate in their cafeterias etc. We decided to enroll in 2 of the 3 (one in our town and one an hour away) and wait to see how the beach week went to decide if he was capable of feeding himself the necessary amount of food - And its a lot of food because he is male and muscular. I have always told him "the problem will be NOT eating enough that will put you in jeopardy". He got it. We have a plan and strategies in place.

And here we are.

For my son its hard to tell how much he weighs by looking at him. He has always tracked in the 90% for height and 95% for weight. At onset at 12.5 yrs old he lost 36 lbs (27% of his body weight) before re-feeding kicked in. We had to refeed him back to his 95 % weight for height ratio for his age. We did it with a lot of help and support from ATDT. And as all males do - he grew, and grew and grew - he doubled in size really. So here we are he's been an academy level soccer player for the past 4 years training 4 nights per week and playing out of town on weekends for 10 months a year. NO weight loss only gaining and growing. 

He has a small surgery scheduled for Feb 21 this year and of course they had to weigh him (blindly) I was right there and he weighed 203 lbs. Since hesbeen nothing but awesome I didnt weight him again until I saw him in last years swim suit on Sunday. Sunday May 21 he weighed 195 lbs. 
That's an 8lb drop over 3 months or less.
I have 2 additional weights during last summer July 203lbs - August 198lbs depending on the beach effect. That seems to be his weight range. 
I do not believe it is a loss of muscle mass from not playing soccer as my close friends want to suggest. He's been going to gym the for christ sake. 

I have reached out to a new local therapist who worked with Walter Kaye and is located here in my town. She specializes in FBT, DBT, CBT and helps with transitions to college. 
I have reached out to the family therapist who worked with me at Kartini and we will skype tomorrow.
I have Dr Otoole on call if we need to return to Portland.

My husband and older son are immediately on board this time.
My ED son will not speak to me -  will ask the skype therapist how to address that. 
He's eating everything I give him. The meals look mostly like we always have eaten. Just more cautious about not allowing low calories meals I let that go in the past and he did fine. 

He's big but he is still my son. I cannot allow myself to be intimidated.





__________________
Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
trusttheprocessUSA

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,453
Reply with quote  #31 
....and just like that he spoke and laughed at dinner. I would not have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. 
__________________
Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
AUSSIEedfamily

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,745
Reply with quote  #32 
Dear trusttheprocessUSA,

I think your son will speak to you I think its the ed who wont let your son speak to you & the ed is on notice by you that its in your sights & you have it as your one & only target.

Keep going you are getting "silent flack" you are on target!!

__________________
ED Dad
mjkz

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,362
Reply with quote  #33 
Sounds about normal for an brain currently hijacked by Ed [cool]
trusttheprocessUSA

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,453
Reply with quote  #34 
Thank you for all of the support. I know I could not be where we are without you guys - you keep me going and keeping me going will save my son's life.
__________________
Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
EDAction

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 377
Reply with quote  #35 
Yay!  I bet that laughter was balm for your soul!  

Torie

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 4,555
Reply with quote  #36 
Quote:
Originally Posted by trusttheprocessUSA
....and just like that he spoke and laughed at dinner. I would not have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. 


Go figure.  ED is so weird.  Glad you got the good kind of weird this time - you surely deserve it.  xx

-Torie

__________________
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
bryony_1234

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 14
Reply with quote  #37 
Hope everything moves forward! Look like things will.
toothfairy

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,780
Reply with quote  #38 
trusttheprocessUSA,

I will NEVER forget how my S was so hostile, and hated me during re-feeding in hospital, and when he had home leave.

It BROKE MY HEART. I remember thinking that I just had to do this, even if I lost the fabulous relationship that we had always enjoyed.
He also had zero sense of humour during the illness, and was oh so difficult to deal with.

