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mumnz

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Reply with quote  #1 
Hi, my daughter has been in hospital coming on 2 weeks, and is due for release after the weekend. Things are going well with refeeding, but I can see a hard road ahead when she comes home, as is very much still not in the right headspace. I am ready and waiting!!

However - she has a brother who is 11 months older, and frankly he is exhibiting a lot of the same behaviours, and they are very, very close. I am very worried that he may actually be in the same boat. He has had depression in the past and refused help (went to 2 sessions then refused to go back) and seems to have "come right" over the past 10 months. But I can't ignore his refusal to eat at normal times, and insistence on making his own food, being vegan (thanks PETA!) and desire to lose weight despite being a beanpole.

Question: Is it even physically possible to get 2 children through this???
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hi mumnz,
Welcome to the forum,
I am sorry to read your post, but you are in the right place for really great advice,knowledge and support.

There are many families here that have had more than one child with an ED, there are also lots of people on this forum from NZ, so hopefully they can help you with more local information.

You can and you will get your two children through this.

Yes it is going to be a hard road, I have one ED sufferer ( identical twin) and that is hard enough, so I really am sorry to read your situation.
This forum has saved us, keep posting, keep asking questions, keep venting. The people here are just wonderful, and have so much knowledge.

mumnz, how old are your S and D? 
Best wishes 
TF

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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) ,  Now Phase  2 , making progress every day. Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #3 
I am going to post a few resources, hope they are useful.
Eva Musby has a great website here , her books are extremely helpful for re-feeding and anxiety.
The you tube videos are excellent too.
http://evamusby.co.uk/

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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) ,  Now Phase  2 , making progress every day. Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT.
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #4 
Honestly I would ask for your s to be assessed and very quickly.from what I read on here boys can get very entrenched before it's picked up on so it's great that you are being really aware.even if they don't have anorexia it can be that they have inherited the gene for it-you just don't know,so I would err on the side of caution and bring him in for assessment before your ds discharge.
For example I have one that had anorexia but two more that dropped weight unexpectedly over a period of three months.they just require feeding up so I get them weighed every month (was every two weeks with my younger one, is now monthly) and make sure they the weight is going in an upward trajectory.they don't argue,fuss, hide food or shout, they just roll with it.my an d did all of that and more requiring multiple admissions.
My feeling is that I would rather be thought a d$ck and get it checked than be proved one later when it was much worse.the veganism rings alarm bells for me honestly.
Your GP should write you a referral and then you can get your s assessed at the hospital your d is at.
Hope this helps,

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toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #5 
I found these books great too for your stage.

"Skills based learning for caring for a loved one with an eating disorder" by Janet Treasure.

"Help your teenager beat an eating disorder "by Lock and Le Grange.

"Eating with your anorexic" by Laura Collins.

Bev Mattocks books helped me too.  
https://anorexiaboyrecovery.blogspot.ie/







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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) ,  Now Phase  2 , making progress every day. Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #6 
Mum, I would also  bring your S to be assessed today.

http://canped.ca/


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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) ,  Now Phase  2 , making progress every day. Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT.
Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #7 
Welcome to the forum. It does sound like you really have your hands full.

Two kids with an ED indeed sounds overwhelming however having one with another undiagnosed is going to be worse. I agree with the others, it sounds a lot like your son needs assessment. Veganism with all of its moral overtones really fits in well with the eating disorder mind set. Not everyone who is vegan has an eating disorder, but many do, and many with eating disorders have toyed with vegetarianism and particularly veganism. The resources you have been linked to are also great.

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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
mumnz

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Reply with quote  #8 
Gosh, thanks everyone for replying so fast. I will look up those resources, and the video was really helpful - the hospital seems to ration info, I guess it is because it is so much to absorb in one go. I did not understand that it was physical - ie neural pathways. 

D is 15 and S is 16 - we will be going the FBT pathway starting next week, and I have already told the mental health service that is treating D of my concerns re S, because I was concerned about his impact on D's recovery. He will be included in the meetings, so I am hopeful that they will keep an eye out as well.

What a wonderful site - I am thankful to have found it so early in this process!
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #9 
Hi again mum,

Yes, this is a very steep learning curve.

Re your D -
My experience of when teen comes out of hospital ,is that they are only marginally better than when they were admitted. I presume she needed to be medically stabilized. This illness is a very long road and takes a long time to get them into recovery, but you can do it.
Hopefully they will have got your D eating, and on a plan 3 meals and 3 snacks etc...so my advice to you is, start as you mean to go on.

As soon as she is discharged and brought home, sit at the table with her, for all meals and supervise. No hoodies or long sleeves at the table, watch every crumb go in. Give her an hour to eat her meal and 30 mins for snacks. Life stops until you eat. Any meal with part uneaten is replaced by fortisip/ensure. Supervise her for 1 hour after the meal or snack, in case of purging, no bathroom allowed , get her to use the bathroom before meals.

You will get lots of kickback, just keep going calm and consistent, keep asking questions on this forum, people here can help so much..


Re your S -
MMMM, I was going to say that I would advise that S and D are not sitting together for meals, but you know you are going into FBT, the idea is family therapy that the family eat together etc....I too would be very concerned that he could impede her recovery.
To be honest, my hair is standing on end about the situation with your S.
I would push for an immediate assessment. This illness can and does kill. I advise you, if you are worried to take action immediately. There are some real red flags in your post.
Firstly, our kids can deteriorate suddenly and very quickly, also he needs his vitals checked, and quick.
Some of us were not aware that the heart can be compromised at low weights, and we suddenly find our kids seem ok, but can be at risk of hear failure.
I am not trying to scare you, this is the reality.
Also, if he has an ED, he will need immediate treatment. The longer he is not treated and re-fed, the more entrenched he will get, and it will be much harder and longer to treat. I would not wait ...honestly...If he is 16 and has an ED, he has only 2 years until he is 18 and can refuse treatment, and 2 years is short in ED recovery. If he has ED he will be suffering really badly.
One of the first things I learnt about this illness, is that bad and all as it is for the parents, its MUCH MUCH worse for the sufferer, it is horrendous what our kids are dealing with.Ed is like a vicious demon bully torturing our poor kids.
Food is the medicine, FOOD FOOD FOOD AND MORE FOOD.
This is just my advice mum, 
again so glad you found this site it is invaluable,
Best wishes TF

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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) ,  Now Phase  2 , making progress every day. Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT.
iHateED

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Reply with quote  #10 
MUMNZ,  Hi an welcome to the group, though so sorry you need to be here with us.  I hope you find a lot of useful information as you read all over this site.  I have two D's who both had ED's while in high school although not at the same time.  But when the second D got sick, it triggered a small relapse in the older D.   A symptom of the illness is in the need for competition and to be the best anorexic you can be.  Your path ahead won't be easy but you can do it!  You can make your own modifications to FBT if you need to, such as not eating together.  Maybe it would be best for them to eat separately but only time will tell you that.  First things first is to have your S evaluated.  My advice to you is to just focus on one day at a time, don't think too far ahead or it can all get very overwhelming.  Just one step at a time -- You've got this!

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