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momon

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Reply with quote  #76 
Hi TTP

I hadn't been on the forum for a while but when I saw the heading of your post and your name, my heart sank like crazy. You have meant a lot to me with your support -- I have your alfredo sauce recipe frozen to help make workdays work in my home nearly at all times!  and I am so glad you got good help here when needed. 

I am glad you were able to pull his weight back up and are on the road back up all the way and that you found good local help (at least potentially). That is all great!  It sounds like a blip to me also as another person commented.

For others who read this, I'll also mention that I was delighted to read you checked BP right away once you realized. My daughter had a blip drop of about 4 pounds last year and her orthostatic blood pressure got off,  the issue can be created by speed of weight drop even if they aren't at all at an unhealthy weight  (which I am saying for the benefit of others, as you certainly know this).

I know it was very scary but a couple of good things-- whole family was in to help, and he showed signs of picking himself up that you never saw before.  Not only do you got this one, he is closer to being able to do it himself.  Take care TTP and a big hug to you!
momon

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Reply with quote  #77 
Hi TTP

I hadn't been on the forum for a while but when I saw the heading of your post and your name, my heart sank like crazy. You have meant a lot to me with your support -- I have your alfredo sauce recipe frozen to help make workdays work in my home nearly at all times!  and I am so glad you got good help here when needed. 

I am glad you were able to pull his weight back up and are on the road back up all the way and that you found good local help (at least potentially). That is all great!  It sounds like a blip to me also as another person commented.

For others who read this, I'll also mention that I was delighted to read you checked BP right away once you realized. My daughter had a blip drop of about 4 pounds last year and her orthostatic blood pressure got off,  the issue can be created by speed of weight drop even if they aren't at all at an unhealthy weight  (which I am saying for the benefit of others, as you certainly know this).

I know it was very scary but a couple of good things-- whole family was in to help, and he showed signs of picking himself up that you never saw before.  Not only do you got this one, he is closer to being able to do it himself.  Take care TTP and a big hug to you!
trusttheprocessUSA

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Reply with quote  #78 
iHateEd thank you for your perspective it help a great deal. I was told my son has a 5 lb threshold if he goes under 5 lbs hes in trouble. I wasn't worried because his state was so good. Then I increased his food and boy did I see the beast. When I weighed him after a week of refeeding I saw more ED behaviors.

I ma praying that the therapist will be good for him. Your experience is so hopeful. I know my son wants to be normal like his friends. He out at a graduation party now. He came home for dinner and went back.

I ma looking onto insurance too. He is also lined up for 2 universities.  
Thank you again.

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Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
trusttheprocessUSA

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Reply with quote  #79 
momon thank you for sharing the positives. It is so easy to see only the negatives and feel tremendous fear. Yes to the Alfredo sauce  - its so kind of Delicious! I have a batch in my freezer too. Glad it helps makes things easier for you.
__________________
Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
trusttheprocessUSA

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Reply with quote  #80 
His weight is up now just .5 lbs away from the initial weight loss of 8lbs. He's done this in 2 weeks. Now as a reward he wants to go back to the gym to be ready for beach week with his friends coming up in 2 weeks - I honestly don't know how he will feed himself at beach week. The pressure is very high here and I'm not sure if I am doing the right thing by telling him no to the gym. He flipped said he was going anyway - I said we'd have to increase food he said no.
Maybe the therapist we see tomorrow can help us.

My god I hate this disorder.

__________________
Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
AUSSIEedfamily

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Reply with quote  #81 
Dear trusttheprocessUSA,

My receovered D now runs her own personal training business and uses excersise in a whole different way. I sometime talk to her about people being restricted/prevented from excersising and she explains to me that preventing excersise unless medically unstable gave her just the worst head noise imaginable. Now that she is recovered she can use excersise in a very beneficial way.

I wonder if rather than ban the gym altogether you might reframe the discusssion about the gym. The discussion could include clear specific reasons for every & each excersise the negatives & benefits of each & how much engergy intake is going to be needed to do the exercise and regain the lost weight plus a extra margin of weight. I would certainly be very clear with him that if he does any excersise the excersise is about feeling better about himself not loosing any weight at all.

