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leahkana64

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Reply with quote  #51 
I cant sleep, here is almost midnight and I cant fall sleep, my heart is in so much pain and sorrow that the anxiety dont let me sleep. Is anybody there? I really need somebody to talk
tina72

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Reply with quote  #52 
Hi leahkana64,
I´m so sorry that we have such a time difference between you and me, are you awake now? Its 2 p.m. in Germany now...
Tina72
Mamaroo

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Reply with quote  #53 
Hi, sorry to hear things are tough at the moment. Hope you got some sleep in.

When my D was so ill and I couldn't sleep, I would listen to Joel Osteen's podcasts. They are very encouraging.

As Sotired said, it's good that she eats 6 times a day. Keep it up, even if it's the same food every day. Try to find high calorie food, for example, if she eats bread, give her the highest calorie bread you can find. Does she drink milk?. Replace some of the milk with cream, she won't noticed the difference. I gave my D lots of vitamins, which helped her: multi vitamin, calcium, zinc, omega 3 oil (the brain loves omega 3 - I told my D it's good for her joints), magnesium and over the counter anti anxiety meds (just a note of caution, some over the counter anti anxiety meds can't be taken with prescription medication).

Sorry about your mum, I also had no help from my only relatives here. They just called last year to know if I'm organising Christmas again. Instead we spend Christmas with my only remaining friend who was (and still is) a great help.

Remember this is a marathon and not a sprint. Sending you planty of hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

__________________
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for a year and WR at age 11. Challenging fear foods now.
Torie

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Reply with quote  #54 
THinking of you, LK.  I'm so sorry it is so very hard right now.  Please remember that we're with you in spirit and also please remember that it does get better.  Sucks so much in the meantime, though.  xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
tina72

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Reply with quote  #55 
Any ideas what leahkana64 can do at nights when she can´t sleep and nobody is online?
She needs something which could stop this bad thoughts carousel...just for a while.
Tina72
Kali

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Reply with quote  #56 
Hi Leahkana64,

My d. recommends this site and I have found it helpful also.
https://www.calm.com/sleep

I've also listened to some of Eva Musby's meditations when things got tough.
She has a short one


and a longer one


Warmly,

Kali


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Food=Love
K63

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Reply with quote  #57 
Hi Leahkan , sorry was at work but I know how awful it is to be awake at night and everything appears to be much worse. Would you try medication to help get you through the difficult bit . I was unable to sleep when my d was very unwell it helped me through that very difficult bit. How was today for you .
__________________
Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
tina72

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Reply with quote  #58 
Hi leahkana64,
we are thinking about you, how are you doing? Did you get some sleep last night?
Tina72
leahkana64

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Reply with quote  #59 
Quote:
Originally Posted by tina72
Hi leahkana64,
I´m so sorry that we have such a time difference between you and me, are you awake now? Its 2 p.m. in Germany now...
Tina72


Tina where tou live in Germany? , I love Germany is my dream place to live, I go every year to Munich for 6 weeks, saddly this year Im trap here in this nightmare.
leahkana64

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Reply with quote  #60 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kali
Hi Leahkana64,

My d. recommends this site and I have found it helpful also.
https://www.calm.com/sleep

I've also listened to some of Eva Musby's meditations when things got tough.
She has a short one


and a longer one


Warmly,

Kali




Thanks very much, I found out that they have an app, Will be helpful. Thanks
leahkana64

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Reply with quote  #61 
Quote:
Originally Posted by K63
Hi wLeahkan , sorry was at work but I know how awful it is to be awake at night and everything appears to be much worse. Would you try medication to help get you through the difficult bit . I was unable to sleep when my d was very unwell it helped me through that very difficult bit. How was today for you .


Days go by and is like the same story everyday, a little changes but I think I so desperatd to end of this situation that I feel I cant do it anymore. Im taking medications but my stress is more poweful than the meds, is almost funny ,they dont work for me that much, but I hope one day all this end and she can get her life back and for me some peace of mind.
leahkana64

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Reply with quote  #62 
To all of you, thanks very much for all your support and love. All of you have a beautiful and compationate heart , what a blessing to meet all of you at this dificult time in our lifes as family.
Im taking some meds, they dont work that much for me, the lever of anxiety and stress is so big that meds cant control it. I think I have many questions ,meny why's and no answers that my soul broke and I cant find a way back to fix it.
The night is the worse time for me, the darkness consume me, frightened me and make me feel trap, im scare of the night coming and with that all the sadness and confusion , all the pain and sorrow.
My D is more at peace , trying to eat a little more everyday, working with her team. The therapist started EMDR with her to work all the PTSD and trauma she has suffer . Hope that will help her to be able to regain peace and freedoom from her ilness.
leahkana64

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Reply with quote  #63 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mamaroo
Hi, sorry to hear things are tough at the moment. Hope you got some sleep in.

