User’s Guide | Rules | Contact a Moderator | Registration or Login Problems? | Eating Disorders Learning Center | F.E.A.S.T.



Custom Search of F.E.A.S.T. and Forum Content:
Register Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment   Page 2 of 7      Prev   1   2   3   4   5   Next   »
leahkana64

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 54
Reply with quote  #26 
Dear tina72 , that is a big battle here, she is adamant on that, she said is what the nutritionist had told her  and if I even try to change that she stop eating. Now I more scare becuase i'm caught in the middle is a battle , my husband and son one side and me on the other trying to help her without causing her to cut, self harm or kill herself. Looks to me this is a lose-lose situation and this breaks my heart. She also is vegetarian and eat very different from us at home. How much I can push without causing a horrible mess inside the house for my 14 year old son and a Husband in the verge of an emotional crisis and my absolutely ill. Last night I slept only 4-5 hours, my body is in so much pain and my anxiety is a full panic attack at this moment. I will talk to the nutritionist tomorrow to see how she can help me to do something about it, and on tuesday I have my therapist back.
Please pray for us.
leahkana64

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 54
Reply with quote  #27 
Any of you have any understanding of the Refeeding syndrome? how you can know you are doing the right thing or simply making your child more sick with too much food and causing this syndrome?.  Also my daughter have gastroparesis and that makes a lot more dificult for her to procces big food amounts and certain kind of foods. Is here any other case similar to mine?
toothfairy

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,780
Reply with quote  #28 
Hi there, 
Is there any way you can get your D back into hospital asap, into a good evidence based programme, where they can get her re-feed your D, and train you, and then you can take over?

__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
mjkz

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,362
Reply with quote  #29 
Does her team know how little she is eating?  ECT can be dangerous in someone who is not eating enough.  You can and should let the team know how little she is eating so they can evaluate her for getting ECT while inpatient.  Even if she has not signed a release for them to talk to you, you can still talk to them and let them know what is doing on at home.
Foodsupport_AUS

Avatar / Picture

Lead Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 3,215
Reply with quote  #30 
Refeeding syndrome is an uncommon but serious complication of eating disorders. Your D should be being assessed appropriately by medical physicians to determine if they think she is at risk of this. If there is a concern she needs to be hospitalised urgently. If they feel she is not at risk then the risk of home refeeding is very low. You may find this blog entry helpful as it discusses both clinical guidelines and some other papers. https://everythingedrecovery.com/2015/05/05/refeeding-syndrome/

Your D seems to be keen to be treated as an outpatient. If that is the case then the first thing she should be agreeing to is to follow the meal plan set by her nutritionist. Your role is to encourage her to follow through on this. 

__________________
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
tina72

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 326
Reply with quote  #31 
Hi leahkana64,

I think you have to insist that she has only two options:
1. She stays at home but is compliant about you taking over responsibilty for her food. You can tell her you will talk to the nutritionist and hold on to a meal plan.
2. If she is not compliant about that, she has to go to an inpatient unit to get refeeded.

Refeeding syndrom is rare and if you make her gain weight not more than 500-1000g a week you will be safe. That´s difficult enough...;( How much does she has to gain?
My d had to gain 9 kg and it took 6 months...
Refeeding is not discussable. Its needed to survive. Tell her she has no other options if she wants to live. She will be refeeded anyway. Tell her you are not going to make her fat, just to bring her into a healthy weight again. Give her a little incentive. Tell her you can put away the wheelchair if she gains a bit weight. That could be your first aim.
Tina72
leahkana64

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 54
Reply with quote  #32 
Thanks for answering Foodsupport_AUS . Yes,she want to follow the nutritionist advice as much as she can because the illness is getting hold of her mind most of the days but she have 3small meals and 2 small snack,most of them veggies and some fruit, and tofu.
How normal will be for her to get pretty upset and start screaming and insulting me during this process? the last two days has been difficult but the worse was yesterday when her nutritionist praise her for her good job and she went mad because she was thinking she call her fat, then she almost hit me and scream and create havoc until the father came home and she stop all that.
As always I wake up at 3 am, unable to sleep because of the stress and panic attacks, I don't know how long I can deal with all this.
leahkana64

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 54
Reply with quote  #33 
Is here any page with legal advise for those who live in the USA? thanks
tina72

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 326
Reply with quote  #34 
Hi leahkana64,
you will see some agression and screaming. She may hit you. She may throw things through the house (espacially plates). Thats normal at the beginning, but that is not your d, that is ED. ED finds out that it has no longer the power and that makes ED angry. If she is agressive, try to leave the room for a moment until she calms down, than go and comfort her. Try to keep away things with which she can hurt you or herself (knifes, scissors and so). It will be hard the first one or two weeks, but it will soon get better if you are strict and constant. If its possible, have somebody else with you (your husband or a friend) to help you and to change place if she is agressive with you. She will see you as an enemy at the beginning. But you are not your d enemy, but the EDs enemy and she will learn to see the difference. My d threw some things at me, hit me and screamed at me and now we are best friends again.


