User’s Guide | Rules | Contact a Moderator | Registration or Login Problems? | Eating Disorders Learning Center | F.E.A.S.T.



Custom Search of F.E.A.S.T. and Forum Content:
Register Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment   Page 5 of 6     «   Prev   2   3   4   5   6   Next
mec

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 5,364
Reply with quote  #101 
TTP The eye rolling is classic 18 yo teen leaving
Home behavior. Our DD left home at 18 because she refused to allow us to help her in any way. The eye rolling, grumbling and reluctance would have been gladly accepted by me if my child would have cooperated and gone to her psychologist. She was so suspicious of us trying to control her mental health treatment that she left 3 days before her psych evaluation. We had nothing that she wanted from us so there was no leverage. This led to 2 years of suffering with B&P and lots of bad and painful choices.

PS glad he stopped with the destructive behaviors.

__________________
Our 20 year old daughter has been working out her recovery from Restrictive Anorexia Nervosa and compulsive exercise for the last 10 years. She was DX at 9, re fed at home with support from local FBT and ATDT forum, and weight restored at 11.
trusttheprocessUSA

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,451
Reply with quote  #102 
Thank you mec - I know this disorder is horrendous and hard to know what might happen day to day. All we can do as parents is our best based on what we know about the road to recovery and the evidence based treatment options. The genetics and severity of illness are out of our control.

You are a pillar of strength-  thank you for your support and sharing your experience. 

__________________
Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
trusttheprocessUSA

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,451
Reply with quote  #103 
I'm still here I'm still figuring this out. We met with therapist twice she is great, she know this ED stuff and has lots of experience. My son is not really opening up about his ED and I'm not sure what she will do to help him but again shes only see him for about 20 min each visit. She supported him going to beach week this week with a house full of 16 boys! He said he could eat and not lose weight - OMG I'm on pins and needles. Here's what I know - if he stayed home he would not learn a thing. 

We made a plan together and I made food for the house and included all of his favorites. He has a one page plan (he took a picture with his phone) that lists choices for his meals and snacks. He has a car and $$ to go get what he needs. He also has Boost+ in his bag in case he is light some days. Of course without the help if this therapist I would not have made the choice for him to go. He texts me what he is eating for his meals and I coach him.

The therapist is in the midst of trying to tease out what is ED and what is anxiety disorder. 

Fingers crossed.

__________________
Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
mjkz

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,083
Reply with quote  #104 
I hope things go well TTP.  I wouldn't have allowed my daughter to go given what happened in son's preparation for beach week and how he reacted.  It is so hard to know what the right thing to do is.[frown]
melstevUK

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 2,517
Reply with quote  #105 
Hi TTP,

I have been following your thread and the heartache that goes with a relapse.

In terms of your s and his eating - it is my impression that ed totally messes up the connection between appetite and growth that hunger does not properly kick in for many years.  There may be times when they are really hungry and appear to eat enough - but in terms of fuelling repair and growth, that match just does not occur and can easily be pushed off track by a lack of real appetite, as much as a determination to avoid weight gain.  Compliance may be in place - but eating can also be just too much effort on occasions.  

The therapist sounds effective - great that you have proper support on the ground.  Just keep pushing and encouraging him through to recovery.  It is difficult and scary to let them go off and do things when things feel shaky - but ultimately life needs to replace the eating disorder and if he wants this experience and will enjoy and benefit - then if he maintains or puts on weight, that is a bonus.  If he loses, it won't be intentional.  It's just part of the journey and recovery process. 

I doubt that your s himself can say whether this is ed or anxiety - he is still young to be able to separate himself effectively from the ed thinking and fight it actively.

You are back on track and you are all doing ok - you just keep treading and doing what is necessary while maturity kicks in and the move to adulthood is completed.

__________________
Believe you can and you're halfway there.
Theodore Roosevelt.
trusttheprocessUSA

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,451
Reply with quote  #106 
Thank you warriors. 
melstevUK  you are wise and can see things that are hard for me in the moment. YES "but ultimately life needs to replace the eating disorder" This challenge my son has taken on "beach week" is the hardest thing he has done and on the heels of a slip. 

