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hannahy

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Reply with quote  #1 
So, in the middle of the night when I woke up to get some water my gf had just came back from a jogging. She said she couldn't sleep and just when for a run. We ended getting in a fight bc I tried to explain how messed up that was (and dangerous!) then she got mad and left. When I wake up she was back and sleeping on the couch. What is the beat way to confront the situation? I don't wanna fight her, but I want her to know that that's not right.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hi Hannahy,
If this is the case and it is linked to an eating disorder, then it is much "bigger" than stopping her exercise.
Very often exercise addiction and alcohol addiction go hand in hand with eating disorders, and they are notoriously complicated.
Has she lost much weight. This illness has a very high mortality rate 20%  and she can become unstable very quickly...
Purging is also a VERY dangerous behaviour...
Her heart and organs may be under huge strain and sh likely needs medical intervention and quickly.
I urge you to contact her family with the details and your suspicion of an eating disorder, AND ALTHOUGH SHE LIKELY WILL NOT AGREE, SHE NEEDS TO GET TREATMENT.
Please let us know how else we can help you.
Her parents and or family  are welcome to join here.

__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #3 
Obviously it is not known whether she has ED or not, but I want to alert you to the gravity of the situation if she does.
Again part of the illness is that the person themselves feel "normal " and do not understand that they are ill therefore will fight and deny the situation.
Professional intervention is required and quickly..
https://www.eatingdisorderhope.com/information/anorexia/anorexia-nervosa-highest-mortality-rate-of-any-mental-disorder-why

__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
hannahy

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Reply with quote  #4 
I've been trying to read and it all sounds really dangerous, I'm terrified and don't know what to do. It's like all of a sudden her brain works different. I tried to talk to her about and the only thing she told me is that I was a hypocrite because I was the one who said she should exercise in the first place (Months ago, but just bc we were trying to have a healthier lifestyle). So now I feel awful because it is all my fault.
I'm thinking about looking for legal advice, since she's 21 yrs old and no one can force her to do anything.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #5 
You are right, this is a brain illness and her brain is not working correctly. 
Can you tell us what country you are in & we will try and help you? 
Re legal advice,, it depends where you are as to how the legalities are. 
There is generally no point trying to reason her as she likely cannot process this correctly. 

__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #6 
https://mobile.nytimes.com/2006/11/26/magazine/26anorexia.html
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Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #7 

__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #8 
https://aramblingbecky.wordpress.com/2015/02/25/they-have-to-be-ready-to-change/
__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
hannahy

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Reply with quote  #9 
Thank you for that! We live in NY, USA.
OneToughMomma

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Reply with quote  #10 
Hannahy,

I'm a little confused about your gf's age.  You say she is having a year off after high school, and that she is 21.  Is she 21 or around 18, which is usually the case when you've just finished HS in the US? 


OTM

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D in and out of EDNOS since age 8. dx RAN 2013. WR Aug '14. Graduated FBT June 2015 at 18 yrs old. [thumb]
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #11 
Hi there, I was also curious about her age?

A couple of things. 

- If she has anorexia, as it is a relapsing illness, it is possible that she may have suffered and been treated  for this before. 
Her family would hopefully know this and be able to provide you with her medical history.
- Are you her next of kin? It is really important that her next of kin is informed as this illness is so serious.

- so to make a difficult illness worse, it is very possible that she will refuse treatment. 
This is a very difficult process. Maybe others here that live in New York can give details of how to enforce treatment ( very difficult process) in that state. 
Here in Ireland I would apply to be my kids legal guardian at over 18 and get a medical power of attorney. Then to force him into hospital I would have to apply for and envoke a "section" under the mental health act, akin too a psych hold  for as long as the section would allow...
None of this is pretty if you have to go down that road.



__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #12 
Firstly I would get her to a Doctor that deals in eating disorders, the only clinician that I am aware of in your state is 
this person as I do not live there, but she is not a GP  AND YOUR  ALSO NEED HER TO GET MEDICAL ATTENTION however it could be a starting point for you to consult with her to make a plan??? Just an idea, ,
https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/name/Leslie_Richmand_LCSW,CEDS_Plainsboro_New+Jersey_84973

__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #13 
Here are the current medical guidelines to take with you to a  Doctor or ER if you think she may need urgent attention.
Please read , digest and print them...The doctors do not always know what tests to do, a lot of General practicioners are not familiar with eating disorders.
http://www.aedweb.org/images/updatedmedicalcareguidelines/AED-Medical-Care-Guidelines_English_02.28.17_NEW.pdf

__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #14 
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/sites/default/files/Toolkits/ParentToolkit.pdf
__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
Kali

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Reply with quote  #15 
Hannahy,

I'd like to encourage you to find help on the ground in NY. You have already received excellent advice. Your options are:

1. Write a letter to her parents letting them know the symptoms you are seeing.

2. Take her for a professional evaluation. Here is a link to an excellent practice in NY.

http://www.unionsquarepractice.com/

3. Eat meals with her. It is better if someone suffering from an eating disorder eats with support people.

The best case scenario would be if you could do all of these things.

If your gf is only eating 600 calories a day it won't be long before she needs residential treatment. In that case she could look into Columbia/NYSPI, which is one of the best, evidence based programs in the US.

Kali

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Food=Love
hannahy

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Reply with quote  #16 
I'm sorry for the confusion, she just finished college and is taking a gap year before going to grad school. Thank you for all this information, I'll study that cause I believe I finally convinced her to see a Dr. (She wants to prove me wrong, but I'll take it anyway)
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #17 
If she has ED her illness will go to great lengths to hide it and the illness makes people lie ...
She needs to see a practicioner that is well versed in this. They are not easy to find.
I would advise you to make a call or send an email in advance about what has really been going on & what you suspect.
Kali had given you a good lead.
If she is only eating 600 cals per day it is likely she is going to deteriorate rapidly, often it is not seen on the outside just how bad things are on the inside,
Many people die of sudden cardiac arrest with this illness, she will not be able to see this or accept this as part of the illness.

You will need a serious intervention.
To be honest I woukd be taking her to the nearest ER to get checked out & start the ball rolling in the next day or so.

Of course her family need to be informed that she is very possibly suffering from a life threatening illness, you are going to need all the help and support that you can gather to get her through this IMHO.

Keep us posted, and keep asking questions.
Bedt wishes

__________________
Son,DX with AN, (purging type) in 2015 ,had 4 months immediate inpatient,then FBT at home since. He is now in strong recovery, (Phase 3 ) and Living life to the full, like a "normal"[biggrin] teen. This is with thanks to ATDT. Hoping to get him into full recovery and remission one day at a time. Getting him to a much higher weight, and with a much higher calorie plan than his clinicians gave him as a target, was instrumental to getting him to the strong recovery that he is in now. Food is the medicine.
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