Guess what? It didn't take long, we are great pals, doing just great, crazy about each other....He is currently laughing and joking and practising his music for a fiddle concert he is in tonight.
Your boy is coming back to you, and he loves you....KEEP GOING, WE ARE WITH YOU XXXXXXXX

 

__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
trusttheprocessUSA

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,453
Reply with quote  #39 
Toothfairy thank you so much for the support and reminders. It feels like I'm starting all over again and that his anger is all ED and that is terrifying. Will he come back to me? will he always hate me? Am I making a mistake? When I feel weak I reread these wise responses to my cry for help and I feel empowered. In my mind I have felt if this returns I will be more powerful that his ED and I will be a brick wall - it was shocking to me that I felt so guttered so quickly in the face of ED reemergence. Maybe its PTSD I know my body is reacting the same way it did the first time when I had no idea what was happening.

Our local support group here is incredible and the leader is supporting me by talking and texting - 

Yesterday I had a 30 min conversation with the new therapist who is to moving to our town this weekend - she is incredible. She listened to me describe my son's history asked questions and said she thought our treatment experience and management would be a perfect fit with her background FBT. We have the first appointment on the first day she starts her practice here June 5.  She said if I have any question or run into trouble call her right away.  Her background includes helping YAs (young adults) be equipped to understand their ED and learn to manage it as they become more independent, etc. Frankly, he needs this and so do I. 

I asked her what do I say to him on Sunday after I weigh him and he's gained some weight back - she said tell him "this is acceptable and we will keep this up for the next week. Do not give him specifics." I would have cheered if he gains weight but I guess I will cheer inside. Because we are so close, pals really, I am slow to wrap my head around the FACT that I'm dealing with putting the ED back in the cage WITHOUT my son's approval, agreement or by in. It is so easy to forget my son is not on my side right now - he is behind the ED waiting for me to beat it back. I have to be more of a hard line than his ED.   

The idea that "I hope he can eat enough on his own" is not a plan for his success. Obviously when the going gets tough he will restrict if he has no other strategy and tools. He has always had me at home to feed him through his blips so if he struggled I caught the food piece and he rode the wave until the struggle passed. I pray she can be that support that lead him toward adulthood.

My skype appt with my Kartin therpsit is this monring.

__________________
Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
trusttheprocessUSA

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,453
Reply with quote  #40 
New FBT therapist said yesterday "it sounds like you got to FBT stage 3 and now you are back to stage 2" I guess we did but we never had the support of a well trained FBT to help us manage stage 3. But now we do.

  • Parents take responsibility for decisions of what, when, and how much the ill patient eats as well as behaviors around food.
  • After weight restoration is nearly achieved, control is carefully given back to the patient.
  • Finally, the therapist and family work to restore normal and age-appropriate lifestyle and relations between family members.

__________________
Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
toothfairy

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,780
Reply with quote  #41 
Delighted for you, we are here for you too.
__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
trusttheprocessUSA

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,453
Reply with quote  #42 
toothfairy you are SO RIGHT - and I am MOST grateful to ATDT. Without the quick responses on this forum my navigating would be scrambling and panic. All of you on ATDT keep me grounded so I can move forward one meal at a time. AND NOT SECOND GUESS MYSELF AND KNOW I AM ON THE CORRECT PATH.

So many would be lost with out you.... 

__________________
Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
toothfairy

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,780
Reply with quote  #43 
TTP,
One other thing, dont forget to have an aura of " I have this", be calm, cool and confident, fake it until you make it....
xx

__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
trusttheprocessUSA

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,453
Reply with quote  #44 
Oh yes thank you for the reminder. This mantra will be my backbone.
__________________
Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
Torie

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 4,555
Reply with quote  #45 
Quote:
Originally Posted by trusttheprocessUSA
All of you on ATDT keep me grounded so I can move forward one meal at a time.  


Please remember that YOUR posts help others, too.  We're all in this together: those new to the shock and horror; those struggling to grab the bull by the horns; those starting to breathe without thinking about each breath; those in a good place but trying to remember how vigilant we must remain.

So thanks back at you.  Each one of us makes us stronger.

You're doing great.  You will get your son back.

