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cjac16

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Reply with quote  #1 
Started our journey in the world of ED with our D over three years ago.  Having had a period of about 6-8 months where things appeared to be back to normal (wr eating independantly etc) I noticed things were not quite right.  Over the summer break it was obvious that D was vomiting.  Took her back to GP to get rereferral to ED clinic which we eventually had an appointment for on Monday (D was deemed a priority case by the way!).  The psych who saw D is going to try to get her moved up the waiting list for therapy due to her age (just turned 18 and now no longer CAMHS).  Phych doesn't think daycare would be right for D due to the fact that she is happy at college and that most on the daycare are suffering from AN. In the meantime he will see her weekly until a space comes up.  Anyway, we have all food under lock and key, no locks on toilets etc.  She eats all meals at home normally but will eat us out of house and home if we do not lock everything away.   D was given a form to fill in and I just happened to see it lying around the kitchen and was totally shocked.  One of the questions is "over the past 28 days how many times have you made yourself sick" to which D has replied 64! Now back to sitting outside toilet, running baths myself and no phones/laptops in toilet which could mask vomiting sounds.  What fooled me stupidly was the fact that she didn't have the telltale callouses on her knuckles.  She actually doesn't need to stick her fingers down her throat to make herself sick - just bends over and presses her stomach. She has had a lot of time off lately for depression and anxiety but at the moment is in a good place in that respect.  She is not on any meds.  Any help on this would greatly be appreciated.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hi cjac16,
purging is a big problem and it is not easy to get rid off.
I am sure there will be soon some parents who can give you some more advices.

You said you took of the door key of bath room. Can you think about hanging out the door?
Can you ask her to go to the loo before meals and require that she stays with you after meals at least for an hour?
Can you take her home for lunch so that she cannot vomit at college?
The most inportant thing is to stop that asap. Think about what will make it impossible, no matter how, and then do that.
Take her to the dentist to see if her teeth have already been damaged and to tell her that she could loose her teeth with that. Most BN do not realise this consequence.

If you need to keep her out of college for some time, think about that. It might be a good incentive to say "you can go back if you stop purging".
Maybe she let that form ly around with the intention that you find it and that was her way to ask for help.
Tina72
cjac16

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Reply with quote  #3 
Have gone back to running the bath and taking phone and laptop away so d can't put a video on whilst in there to mask vomiting and sit outside the bathroom and got all the backchat back again but that is to be expected.  She goes to the toilet prior to meals and is not allowed out of our sight for an hour after.  Fridge is empty and non perishable food locked away in a trunk.  She does have slight erosion to the back of the teeth at the front.  I think we were perhaps lulled into a false sense of security over the months she seemed to be doing so well.  She seems to eat less in first part of the day with the binging happening in the afternoon/evening.  College watch her like a hawk.  The past few days she has been doing well and is in good spirits.  She has just had nine days off college due to this and the depression/anxiety which goes hand in hand with her.  She did have two terms off during her GCSE's and knows that we will take her out if things don't improve.  That does seem to be motivating her at the moment.  Has anybody any experience of the Eating Disorders Unit in Maidenhead (not Huntercombe) - just wondering how others rate them.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #4 
Hi,
that sounds good, you seem to have closed some loop holes with that.
Ask your dentist for dental sealers. It is here only covered by insurance for the occlusal surface but you can ask eventually to pay it privatly.
Tina72
Torie

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Reply with quote  #5 
Ugh, I'm so sorry your family has been dragged back down the rabbit hole.

It sounds like you are doing all the right things - so sorry you need to.

I think you already know this, but it helps if she has 3 balanced meals and 2 - 3 balanced snacks that each have a good mix of carbs protein and fats.  And I think they advise to avoid hyperpalatables? 

THinking of you. xx

-Torie


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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
cjac16

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Reply with quote  #6 
Doing the three meals and three snacks etc.  Getting her to eat the meals is not a problem. It is the binging and purging we are attacking.  Her BMI is 19.6 which is still a bit on the low side.  Have just been shouted at that locking the food away makes things worse blah blah blah.  Well, that's the way things will remain for the time being.  I just hate this unwelcome visitor so much.
Torie

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Reply with quote  #7 
I think I wasn't clear - You are probably doing this too, but what I meant is that the balance of the meals can help - some - with the urge to binge.  

So unfair that you have been dragged back in for Round 2.  Ugh.  I wish I knew some magic cure.  xx

-Torie



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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
cjac16

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Reply with quote  #8 
Thanks Torie - we are giving balanced meals.  Problem is that d will purge on all food regardless.  Just got to stay positive which at times is very hard.  Quite strange and completely off subject but my eldest, who is an actor, has just got a short run of a show in which he is playing the role of a fitness instructor struggling with bulimia - doesn't have to go far to research that sadly. 
tina72

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Reply with quote  #9 
"Her BMI is 19.6 which is still a bit on the low side."
That might be part of the problem. Maybe she need to gain some more weight to get totally rid of this bastard ED.
If you can keep her away from purging and keep adding to the meals, you might get her to 20 or 21 and that could make some difference.