You must talk to the nutritionist: it is not helpful to praise her for gaining weight. She don´t want to hear that, she feels like a loser than. She can praise her for getting rid of the wheelchair if that is to come. She should even not tell her she is looking "better" or "good" because that sounds for an anorexic like "you are fat". Its the best way not to commend weight gaining or weight or calories at all.

Do you know by now what she is doing in the bathroom at night?
Tina72

dc

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 244
Reply with quote  #35 
Hi leahkana64,

I feel so sorry that you are in such different situation. I have an adult who is a college student working on the recovery of ED. Based on your description of your D's state, the best way is to send her to a professional ED treatment center such as UCSD, ERC Denver, Veritas or Laureate. We had a lot of experience to have a local treatment team to help D. But most of them are not effective. Your D needs a safe environment to help her to restore her weight first and then her state. It is very difficult for you to fight with her alone. Since your daughter is an adult, it makes the situation even more complicated. Find a leverage to convince her to take treatment. For example, my daughter really likes studying. So we use it to ask her to take treatment. If you can't find it, here is A Texas Guide to Adult Guardianship. You may need to find a lawyer to help you. I understand it is very difficult. But you can do it. 

__________________
19 yr old d Dx Feb 2012. WR June 2012. Now she is in Phase III and enjoy her study and activities. Try to give the control back to her but still keep vigilant. 
-------------------------------------------------------------------
"The darkest night is often the bridge to the brightest tomorrow."
hopefulmama

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,000
Reply with quote  #36 

Leahkana - 

I'm so sorry things feel so hopeless right now.  I am also in TX. Most of the evidence based programs in state that I am familiar with offer 11 hr PHP as the highest level of care.  It seems like your daughter may need more than that.  Can you take her to your local ER and see about getting her admitted just to get things stabilized so you can then come up with a plan?  

Is there an option to go back to ERC Denver since they were helping?

I don't  have any direct experience with the Alliance for Eating Disorders, but I have heard they can be very helpful in directing you to resources.  Here is their link:

http://www.allianceforeatingdisorders.com

Another thing that really helped me when things were at their worst was the distress tolerance skills of DBT.  When I could tolerate my distress and my daughter's distress, I was better able to determine our next step. I think this site really explains DBT and specifically distress tolerance well. You can read around the site and the DBT lesson tab is very helpful in describing the various skills.

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com

We are here to help and support you!





__________________
Enjoying my 21 year-old daughter's achievement of active recovery that was made possible by the resources and education I found on this forum.

Don't give up hope!
martican

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 110
Reply with quote  #37 
Hi leahkana64 - all AN sufferers develop gastroparesis. Unfortunately, there is no other way to get past that other than eating regularly and in the amounts they are not used to. (my D was given meds to help her with digestion but they didn't help a bit). It is supposed to be painful unfortunately, brace for that, and there is a high chance she might try to relieve herself by purging (my D's case). You need to be prepared for that as well. You need to put yourself in charge, your D's ED shouldn't sense your hesitation. 
On a good note - it is great news that you were able to put a team together plus you found this forum. You will get the most useful advice on this forum.
leahkana64