When my D was so ill and I couldn't sleep, I would listen to Joel Osteen's podcasts. They are very encouraging.

As Sotired said, it's good that she eats 6 times a day. Keep it up, even if it's the same food every day. Try to find high calorie food, for example, if she eats bread, give her the highest calorie bread you can find. Does she drink milk?. Replace some of the milk with cream, she won't noticed the difference. I gave my D lots of vitamins, which helped her: multi vitamin, calcium, zinc, omega 3 oil (the brain loves omega 3 - I told my D it's good for her joints), magnesium and over the counter anti anxiety meds (just a note of caution, some over the counter anti anxiety meds can't be taken with prescription medication).

Sorry about your mum, I also had no help from my only relatives here. They just called last year to knuuow if I'm organising Christmas again. Instead we spend Christmas with my only remaining friend who was (and still is) a great help.

Remember this is a marathon and not a sprint. Sending you planty of hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

Thanks for your answer, I dont want to run the maraton less to sprint, 😂😂😂 but I cant scape to all of this, because the love for my daughter is profund and she needs me. To tired , to sad, so consume by my D situation. Hope time will help adjust to this maddnes .❤️❤️❤️
deenl

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Reply with quote  #64 
Hi leahkana,

That is really good news about you daughter.

I found 'Rewiring you anxious brain' a great help in understanding why some brains are more anxious and some helpful exercises to try to diminish the anxiety.

I wonder if there is any yoga class in your area. I find the breathing and relaxation exercises really good. There was a time I practiced everyday and with them I was able to get over a 10 year dentist phobia and had a procedure in hospital without the need for a premed. They will give some relief pretty much immediately but the real benefit comes from practicing 20 mins or so a day. I also use them to relax my body and calm my mind when I can't sleep. If there is no class in the area then use one of the many videos on YouTube.

Hope you have a better night.

Warm wishes,
D

__________________
Mother of 13yo son restricting but no body image issues; inpatient 6 wks Sept/Oct 2015 but lost weight! So emotionally destroyed they agreed to let him home to us. Stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery for Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid. Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. 

Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.

If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal. (but don't give up on the plan too soon, maybe it just needs a tweak or a bit more time and determination [wink] )

Sotired

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Reply with quote  #65 
Hi leahkana,
Hon, at some point in time you are going to have to take the reins of your emotions and calm them down. I truly get the stress of it all-our life was fraught and scary for a long time.but at some point you have to take control of your emotions-because only you can.we can give you tools to use and this has been done.
You have access to meditations,advice on some yoga or gentle exercise,but you will have to make a choice to do it.there can be comfort in reacting and reacting over and over -but when you have been doing this a while you have to learn to take a step back and ask yourself "what does anorexia get out of me reacting all the time?" My ds anorexia had me running in circles,reacting to everything-when I learned from therapy that that fed into making things worse,I could learn to calm myself down.
You're d is eating small meals six times a day.hold onto that when all else is gloomy around you.
Find one positive a day and hold onto it.do one small job around the house and give yourself three gold stars for doing it.hang out with your non ed child and do something with him.i understand about being anxious, waking up every night covered in sweat,feeling like my life was so far out of my control that the only way out was by stepping into traffic.ive been there and it is awful.
But you have to get effective strategies in place for you.you matter.you have to survive this,the question is how will you do it?
Anti depressants take six weeks to fully kick in.while I waited for that and suffered through the side effects, I took a anti anxiety pill.i took it at bed time to help me sleep and it worked.when my anti depressants kicked in it was good-I could function for my other kids.as things escalated with my d I had to switch to a stronger anti depressant and give it a chance to work.
I did therapy once a week with a therapist who understood that I was doing my best and helped me see that when I couldn't.if you haven't got a therapist, ask if your ds therapist knows one you can see.
I went to the gym,to help with my anger and depression.
I came here and had moments of despair-then I took the cheering I got from others here and used it to help me on the bad days.
My d ended up living away from us-this had to happen at the time and I don't regret it.is that a possible outcome for you?my d is back with us now and things are much better.
I got help with all of these things-but I had to accept that help and do all the steps to get it underway.
I know you are exhausted and I know that you are trying your absolute best to help your d-what I'm suggesting is that you take some of that compassion and give it to yourself so you can get some feeling of control back for you.driving yourself mad over this isn't helping -and you cannot take all of her emotions onboard at this point-you have to find your own centre first.her illness is drowning you and you need to save yourself at this point,in order to help your d effectively .
Take one small step a day to get yourself back to wellness.make a list and follow it through,one step at a time.
Please look after yourself.many many hugs your way,