He called crying today to tell me he smoked a "bowl of jewel" with his housemates and it made him sick and he vomited his dinner 3 hours after eating it. So he drank 2 boost+ at 2am. Poor kid he is in a house with 15 other boys who he reports get up start drinking at 10am drink all day, do not eat and party all night. He hates it. He has found another house with 9 boys and a mom who is in charge - they eat regular meals and have fun at the beach he spend his days with them - that is amazing because he NEVER wants to offend anyone but he is learning to take care of himself in the midst of chaos. I coached him to add on to his breakfast and lunch today to restore himself - he reports he ate a cinnamon bun with breakfast and is going out for lunch.

I keep telling myself "these are the things he cannot learn at home" AND he is still living at home and completely dependent on us. Riding this out is so hard.
Yes his meals are rigid I guess because he has had such a demanding schedule for the past 4 years with soccer there has been no time to teach him to eat with ease.....although he has been able to do it for 5 days with his team.

This is hard and my PTSD is a challenge - my body is reacting like it did when he first got sick. But that is not what's happening now. Trying to engage my logic brain and release my emotional brain. Breathing, tapping and looking for my own therapist. 

FYI when my son was at his resting weight his BMI is 29 when he had his slip and lost 8lbs his BMI was 28. 

__________________
Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
mjkz

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,083
Reply with quote  #107 
Quote:
Riding this out is so hard.


You are doing a great job though.  If my daughter called me to tell me she was smoking jewel with friends and puking her guts out, I'd have been hitting the road and bring her back.  I cringe to think of any kid living with a bunch of guys who do nothing but party and drink.
toothfairy

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,195
Reply with quote  #108 
Uuggh "jewel" thats a new one on me whatever it is !!! I even googled it but am still none the wiser...is iit a form of cannabis ? Or worse?
__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) , Then FBT at home since.and making progress every day. He is now in good recovery, and Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time.
trusttheprocessUSA

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,451
Reply with quote  #109 
Ok it got worse - beach house nightmare. Tuesday night drunk kids from all over at the house, cops showed up asked all to dump out their alcohol (chaperone was buying it for them). they asked who was 18 my son is and this scared him. Some boys had cocaine and threw it into the woods. Another boy ran off and was arrested. This is the environment that ends up on the nightly news. He called crying and so anxious. I coached him and he decided to come home - he was exhausted and ate a big dinner. There is no way for me to tell if he looses weight - it just can see it with my eyes. 

Against the advice of the therapist and my better judgement and after breakfast today my son came down and asked to be weighed because he felt he had done a good job eating in the chaos of the beach house - I asked if he really wanted to know and he was so eager - I was not but I agreed. First I told him this was only for this week since he wanted to know how he did. I talked about us more openly discussing his ED and how to manage it like type 1 diabetes. I talked about when he needs to be re-fed it is dis-regulating and causes upset and weird behaviors not his fault but that's the way it is and sometimes it takes a long time to regain the lost weight - longer than he might think.   He genuinely seemed in agreement with that.

 

He was so eager to know how he did and I needed to know - because I simply cannot tell if he looses a few pounds...

He put on shorts and stepped backwards onto the scale ..... 206.5 I checked 3 times.  I told him he did a good job - good for you! wow nice job taking care of yourself.  He reported that it was hard to prepare all of his meals (which he had with him) on his own and when no one else in the house was eating hardly at all. Then he pooped a load. So his weight may not be quite 206.5 now lol.

 

I know there is a weight roller coaster when restoring (high calories) from a weight loss and the demand (high calories) for the healing that needs to take place in the brain and elsewhere depending of the severity of the weight loss. 

 

When he and I are in communication I do much better - when his weight is good I do great!


__________________
Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
EC_Mom

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 177
Reply with quote  #110 
TTP, this sounds like a backhanded success in a lot of ways. He got into a messy (terrible) situation, got through it, and got out. Hard for you to take, but what a gift for "practicing" dealing with bad situations. Is 205 close to his healthy usual weight?