"Have just been shouted at that locking the food away makes things worse blah blah blah."
Sounds as if you have hit ED on the nail! My experience is if you see ED, you have done something right!
[thumb]

What Torie meant with the balanced meals is that we for example need to watch carefully for blood sugar. If my d eats something which pushes up her blood sugar on a high level for a short time and then let it go down fastly, she will more easy get those "shut downs". Durig puberty the hormons have a bad influence on the blood sugar level as well.
So we try to give her food that keeps her blood sugar quite constant through the day and that works very good. There are lists in the internet called glycemic index. Red is to avoid and green is good. My d for example cannot eat cereals like cornflakes for breakfast, but a wholegrain muesli or bread is o.k. Just worth a try...
Tina72
cjac16

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Reply with quote  #10 
I Will have a look - thank you. Just been screamed at again with d claiming it stresses her more when food is locked away. I am sure it is stressful for ED not to get it’s way but I am ignoring it and staying calm.
scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #11 
cjac
Good for you standing up to ED
You are your d's hero!!!
tina72

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Reply with quote  #12 
" I am sure it is stressful for ED not to get it’s way but I am ignoring it and staying calm."

You are doing so great! Keep on fighting!
Tina72
melangell

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Reply with quote  #13 
I'm sorry this is happening for your family. I wonder if it may be true that locking food away might be unhelpful, it might be triggering the ed. I have read specialists saying that doing so can make things worse by presenting food as "bad" and setting up a "want". Perhaps better to have in the kitchen foods which are hard to binge on? And shopping in smaller amounts more frequently? But whatever works for your family is right for you. Also be aware some people can throw up almost soundlessly. One thing you could try is a reward system to give her positive encouragement not to binge and purge and to help her see that she can go whole days without doing so. I agree with Tina72 about blood sugar levels, and also look at protein intake because increasing that can help with binge urges. All the best!
melstevUK

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Reply with quote  #14 
cjac16,

Sorry for what you are going through.  If your d is not on any meds then I would consider asking her to try an ssri.  This is a standard treatment for bulimic patients and her bmi is at a high enough level that it could be effective, particularly given her anxiety/depression issues.   

As awful as it is, try keeping the 'bigger picture' in mind - she is getting on with her life and she is still young.  Unfortunately the reality is that recovery often goes alongside maturity and she is right at the start of the brain changes which carry on right through into the twenties.

While you try and fight the illness, keep reminding her that she will come through this but it will take time and effort on both hers and your part.  This approach at least keeps anxiety levels in a lower place than getting obsessed with full recovery asap, which, if anything, heightens anxiety levels because everyone is thinking they are failing.

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Believe you can and you're halfway there.
Theodore Roosevelt.
cjac16

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Reply with quote  #15 
Thanks to everybody for their help - this site is an absolute Godsend.  Friends who are not in this situation just don't see what the issue is as visibly d looks fine.  D will binge on literally anything whatsoever.  I do have to shop everyday for the family meals which is costing a fortune.  If there is anything left over I have to sneakily bin it.  If I put it in the fridge for the next day it is eaten overnight.  I sit outside the bathroom door with my ear literally on the door as d can vomit very quietly.  Part of me just thinks let her get on with it as there is nothing I can do.  She is 18 now so I have to tread very carefully otherwise she could refuse to get any help.  She/we are seeing the psych on Monday and hopefully he will know more about when any treatment is likely to be forthcoming.  She is now having monthly ECG's and bloods but not had any results yet.  On a more positive note, the anxiety and depression have subsided in the past two weeks and she is back to her "normal" self apart from the fact that she is not talking to me.  I asked her to sort out her room and chuck out what she no longer needed (we are having to move all furniture out as having new carpet laid).  This caused her to go crazy and actually telling me it was me who was causing the ED to last so long and that if it wasn't for me she would have been over this long ago.  Very hard to remain upbeat with this vile illness.
melangell

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Reply with quote  #16 
Sending you hugs. Don't listen to that mean old ED, it will say anything to try to get you to back away from your daughter. It may be possible that her anxiety and depression are not so bad lately because she is self-medicating with purging? Take care of yourself and good luck with the psych.
cjac16

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Reply with quote  #17 
Thank you. I am sure she is self medicating but doing everything I can to limit it. Her mood being better is more to do with a toxic relationship she was in which she finally ended. This person had said they would kill themselves if they split up. D got to the point where she had to end it and trust this person was bluffing which of course they were. There is a huge weight that has been lifted from d's shoulders as a result.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #18 
Hi cjac16,
please, please don´t take this ED voice of her to your heart. You surely did not cause her ED, there are hunderts of specialists who prooved that in the last years.
To end this vile relationship was surely hard for her, but maybe it can free her a bit and put some stress down. Try to be there and offer her your company, there will be some time when she likes to have it again.
In the hard times I told my d that I am there, no matter what she said or did or how the ED tried to seperate us. I told her that I love her and that I will NEVER let her down and this damn illness win.
Maybe you can ask her: I want to help you to get out of that and live a normal teenagers/young adult life. What do you think can I do to help you to get out of this?
About the carpet [wink]
My d hates changes, and a lot of ED patients who also suffer from anxiety doesn´t like changes, too. If we would need to change the carpet, I would take pictures before and tell her that we will put everything back so that it looks like before and the only change is a new carpet.

I hope the appointment on monday is a good one.
Send you a big hug across the ocean!
Tina72
cjac16

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Reply with quote  #19 
D starting the partial hospitalisation program this morning.  She is just going in for breakfast today then lunch on Thursday and will be there Monday to Thursday 9am-2pm the following week where she will have breakfast, lunch and one snack.  She can stay until 4pm but that is totally up to the individual.  No idea how long she will actually be there but on the plus side when D read the booklet about the course she said this is exactly what she needs.  It is also literally a 2 minute drive from home here in Maidenhead - has anybody any experience of this place (its not Huntercombe by the way)?
tina72

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Reply with quote  #20 
I hope it will change something and she will find help there.
Try to calm down a bit and do something nice for yourself [wink]
I am crossing my fingers for her!
Send you a big hug!
Tina72
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