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toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #82 
TTP - My guess is his weight is too low now...I guess it needs to be higher by a good bit...like at least 5-10 lbs or  more... I know you dont want to hear this but... I am thinking state not weight my friend xx


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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
mjkz

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Reply with quote  #83 
If that was how you ended up where you were just last week, it makes no sense to let him go back and do it again.  If he can't go to beach week like he is, then maybe beach week is a bad idea.
trusttheprocessUSA

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Reply with quote  #84 
We see this new therapist at 2 today. I hope I can hold on until then.
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Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
deenl

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Reply with quote  #85 
Fingers crossed for you all.

Warm wishes
D

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2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, tons of variety in food, stepping back into social life. Sept 2017, back to school full time for the first time in 2 years. Happy and relaxed, just usual non ED hassles. 

  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal. (but don't give up on the plan too soon, maybe it just needs a tweak or a bit more time and determination [wink] )
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
mjkz

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Reply with quote  #86 
Quote:
I hope I can hold on until then.


You can.  Hope things go well today.
trusttheprocessUSA

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Reply with quote  #87 
saw therapist - really good. My son likes her, we all do. We will see her once a week. She wants him to be able to go to beach week and see how he does. She said college is beach week every week.  She will be helping him build confidence and reduce anxiety over eating and I will be coaching him at home. We have a long way to go. Since my son is a strapping young man he will need to learn to feed himself dense calorie foods OR eat more food to be able to live away from home for college etc. We are trying to hand him back his meals with my coaching - and it is so hard for me. I want to over do the food by stuffing him. 

Any good strategies for helping a RAN athletic almost 19 yr old male  BMI 28 feed himself?

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Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #88 
Hi TTP,
So pleased the T is good....
Now here are my thoughts on what you have said from the start...

He relapsed or had a bump, either way, it looks to me regardless of his BMI,  that his weight needs to be higher and he needs to gain into his 20's as he is still growing, so my no1 priority would be to get the weight up.

I think that you have a big job ahead of you this summer to get him to be able to feed himself adequately in such a short time.

My view on this is health is no1 priority, end of....and it is not you that is standing in his way...it is anorexia... 

I think that you may need to re-consider college...

http://www.blog.drsarahravin.com/depression/leaving-the-nest-10-tips-for-parents/

http://tabithafarrar.com/podcast/dr-sarah-ravin-eating-disorders-starting-college/

__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
sk8r31

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Reply with quote  #89 
So glad to hear that your new T will be a good professional support.

During the summer before my d went away to university, we prepped a lot for how she could manage eating & life on campus.

We worked on eating with others that were not close friends; I invited some of my friends/acquaintances over for meals to help with that.  There were also more meals eaten out of the house at various types of restaurants.

Another really great assist came from phone consultations with Therese Waterhous, who is a RD with a lot of experience dealing with ED clients, and a particular strength in working with the college-age crowd.  I highly recommend her, or someone similar, to work on strategies for managing eating on campus, living with a roommate, challenging class schedules, disordered eating by other students on campus (it is rampant!!), social anxieties and the like.  It was very beneficial, and left d more confident on being able to manage life away from home.

As others have mentioned though, you may really need to assess whether your son is ready for life/school away from home at this time. TF has given you some good resources to read.

All the best to you & your s as you navigate this next step forward.

Warmly,
sk8r31

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It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
momof4_US

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Reply with quote  #90 
I have been reading your posts and sorry you are again re-visiting these ED behaviors. Transition from high school to college was very hard for us.  My daughter was under my watchful eye and had lots of support to seeing what she could do on her own.  I thought I had set her up for success with a local ED therapist who was in fact very good.  In hindsight my daughter was not weight restored as she should have been along with the new pressures of college.  She did not manage well and we withdrew her (twice).  We transitioned soon to a commuter school and then to school 20 minutes from home where she did live on campus.  We had a contract in place regarding state, weight, and wellness.  Her first year on the local campus we had frequent contact. The next year less.  Her senior year I provided her with rides to work.  It was not a piece of cake.  Lots of ups and downs but overall she did progress and did indeed graduate this year.  I think it's a matter of how much risk one takes or can tolerate.  You know your son best.  As you move forward with college consider a plan in which the risk is not too great. Is there a middle plan? I like to think of a middle option when there seems only a best and  worst case scenario. I wish you and your family peace and calm moving forward. Your posts were of great support to me when we were in the thick of it.
mjkz