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Sotired42
leahkana64

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Reply with quote  #66 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sotired
Hi leahkana, Hon, at some point in time you are going to have to take the reins of your emotions and calm them down. I truly get the stress of it all-our life was fraught and scary for a long time.but at some point you have to take control of your emotions-because only you can.we can give you tools to use and this has been done. You have access to meditations,advice on some yoga or gentle exercise,but you will have to make a choice to do it.there can be comfort in reacting and reacting over and over -but when you have been doing this a while you have to learn to take a step back and ask yourself "what does anorexia get out of me reacting all the time?" My ds anorexia had me running in circles,reacting to everything-when I learned from therapy that that fed into making things worse,I could learn to calm myself down. You're d is eating small meals six times a day.hold onto that when all else is gloomy around you. Find one positive a day and hold onto it.do one small job around the house and give yourself three gold stars for doing it.hang out with your non ed child and do something with him.i understand about being anxious, waking up every night covered in sweat,feeling like my life was so far out of my control that the only way out was by stepping into traffic.ive been there and it is awful. But you have to get effective strategies in place for you.you matter.you have to survive this,the question is how will you do it? Anti depressants take six weeks to fully kick in.while I waited for that and suffered through the side effects, I took a anti anxiety pill.i took it at bed time to help me sleep and it worked.when my anti depressants kicked in it was good-I could function for my other kids.as things escalated with my d I had to switch to a stronger anti depressant and give it a chance to work. I did therapy once a week with a therapist who understood that I was doing my best and helped me see that when I couldn't.if you haven't got a therapist, ask if your ds therapist knows one you can see. I went to the gym,to help with my anger and depression. I came here and had moments of despair-then I took the cheering I got from others here and used it to help me on the bad days. My d ended up living away from us-this had to happen at the time and I don't regret it.is that a possible outcome for you?my d is back with us now and things are much better. I got help with all of these things-but I had to accept that help and do all the steps to get it underway. I know you are exhausted and I know that you are trying your absolute best to help your d-what I'm suggesting is that you take some of that compassion and give it to yourself so you can get some feeling of control back for you.driving yourself mad over this isn't helping -and you cannot take all of her emotions onboard at this point-you have to find your own centre first.her illness is drowning you and you need to save yourself at this point,in order to help your d effectively . Take one small step a day to get yourself back to wellness.make a list and follow it through,one step at a time. Please look after yourself.many many hugs your way,


Thanks very much for your advice, Im trying really hard to come back and control my emotions and anxiety, I will contact me therapist to make and appointment and try to do more meditacion and I will let my husband help me with this, because everything is under my responsability and that is not fair.  
I have medications but they really don't work for me and make me worse most of the time ( im very sensitive to any of those kind of medications). God bless you.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #67 
Hi leahkana,
I live in the middle of Germany near Frankfurt. Not a nice region but central.
You are doing such a great job and you will see with every little bit she gaines it will be better. I promise you that it will get better, you just have to go further. If you are in hell and you don´t want to be there, go further. Go out. I had the same feelings like you 6 months ago. Our life is quite normal now and I didn´t believe this could ever be.
Get your husband in the boat. Maybe he just doesn´t know how to help. Give him something to do and maybe he likes being "important" Mine did [smile].
You will be able to visit München again. Maybe not this year. But that is the price to pay for your d life and I´m sure you will pay it without harm for that wonderful target. I´m sure you will visit München with your d some day.
Try to sleep a little bit. We think about you. Send you a virtual hug.
Tina72
mjkz

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Reply with quote  #68 
Leah, I think Sotired hit the nail on the head when she said you will have to start taking control of your emotions and try different coping strategies.  You can't really help your daughter very well in the state you are in and with no sleep, etc.

Have you talked to your daughter's team?  I know I asked this before but you never did respond.  Do they know what is going on and how bad things are?  What are they advising?  You have a team for a reason and you should really use them.  Keep them fully informed of what is going on and ask them what the next steps are.  I know for me, it helps to have a game plan as to what next to do.  It really helps take the pressure off me to figure out how best to help or what to do next.

