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Mamaroo

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Reply with quote  #101 
Hi, so glad you got help for your son, so often we focus on our d and neglect the other children. It's also very tough on them. My lightbulb moment came when I realised the hospital can't cure her. She has to get better at home, at school, at work, with family, with friends, doing life. We got great support from our hospital team to ensure she got better, both physically and mentally. Don't expect the hospital to 'fix' her. That takes time. A lot of here, have done the refeeding at home. Have a set routine. Serving meals at the same time every day for the first couple of months. We even served the same 7 day menu for months. It gave my d security and reduced the stress around mealtimes. Good luck!
__________________
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for a year and WR at age 11 in March 2017. Challenging fear foods and behaviours now.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #102 
Hi leahkana,
that´s great news that she is eating a little more. Try to increase that every day a little bit.
Don´t use that words that you are the guilty one. That is not true. PARENTS ARE NOT GUILTY FOR ED. ED is a metabolism disease. It is caused by genetic and biological causes. If you have that defect on gen 12, you can get ED if you lose weight. Thats the fact. If your d has cancer, you wouldn´t think you are guilty for that, would you?
If she is drinking 1/2 cup of ensure each morning, try to find a little bigger cup and fill that 1/2. And than a bigger one...If you need to crash the small one to get that managed, than crash it...upps [wink]
Most of us are doing this recovery job at home, I think. Some had an IP at the beginning (as we had). But in the end there is always a time when you get the patient home and you are standing alone and have to go on on your own. So let´s see it as a great chance: If you get her to eat on your own and you develop a perspective to get her refeeded, than you can do this everytime again. If our d had lost weight after our short journey now (I don´t know it by know because we have no scale in the house) I will know what to do. You don´t feel this power by now but you will see it when you are a bit more in recovery.
This process is slow. It is a marathon. Refeeding is hard work. The first 2-5 kg are the hardest. It needs time. It took us 6 month to gain about 9 kg weight. But your d will be better with every pound she gains. 3 kg more and she will be able to watch films, read books and entertain herself better. Try just to be there and make offers to speak, to listen, to play cards, to watch a film...
She is not able to do better and recover faster. That´s the disease. Its the only disease where the patients don´t want to get better. By gaining weight she will do better. Thats the only way.
Tina72
leahkana64

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Reply with quote  #103 
Im scare I will not be good doing this, we increase food very slow every week and is always a horrible situation. My husband is scare to dead and my son cnat sleep well. I tremble all day, but trying my best. She had told me many times that if she go back to the hospital she will not get better, and that she want to be home. We are doing the best we can. We find a doctor called Edward tyson ( he have a website) and has been a big recomendation for many mothers doing the same as us, they say he have save the worse cases, We are going to see him o one of his team for a total evaluation this next thursday. Hope all go well and he can guide us better in this situation. We cancel the nutricionist because her aproached was really bad, she said that my D have to choose what to eat and how much to eat, that she is an adult and I cant intervine, is too crazy to hear that, the. She is gone, better without her.

If any other person can share her experience of doing this at home, please write to me, this empower me , God bless you.
Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #104 
Good luck with the new doctor. His website does not give much information about his treatment approach. It does sound as though you needed a change. 

You mention that your D says she will not get better if she goes to hospital. It is important to remember that your daughter needs the treatment that she requires, not necessarily what she wants. ED's are terrifying life threatening illnesses. Having treatment at home or in hospital is uncomfortable and unpleasant if it is being effective. She will not feel better straight away, in fact she is likely to feel a lot worse before she feels better. So insisting on sticking to whatever plan you choose is essential, even if she finds it hard or difficult. This is where family and loved ones are essential in treatment. 

__________________
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #105 
Hi leahkana,
its normal that you feel you cannot do this at the beginning. But as you look back you can see that you already done it for some days now. I think you are a strong person, just exhausted at the moment. I think you are a fighter down there in your heart. I think you love your d and your family.
Good to fire the nutritionist if she said something like that she has no informations about ED. Sorry to say this. Your d is not able to choose what and how much to eat. You must di this for her because nobody else would do this and she will die on starvation otherwise. So keep on going. Don´t listen to what she is saying about the hospital. If its necessary and she is not compliant, she must go there. She must know that you will not let her die and that you will do everything that is needed to get her better. Food is her medicine like chemo therapy. If she had cancer, you wouldn´t let her choose to get chemo therapy, you would make her do this. Thats the same.
Keep on fighting. Its the right way. It will get better.
Send you a hug!
Tina72
tina72

