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beated_

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Reply with quote  #1 
Hello! I'll Sarah and new to the board but not new to FBT. My own son had an ED but is now recovered (and thriving!) thanks to FBT and the help of inpatient. I joined the board not because of my son but because I've seeking advice on how to help a family friend. This family has a 16 year old daughter who's been actively in her eating disorder for the last couple years. The daughter spent a bit of time in an old school treatment center which of course was not helpful. The family recently switched dietitians and were struggling with how to help their daughter (wanting to "fix") her. The dietitian suggested a modified FBT (I.e. Magic plate and life stops until you eat and possibly an FBT treatment center). After this was suggested my dear friend came to me because she knew I did something similar with my son. My friend simply can not wrap her mind around FBT and is very much old school minded. She thinks daughter needs to "take personal responsibility" and wonders how this will prepare her d for the real world. Both my friend and her husband work full time and are not willing/can't take time off to really implement the food piece. They also have other children at home and don't think that it would work with the kids around. Yet they wonder why their daughter has not done well! I've done my best to educate my friend on how ED is a biological disease and the overall fbt concept. I've given her "Help Your Teenager Beat an Eating Disorder" by Lock and Le Grange. Hopefully this will help shine some light on how beneficial fbt can be. In the meantime, I would love suggestions on how to explain fbt and help my friend understand its benefits. Obviously I can not change her mind and don't accept responsibility but i care about my friend and her D and truly believe that fbt can be the way to go.
AUSSIEedfamily

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Reply with quote  #2 
Dear beated,

Welcome here & glad that your son has recovered.

You might like to try giving the parents the F.E.A.S.T booklets

https://feast-ed.site-ym.com/?nutritionguide

https://feast-ed.site-ym.com/?page=DiagnosisGuide

https://feast-ed.site-ym.com/?page=neuroguide

https://feast-ed.site-ym.com/?page=TreatmentGuide

Throwing Star Fish Across the Sea is a good book  by Laura Clollins & Charlotte Bevan (Dec) both mums from this very forum https://www.amazon.com/Throwing-Starfish-Across-Sea-pocket-sized/dp/1494307146

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tina72

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Reply with quote  #3 
Hi,
that would be hard to convince them if they don´t understand that their d cannot make good and healthy choices at the moment.
Maybe you could try the hard way: Ask them wether they would let her d decide to have chemo therapy if she had breast cancer or wether they would decide that.
But if they are not willing to take time for fbt, it wouldn´t work. You have to be convinced that is the right way, I think, or so hopeless that you don´t see another chance to save her life.
Maybe Harriet Browns book (Brave girl eating) would change their mind?
Tina72
Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #4 
Welcome to the forum beated. Great that your son is doing well, but sorry to hear about your friends and their daughter. Giving your friends information and letting them inform themselves is a great idea. 
I think the number one thing to explain about FBT is that food is the first step to recovery. If this is not happening then recovery will never happen whether their D takes responsibility or not. 
Other books which explain this concept is Give Food a Chance and Decoding anorexia. 

Perhaps the step that they need to be aware of is that refeeding will not fix their child but the brain repair will help her mind get to a place where she can start to take care of herself. 

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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #5 
"She thinks daughter needs to "take personal responsibility" and wonders how this will prepare her d for the real world."
Maybe you could tell your friend that anorexia has nothing to do with the "real world" and that her d could not live on her own and join the "real world" with a brain disease like anorexia. Its AN who fixes her d and she is not able to be selfcaring/taking responsibility with that disease. Your friend may think that she don´t "want" to eat and she must learn to see that she is "not able to" eat. That is a big difference. It is like flight fear: these person wants to be able to fly with a plane, but the fear is so big that she is not able to.
Tina72
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #6 
Hi there,
Can you email her this link

http://www.mirror-mirror.org/family-based-treatment-for-anorexia.htm

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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) age 13 in October 2015 ,  (4 months immediate inpatient) , Then FBT at home since.and making progress every day. He is now in good recovery, and Living life to the full like a normal teen. We are not completely out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time.
beated_

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Reply with quote  #7 
Thank you all so much for the suggestions. I can't believe I forgot about the feast articles! I will be sending my friend the articles and book names. My hope is that once she is more educated about fbt and the illness that her opinion on it will change. I believe there is hope for the girl she and her family just need the right tools.
sk8r31

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Reply with quote  #8 
You've gotten some good suggestions, and the FEAST Family Guides and Throwing Starfish to the Sea are all easily and quickly read.

Might I also suggest the AED (Academy of Eating Disorders) Guide to Risk Assessment and Medical Management of EDs?  I think it is a good companion to the FEAST Family Guides, and worthwhile to have on hand to share with medical providers.

Whether your friends send their d to an inpatient or residential program, they will still need to help her once she returns home.  Knowledge is power and the more evidence-based information that they take in, the better.

Warmly,
sk8r31

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It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
mjkz

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Reply with quote  #9 
Quote:
She thinks daughter needs to "take personal responsibility" and wonders how this will prepare her d for the real world.


Honestly that should be the last thing on their mind.  If their daughter doesn't get good help, she isn't going to live to see a future and will probably live at home if she does survive long-term.  If they hope to prepare their daughter for the real world, getting her into recovery would be the first step.  I sometimes think people don't really understand that eating disorders can kill.  Worrying about preparing her for the real world right now is like worrying the morphine you are giving to a terminally ill patient is going to make him/her an addict.
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