I cannot recommend more strongly having a contract with your daughter since she is a YA and can take more responsibility for her own health.  You mentioned in your first post that you had an agreement and she has already broken that.  You and hubby should decide together so you are both on the same page what things she has to do to stay living with you.  You should think up consequences if she does not live up to those things and write it all down.  I know it helps me to have things on paper.  If you need help brainstorming ideas, just ask.  For example my daughter when she was really sick and underweight had to continue seeing her health professionals to live with me.  She had to keep eating and if she wasn't eating enough, I would give her more food.  She got weighed once a week and had to gain at first and then maintain later on.  She could not purge in my house.  If I found that she was throwing away food, I would replace it with a supplement that she had to drink with me right there.  All meals were with me and she had to hang out in public (i.e. no bathroom or bedroom for at least 2 hours after each meal). Obviously if it was an emergency she could go to the bathroom but she had to talk to me on the other side of the door or sing the entire time she was in there.

If she lost weight, I served all her meals until she was gaining again.  Any purging meant looking into a higher level of care as did losing weight.  She had to take all her meds while living with me (my daughter suffers from depression, not bipolar but still needs meds to be stable).  If she stopped her meds, she went inpatient at the first possible opportunity to get back on them.

I could only live with my daughter with our outlined plan.  I gave her the contract to sign and she had to sign releases for all her medical professionals.  If I didn't have the contract (that she did not agree to at first but soon found it was going to be enforced whether she agreed or not-otherwise she was moving out and needed to find someplace else to stay) in place, I was in the same place you are right now.  It was essential to my peace of mind and also my anxiety and depression level that I have some fail safe's in place to keep us both healthy.

You might find that your mother is more willing to come back and stay if things are not so out of control and your daughter is actually following what she agreed to do.  It is hard for any loved one to watch another die slowly by his/her own hand.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #69 
Hi leahkana,
I was thinking about you, how are you doing?
Tina72
K63

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Reply with quote  #70 
Hi Leahkan, thinking of you hope you are taking care of yourself and you are ok.
__________________
Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
leahkana64

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Reply with quote  #71 
Thanks to all , sorry I had not write back for few days. we decided to bring her to visit her sister after not seen her for 9 months. the trip have beena rollacoster. One of the things that make this trip wierd is that an ex boyfriend of my D died last friday, but this one boy really was a monster that abuse my daughter emotinally, mentally and physically, he was a monster with her. His dead has cause her a lot of diferent emotions and she is trying to deal with that and also with the opening of her eyes to the life she lost when she got sick and was force to move from her sister house to a hospital, she used to have everything, college, friends, car, work, and all that was lost when she got sick.
Finally the nutricionist decided to let me be part of my D treatment and help me to cope with the situacion and how to help my D to do better. the rest of the team is in comunication with me.
Some days are ok, other are scary bad, I would show my husband and son some videos about this ilness and I will make him to take active part on keeping and eye on her then I can have moments of peace and calm or share that time with my younger son.
Other wonderful group had sent me meditacion audios and im trying to control myself more, less crying and more talking to her. but still all this is very hard for me.
Now that we are going back home im trying to decide if I would let her sleep alone in a room or still staying with her. she is not purging or hiding food, also not eating that much. We have an agreement that tomorrow she will start a new food and every week we will try another one until she gets better. Also we have a back up plan that is to send her back to the hospital if any of this is not working.
I dont know if is normal that the ilness appear from time to time and she gets mad and feels fat, is crazy when she do that because she is so skinny that my brain can procces those crazy words she said.
Hope everybody is ok and thanks for been there for me and my family.God bless you all.
leahkana64

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Reply with quote  #72 
Quote:
Originally Posted by K63
Hi Leahkan, thinking of you hope you are taking care of yourself and you are ok.


Trying my best to take care of myself, medications, meditacion and some excersice, hope will work.😊
leahkana64

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Reply with quote  #73 
Quote:
Originally Posted by tina72
Hi leahkana,
I was thinking about you, how are you doing?
Tina72
nn

Trying my best tina, it will take time to adapt to this situation, or find and answer of what is the best for her and us as family. 😍
leahkana64

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Reply with quote  #74 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mjkz
Leah, I think Sotired hit the nail on the head when she said you will have to start taking control of your emotions and try different coping strategies.  You can't really help your daughter very well in the state you are in and with no sleep, etc.