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Reply with quote  #106 
How are you doing, leahkana?
Thinking about you...
Tina72
leahkana64

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Reply with quote  #107 
Is 3:20 am here, I cant sleep, after the evaluation of my D and all the explanation of how sick she is and that she needs to be send to a acute ED hospital in Denver, my heart cant take nothing more. My D had a big shock of how bad she is and at night at home she went almost mad in her head, crying and insulting and eating like crazy,obsess with her low glucose and many,many other problems, finally I gave her melatonine and she felt sleep but Im not been able to sleep myself. im hoping all this get solve during the weekend then I can take her to that hospital and try to save her .Because of the fibromyalgia my body is in a horrible pain, my mind is racing and completely desperate and the silent of the night is consuming my mind and fears rant arround my mind, sitting here next to her and been unable to help her more, I feel so guilty and so stress out that I want to faint and end in a hospital too, but I cant because my son cant see mom like that. I want scream HELP, save us ,save my D, give me back my sanity and let my children be happy, nothing will be the same.
Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #108 
Sorry you are having trouble sleeping. As much as you did not want to hear that your D needs admission because she is ill, it is great that they have assessed her properly and made a plan for urgent management. Given what you have been saying I think this was expected. It is your D's ED trying to keep her out of treatment. When she goes in, it will give you all a break and hopefully you will be all able to regroup a bit. 

As much as you think you can't, you can do this. Take one step at a time. 

__________________
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #109 
Hi leahkana,
they will help her in hospital and give her that start in refeeding you need to go on. Maybe she needed that shock to be more compliant and help you a bit. Try to get some sleep medicine when she is under control in hospital and start to reload your batteries.
We were all at that point and I´m sure you can help her better when you got that start from hospital.
You will get your sanity back and so does your d. Try to look for yourself and your son now and sleep, sleep, sleep.
One step at a time. That is a good advice. Don´t look at the whole mountain. Just get her in hospital to be supervised and than get some sleep.
We are thinking at you! Send you a hug,
Tina72
Torie

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Reply with quote  #110 
Hi Leahkana - So sorry for all the difficulty, but on the bright side, it is a true blessing that your d will be at Denver Acute.  As Tina said, that will give you a chance to recharge your batteries while your d gets the help she needs.  Please remember that we're with you in spirit. xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
leahkana64

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Reply with quote  #111 
Thanks to all for all your confort and loving words, she will be admited at the Acute center for eating disorders in Denver this next tuesday, to be honest she will be more secure there, and they will help her better than me here by myself, please pray that all this workout well for my dear Anja, she is my life.
K63

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Reply with quote  #112 
Hi Leahkana, I can hear how heartbreaking this is for you. You have done a great job securing your daughter a place in a special centre in Denver. They will be skilled to help your daughter towards recovery. When my daughter was admitted I was heartbroken, but this was the start of her recovery. It also gave me and my husband and family a chance to breath and know she was being looked after by someone else. Try to get some extra time for yourself . Thinking of you and your family at this difficult time.
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Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #113 
Dear Leahkana,
We will be holding your hand, and wishing you well all the way.
You are an amazing Mom.
So proud of you xxxxx

__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
leahkana64

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Reply with quote  #114 
Thanks to all. Yesterday we left Denver and my daughter is in the hospital, they are trying to fix el the physical problems that this illness have cause her. I miss her so much, and my body is giving up on my, but Im trying to stay busy then I don't go in a profound depression . My hope is that time there will help her to get stabilized and she have the time to evaluate how important is that she take care of herself and fight this illness and never go that route again. She is a very strong, wonderful, incredible human been, she had suffered so much in the hands of people she trusted and love, friends had betrayed her in ways that are terrible and cruel but she is still fighting and trying to overcome her suffering and recover her life. I love you  A, you are my soul and my heart.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #115 
Hi leahkana,
sounds as she is in good hands there, but I understand that you miss her. When my d came back from hospital I sometimes just walked into her room to see that she is really there...[wink] You can phone her up and write her emails to keep her in contact with you and "normal life". Give her the feeling that there is some good life waiting for her outside the hospital.
Try to be not too busy and give your body some time to recover, you will need a lot of power to help her when she is back. She needs you to be able to fight that damn illness. Try to find some sleep and have some contact to normal healthy adult friends so you can have someone to talk to (besides us here...[wink]).
I send you some big hugs! Keep on going and don´t loose hope!
Tina72

Mamaroo

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Reply with quote  #116 
Hi, happy to hear your d is in a safe place now. As Tina said, take the time to take care of yourself. Best wishes!!!!
__________________
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for a year and WR at age 11 in March 2017. Challenging fear foods and behaviours now.
K63

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Reply with quote  #117 
Hi Leahkan, it's good to hear that your d is ip I know it's heartbreaking to leave them but this illness is so vile and they need skilled people to help them and you are doing this because you love her so much. In the midst of the heartbreak I also found it a relief that now someone else was looking after her and it gave me a chance to breath and not be so terrified for her. Allow yourself time now for you to be kind to yourself and your daughter will see this as you caring for yourself which will in turn help her . Take nice walks in nature or by the sea , or coffee with a friend or reading or anything you enjoy . You deserve it .
__________________
Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
Torie

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Reply with quote  #118 
leahkana - So sorry for all the misery.  You are doing the right thing for your d - I'm just so sorry for the toll it is taking on you and of course also for how hard this must be for her.  It really does get better though.

Hang in there. xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
mjkz

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Reply with quote  #119 
leahkana so glad you got her back inpatient. It sounds like there was way too much going on for you and your family to handle alone at home.  Now that she is safe, you really need to start focusing on your own health and being able to sleep.  Please get help now for yourself and focus on what you need to do to get yourself well.  Your daughter will need a lot of support when she gets out and that will be you and the family.  You can't help her by staying where you are now.
HateEDwithApassion

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Reply with quote  #120 
leahkana,

My D too was put into inpatient last week, and I have to be honest. It gave our family time to recharge and prepare for the next step of fighting the ED. We knew she was safe and receiving intensive help and that allowed us to sleep a little bit, grab dinner together without stress, and just take a little break from the ED ourselves. It also gave us a newfound well of compassion - because we saw our sweet, scared little girl in there once again who wants to be well - and doesn't... if that makes sense. Such a confusing, maddening illness.

Please take care of yourself while she is in inpatient. You are not being selfish - you are fortifying yourself for the next stage while you enjoy some much-needed rest and self-care. 

For other reasons, I have been reading books on self-care, and what I'm realizing is that when you can do a few things you enjoy that feed your soul - maybe just taking a hot bath or taking 15 minutes to read in the sun, or calling a friend for 10 minutes - not long or big stuff - it can give you added strength and joy in your own world that may help you better handle the distress of your kid's world. I am just starting to realize taking even a little time to put on the oxygen mask equips me much better for my D.  God bless. Take care.


__________________
17 yo D. Diagnosed in July 2013. W/R in Sept. 2013 and has remained so. Roller coaster on and off since, mainly with ED under control but co-morbid depression and other negative coping mechanisms making our life hell. Trusting in God for daily strength and wisdom.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #121 
Hi leahkana,
how is your d doing? Thinking of you...
Tina72
leahkana64

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Reply with quote  #122 
Dear friends, is 4 am and I cant sleep again, my D is with me and the doctors recomend 3,800 calories per day. PLEASE help me with ideaa of food with high calories, She have 3 meals, 3 snacks a day, but I cant think what to give to reach the goal, if you know the any website that also can help me let me know, whatever had work for you im this process. . later will weite to let you all know how things go, blessings to all.

PS : how you can start a new topic here?, thanks
Sotired

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Reply with quote  #123 
If you look up the top on the right hand side on the main discussion page there is a box marked new topic.press that ,write a title for your new thread and you can start your new topic.
On the left hand side there is a box up the top that says catergory.if you type in high calorie threads ,it takes you to those threads that discuss that .
Someone new did post a high calorie muesli bar tecipe today too.
I hope this helps

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Sotired42
Kali

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Reply with quote  #124 
Hi Leahkana,

Here are some links to resources for menu planning. Was the hospital able to help your daughter start with weight gain?

The high calorie/low footprint thread:

https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/high-calorie-suggestions-696425#gsc.tab=0

Online refeeding recipe sources:

https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/online-refeedingrecipe-resources-8521051?pid=1295842145#gsc.tab=0

Hope this helps,

Kali

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Food=Love
Mamaroo

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Reply with quote  #125 
Hi, I understand your dilemma. I had to feed 2400 kcal, and it was difficult to squeeze in so many calories. Mamabear had to feed her d ridiculous amount of calories. Look up her posts for ideas. My suggestion is to skip low calorie food such as salads and limit vegetables and fruit to just a couple of serves a day, they take up lots of space on the plate and stomach and can make your d feel full.

I hope you get some sleep, I also struggle to sleep as well.
Sending you best wishes

__________________
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for a year and WR at age 11 in March 2017. Challenging fear foods and behaviours now.
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