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Reply with quote  #91 
Glad things went so well.  I don't know that I'd agree that every week at college is like beach week since that seems to be a huge trigger for your son but it is good to be thinking ahead about how he can best be successful at college.  You went a long time without any bumps so how did he do feeding himself in between?  If I remember well, he played pretty high level soccer and managed that for a long time.  As scary as this bump was, you need to regain your confidence too!!  You pulled him through the first drop and also through this relapse.  You do know how to do this.
trusttheprocessUSA

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Reply with quote  #92 
Thank you all for jumping in to support me -  frankly due to my PTSD I'm not sure where I would be without you. Of course going one hour away to college is a privilege he will need to earn with this new therapist. Our back up University is right in town so we are very lucky in that way. 

The most surprising part of this blip/relapse try is his unhappiness aimed at me - we were so close 2 weeks ago - really close as I am his biggest support. I thought surely he will embrace the need to regain his lost weight he will understand. And maybe HE does but his ED does not and that was unexpected for me. Why, I have no idea. The part of the brain disorder that is restrictive anorexia doesn't want him to eat. Honestly with all of my experience, mentoring and education about EDs I somehow did not put two and two together and was shocked and thrown for a loop. Its just so different than when he was a 12 yr old boy.
 
About this behavior and adding more weight, that may not always be the right action to take. I know it is if you haven't gotten your child to their individual growth pattern and accurate weight restoration but we did that with my son and he has doubled in size as all males do. My son has always tracked in the 90% for height and the 95% for weight - this is right where he is today. TF thanks for the heads up I will measure his height this weekend to see if that indeed is an issue if he grows taller then yes to more weight.  His ED got squeezed and threw a tantrum - I just didn't expect the push back and hostility towards me.

__________________
Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
mjkz

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Reply with quote  #93 
Quote:
Its just so different than when he was a 12 yr old boy.


Is it really?  I've been reading your story and it sounds like he is exactly like he was at 12 when ED made its first appearance.  He was angry, broke things, acted out, etc.  He acted like a 12 year old little boy in a taller and bigger body.

One thing I've learned with a daughter who has relapsed over and over again.  It really isn't any different.  Every single solitary time she loses enough weight, all logic goes out the window.  No amount of therapy, insight, talking, etc. makes any difference.  Every time she will be fine and there is no need to gain back the weight.  Every time she tries to move out and declares her independence-tells me how this is all my problem and nobody else sees anything wrong with her.  It's all me.  You can educate and talk but once that downward spiral starts, it is the same thinking, same language and also the same treatment.

We have gotten to a point now where she gets that if she loses weight, she will end up in the hospital and doesn't want to go back.  That is what keeps her from losing more weight and motivates her to try to avoid losing any.  She also knows that I am here and I'll do whatever I have to do in order to get her back to a good weight.  On the one hand I wish it was a realization that she has to do this for health and the want to be healthy that motivates her. On the other hand, I don't really care what keeps her doing the next right thing to avoid another relapse.

You are obviously doing something right to have gotten this far along without any relapses.  I was shocked too at the first relapse.  My daughter after almost a year of true brain healing was spouting all the anorexic garbage we all know and the hostility and hatred directed at me was unbelievable.  Pulled out that one and then the next one hit. Same exact behavior.  Now I know what to expect and what to do.  So will you and I would just expect some kind of blip at times of big transitions.  You really have done an absolutely marvelous job at keeping him on track!!
trusttheprocessUSA

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Reply with quote  #94 
Mjkz - you are insightful, observant and unafraid. I am crying tears of gratitude for your post. You are right. Maybe it was easier to see him as a innocent victim of his ED when he was 12. Now at almost 19 I may expected more from him. I so needed this adjustment in thinking that you just gave me.

Also thank you for describing your D's experience with blips and relapse. The specifics you wrote help me understand better the nature of this illness. It easier for me to understand when you explain your experiences.

Thank you for your words of wisdom.