Please remember that we're with you in spirit. xx

-Torie

__________________
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
snomom

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 6
Reply with quote  #46 
Trusttheprocess
I am following you closely. My daughter too went to kartini and had success. She is struggling but for the first time taking ownership and really wanting to get better and stop having her life interrupted by her ED. I haven't reached out to kartini yet because she is working with local people and they are empowering her to work hard to succeed at home. As we discussed treatment again her local therapist said well you can go to treatment and eat their food etc or you can be at home and eat the food and stay in your life. It really motivated her to eat more and do this here. We have done kartini twice so she knows treatment well.
Please keep sharing as your story is good for me to see how others handle these relapses.

Keep fighting but remember to be kind to yourself it's a long journey to the end of this battle.
trusttheprocessUSA

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,453
Reply with quote  #47 
snomom thank you for giving me insight - here in my town we mostly have 20th century care for eating disorders. The "team" I put together 6 years ago almost allowed me to loose my son. The pediatrician refused to give me the diagnosis when my boy was loosing weight drastically. The therapist saw him with a cliff bar in hand and said "looks like that eating disorder is behind him" and my favorite - the nutritionist yelled at me and said I was the reason my son wasn't eating and treatment would traumatized him as she watched him loose 27% of his 12 year old body weight. AND she claims to be an eating disorder specialist for athletes.

When we returned from Kartini I needed to guard my son's care extremely well. He didn't seem to need a therapist so I didn't take the chance. Fast forward 6 years and its clear to me now he needs an expert therapist in FBT and DBT to help him become independent. And one just moved to town yesterday! 

I just got off the phone with the therapist that I saw at Kartini she knows this disorder like the back of her hand. So much easier when its not your own kid. She told me what I am doing is right and she echoed he needs so much help learning to take care of himself. So this therapist is essential. She also told me that my son's case is severe. I know his default is to starve to death - literally. It scared me.

I guess all of my talk and warnings to him about watching for the return let me know if you are in trouble - fly out the window. I'm anxious/scared and working out makes me feel better I loose a bit of weight I feel great - no problem. The relapse happens before there is any evidence of the restricting. He must learn what to do with his emotions, how to regulate them and how to recognized ED behaviors and learn to feed himself. 

You cant expect to have a signal from your kid - you cant expect to see whats going on in their head. 

I pray my son will be motivated too -  staying home and trying college may be the incentive to work with this therapist. 

__________________
Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
trusttheprocessUSA

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,453
Reply with quote  #48 
Thanks Torie, please don't let go of me.
__________________
Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
trusttheprocessUSA

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,453
Reply with quote  #49 
Aussiefamily - thank you for the reminder. I bought a fancy new BP cuff and heart rate monitor today. It does everything - so simple.

So tomorrow:
Orthostatic blood pressure taken
Resting heart rate checked
Weight

__________________
Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
Torie

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 4,555
Reply with quote  #50 
Please know we will always be here for you - that's the one thing you don't have to worry about.

So glad the new t is sweeping into town like a white knight.  Such great timing!  (Well, other than being 6 years late.) 

You really will get your s back.  Really.  xx

-Torie

__________________
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

Easily create a Forum Website with Website Toolbox.

F.E.A.S.T. Families Empowered and Supporting Treatment of Eating Disorders
is a 501(c)3 charitable organization committed to maintaining the Around the Dinner Table forum as a FREE service for any caregiver of a loved-one with an eating disorder.

P.O. Box 1281 | Warrenton, VA 20188 USA

US +1 855-50-FEAST | Canada +1 647-247-1339 | Australia +61 731886675 | UK +443308280031 

This forum is sponsored by F.E.A.S.T., an organization of parents serving parents and caregivers of patients of all ages with anorexia, bulimia, and other eating disorders. Information and advice given on this forum does not necessarily represent the policy or opinion of F.E.A.S.T. or its volunteers and is meant to support, not replace, professional consultation.

F.E.A.S.T. is registered as a nonprofit organization under section 501(c)(3) of the United States Internal Revenue Code.

Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Community Rules | Forum Rules | F.E.A.S.T. Principles | YMadmin | WTadmin
Custom Search of F.E.A.S.T. and Forum Content: