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tina72

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Reply with quote  #126 
Hi leahkana,
so glad to hear from you and that your d is home again!
To keep it short today: I had problems to find the "new topic" button, too, because there seem to be two ways to login and with one of them you don´t get the new topic botton an the right. Login and then go to the "Eating disorder learning center" at the top and click on "Around the dinner table" again. Then I found that new topic button.
Food with high calories:
Add butter, cream, double cream and canola oil to everything that is smooth: yoghurt, pudding, smoothies, milkshakes. Try not to serve in the plastic cup you bought it in but to serve it in a little plastic cup from your household so you can add something. You must try how many oil you can add without being seen (it will not smell or taste if you use canola oil).
If you add up to 100 ml canola oil to 400 ml fruit and vegetable smoothie you will get 1000 cal just by that drink. Try to serve min. two of them. Drinking seem to be easier than eating.
Be aware that she doesn´t see it. It may make her freak out.
Try to cook everything with sauce. Get cream in every sauce. Try to give her soup every day (for supper for example). You can hide 200 ml cream in every milky soup. Shorten fruits, vegetables and everything with nothing in it. Salat only with salat sauce (with double cream in it).
Use soup plates instead of normal plates, it looks less even if its the same amount.
Try to make her eat as much as you can. She will hate it at first and may scream and whine a lot but she will do that anyway so make it worth that.
Ask as much as you need, we are here for you.
Tina72
mjkz

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Reply with quote  #127 
Is your daughter home already?  What happened??
leahkana64

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Reply with quote  #128 
My dear friends, thanks for your anwsers. Already a week has passed that she is back home, as I read many time, looks like this is the worse period, the re-feeding period. She goes from normal to total insane in seconds, screaming and doing all kind of wierd stuff, hitting herself, saying crazy hurtful stuff and all the big list you know or had experienced first hand everyday. She is eating almost the 3,800 calories, a big task to fill in one day and 6 eating times, for her had been dificult - all her life- to follow rules but she is NOT cooking r near the kitchen while I prepare her meals. thanks to God tomorrow we will se the dietitian and the ED specialist where can guide me better on how to do things right. My husband decided to bail out of the problem and denide any help or coming to therapy with me - I think he is ready to leave us, must because he hate me - but money and the idea of having to divide all he have with me has sotped him for doing this years ago, the sad part is that he choose the worse time to act this way. Thanks to many pills I can sleep now - the best part of the day - and my therapist understand the terrible conditions that I have to overcome trying to save my D .
My D want to take control of everything and that makes her mad, she want to have some kind of menu where she can decide what she like to eat everyday, that is from a list of favorite foods that will be review by the dietitian tomorrow, and then disccus and hope solve in a good manner.
Is also my hope that Dr Tyson will help her calm down and find the support and love she scream everyday she dont have from us!!! After 10 years of helping her is terrible painfull to listen tothose words, and sometimes I left myself to get hurt really bad, still having dificulties separating my D from the ED.
I dont want to think much of the future becuase everyday I wake up I know is the same hell, my husband full of hate, my D sick,confuse and agresive, my son sad and witdraw, and me alone in the middle trying to save her one way or another.
For those who had done this re-feeding at home, has been the same hell? i had lost 22 pounds already, I thnk I will end more skinny than my D, I cant stop that because my body is reacting to the stress creating a hypermetabolict body that is taking away pounds a week. Trying to eat at much as I can. Asking many people to pray for my D, I cant, my soul is so broken that I dont have words for what God already knows and see everyday, hope he can see the bleeding of my soul and maybe, only maybe decide to change the curse of all this situation.hugs to all, God bless you everyday.
Kali

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Reply with quote  #129 
Hi Leahkana64,

Although things are still very challenging it sounds as though you are making progress. 

Quote:
She is eating almost the 3,800 calories, a big task to fill in one day and 6 eating times, for her had been dificult - all her life- to follow rules but she is NOT cooking r near the kitchen while I prepare her meals. thanks to God tomorrow we will se the dietitian and the ED specialist where can guide me better on how to do things right. 


The important thing is that she is eating. And that you have found help on the ground in the form of professionals. And you have also gotten some sleeping pills to help you through the night.

Quote:
Thanks to many pills I can sleep now - the best part of the day - and my therapist understand the terrible conditions that I have to overcome trying to save my D . 


None of us can promise that the way forward will be easy but we are here to listen and to support you. And I am sorry to hear that your husband is not being helpful right now. But remember, that could change as you move ahead. 