Re: PTSD, I totally get you. When my d had a slip I felt myself panicking, going back to all that terrible time and the feelings I had. I had EMDR, it helped a little. I still have my stash of tranquilizers that I save for moments like these. I hope you are well supported IRL and your support through our disaster was so great (under another name).
trusttheprocessUSA

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,451
Reply with quote  #111 
I'm assuming some of the weight gain is water retention due to drinking alcohol. His set weight is 203.

I'm not sure how to proceed he is not happy - I know he is disappointed and exhausted.

He is still a bit distant seems lost and not sure what the future holds....hoping therapist can help guide us on Monday.

I HATE THIS ILLNESS

__________________
Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
momof4_US

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 226
Reply with quote  #112 
Your son's future is bright and promising. He has a supportive family who are on this journey with him.  I have had to adjust my expectations for my daughter often from high school through college. It has not been easy and there have been disappointments.  No one knows what the future holds but we can stack the cards in our children's favor.  Drinking, drug use, and sleepless nights are unfortunately prevalent on most college campuses. Not a good combination for anyone but especially someone with anxiety and ED.  There are no failures here just excellent feedback about your son's readiness to handle himself in these situations. Most teenagers are capable of making poor choices.  Try to separate your fear from your gut instinct of what to do. I'm a firm believer of the gut instinct.  Wishing you some calm and peace as you maneuver through these difficult experiences.
toothfairy

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,195
Reply with quote  #113 
TTP - UUGGHH well done on getting through this...
Glad he is home safe.
The one thing that does not sit right with me reading this is the scales....his need for the scales....My thinking is the scales needs to go...
Just my opinion...

__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) , Then FBT at home since.and making progress every day. He is now in good recovery, and Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time.
hopefulmama

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 984
Reply with quote  #114 
TTP - 

I am so sorry for what you have all been through over the last month or so. It is really shocking what our kids (ED and non-ED) have to face with drinking and drugs.  We have had many issues of parents hosting keg and drinking parties for high school kids and I just don't get it...at all. Having said that, I am sure you know that what your son experienced at beach week is what he will likely experience in college...every day. Since this is hard for any kid, it is all the harder for our kids with an ED history. 

Four years ago, I was exactly in the place you are today.  My daughter had graduated from high school. (I am not really even sure how that happened because she missed most of her junior and senior years because of her ED.) She was finally weight restored.  She was in recovery, but it was shaky at best. Even though your son's illness started many years ago, because he was so young, I would argue he is in the same place where his recovery (especially on his own) is shaky at best.  I had the advantage of having an older non-ED son who had gone off to college a few years before.  I knew what a tough adjustment it could be, even for the healthiest kids. 

With the support of our amazing family therapist and my daughter's individual therapist, we made the incredibly difficult decision to delay sending my daughter to college. To say that the decision was not well received would be an understatement.  There was screaming and yelling, she gave us the cold shoulder, told us we were making her depression worse, had ruined her life....you can imagine the rest.  It was painful for me too as my friends' kids went off to college. I was so happy for them, but oh so sad for my daughter. We held firm and said our decision was final and not up for discussion.  We cited ED experts and statistics (I didn't really have any - but I made them up) that ED kids who delay college until they have been in STRONG recovery (doing the types of things Dr Ravin talks about in her blog) for a minimum of 6 months have the best chance at success. My d had lost so many things to ED, she needed success in college. 

By the end of the summer she was talking to us again and asked about taking a few classes at a local university and living in a local apartment with a friend she had grown up with who was taking a semester off.  We discussed with our team and we all thought it seemed like a good thing to try before she went to college.  We came up with a contract to use for that semester in the apartment.  It was messy.  Her roommate ended up not being there a lot and that added to my daughter's depression and loneliness. She HATED the local university and made no attempt to make friends there. However, she managed.  She maintained her weight, managed eating even when she was depressed and did lots of other positive things.