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 54
Reply with quote  #38 
Hello to all, sorry I had not answer before, had been a very dificult days for all of us. My daughter is struglling really bad but eating 6 small portions a day, always the same food, the team is also falling a little, we had to change therapist, the one I found didnt worked well, the nutritionist put a wall between her and us as parents saying she will only give information to My daughter no matter she is not following her directions too much, the psyquiatric doctor is the best, continue doing the ECT treatmentand that makes her more fragil and tired. I dont know what to think anymore, sometimes I think that I causing a lot of presure over her pushing for her to get better fast, and other moments I remember the books I had read that say that this will take time and effort from all of us. I think im so tired of fighting for years and now I was expecting that the 8 months in hospitals will help but now I can see wasn't like that and that frustrate me a lot.
Can you share experiences about helping your young adult at home and how long this took, and what was the best way to do it.
Next week my daughter want to go back where she used to live with her older sister and im having doubs about the trip, I think can go two ways, she getting depress after seen all her life there lost ( college,car,friends,sister,indepence) , or maybe that will make her desire to fight back to recover her life and independence, I dont know what to think.
For me I had been struggling really bad with panic attacks and extrem anxiety, the doctor send me a new med but make me worse, I wake up every night at 2 am and I cant go back to sleep and I need to start walking arround the house,exausted but unable to stop, and trembling all day, been scare of the day becuase the extrema anxiety and seen her that sick and scare of the night of not been able to sleep and rest but feeling the need to run out of the house in the middle of the night. All this is becoming to much for me, my hudband is always traveling, leaving me in charge of everything here, including fights, doctors appointments and the house,dogs, etc etc etc
My mother is leaving pretty soon, she didnt enjoy at all the vacations here and is runing away, that makes me cry ,but at the same time she want to intervine in everything and is always having an opinion about everything, I love her with all my heart and she had help me a lot, I dont know how Im going to manage all this mess by myself, scare of her leaving me at this moment.
For my 14 years old son had been the worse summer vacations of his life, feeling worry about me and my daughter all the time.
I hope tonight I can sleep more and tomorrow can become a better day, at least one with less anxiety and for my daughter that God make a miracle on her mind and soul. God bless you all.
Sotired

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,930
Reply with quote  #39 
Let's start with the good bits because when you are stuck in the middle of a fight that it feels like you are losing, you HAVE to find some good bits.
The good bits are : that your d is eating six times a day.
:that you were able to get rid of the unhelpful people on your team
:that in six weeks your new meds will start being effective.
In the interim,see if you can get some lorazepam prescribed while you wait out the six weeks-I used it for anxiety and also,on the bad nights,to help me sleep.nowadays I use magnesium which is a muscle relaxant.i also practise diaphragm breathing-breathing from your belly,not your chest .when we are stressed we often chest breathe by accident which means we end up over breathing which then makes us feel dizzy and sick.
I truly understand what it's like to wake up drenched in sweat,to be afraid all the time-when self harm is part of the deal it adds so much fear.
Some of the ways I dealt with that were by keeping my d close-where I went ,she went.if the cuts were small I tried to stay very matter of fact and calm as if I reacted ,it made things worse.sometimes she needed stitches and we generally just went to a&e and got that sorted .we hid every sharp we could find and it went into a lock box ,as did all meds.her room only had a bed in it and a set of almost empty drawers that we could check at night.we had false nails put on for her-a treat,but also she could not hurt herself as bad with them on.
I slept with a towel to be honest and had a change of clothes ready as I woke up drenched in sweat for around 18 months.when I woke up in the middle of the night I learned yo accept it-I would come on atdt, I would read funny articles on the websites I liked,I would read books.
For you,this has already been such a long journey-and it may not end soon.so you will need to have things in your own self care box -and you need to start using them.
An example of a self care thing for me-gardening.my d was very treatment resistant.i honestly thought she would die at times,so to try to cope,I went to the plant shop,bought plants and planted them.i went back to the earth, to earth myself,to give myself a way back to stability.i lurched from crisis to crisis with my girl-but I would go to the garden,get my gloves on,and restore some peace inside my head.
I walked my dogs-I mean I do anyway,but during that time,they went on some long walks...we went to the local lake and the beach,again just trying to find some calm.sometimes I cried and that's ok too.
My mantra has been "this too shall pass.because everything does." For longer than I can remember at this point.
I too have other kids and they have issues so I had to fit them in.sometimes it's as simple as a card game,watching their favourite tv programme with them,getting them to help walk the dogs as then they can talk to you-and boys often prefer to talk whilst doing something,rather than just sitting talking.
You are doing a good job.you are a good mum.everything I'm suggesting is just stuff I've tried-take what might work for you,leave the rest.
A big hug to you,

__________________
Sotired42
tina72

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 326
Reply with quote  #40 
"Can you share experiences about helping your young adult at home and how long this took, and what was the best way to do it."