I believe you will be able to help your daughter recover. Just take it one day at a time. If she is eating 3800 calories a day she may be able to gain 2lbs a week, which would be wonderful. We relied strongly on the dietician to help keep my d. on track by encouraging full nutrition. I hope that your daughter's new dr. will also be able to help her. Are you sitting and eating all the meals with her? 

warmly,

Kali

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mjkz

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Reply with quote  #130 
What was the treatment plan and follow up coming out of the hospital?  Did your daughter actually get discharged or discharge herself? The hospital she was at is supposed to be very good so it would be really discouraging if they sent you home with her without any plans or working with you to help you understand what she needed.
leahkana64

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Reply with quote  #131 
THEY GAVE US A SMALL PLAN BUT ALREADY THE TEAM HERE IS WORKING HARD TO HELP HER
leahkana64

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Reply with quote  #132 
DEAR FRIENDS , SORRY I HAD NOT BEEN HERE FOR A WHILE, THE TEAM IS WORKING REALLY HARD TO HELP MY D , BUT I NEVER IMAGINE WHAT HELL THIS BECOME THE MOMENT I BRING HER BACK HOME, SHE HAVE HORRIBLE MELTDOWNS WHERE SHE TRIED TO HURT HERSELF HITTING HER HEAD ON WALLS, FLOOR, OR PULLING HER HAIR, SCREAM LIKE THE DEVIL IS INSIDE HER, I ASSUME IS THE SAME FOR ALL OF YOU WHO CHOOSE TO HELP YOUR CHILD KEEPING IT AT HOME, IS TERRIBLE SITUATION, I WAS IMAGINING THAT THE FOOD THAT SHE IS HAVING WILL HELP HER TO THINK AND GET BETTER BUT IM NOT SURE ABOUT THAT NOW, I DONT EVEN SURE THIS WILL END ONE DAY. I HAD LOST 24 POUNDS, NOW I WEIGHT ONLY 112, IS LIKE ALL THIS IS CONSUMING ME AND DON'T EVEN WANT TO STOP IT. IT HAD BEEN DIFFICULT TO GO NO WITH THIS LIFE, ONLY MY SON KEEP ME GOING.
HateEDwithApassion

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Reply with quote  #133 

Leahkana64,

I am praying for you right now. You are doing miraculous work to help your daughter.

I know what you mean about having the devil inside her - it can seem that way. She is fighting a battle against a horrible disease and it's strong.

You miss seeing the rational child who you love. She will be back. Your daughter needs you and your son needs you. And if you need to get her back into a place that can take over if you are simply too tired to go on right now, that's ok too. 


__________________
17 yo D. Diagnosed in July 2013. W/R in Sept. 2013 and has remained so. Roller coaster on and off since, mainly with ED under control but co-morbid depression and other negative coping mechanisms making our life hell. Trusting in God for daily strength and wisdom.
Torie

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Reply with quote  #134 
I'm so sorry about what this vile illness is doing to you and the rest of your family.  Ugh.  So unfair.

It sounds like you are doing a great job with your d - woohoo - so glad to hear she is eating enough to hopefully regain the weight she needs asap.

I'm worried about YOU though.  You also need to regain weight and care for yourself as best you can during this refeeding hell.  Do you have a therapist for YOU?

Hang in there. It really does get better (when it's done getting worse). xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
EC_Mom

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Reply with quote  #135 
So sorry! I've been there, including my own huge weight loss and d's violence. I got myself on the highest dose of antidepressant, and got tranquilizers for myself for before and after feeding. It got me through the worst 6 weeks, after which things got a tiny bit better, and better, and so on. 

You are doing such heroic work, think of yourself as a war hero, fighting your way through the worst of it. We are cheering for you.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #136 
quote "
DEAR FRIENDS , SORRY I HAD NOT BEEN HERE FOR A WHILE, THE TEAM IS WORKING REALLY HARD TO HELP MY D , BUT I NEVER IMAGINE WHAT HELL THIS BECOME THE MOMENT I BRING HER BACK HOME, SHE HAVE HORRIBLE MELTDOWNS WHERE SHE TRIED TO HURT HERSELF HITTING HER HEAD ON WALLS, FLOOR, OR PULLING HER HAIR, SCREAM LIKE THE DEVIL IS INSIDE HER, I ASSUME IS THE SAME FOR ALL OF YOU WHO CHOOSE TO HELP YOUR CHILD KEEPING IT AT HOME, IS TERRIBLE SITUATION, I WAS IMAGINING THAT THE FOOD THAT SHE IS HAVING WILL HELP HER TO THINK AND GET BETTER BUT IM NOT SURE ABOUT THAT NOW, I DONT EVEN SURE THIS WILL END ONE DAY. I HAD LOST 24 POUNDS, NOW I WEIGHT ONLY 112, IS LIKE ALL THIS IS CONSUMING ME AND DON'T EVEN WANT TO STOP IT. IT HAD BEEN DIFFICULT TO GO NO WITH THIS LIFE, ONLY MY SON KEEP ME GOING.





Dear friend Leahkhana64,
I am so very worried about you. I understand that this day is so very difficult. Please can you call a clinician to help you. Please can you call an adult  family member. 
Please call for help. Please

__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #137 
The crisis helpline number to help in times of emotional distress is
1-800-273-8255

Thinking of you from Dublin
X
Carol

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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
deenl

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Reply with quote  #138 
Dear leahkana64,

You sound at the end of your tether. Please reach out to support on the ground to get you through this difficult time.

'Sterkte' (the Dutch literally wish each other strength in tough times)

Warm wishes

D

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2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, tons of variety in food, stepping back into social life. Sept 2017, back to school full time for the first time in 2 years. Happy and relaxed, just usual non ED hassles. 

  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal. (but don't give up on the plan too soon, maybe it just needs a tweak or a bit more time and determination [wink] )
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
Kali

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Reply with quote  #139 
Hi Leahkana,

Sorry to hear that things are so wretched today. I'd like to add my voice to the chorus of caring ATDT parents and encourage you to put in an emergency call as soon as you can to your therapist for your own well being. 

I remember that a week ago you described some things that seemed to be getting better. They can get better again. If your daughter is in so much distress can she go back to the hospital?

Kali

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leahkana64

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Reply with quote  #140 
Finally I went to my psyquiatric and therapist and was really helpful. They add more meds for me and is helping, today I cant sleep but is ok, some nights are like that . My D is now eating better, still fighting and getting mad , she is now im 3600 calories a day, not easy taks but trying my best. I have a question, somebody had experienced this:
last week and this week my D decided that she want some extra snack at the end of the day, she eat more than expected and after that she felt in the floor with a horrible pain in one side of her stomach, after crying a lot she said that the only thing she can do was vomit and she did it, after that the pain went away. Today I talk to the dietitian and she told me that she was binging and purging 😱😱😳 that happen to any of you with your child???...thanks again for all the help and support the day aiwas feeling so down❤️❤️❤️
Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #141 
It is great that you are seeking help for yourself. This is hard to deal with.

Purging is very common behaviour in eating disorders, and ideally it needs to be stopped.
Binging is the eating of a very large amount of food in a short period of time, you description does not sound like a binge, but it does sound as though your D had some pain related to a very full stomach. 

Fortunately I have not had to deal with either. 

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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #142 
Hi Martha,
I am glad you reached out & got help from your team.
It is extremely important to have regular appointments for yourself with your T and your Psych.

Re the purging, This is a behaviour she had previously? Right? So this needs to be interupted. The extra snack does not sound like a binge.

Given the pain, and her serious stomach issues in ACUTE , I advise you to liase with Dr Tyson ASAP
Best wishes

__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
leahkana64

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Reply with quote  #143 
Here I am, 3 am and I cant sleep, sick of the stomach and out of the ER after 6 hours there, I had been having problems breathing for 3 days, finally today got worse and my D and S force me to go to emergency, after a little while there my left side of the body got paralized and I was unable to move anything from my toes to my face, even I was unable to talk normally, given that situation the doctor got worry about the posibility of a stroke, and they did many test including MRI, after 6 hours they told me was this was an extreme case of STRESS and send me home. My D was here with my S, and inmidiatly I entered the house she started crying because she felt fat and big, sitting on the floor and crying like a baby and then decided she will not sleep tonight, so I said to myself lest go to bed and let her on the floor, to exusted to even talk to her, I asked only how I can help her at that moment but she only cried. When I was en bed almost ready to fall sleep - much need it- she woke me up because the dog was making wierd sounds, then I went to check the dog and he was Trying to get ready to sleep and moving arround ihis bed. My D came to the bed and felt sleep inmidiatly, but I woke up again at 1 am, took melatonine for secont time during the night but is not working. my older D dont even called me to the hospital and my H went to LA for training, I cmpletly awake but nobody to talk to, I decide to enter here and see if is somebody arround that can keep company to this tired, sad me that cant sleep.
Also im very excited becuase I found a ED therapist - now she have one that specialize on EMDR - and she say she will see my D tomorrow, I dont have any idea how I will drive that far without been able to sleep but for sure I will do it.
This lastyear had help me to evaluate my life in many,many ways, I came to a conclusion that my life before this last year was a happy normal life, but usually my H and I where a lot of times more distracted with other stuff than able to enjoy the small , happy, normal life, and now I miss that. My life now is broken, my H hate me, my older D ignor me, my S dont even know what to do more than scape to his room every fight and crisis, and for me I had lost 23 pounds, have panic attacks almost every day and finally end in the hospital, how I miss those days that I left l past without really enjoy the small stuff, looks like all is lost, and now Im trying to sell all the stuff in my house to have some money for the day my H or me decide is time to let go and be free of each other, and that can only be possible if my D gets better.
Also my D is eating well until today, I dont know what will happen tomorrow, hope the new therapist will help her, many people had told me that depresion and anxiety are big problem during re-feeding and she is sufering both. on october 2 she will see her spyquiatric doctor but they allready told me that they cant gave her more meds because of her weight ,more food will solve that eventually, they also said.
Waiting for God at this our to talk to me or at least listen to my tears and begging to guide me and free her from all the pain and sufering she is going trough. Love to all of you❤️❤️
Torie

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Reply with quote  #144 
Hi LK - I just have a minute here because my Internet is out until tomorrow.  So I don't have time for a proper message, and won't be able to write one later today, either.  But I wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and hoping really hard that something gets easier for you.

There is no way to know what tomorrow may bring, much less next week or next month.  It may be that your family patches itself back together in time - just try to take it one day at a time and not look too far to the future.  If one day is too much for now, just take it one hour at a time, or one meal or one bite.  

Please take care of yourself as best you can.  Gotta run - no more time available on borrowed computer.

Hugs xx

-Torie



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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
EDAction

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Reply with quote  #145 
Hi LK,

I just read your post from last night.  Hopefully you are having a decent night's sleep tonight.  I hope at least one small positive thing happened since you posted.  I hear the desperation in your post.  You sound like you are free-falling and you need to find something or someplace to grab hold of and stop.

I remember asking my D's T one time, how can I stop reacting with sadness?  By reacting with fight/anger/resolve.  

How did your D's appt with the ED therapist go?  

I'm praying for you and your family.


Mamaroo

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Reply with quote  #146 
Hi, sorry to hear it is going so tough for you. When we were refeeding I listen to podcast during the night to help me sleep. Here is a link to one of my favourites: https://player.fm/series/joel-osteen-podcast/faith-for-the-middle-joel-osteen. I speaks about staying encouraged when things are difficult. Hope it helps.
__________________
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for a year and WR at age 11 in March 2017. Challenging fear foods and behaviours now.
leahkana64

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Reply with quote  #147 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mamaroo
Hi, sorry to hear it is going so tough for you. When we were refeeding I listen to podcast during the night to help me sleep. Here is a link to one of my favourites: https://player.fm/series/joel-osteen-podcast/faith-for-the-middle-joel-osteen. I speaks about staying encouraged when things are difficult. Hope it helps.


thanks I will listening !
leahkana64

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Reply with quote  #148 
Another crazy day, went to the doctor and they said that she had problems with the blood pressure and the weight is changing to fast in diferente ways. After the dietitian talk to us they concluded that she had been drinking tooooo much and retaining the water and they don’t have her real weight and they need to restrict the water intake and wait to see how things go after the next week. Then I come home after a heart to heart conversation and found one of her backpacks full of food ...really??? want to run, while all this mess is happening my H is enjoying his stay at the hotel and the 2 weeks training....%#?>#%^
tina72

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Reply with quote  #149 
Hi Leahkana,
nice to hear from you! I hope the docs and dietitians will soon find the right way to refeed her. Every patient and every body is different so there is not one right way to do that. It is a lot of try and error with that. Drinking much water to simulate a higher weight is a common thing ED patients do. Some even drink a bottle of water right before the weighing date to proof they have been gaining weight. That are the tricks some of our kids learn in IP... Try to limit water and drinking to a healthy amount. 2 l a day are minimum, but more than 3l are normally not needed. Give her these 3-4 bottles each day (depending on how much is in there) and not more. Be aware that she is not drinking before weighing.
The hidden food - another typical ED behaviour. They collect food like stamps or rare stickers. They want to eat all that but are not able to. Not yet. But she will be able to eat all that food in the backpack sometimes. See what you can use for refeeding!
Running is no possibility - you are her lifesaver - but try to get time for a short walk outside every day. Sometimes we need to see something different and get some fresh air. I went to the grocery by bike today just to get out for a short time. It was raining and I got wet but it was a good feeling.
Don´t give up. It will get better. I didn´t believe that either 9 months ago and now my girl is back again. Not completely recovered, for sure, we have a long way to go for that, but no way to compare with what we were going through 6 months ago. Last year we had a sad Christmas with no cookies, a sad birthday with no cake, and this year she wants to bake cookies with me and I´m quite sure that she will eat them. So stay on the line. Refeeding is the only way to get better.
Send you a hug!
Tina72
EC_Mom

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Reply with quote  #150 
It doesn't make sense for them to ask you to restrict her water intake (unless she is really drinking weirdly large amounts) EXCEPT in the few hours before the weigh-in. Our bodies excrete unnecessary water just fine.

And the doctor's office should require her to pee at the office and then test the pee for "specific gravity"--that tells them whether the pee is unusually diluted, which would indicate waterloading in advance of weighing.
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