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Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
mjkz

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Reply with quote  #95 
TTP, glad that it helped.  I've read your story many times and really gained a lot of strength from it.  I vividly remember our first relapse and how shocking it all was for me.  I was in a very similar place to where you are right now wondering how she could let this happen and why after all the work we did to get her healthy she would not continue.  She knows better!!!  I went out of my way to educate her and gave her lots of stuff to read.  As we refed and she got to a better place again, she went back to the way she was prior to the relapse and even said to me "I have no idea what I was thinking.  I don't think I was thinking at all."
trusttheprocessUSA

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Reply with quote  #96 
I hope he can get back to that place he was before. He is still mad and thinks I don't trust him or have confidence in him. I've got to work on that. Hes a bit of absent minded by nature so I'm not sure if he gets how serious this is or could be. I know he has vivid memories of a few consequences of not eating (body function stuff) that he doesn't want to return to. Not sure that's stronger than his ED. I think he wants a regular happy life he is so invested in what he has and wants. Still this disorder is horrendous and our kids have it. 



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Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
mjkz

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Reply with quote  #97 
Quote:
He is still mad and thinks I don't trust him or have confidence in him.


Let's be truthful here.  You don't trust and have confidence in him where the eating disorder is concerned and with good reason.  He just fell head first into a serious relapse and showed no insight into why he had to regain the weight.  On top of that, he acted not like an 18 or 19 year-old YA but rather a very young 12 year old child with his passive aggressive dumping water in your bed, hiding your glasses, etc.  He lost a lot of the trust and confidence that you had in him and he should have.  While he may not have had insight into why he needed to regain the weight and isn't necessarily responsible for that, he is responsible for the way he handled his anger and taking it out on you.  Being sick does not give him a free pass to act out and treat you the way he did.

I view an eating disorder the same way I would view someone suffering from depression.  I suffer from treatment resistant depression and I can neither stop the depressive episodes from happening nor can I be responsible for them when they happen. I am however responsible for doing what I need to in order to keep myself healthy and help minimize the chances of the episodes and the duration of them when they do happen.  I am responsible for taking my meds, getting enough sleep, monitoring my moods, keeping up my routine, seeing my therapist, not running out of meds, eating as healthy as I can, exercising-you get the picture.

As a YA, your son needs to take some responsibility for his actions while regaining the weight and also realize that he has a serious illness that he needs to stay on top of.  I have no one else to blame but myself if I chose to stop taking my meds, staying up all night and then end up in the hospital.  I will be angry with my pdoc at the time for putting me there but I'm still responsible for how I act while there and also for realizing the role I played in getting myself sick again.

Maybe a heart to heart talk about things like the fact that he is going to have to be vigilant, keep track of his weight and realize that when you say he has to regain weight, there is a reason.  Trust is earned and when it is lost, it has to be earned again.
trusttheprocessUSA

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Reply with quote  #98 
mjkz your perspective is good for me to hear. Thank you for taking time to help me navigate this. With this new therapist my hope is together we can get him where he needs to be and help him learn how to take charge of his own health. 

You have such strength and fortitude. I am gaining such strength from you.

__________________
Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
mjkz

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Reply with quote  #99 
TTP, just returning the favor.  Your story was one of the first I read when I decided to do FBT and found ATDT.  I'm sorry you had to come back for you but grateful for me!!!
trusttheprocessUSA

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Reply with quote  #100 
Today is weigh-in and marks 3 weeks since I noticed the 8 lb. weight loss. We stopped the gym and re-fed. He is better (weight and mentally) today than he was 3 weeks ago.
I will check his height since he may be a bit taller.

As you know we have a new therapist in town and she is offering him what he wants - a healthy life and independence. We see her every Monday. He is learning how to make his meals along side me. He seems motivated and the therapist wants to capitalize on that - "as nerve-wracking as it is". 

He has agreed to keep his options open for college - and has signed up for 2 schools orientations. This is good as he understands he must be able to take care of himself in order to successfully move out of the house. 

We are putting together the Beach Week Plan today and we will share it tomorrow with the therapist. Tuesday he graduates from High School. He wants to have a nice dinner out with family and friends. 

Scale today fingers crossed.......

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Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
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