Have you talked to your daughter's team?  I know I asked this before but you never did respond.  Do they know what is going on and how bad things are?  What are they advising?  You have a team for a reason and you should really use them.  Keep them fully informed of what is going on and ask them what the next steps are.  I know for me, it helps to have a game plan as to what next to do.  It really helps take the pressure off me to figure out how best to help or what to do next.

I cannot recommend more strongly having a contract with your daughter since she is a YA and can take more responsibility for her own health.  You mentioned in your first post that you had an agreement and she has already broken that.  You and hubby should decide together so you are both on the same page what things she has to do to stay living with you.  You should think up consequences if she does not live up to those things and write it all down.  I know it helps me to have things on paper.  If you need help brainstorming ideas, just ask.  For example my daughter when she was really sick and underweight had to continue seeing her health professionals to live with me.  She had to keep eating and if she wasn't eating enough, I would give her more food.  She got weighed once a week and had to gain at first and then maintain later on.  She could not purge in my house.  If I found that she was throwing away food, I would replace it with a supplement that she had to drink with me right there.  All meals were with me and she had to hang out in public (i.e. no bathroom or bedroom for at least 2 hours after each meal). Obviously if it was an emergency she could go to the bathroom but she had to talk to me on the other side of the door or sing the entire time she was in there.

If she lost weight, I served all her meals until she was gaining again.  Any purging meant looking into a higher level of care as did losing weight.  She had to take all her meds while living with me (my daughter suffers from depression, not bipolar but still needs meds to be stable).  If she stopped her meds, she went inpatient at the first possible opportunity to get back on them.

I could only live with my daughter with our outlined plan.  I gave her the contract to sign and she had to sign releases for all her medical professionals.  If I didn't have the contract (that she did not agree to at first but soon found it was going to be enforced whether she agreed or not-otherwise she was moving out and needed to find someplace else to stay) in place, I was in the same place you are right now.  It was essential to my peace of mind and also my anxiety and depression level that I have some fail safe's in place to keep us both healthy.

You might find that your mother is more willing to come back and stay if things are not so out of control and your daughter is actually following what she agreed to do.  It is hard for any loved one to watch another die slowly by his/her own hand.


You are right, I think is better to have all in writting becuase when is only words we tend to get confuse and get in a control fight, we will implement that,thanks
tina72

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Reply with quote  #75 
Hi leahkana,
I´m happy to hear something from you and it sounds as if you are creeping out of the tunnel a bit.
Try to get your husband into the boat, that will be a great help and maybe he will like to be "important" and not so helpless. For men it is often more difficult to stand that feeling not to be able to help the family and save your d. You are able to do that and he can help and you will feel much better when you realise what possibilities you have to help her.
Its quite normal that there are good days and bad days. And that ED sometimes hides a bit and then when you don´t expect it bummm it is suddenly there again (and you think even harder than before). ED tries now and than how powerful you are. If you show ED the door, the good days will be more than the bad days. At the beginning we thought we had only bad days. We started to mark the good days green in our calender, the bad days red and the days between good and bad yellow. So you can see the things developing and have a kind of proof that you are doing the right thing. I´m proud to say that in our home there are only green days now for the third week (knocking on wood). If you experience that getting better you better stand the one or two bad days a week.
Try to be with her and comfort her when the illness appears. Don´t listen to the crazy words she says. Surely she is not fat. Surely the doesn´t hate you. She might say a lot of strange and harmful things. She doesn´t mean it. She often even recognizes it. Its ED talking and not your d. Remember that if she seem to make you cry. Its ED making you cry. Your d is a wonderful person hidden behind that illness. But she is there and she is coming back some day.
If you sleep better without her, try that. If your sleep is better in her room, keep on doing what is best for YOU. You need the sleep.
Try to find an incentive for trying new food. Something outside the house, with friends or family. Take her to the cinema for example. Its like training a dog (sorry for that comparision): Hard words and shouting does not work. Calm words, incentives, love works.
Its a long hard way but its the only way. And if you keep on going you will see better days soon.
I felt so lonely and helpless as you did some months ago. I thought I would lose my only child and my whole family. Seeing that I was not helpless and that I can do something with refeeding made me a lot stronger. It is a damn circle you just can´t get out until you leave it.
You are strong. You are powerful. You have fed your d for many years and you gave her the right things when she was a little baby girl. Deep inside you know what to do. You just need to believe you are able to!
I´m sending you a big hug!
Tina72

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