In January, we allowed her to start at her dream university a few states away.  Again, we had a contract.  We called it a wellness plan and she came up with many of the items working with her therapist. It included not only eating and weight related issues, but mood factors too.  Isolation had always been a big thing with her during ED, so we had green, yellow and red indicators for that too. She went to the health center once a week for a weigh in and that number was texted to her therapist at home who she skyped with once a week.  Again, it was messy.  Her ED issues were good, but we then dealt with some rebellion issues with her using our credit card to go to see her BF in another state.  We got some coaching on how to deal with that and it helped. I had to work really hard at maintaining my own anxiety, but she rebounded and ended up ending the relationship with the boy.  He wasn't good to her and she could finally see that. 

After surviving that first semester away, each succeeding semester was incrementally better.  We revised the contract each semester.  By the end of her soph year, we decided we didn't need one and she no longer met with her therapist regularly. Her junior year she started dating a wonderful young man who knows her past and is wonderful to her.  She also studied abroad in South America and that was an amazing experience for her.  She flourished. Last month she graduated from college.  She ended up doing so with her class, even though she started late. If you asked her friends if they knew she wasn't there the first semester, they would probably not even know it.  She and her BF moved to another state where they are building a new life together. She is planning to go to grad school.

When you said in your post you didn't know what the future held, I could really relate to that. I know this post was long, but I wanted to give you a roadmap of what recovery through college looked like for us.   My daughter was successful. But we made sure we gave her the best chance at success by ensuring she had a solid foundation under her before letting her go.  She has said to us many times now that keeping her home that semester was the best thing we ever did.  She has even been instrumental in getting me to talk to the parents of her one treatment friend she kept up with from the first time she was residential 5 years ago.  She wanted to be sure that these parents knew how important it was to bring their daughter home from college and not let her go back until she was in strong recovery and had been there for awhile.  You can imagine how sweet it was to hear my daughter say we did the right thing. 

As hard as it was for us to take the bull by the horns and take college off the table temporarily, in some ways it was better tat at least everyone knew and we could deal with it going forward. As angry as my daughter was, in some ways I think she may have been relieved, she knew she wasn't' ready.  I also think the decision helped her do the hard work to stay in recovery when she did go away.  She knew that we meant business and would bring her home if it was necessary. 

None of this is easy.  Please see from our story though that it is all recoverable.  Your son can still have an amazing life and college experience, even if he isn't ready this fall.


__________________
Enjoying my 21 year-old daughter's achievement of active recovery that was made possible by the resources and education I found on this forum.

Don't give up hope!
mjkz

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,083
Reply with quote  #115 
TTP your son made a very wise decision to come home.  My ex-hubby is an ER doc and I've heard all the horror stories of beach week and spring break.  Not the kind of situation I'd want my kid in no matter what lessons she might learn from the experience.
trusttheprocessUSA

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,451
Reply with quote  #116 
Thank you fellow warrior moms and dads! - what a roller coaster. Son home eating well feeling better after lots of sleep. He is glad he came home but hasn't said much else. We see the therapist tomorrow - I hope it goes well. He needs help with his anxiety. He is making his meals or plating them - learning as he goes. Last night went very well he wanted to know how many shakes of the salad dressing he needed - so OCD. I hadn't seen that before. Up late laughing whit his brother - so nice to hear. Today back to body checking and in his room. Annoyed with me talking about his next few days - I try not to take it personally but it's hard not to be scared. Can that ED beast come up and grab him? The unknown is hard for me. I guess I just focus on one meal at a time and hope he can struggle and make it through. My therapist says to focus on his strengths and have faith in him. She knows ED and she know me. Many people tell me this good side of this - he's not I college, you caught it early, he re-fed quickly. I know that, I believe it and I understand it But it doesn't make me feel any better. His dad is doing so much better this time - he can use his logic brain to help calm me and he does the normal parent stuff - they are golfing 9 holes this afternoon. I'll just keep moving forward and take my strength from you all. One uncertain a step at a time.
__________________
Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
AUSSIEedfamily

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,717
Reply with quote  #117 
Dear trusttheprocessUSA,

What about the few warrior dads that are here?