Hi leahkana64,
here is my experience. My d is 17 and she is still living with us. She has AN for 1 1/2 years now.
She was in hospital for 3 months from january to end of march. That was a horrible time because in germany they don´t know anything about Maudsley.
She had to gain 9 kg minimum. In the hospital she gained 5 kg but her psychological mood got worse. We took her home when we discovered FBT.
At home we tried to have FBT but accept that she is a young adult. So we changed something a bit. We gave her the possiblity to make decisions quite early. Not what to eat or how much, but for example wether she wants strawberry yoghurt or cherry. We made a meal plan for the next week and asked her what she would like to eat. She pretty soon understood that we are making her eat anyway so she decided to makes decisions. It depends on how deep your d stucks in the ED wether she can do this or its too early. Up to her target weight we controlled every meal. 1 kg before her target weight we gave her the possibility to have 1 meal per week outside our house, so she could meet friends in town. That worked and we allowed 2 meals a week (but not at the same day). So she had target to reach when she was compliant. Some parents work with extra money or the car key. We gave her more freedom. That worked only because she did never lie to us about food intake. If your d lies, you must control more. With young adults you have to be more a team partner than a parent. Try to tell her that you are in the same team fighting the same enemy: AN. If you have argument, try to look at the whole journey: Is this fight worth losing her compliance? If its about food intake: yes. If its about clothes or friends: no. The most important thing is that you stay in contact and stay best friends. You can only help her if you are working together. Thats different to younger children, where you can play the parent card easier.

It took us 3 month to reach the target weight and she holds it for 1 month now. We are trying to give her as much freedom as possible because of her age. But she must go and weigh herself at the doctors every week and she knows that she will lose freedom if she loses weight. We try to get her out of the house and do normal things with normal people as much as possible. She is doing a lot of things that were impossible 6 months ago: eat ice-cream and cake free willingly, wear a bikini and go swimming with friends, have dinner at a barbecue party with friends.
There are some ED behaviours left but they get less every month. She doesn´t like to fill her plate on her own but she is able to do so. If she eats not enough, I tell her in a nice manner and most of the time she is compliant and takes more. Sometimes she is annoyed that I do this but 10 min later everything is ok. She loves to have all the freedom back and live a normal life and I hope she will recover totally in the next 6-12 months.

What do you want to know? How can we help you? Try to give us some real situations and we can try to tell you what we would have done.

Tina72
Kali

Avatar / Picture

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 704
Reply with quote  #41 
Hi leahkana,

Quote:

"Can you share experiences about helping your young adult at home and how long this took, and what was the best way to do it."


Not everyone is able to help their child solely at home; many of us, like you, have had their children in an ED unit, including our family.

How close to weight restoration is your daughter? If her weight is low and she is not able to gain at home, can she go back to an ED unit? What does her team recommend, at the moment? 

Here are some things I did to help at home in the months after d. got home from the hospital:
Meals were very structured and had the correct number of calories and food groups. I made all the food for a long time. She had been told by her team that she had to eat a certain number of calories each day and I made sure that happened.
I learned more about nutrition from reading online and studied recipes and upped my cooking game.
I sat for endless hours while d. ate slowly and made conversation and made sure she finished her food.
When I say mealtimes were structured, that means that someone sat and ate every meal with d. for a long time and that they were served on a consistent schedule. 
I found myself a good therapist.
I made sure d. was in treatment with a team consisting of a psychiatrist, nutritionist, and psychologist. I also insisted that all the paperwork be signed so that I was able to communicate with and occasionally participate in sessions with them. 
I first let d. plate her own food after she had been weight restored for several months and then I let her know if she needed to take more or if the portion was not adequate.
I added desserts and caloric drinks onto most meals.
I checked the toilet and bathroom frequently for any signs of purging.

I hope that some of these things can be of help to you.

Warmly,
Kali



__________________
Food=Love
leahkana64

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 54
Reply with quote  #42 
Thanks to all for your ideas and recomendations, Very helpful to me. Tonight is another night of extreme anxiety for me, tomorrow she have a meeting with her new therapist because the first one didnt worked well. A day ago my husband and I seated with her for a while to talk about all this situation and the expectation all us have about her recovery and other alternative solutions, after that conversation, that same nigth has been the onle night I slept all night, was so good, saddly tonight Im back myself on the same panic attack mode. i move from the bed to the sofa becuase sometimes I feel I cant breathe if Im in my bed or in my room. My daughter had to stop the new medication becuase was making her very sad and disconected, after that she has been more conected with us. As you say I check from time to time for any sign of purging and also stay next to the door when she need to use the bathroom after meals. We sure are best friends and we have long talks and some big fights, but tonight for a reason Idont understand completly my hearth got heavy with the understanding of her oown suffering and pain, like somebody punch me so hard that woke me up completly to all her ordeals in life, and the pain and heaviness in my hearth is too much , I think this is because she had share with me every detail of her journey and I cant change or do amything about some of the painful stuff she had endure. Thanks to God she is nut hurtong herself and that is so good, because that means that her mind is almost in the right place ( more nutrition will help) 😊 . My husband also decide to buy the wheelchair instead of rent it becuase at the end will me less expensove and we use it where ever we go trying to keep her from wasting energy as much as we can ( she have a high metabolism) , some times she is mad because of the wheelchair but is more that she feel embarrased about it, other she feel sad been in that seat when she can see other people living a " normal" life, but for us is very importan that she rest and dont waste energy. most of her meals are vegetarians and we talk with her about starting adding stuff to her meals and more variety ,also she will need to sing a consent for me to talk to all her doctors, but really I only need it for the nutricionist, because the psyquiatric doctor is in our side and had treated her for the last 8 years , we trust him and he is always in contact with us, also the therapist she will see tomorrow is a friend of mine for years and we use to work togheter at church.
I think I will need to come to terms with the idea of the long journey we have in front of us and find the way to stop wishing that all this disapear tomorrow, that is impossible no matter how much my heart want it that way.
My mother will be back to Germany this next sunday and that will be hard on us because she has been so much help and love that We will miss her like crazy. also I told my husband that he cant be far from home for long periods of time becuase that will create a lot of stress for me, we have a big house, 2 dogs, a big fish thank and with my daughter sick like this and my son on vacation, will be very hard to be in charge of everything, maybe is that Im tired of him leaving me with all the responsabilities with the doctors and hospital, bills and the house. thanks to God this friday will be end the first sessions of ECT and will be able to rest for a little while until the next round.
As you said we have been using money and her car as instruments of incentive for her to work in her recovery, for now she cant drive or be alone anywhere, and she is completly dependant on us for money or any need.
Have tou been scare of the idea of your child getting better and then after she leaves become sick again? This idea drives me crazy because her plan is to go back to TN and start college again but I feel that if she goes far from me she can become sick again and we are sure her body will not resist another crisis like this, endless nights of thinking and wishing all this horrible situation to go away and praying that this will be the last time she gets this sick, wishing for no more hospitals, emergencies, burning or cutting, no more PTSD and to see light and happines in her eyes. God bless you all.
leahkana64

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 54
Reply with quote  #43 
Is any chat room here? Will be wonderful to be able to chat with all of you and feel the warm and company of those who really understand this situation❤️
tina72

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 326
Reply with quote  #44 
Hi leahkana64,
we all fear relapses, every time. But this is not your situation now. You have to concentrate on getting her better. If she is healthy again there is enough time to think about relapse prevention. You have a lot of possiblities to prevent relapses if she will leave for college again. But that is in future. Try to concentrate on the next day. Fearing what will be next week is not helpful. Just think about the next meal and the next day.
Its great that she plans to go back to college!!! So she wants to live a normal life and you may have a target for her. Try to tell her that if she wants to go to college again she has to eat what you are serving her. Ask her if she trusts you. First target is to get rid of the wheelchair because she cannot go to college in a wheelchair.
Try to see it positiv: if she has a target besides ED, that can help you a lot. If she really wants something she will be able to fight ED.
There are a lot of mums here with recovered girls living a normal college life. It is possible. Try not to worry about this at this point.
Tina72
toothfairy

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,780
Reply with quote  #45 
Hi there,
I have another idea for you.
This person may be able to help you, she does private consultations, by phone.
I think it would be at least worth a call to her.
http://tabithafarrar.com/


__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
K63

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 851
Reply with quote  #46 
Hi Leahkana64, sorry to hear it's so difficult for you right now. It's more difficult with adult children. My d is 20 and has been unwell for 3 1/2 years . I gave up work for 18 months and between my h and I we fully supervised all meals we went through hell and slowly she regained weight . It's a very slow recovery and we have had lots of blips along the way and we are having one now . We can help and support our loved ones we can organise dietitians and therapists for them but if they aren't nourished their thoughts are irrational . The important thing is to look after yourself firstly so that you will be able to help and support your d. You sound exhausted from it all . You are human you need help and support. Can you go to your GP to take care of yourself and your daughter will see you caring for yourself and this will show her example that's what she needs to do got herself too . Take time off and get someone else to supervise go for walks coffee with a friend to talk to. Thinking of you .
__________________
Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
leahkana64

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 54
Reply with quote  #47 
Thanks again for all your support and recommendations. SOme days is overwhelming even reading messages and info about all this situation, is like you get so saturated with a reality that you can't handle anymore. Thootfair thanks for the info about the private consultations.
K63 thanks for your words, I tried as much as I can to do stuff and take care of myself, sometimes is very difficult because my husband is always traveling and I don't have family near me, sadly MANY times friends don't really understand this illness and at the end make you feel worse when you talk about it or give you absurd solutions and answers that make thing worse for you emotionally. Today I have a psychiatric appointment for myself to check my meds and my horrible anxiety and panic attacks, she sent me Buspar last time and made me worse because Im very reactive to those meds and is very difficult to find something to really works for me, for now I'm doing exercise and some meditation, waiting for my therapist to come back then I can see her.
We will give her few more months of opportunity or she will need to go back to the hospital, I'm sure I can't resist much more, if she dont go I will end in the hospital myself.
My mother came to visit for two months,and those has been the worse vacations of her life, she had told me was better she never came here and that really hurts, I have ask her to not leave me at this moment but she don't want to stay with us, is very sad, I really need help and company but she prefers to go far from us.
tina72

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 326
Reply with quote  #48 
Hi leahkana64,
its so sad to hear what you are going through and I´m really sad that I´m so far away and not able to give you more than a virtual hug [frown].
I had the same experiences with "friends", there is only one friend left but that is a real one. This illness is so strange and the picture in the media so totally wrong, nobody wants to understand this. This friend of mine which is left has a friend herself who has diabetes1 and therefor she understands what my d is going through. But I miss the social contacts a lot and I know what you are feeling like. In her bad days my d often said that I don´t understand her because I don´t have anorexia. I told her what I tell everybody who wants to know: If somebody in your family has anorexia, the whole family is sick with it. We all have anorexia...
Its o.k. to set a limit to her. Give her another few time, but demand some compliance. If it doesn´t work, you have to look after yourself first. You can only help her if you have a little power left.
A mum should not leave you and say the things your mum said. It really made me sad to read this. But maybe it is a kind of protection for herself. Maybe she knows she is not able to stand this. Than its better to let her leave than to have a patient more in the house. Try to give her some time and stay in contact.
I give you a virtual hug! Try to write as much as you can here in the forum, it will help you to stand this.
Tina72
K63

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 851
Reply with quote  #49 
Hi , Leahkan , hope you got some help from your psychiatric appointment. Sorry to hear about your moms last visit. It's hard that she didn't stay she probably just found it too difficult to handle . It's difficult to take breaks with little support . Try just getting a little time in between meal times and supervision. Would you and your son go for a little walk or out for coffee. And when your husband is home take more time away. I almost went crazy in the beginning I felt I could not be done without at home I almost made myself ill. You deserve time to yourself.
__________________
Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
leahkana64

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 54
Reply with quote  #50 
Thanks K63 for your recomendations. Today has been a really exusting day, as many people had told me I start to getting control of the situation and making her to eat more and add an extra snack , but the fight was terrible, also she hurt one of her arms and went completly mad becuase she have to eat a little more All this is really scary and I dont know how long I can continue pushing her and taking the punch ( big insults and crazy behavior) , I can belive how sick she is and how hard this process will become.Tying to sleep tonight, really exausted like her. good night to all
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

Easily create a Forum Website with Website Toolbox.

F.E.A.S.T. Families Empowered and Supporting Treatment of Eating Disorders
is a 501(c)3 charitable organization committed to maintaining the Around the Dinner Table forum as a FREE service for any caregiver of a loved-one with an eating disorder.

P.O. Box 1281 | Warrenton, VA 20188 USA

US +1 855-50-FEAST | Canada +1 647-247-1339 | Australia +61 731886675 | UK +443308280031 

This forum is sponsored by F.E.A.S.T., an organization of parents serving parents and caregivers of patients of all ages with anorexia, bulimia, and other eating disorders. Information and advice given on this forum does not necessarily represent the policy or opinion of F.E.A.S.T. or its volunteers and is meant to support, not replace, professional consultation.

F.E.A.S.T. is registered as a nonprofit organization under section 501(c)(3) of the United States Internal Revenue Code.

Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Community Rules | Forum Rules | F.E.A.S.T. Principles | YMadmin | WTadmin
Custom Search of F.E.A.S.T. and Forum Content: