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OneToughMomma

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Reply with quote  #26 
Dear rainydays,

My d is doing really well.  Living on the other side of the country, at a good weight and eating well (for a college student, anyways!).  We have a fun relationship.  There is no interest for the parents to reconcile.  Truly none.  D and their children still keep in touch but are no longer geographically or emotionally close. 

I'm fine, too.  Time is an amazing balm.  I tried medication, and it was very useful for a short while. 

xoOTM

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D in and out of EDNOS since age 8. dx RAN 2013. WR Aug '14. Graduated FBT June 2015 at 18 yrs old. [thumb]
mjkz

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Reply with quote  #27 
I can see how you got into this.  The home situation sounds like a mess.  I'm glad OneToughMama chimed in because she was who I was thinking about whose daughter was taken in by another family.

I've thought long and hard since you posted this on what I would do if someone gave my daughter refuge during FBT (and I'd do the same as OneToughMama).  I feel sorry for everyone involved quite frankly-the mother who lost her kid and you taking her in and getting stuck with this horrible tangled up mess.

I think you are making the right decision telling her she has to go back.  I have no doubt your daughter will put you through the wringer over this but the points OneToughMama made about ED really apply.  I would also encourage you to call in protective services if you really do think the mother or A is in danger.  They are best equipped to deal with situations like this and find out what is really going on.

I didn't mean to make you feel guilty about how she got worse living with you because I think that would have happened no matter where she was living.  The fact that she was able to come to you and tell you says a lot about the relationship you have with A.  I think you did what your heart told you to do and I admire that.  I for one am very grateful you posted because it has really made me think about issues that I wouldn't have otherwise i.e. inviting my niece to move in with me and all the issues that would entail.  I got my niece into an inpatient program this weekend and was a bit jetlagged when I wrote last night so thank-you for taking what I wrote in the spirit it was meant and not taking offense.  I have a relative too who work in juvenile court that I talked to this weekend and mentioned what you were struggling with.  Her advice was send her back and call in protective services.  You need to protect yourself and your family.
rainydays

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Reply with quote  #28 
One Tough Mama,
I'm glad you and your daughter are doing well. Again, thank you for sharing your story, it gave my and my husband lots to think about.
rainydays

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Reply with quote  #29 
Mkjz,

I do feel guilty about taking in this girl, your post and comments didn't make me feel guilty. I told a little more of the story to clarify and maybe to justify myself, reduce those guilty feelings.

My husband last night said how great it is to have this forum with such helpful and ex experienced folks who are willing to help. I am very grateful for the advice and experience.

Now, we've got to go start untangling.
mjkz

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Reply with quote  #30 
Quote:
Now, we've got to go start untangling.


Good.  Please do (if you feel able of course) let us know how things go.  You and your hubby sounds like an amazing team!!!
rainydays

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Reply with quote  #31 
The girl is in treatment and is doing well. She is making a case for coming back to our house. Hopefully FBT will address this thoroughly. When we told my daughter that A needed to live at her home my daughter decided she wants to move into her house part of the week.

My husband told the dad it wouldn't be fair to their family to not make the changes to help their daughter heal. If she were coming to live with us we would be the ones doing the FBT.
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