__________________
ED Dad
trusttheprocessUSA

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,451
Reply with quote  #118 
Oh Dear yes Warrior Parents all of you wonderful people!
__________________
Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
trusttheprocessUSA

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,451
Reply with quote  #119 
Today at college orientation - it feels like I'm in a different dimension - where kids without ED are getting to know the college they will attend in the fall. Their parents are worried about boyfriends and regular college issues and im worried my son won't eat. How crazy this feels. He is so excited. It's a lovely school one hour from our home. I'm not worried about the classes or his grades im worried about food. The food is not as rich as what's served at home because rich food is expensive. He will eat the same amount possibly but not get enough calories. He ate foods today he never eats together; cheeseburger, fries, pizza and bowl of yogurt for dinner. Made me so sad I cried when I left him for his overnight. I'm still crying.

My therapist (an ED specialist) says he has a chance to allow life pull him away from ED choices. She suggest that I be happy for him and that he has a safety net - me. But I can't get comfortable with any of this. Our FBT therapist is happy he did well at the beach and encouraged him to have fun at orientation. These women must know way more than I do. They work with kids making that transition from high school to college and adulthood. Of course if it were up to me I'd have him under lock and key and stuffing him full of food - but he's 19 in 2 weeks and a force so that wouldn't work.

They know the process I just hope I can trust it.

__________________
Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
toothfairy

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,195
Reply with quote  #120 
Hi there,
I have to say that I would be pretty nervous too, & I hate to be blunt ,but I disagree with the T, & I would not condone him going to college in his current state ( from what you have described).
He does not sound as though he is far enough into recovery to start college & live away in a few weeks.
No way ! I would not pay one cent towards his fees to go this semester.
This is just my opinion as to how I would react.
Best wishes

__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) , Then FBT at home since.and making progress every day. He is now in good recovery, and Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time.
mjkz

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,083
Reply with quote  #121 
I'm totally with TF.  I wouldn't just blindly accept that this therapist actually knows what she is doing given how she encouraged him to go into a dangerous situation and is happy with the outcome (which was drug use and potentially jail time for being in the wrong place at the wrong time).  I think you can go too far in trusting the professionals and ignore what your gut is telling you.  His therapist is not the one who knows him the way you do and also is not the one who will get the job of refeeding when he loses.  She gets paid no matter what the outcome is.
trusttheprocessUSA

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,451
Reply with quote  #122 
I'll think about what you have said I know caution is needed - but an adolescent is very different than a young adult. I think the idea is to let him try and fail or succeed now before he goes away - whenever that may be. Don't worry this isn't a done deal - I haven't given up my life for the past 6 years to let him go because someone else says so.
This is an opportunity to try - and participate in normal life. He's gonna have to try sometime and now while he is still under my wing and we have complete leverage it's the best time. If he needs a higher leave of care to transition to adulthood and take care of himself. Then he does,

One gentle step at a time. This is new territory. He has a life he wants to recovery to -he will have to prove he can do it. We are trying to push him a bit. It's gonna happen now or later that's for sure.

I'll keep you posted.

__________________
Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
hopefulmama

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 984
Reply with quote  #123 
Add my voice to agreement with TF and MKJC - Trust your own instincts.  You are the one that has fought tooth and nail to get your son to where he is.  You are with him 24 hrs a day. The t sees him once a week for one hour.

I get 110% where you are and how hard this is. I was in the same boat 4 years ago with my then 18 year old daughter. It is SO tempting to think that if you send them off to school, it will give them incentive to leave the ED behind.  It didn't work that way for us though. Among all mental health professionals (not just ED), it is pretty standard for them to recommend at least 6 months of firm and strong recovery before going away to college. Recovery is SO hard in the beginning, but then it gets easier. College can be a tough adjustment for even the healthiest of kids. ED kids need a firm foundation so they can stay on the recovery path when they go to college.

This is a great blog post by Dr. Ravin that I found oh so helpful in determining when my daughter was ready for college. I remember reading it over and over thinking maybe I had misread something and maybe she was closer to being ready than I thought.

http://www.blog.drsarahravin.com/depression/leaving-the-nest-10-tips-for-parents/

This is another article that I also think is very good about the challenges of the transition.

https://www.eatingdisordertherapyla.com/is-your-young-adult-with-an-eating-disorder-ready-for-college/

There is nothing easy about any of this.  I hope that our journey with our daughter can provide hope that starting college late does not have to negatively impact their experience.


__________________
Enjoying my 21 year-old daughter's achievement of active recovery that was made possible by the resources and education I found on this forum.

Don't give up hope!
Kali

Avatar / Picture

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 557
Reply with quote  #124 
Hi TTP,

Some of what you are describing sounds eerily familiar to me: the weight loss right around graduation time and the subsequent putting the weight back on because I insisted, beach week away with hs friends, where d. was able to maintain her weight, the therapist who told me it was fine to send her to college, the fact that she was not underweight when she left, and your description of sitting at orientation while the other parents worried about friends and grades and other normal stuff, fretting about the possibility that your son won't eat enough.

You and your family have a big decision to make and it seems to me that you have a myriad of choices. 

You could ask your son to take a gap year or gap semester to solidify his recovery and really learn to eat and maintain his weight independently. Colleges will usually agree to defer enrollment for a year.

Or, since the college is only one hour away perhaps your son could live at home and commute to attend school the first semester. Plenty of people travel an hour to work or school, (at least where we live).

Or, you could send him with a support system in place and see how he does. Supports could include: eyes on visits by you once a week, continued therapy with the therapist he is seeing, regular weigh-ins, requiring that all the HIPPA paperwork be signed by him so that the therapist and doctors can communicate with you if there is a problem. If he is not able to manage you will know fairly quickly and he can come home. Know that many colleges will apply the tuition money to a future semester if someone needs to take a medical leave and not finish the semester. Or you could look into tuition insurance. Look into the rules regarding these things at your son's college since they are not all the same.

Whatever you decide to do, you are well educated about the illness and the signs to look for. And the fact that the college is only an hour away gives you some flexibility in your choices.

When my d went back to school after her year off for treatment, she applied for an accommodation through the disability office where the college has agreed to only place her in a suite containing a full kitchen, due to her diagnosis. So she has been on a partial meal plan but also could prepare meals in the apartment. I don't know if that would be helpful for your son at some point in his future, but if so you could look into it.

Best wishes,

Kali

__________________
Food=Love
mjkz

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,083
Reply with quote  #125 
Quote:
but an adolescent is very different than a young adult.


Right and we all know that eating disorders stunt growth in all areas.  The behavior you are describing that you are seeing in your son is that of an immature adolescent and not a young adult regardless of his chronological age.

My daughter developed her eating disorder before the age of 10 and is now in her mid to late 20s.  When it comes to eating disorders, losing weight and refeeding, you saw yourself how much your son regressed to about where he was when he first developed anorexia.  That unfortunately doesn't seem to change much!!
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

F.E.A.S.T. Families Empowered and Supporting Treatment of Eating Disorders
is a 501(c)3 charitable organization committed to maintaining the Around the Dinner Table forum as a FREE service for any caregiver of a loved-one with an eating disorder.

P.O. Box 1281 | Warrenton, VA 20188 USA

US +1 855-50-FEAST | Canada +1 647-247-1339 | Australia +61 731886675 | UK +443308280031 

This forum is sponsored by F.E.A.S.T., an organization of parents serving parents and caregivers of patients of all ages with anorexia, bulimia, and other eating disorders. Information and advice given on this forum does not necessarily represent the policy or opinion of F.E.A.S.T. or its volunteers and is meant to support, not replace, professional consultation.

F.E.A.S.T. is registered as a nonprofit organization under section 501(c)(3) of the United States Internal Revenue Code.

Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Community Rules | Forum Rules | F.E.A.S.T. Principles | YMadmin | WTadmin
Custom Search of F.E.A.S.T. and Forum Content: